Need to get this out

[glamourdollxoxo]

I'm not sure how to say this but as a child of nine years old and I was friends with this little girl who lived on my street and on one paticular night her parents and mine allowed me to sleepover and while sleeping over in the middle of the night I have a memory of someone coming into her room in the middle of the night and then my memory is blank of what happened after that. During that period of "friendship" with her I became withdrawn, angry,overly sexual, had sexual knowledge that no child should have at nine years old, and exhibited many signs of being sexually abused . My parents though didn't seem to take notice to any of my signs and even though my memories aren't quite clear I always felt like I was carrying this big "secret" with me, and would try to avoid at all costs of going to her house. a year or two after me and my family moved to a different neighborhood and from what I here now her father is in jail and my friend and her younger sister are living with their older sister. Since going off to college I've kind of gone down hill with partying,drinking,smoking pot, and being overly promiscuous and flirty with guys. Sometimes it feels like there's no way out and I'm not proud of what I have done in life and I just hope that one day I can pust my past to rest.

 

[tapero]

Hi there glamourdollxoxo, Thank you for sharing your story of what happened to you. Have you been to counseling to talk things out with a therapist. That could really help you a lot. I lived that way in my past, and kind of just stopped all of a sudden when I came to Christ and put all my external behaviors behind lock and key, but I just locked them up and didn't deal with them.

That's why counseling is helpful. I'll never forget when one of my counselors (a Christian) said he would never cheat on his wife. I thought that was so weird for someone to say that, because I never had any morals or values before with myself. It struck me, that he could know himself well, and know that in Christ, he would not permit himself to do certain things. Little things helped. Excercise helps with the sex drive; and I did pray that God would take it away when I was particularly worried about myself, and He did. Stopping drinking and getting high also helped me to not be promiscuous.

I don't want to sin, but it's the inward part of us that really needs the change. The heart change where we will not to sin because it's wrong - because Christ is there with us and we are aware of it. We still fail but we have help with Christ.

I'm so sorry you were abused, and I think talking to someone would really help if you haven't done that already. I know what you're saying because abuse does lead to acting out in the way I did and the things you described too.

I'm not proud of my past either, and I just needed help from brothers and sisters in Christ and the Holy Spirit to remind me why I didn't want to go there. I am no longer ashamed though, for God says there is now no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus.

May God bless you in your journey, and I pray you will be able to put the past to rest. Please pm me anytime you feel like talking. My pm box is always open.

Tapero

 

[BigToe]

Talking to someone, anyone, is a huge help. If counseling is out of the question, a friend or mentor of some type can still be helpful. That is a lot to carry by yourself.

If something happened to you or you saw something happen to your friend (or both), that is a horrible situation to have had to deal with.

 

[Asphat]

Seriously, discussing this with people is probably best. Find somebody who you know you can confind in, a family friend, a sibling, a therapist, a very close friend, and then let them know about everything, and they can help you resolve things. Keeping something huge like that to yourself causes various side-effects. Things will probably get better, once the secret is out.

 

[Johnnz]

Your behaviour is not at all unusual following sexual abuse. There can be two reasons for that.
a) Sexual abuse can activate you sexually. Also, you feel 'dirty' etc and so act on that feeling - I am not worth anything anyway sort of thing. The two get connected and you begin sleeping around, which just reinforces the cycle.
b) You can become defiled and sexually activated by the unclean spiritual influence from the guy, or any other guys you had sex with. Paul mentioned that sleeing with a prostitute results in a 'one flesh' union. That influence can attract you towards guys on the lookout for sex. Specific prayer is needed for this. It is being sinned upon.

You are not bad, evil, depraved. You are an unfortunate young lady who has been defiled. Wonderfully, Jesus wants to embrace and heal you.

Feel free to pm if you want to know a bit more about praying specifically over your past. A support person for you would be wonderful too.

Bless you
John
NZ

 

[Godslilgurlalways]

Your behaviour is not at all unusual following sexual abuse. There can be two reasons for that.
a) Sexual abuse can activate you sexually. Also, you feel 'dirty' etc and so act on that feeling - I am not worth anything anyway sort of thing. The two get connected and you begin sleeping around, which just reinforces the cycle.
b) You can become defiled and sexually activated by the unclean spiritual influence from the guy, or any other guys you had sex with. Paul mentioned that sleeing with a prostitute results in a 'one flesh' union. That influence can attract you towards guys on the lookout for sex. Specific prayer is needed for this. It is being sinned upon.

You are not bad, evil, depraved. You are an unfortunate young lady who has been defiled. Wonderfully, Jesus wants to embrace and heal you.

Feel free to pm if you want to know a bit more about praying specifically over your past. A support person for you would be wonderful too.

Bless you
John
NZ

I agreee and I am here for you