Need some support

[lara7]

Hello everyone!

I have been together with my bipolar boyfriend for 1 year and 7 months now. It has been some hard times, due to bp, but I truly believe that we love each other.

Now he is in hospital again, for the second time since we started seeing each other. He admitted himself this time - that is actually a great sign. The thing that's not good, is that he broke up with me four days prior to this. He also broke up last time he got sick, but he promised me it would never happen again....

This time we were SO happy, we were talking about the future, marriage, children...only three days before he broke up with me. The change occured two days before the break-up, when I got hormonal and really sad - all you women out there probably know what it's like....I guess I got a reaction too, to all the things we had been discussing about the future. So, I it was a stressful day for him, and after that he broke up with me (two days later).

He went down on his lithium a few weeks ago, his doc agreed, seems like that wasn't a good idea. He won't talk to me now, nor his parents, only his brother. It's the way it usually is when he is sick. I know that we love each other, and I know how he is like when he is himself, but I just can't help being a little bit afraid..... Is he leaving me for good this time? Did I go too far on last Tuesday? I'm not normally like that, but I wasn't thinking this time, I wasn't thinking about his disorder, everything has been going SOOO well with us.

I just wanted you to know, and I'm happy if any of you have any experiences to share. Please be honest with me.

I pray and trust in God for help, and I truly believe that He brought us together for a reason.

Thanks for reading my post.

Love Lara

 

[Jeshu]

It is so sad to hear your story - it is so often that relationships are broken because of mental illness - honest yours is not the only case - though often the 'healthy' people seem to break the relationship - not the sick one.

I would not fret too much yet - he is out of his normal mind - and a manic episode often brings confusion around or deals in earlier established patterns - it may not mean your boyfriend will really leave you.

Please don't blame yourself for this incident - especially not when your loved one is sick again.

I would like to encourage you NOT to give up on your friend yet. Simply refuse to believe what he says - for the time being - and take the risk - love and support him through this - he may well relent.

See often - when we are sick - we push our loved away from us because we can see that we are - and perhaps always will - give our partners a hard time when we are overcome by our illness - especially in depression - and somehow think that we ought to prevent that from happening.

Honestly it is great that you truly love him - and fear the withdrawal of his affection from you - especially during illness. See your friend - all mentally ill people really - need loving and supportive friends - for bipolar is a horrible affliction to carry. So truly you are invaluable and could save his life from being an unloving, unsupported and uncaring existence - as so many mentally ill people are forced to face.

I really hope that he will not continue to push you and your love away and that you will end up learning to support him through out his life and continue to love and care for him.

My dear lady has managed to achieve this in my life - I can NEVER explain how much that has and does mean to me and has saved my life many times indeed. She - though I have often given her a terrible time - especially during the worst cycles of my psychotic and depressed state of being - has grown to love me more and more and has stood by me through thick and thin. The Lord has touched her heart and provide her with an inner strength of love and commitment that has truly withstood the test of time and has grown to flood the hearts of all those who are lucky enough to know her.

That is reward our Lord will send down upon you - if you have been chosen to love your friend throughout his life - will be incredible and turn you into a very special person loved by those who get to know you - I know that this is really so - so take good courage - and don't just take no for an answer.

However having said all this - if he comes back to you - make sure that you keep a close eye on him and see if your emotional bouts are triggers for him. For look - be honest with yourself - can you promise to prevent emotional outbursts - even though you are female - a silly undertaking in my experience. You would be better off to see if some counselling sessions can dismantle such triggers in him - so at least you can have a big B or cry sometimes - we are all human after all - your emotional upheavals don't have to trigger him - as he can learn to deal with such emotions - often also during manic and even psychotic times.

That God's love and truth may guide you in your time of trial.

Gerry

 

[lara7]

Dear Gerry!

Reading your post brougt tears to my eyes, it was just so good to hear what you are saying to me. I believe that my boyfriend is so special because of his disorder and what he has had to go through, not in spite of it. I believe that people who have had troubles in their lives, can be a great blessing to others, and I also see that in you, Gerry. Having been through so much, you still take your time to write to me, telling me what your heart says, and I don't think you can even start to realize how much that means to me.

Yesterday in a chat room online someone asked me if I had considered leaving him, because this relationship didn't seem healthy for me. I was so sad because of that, bacause I know my love for him is so strong, and I know I could never leave him. I also know that he gives me so much love and affection when he is himself, he is caring, open and honest - he is SO good for me!

I am so glad that you are telling me not to give up on him, I never would, but I'm so happy to hear it from someone else. Deep down in my heart I know that we love each other, and that he will come back to me when he feels better. I know he didn't mean the bad things he said when he broke up. I just miss him so much right now....

What you say about my emotions, is very true. I think we both have to work on this. I can work on being clearer, and not make so many demands when I feel sad or upset. I can just tell him how I feel, plain and simple, without wiring myself up too much. And he has to work on setting borders, telling me when he is tired, and when it is enough. He can probably also get counselling on how to cope better with my emotions too. But normally he is good when I get emotional, I just think it was too many things this time. Talk abouit the future, a busy everyday life, less medication AND my emotions.....

I am learning all the time, I have learnt now that this really can come out of the blue, and that we must never forget that. Still, it is important that we lead a normal life and not focus too mush upon bp. I believe we can balance that in our lives.

The love I have for him, I truly believe that the Lord put it right there in my heart. It is so strong, even last year when he was psycothic and thought I was three women at once, I was just SO happy to visit him in the hospital - he wanted me there, that was the main thing.

Thank you again for your insight and sharing, it made me so happy to read about you and your wife. God bless you and your marriage.

Lara

 

[Jeshu]

Great to see your resolve is strong to love. To love is very special for through it we can die to our own needs and desires - at least for some time - and offer ourselves up for the other. Think about this time as a spiritual challenge - a desert even. Through this time you deny the need for love from the other within you and seek to love the other instead, also from within you. This builds true character, the Bible teaches.

To Love means to let the other one be - unless this means birthing lies or unlovingness - for Love loves lying unlovingness to death - setting free to love and truly be ourselves again.

Lara, as much as I hope and pray that your friend will find his love for you once more, I hope so much that he will not reject you - but reality has shown me that sometimes the mentally ill do leave their loved ones - usually there is someone else involved though - but not always.
From this perspective - especially because you love him so much - go to Christ and give the love you have for your boyfriend to Jesus - every day - whenever your love hungers after him in particular. This way you achieve two things (or at least two) you give your love in save keeping - (and) so if your friend does leave you - you have more chance to survive such a heavy blow and have a love which can love another person again without a host of negativity from this relationship bothering you every step of the way.

For example, my wife and me have had a very difficult time adjusting after I fell sick - so many changes - each following mental episode - so much to take in - so chaotic - so much broken, so much evil and so much confusion. The best way to survive - we found - was to except nothing but then also nothing from the other - so each sign of life /love was greatly appreciated and carefully stored away.
It WORKS.
Sure at first Satan tries to rob us of our focus and tries to make us look at our own needs and desires, or he rakes us over gone by hurts or inner insecurities and personal shortcomings or any other negative untrue perspective he can get our attention with. Yet when we continue to love unselfishly - giving the other room to fall, get up and get going again - without demanding anything from them - we start to reap the inner crops and we can start feeding our starving hearts with the benefits God bestows on our path - even when our loved one(s) isn't even with us any more - for they left the Light - His love will still fill our being with the goodness that He brings - He who knows first hand what hurting love is all about. (Hosea)

I greatly admire your stand and think very highly of your attempt to hold onto the treasure of your heart. I pray that God will give you the change to acquire much more than you bargained for.

That God's love and peace may keep you and forsake you never.

Gerry
​

 

[I'ddie4him2]

Hello everyone!

I have been together with my bipolar boyfriend for 1 year and 7 months now. It has been some hard times, due to bp, but I truly believe that we love each other.

Now he is in hospital again, for the second time since we started seeing each other. He admitted himself this time - that is actually a great sign. The thing that's not good, is that he broke up with me four days prior to this. He also broke up last time he got sick, but he promised me it would never happen again....

This time we were SO happy, we were talking about the future, marriage, children...only three days before he broke up with me. The change occured two days before the break-up, when I got hormonal and really sad - all you women out there probably know what it's like....I guess I got a reaction too, to all the things we had been discussing about the future. So, I it was a stressful day for him, and after that he broke up with me (two days later).

He went down on his lithium a few weeks ago, his doc agreed, seems like that wasn't a good idea. He won't talk to me now, nor his parents, only his brother. It's the way it usually is when he is sick. I know that we love each other, and I know how he is like when he is himself, but I just can't help being a little bit afraid..... Is he leaving me for good this time? Did I go too far on last Tuesday? I'm not normally like that, but I wasn't thinking this time, I wasn't thinking about his disorder, everything has been going SOOO well with us.

I just wanted you to know, and I'm happy if any of you have any experiences to share. Please be honest with me.

I pray and trust in God for help, and I truly believe that He brought us together for a reason.

Thanks for reading my post.

Love Lara

Unfortunately I have been in this same position myself long back in my past. I went thru a divorce due to my spouse refusing to accept that I had bipolar. She filed for divorce after almost 9 years together.

 

[lara7]

I'ddie, I'm so sorry to hear that you went through that....
I still don't think it's the same, my bf is the one with bipolar, and I am really accepting it. I just don't cope so well all the time, but I believe that the Lord will give me strength, and I feel that He does.

God bless you!

Lara

 

[lara7]

Thanks again for all your good thoughts and prayers...AND good advice, I truly appreciate it!

Thanks also for the answer to my previous post, but I think maybe you thought it was new... I posted it last May, so we have been going through similar things before. Things are still the same now, him not wanting to speak to me nor his parents. But I feel like I'm receiving patience from my Lord, and I know I have all the love I need to see this through.

You see, my bf has broken up with me in the past too, when he has been unstable, but we have always fixed things between us, and these last three months have been so good for us. We have talked about it many times, that we are so lucky to have each other, and that we are happier than ever before.

So, I have to believe he will come back this time, he has come back before, when our relationship has been more troubled than this time. We have talked about the bad times bringing us closer together, increasing our love and devotion towards one another. I cannot believe he will give up on all that.

But I'm trying hard to follow your advice, give my love to the Lord, and don't expect anything in return from my bf now, just giving him all my love and understanding.

Thanks again for your care, and God bless you and your family!

Love Lara

 

[DoubtingThomas29]

For what it is worth, I believe your boy friend would lower the quality of his life, if he lost you. You are to be commended for sticking by him, I hope to find someone who will do that for me, I am no Tom cruise, or even that charismatic, but I do hope to find someone.

 

[lara7]

First of all, thank you Thomas, for your kind words. I am sure you will find someone, just keep the faith and God will provide everything you need and more.

Well.....the sun is shining here inside of me and outside the window My bf called yesterday, he was feeling better, and he was so sorry for what he had put me through this time. I assured him that I was NOT angry, this is the disorder, not him, and we talked a lot about what we both can learn from this experience.

It was so good to hear again that he loved me, and I know in my heart now that I will never doubt that again, even if he should break up with me again when he gets sick. Obviously that's a part of his pattern of symptoms, and we just have to work on being even more honest with each other when it comes to his illness.

The great thing is that he is already so much better, even though he is still in hospital. Last time he went in, he had been so much sicker, and it took plenty of time for him to recover. Now I feel the recovering is already gone, even though he prpbably will stay in hospital for a few more days to make sure it won't happen again.

I feel so blessed to have this kind of love with someone, and I just know we can handle this together, like you and your wife, Jeshu. I am very thankful for your feedback and prayers, I will probably post again another time, it is so great to have support in a group like this. Maybe I can even be of help to others.

So praise God with all my heart - I am going back to the hospital today to see my bf, and I was there for hours yesterday. God is really faithful!


Love, Lara

 

[DoubtingThomas29]

Hello Lara7,

Here is a little piece of a poem from Augustine Confessions, I found it in a philosophy book. It is about a man who believes in God, and is looking forward to meeting God when he dies. I hope you like it.

"Where Then did I find Thee, that I might learn Thee? For in my memory Thou were not, before I learned Thee. Where did I find Thee, that I might learn Thee, but in Thee above me? Place there is none; we go backward and forward, and there is no place. Every where, O Truth, dost Thou give audience to all who ask counsel of Thee, and at once answerth all, though on manifold matters they ask Thou counsel. Clearly dost Thou answer, though all do not clearly hear. All consult Thee on what they will, though they hear not always what they will. He is Thy best servant who looks not so much to hear that from Thee which himself willeth. as rather to will that which from Thee he heareth.'

'Too late I loved Thee, O Thou Beauty of ancient days, yet ever new! Too late I love Thee! And behold, Thou wert within, and I abroad, and there I searched for Thee; deformed I, plunging amid those fair forms which Thou hadst made. Thou wert with me, but I was not with Thee. Things held me far from Thee, which, unless they were in Thee, were not at all. Thou calldest and shoutedst, and burstest my deafness. Thou flashedst, shonest, and scatteredst my blindness. Thou breathedst odours, and I drew in breath and pant for thee. I tasted. and hunger and thirst. Thou touchedst me, and I burned for Thy peace."

I hope you liked the poem I found.