Need some support,guidance

[raderack]

To avoid the desire of doing something bad for myself,or losting more of myself,i just let the vulture enter..asked the nurse to do so..i stayed out in my bed trying to sleep.

She went did what she want,talk nonsense and left..i asked later the nurse and mom she didnt go for her usual targets(money or the apartments),if she didnt say anything now she will say later,i will still hear from that vulture.

Sorry for the delay in update,i got my day full,since mom is preety agitated and angry latelty,and due to the vulture visit only got worst..even for her is clear she was not here for care,only for interest..but being unable to express herself is painfull when you is lucid and there is those kind of people around.

The desire to die,it appeared again,the hands shaking are only when im not handling mom,and the memory lapses are still here.

The stress is not getting lesser,or the burden of keep the interest of distant relatives in my mom..they call,i said..for god she will do not die,she will recover..so for god sake stop pretending that you care,and leave us alone..patience is running low..really low

 

[ToBeBlessed]

To avoid the desire of doing something bad for myself,or losting more of myself,i just let the vulture enter..asked the nurse to do so..i stayed out in my bed trying to sleep.

She went did what she want,talk nonsense and left..i asked later the nurse and mom she didnt go for her usual targets(money or the apartments),if she didnt say anything now she will say later,i will still hear from that vulture.

Sorry for the delay in update,i got my day full,since mom is preety agitated and angry latelty,and due to the vulture visit only got worst..even for her is clear she was not here for care,only for interest..but being unable to express herself is painfull when you is lucid and there is those kind of people around.

The desire to die,it appeared again,the hands shaking are only when im not handling mom,and the memory lapses are still here.

The stress is not getting lesser,or the burden of keep the interest of distant relatives in my mom..they call,i said..for god she will do not die,she will recover..so for god sake stop pretending that you care,and leave us alone..patience is running low..really low

Don't worry about the vultures. Hand that over to God. Vengence is mine saith the Lord. His yoke is light, our burden is heavy. Give it to Him, completely. Show Him your faithfulness!

These vultures are perhaps ruining the time you have left with your loved one. This happens to all of us when we take our eyes of Christ and try to do it all ourselves. You should be relishing in every moment with your loved one. Freely expressing that love. You need to be at peace. You know where to go for peace.

The Lord is waiting. Waiting for you to give Him your burden, the burden of the vultures. Their ugliness in their hearts and greed. Only you can GIVE God YOUR burden.

I hope you give your burden to Him.

 

[raderack]

if i could remember when i pray it would be nice,so to avoid that when i can im mental praying..most of the time i remember since i am having some blank times during day.
a stressing day with mom angry today,but at same time happy..after all she is healthier enough to display more her will,what is always good.
my stress shaking hands need to go,the same as that nightmares..

 

[brinny]

if i could remember when i pray it would be nice,so to avoid that when i can im mental praying..most of the time i remember since i am having some blank times during day.
a stressing day with mom angry today,but at same time happy..after all she is healthier enough to display more her will,what is always good.
my stress shaking hands need to go,the same as that nightmares..

God's grace covers those times....He HAS you and He LOVES you and He has a FUTURE and a HOPE for you. TRUST HIm to hold you during those most difficult of moments, shaking hands and all. Praying that God knits together and heals all that is broken in your heart, mind, and spirit, and renews your body and mind, and heart in new ways and grants you peace, and Light and His stillness and joy, free of stress. Father may it be so, in Jesus name, amen (((hug)))

 

[raderack]

after one episode of lack of air(at 1:16am here..brazil is gmt-3),due to cough and secretion in the tracheostomy tube..i will do not sleep today,well i do not even try.

My eye bags,have eye bags..so now im at double eye bags,what im doing to let at least my vision rest(eyes hurt and red for months now).is that i close then..even while standing when i can..even if do not sleep.at least my eyes need to rest.

The primal fear of failing with her,of leting her die,that i let my guard down and she gone is what hurts me,she is getting stronger,but i wished her lungs got better,or at least the process of getting the tracheostomy out got faster.

it is getting harder to lift her,she coundt possibile get heavier,after all she receive food by an belly tube,so im getting weaker.

the memory blanks are still here,the funny is i tried to read and make a long pray for protection,i had to do it 10x to get it write,i missed parts,then beginned again,then i forgot where i was..like that

today i caugh myself looking blankly at the wall whitout thinking nothing..just looking,then i thought..what i am doing i have work to do..then i proced with the work at home,or with mom bed clothes cleaning.

thanks god here in brazil we dont need doctor recipe for painkillers i took about 10 paracetamol 750mg every day to keep moving,it is almost in automatic right now

 

[brinny]

raderack just tell God how weary you are and that you need Him to heal and strengthen you. Don't worry about the words. Call out to Jesus and ask Him to abide (to stay) in your heart, mind, and soul and to never leave or forsake you. He is our HEALER, our COMFORTER and the LIFTER of our head. Praying for you right now that HE enters your heart, mind, and soul and ABIDES there and heals and protects you and is your Strong Tower and your Defender. Father may it be so, mooooove and minister to, heal, and win raderack's heart, mind, and soul as only You can do at this very dire time, in Jesus name, amen (((hug)))

 

[raderack]

So far mom is having a calm day,is 8:27am here and no big ocorrencies,i kinda sleeped well if you count the pass out sleep at the chair next to mom bed a sleep.

 

[ToBeBlessed]

So far mom is having a calm day,is 8:27am here and no big ocorrencies,i kinda sleeped well if you count the pass out sleep at the chair next to mom bed a sleep.

i am praying for you. Your doing your best, that's all we can do.

Stay strong.

 

[brinny]

Continuing to pray for you, that God's peace and His healing permeate your body, mind, and soul. Father may it be so, in Jesus name, amen (((hug)))

 

[raderack]

I got a call of the daughter of my older vulture brother..she said that she got an bad feeling and called to ask about it..i got angry and said "there is no more of grandma is going to die,she will do not go to die..she will recover"

It totally make me totally angry when someone call as they clear think the person will still die,or mostly they desire the person to die..and mostly they dont want she to recover..and she talking..amazing..

I put mom at chair at morning,whitout oxygen to motivate her more..

Updated mom album ->http://www.christianforums.com/users/170008-albums5678/
with her sit at chair

When her oxygen saturation reached 73% i had to put her back to bed and oxygen..but it was a good amount of time.

The results of that annoying call on me? Heart beating at 124 to 128,pain in the chest..i cant handle the even mention of getting closer of those creatures anymore..under stress all day,and still with vivid memories of mom crisis and the time of hospital,and my own attempt of suicide still so close..and they are still on it.

That call is a bad sign,if she came from other city to came here and mess with me again,the unique positive point is that my own body will give on his own..i will do not need to do anything..i just cant..cant handle this anymore

 

[brinny]

I got a call of the daughter of my older vulture brother..she said that she got an bad feeling and called to ask about it..i got angry and said "there is no more of grandma is going to die,she will do not go to die..she will recover"

It totally make me totally angry when someone call as they clear think the person will still die,or mostly they desire the person to die..and mostly they dont want she to recover..and she talking..amazing..

I put mom at chair at morning,whitout oxygen to motivate her more..

Updated mom album ->http://www.christianforums.com/users/170008-albums5678/
with her sit at chair

When her oxygen saturation reached 73% i had to put her back to bed and oxygen..but it was a good amount of time.

The results of that annoying call on me? Heart beating at 124 to 128,pain in the chest..i cant handle the even mention of getting closer of those creatures anymore..under stress all day,and still with vivid memories of mom crisis and the time of hospital,and my own attempt of suicide still so close..and they are still on it.

That call is a bad sign,if she came from other city to came here and mess with me again,the unique positive point is that my own body will give on his own..i will do not need to do anything..i just cant..cant handle this anymore

praying raderack (((hug)))

 

[raderack]

Since mom had a great day so far(is 5:01pm here),no bigger ocorrencies..the pressure in my chest got less painfull,but still with heartbeat at 115 to 120.

Still with some lack of memories,but now i known is all related to pure stress and my own trauma..since mom have being so far..and today i didnt get notice of the vultures..i only forgot about the beginning of my day(something beetween 5am to 7am..the reason i dont known).

Im doing experiments with fruits,vegetables vitamins so my body can get stronger,and maybe help with my memory lapses problem,and who knows even with my sleep..so far no sucess.

Easter is getting closer i bought some artificial flowers for my mom,some bunny lights for her room,i hope she likes it,when it get closer to it i will put in her room.

 

[brinny]

Since mom had a great day so far(is 5:01pm here),no bigger ocorrencies..the pressure in my chest got less painfull,but still with heartbeat at 115 to 120.

Still with some lack of memories,but now i known is all related to pure stress and my own trauma..since mom have being so far..and today i didnt get notice of the vultures..i only forgot about the beginning of my day(something beetween 5am to 7am..the reason i dont known).

Im doing experiments with fruits,vegetables vitamins so my body can get stronger,and maybe help with my memory lapses problem,and who knows even with my sleep..so far no sucess.

Easter is getting closer i bought some artificial flowers for my mom,some bunny lights for her room,i hope she likes it,when it get closer to it i will put in her room.

praise GOd that your mom is doing so much better, and bless yer heart, what a dear thing to do.....stress, not getting enough nutrients through healthy food and no sleep can cause health problems. Praying that your body recovers and heals and that stress lessens as you recover and heal, and praying that as you recover that your memory renews itself. Father may it be so, in Jesus name, amen. (((hug)))

 

[raderack]

Have to love one blackout sleep..where you just blackout and wake up after sometime..lately is the unique decent sleep i am having.
Im my mind if i sleep too much,or if i put myself concentrated or focus in anything besides mom,something bad will happen..like happened several times before.i guess i will only be able to relax when her tracheostomy is out..but it takes so much time

 

[brinny]

praying that your mom's tracheostomy tube is removed soon and that your mom can breathe on her own, and that you fully heal in your body, mind, and spirit and that you and your mom are both happy, speaking, and singing and living in a blessed household. Father may it be so, in Jesus name, amen. (((hug)))

 

[raderack]

after what 2 or 3 days of peace,the vulture sister is back..and everything is back
great,maybe i just accept what is happening to me(chest pain,memory lost,the insonmia) instead of trying to solve it..because everytime i have any peace..it starts all again..amazing.

 

[raderack]

So my vulture sister cathia appeared when i was away from home doing easter shopping..when i came back she was going out
mom spent the evening ok,but the night she got suffocated with just spit of her mouth that she didnt swallow(what she was doing normally during all these days)..she got nervous..and almost passed out.

And now,here i am..asking for what i am alive? this is really what life will be from now on?
To be call names by my own family,the daily strugle with mom

Maybe i should give up of that life,after all the unique one who will miss me,is my mom and she is in bed,live to receive those fight with vultures on constant bases alone isnt easy

 

[brinny]

Awwwwwww raderack, i'm sooooooo sorry....praying that God covers you and your mom with His protection and that He intervenes and ministers to you and heals your body, mind, and spirit. Praying that god grants you rest and sleep tonight, and your mom. Father may it be so, in Jesus name, amen. (((hug)))

 

[Galilee63]

Please Dear God our Heavenly Father and Dear our Lady Mary Mother of God could You please bathe Maximina and Her Son in Your Love, Protection, Health and Safety now and forever, easing and taking away Maximina's pain and that of her Son please Dear Lord, Amen.

Glory be to The Father and to The Son and to The Holy Spirit, as it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be, world without end, Amen.

Glory be to The Father and to The Son and to The Holy Spirit, as it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be, world without end, Amen.

Glory be to The Father, and to The Son, and to the Holy Spirit, as it was in the beginning, is now and ever shall be, world without end, Amen.

Hail Mary Full of Grace, the Lord is with Thee, Blessed art Thou among Women and Blessed is The Fruit of Thy Womb Jesus. Holy Mary Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death Amen.

Hail Mary Full of Grace, The Lord is with Thee, Blessed art Thou among Women and Blessed is The Fruit of Thy Womb Jesus. Holy Mary Mother of God pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death Amen.

Hail Mary Full of Grace, The Lord is with Thee, Blessed art Thou among Women and Blessed is the Fruit of Thy Womb Jesus. Holy Mary Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death, Amen.

You should get a Dog Raderack to cheer you up, to give you some company and it would encourage you to sleep better if you get out for a 20 minute walk daily into some fresh air.

The old saying is that someone "needs to care for the Carer". Are there other relatives or friends of whom are able to sit with your Mother for half an hour or an hour while you walk daily getting in touch again with God's Nature?

Our Heavenly Mother Mary says:
"Pray to me My Child, hand over all of your trials to Jesus My Son your Saviour, through heart felt prayers and if possible pray The Holy Rosary or ask someone to pray for you both in the Home".

"That is all".

Love and kindest wishes

 

[Galilee63]

Please Dear God our Heavenly Father and Dear our Lady Mary Mother of God could You please bathe Maximina and Her Son in Your Love, Protection, Health and Safety now and forever, easing and taking away Maximina's pain and that of her Son please Dear Lord, Amen.

Glory be to The Father and to The Son and to The Holy Spirit, as it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be, world without end, Amen.

Glory be to The Father and to The Son and to The Holy Spirit, as it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be, world without end, Amen.

Glory be to The Father, and to The Son, and to the Holy Spirit, as it was in the beginning, is now and ever shall be, world without end, Amen.

Hail Mary Full of Grace, the Lord is with Thee, Blessed art Thou among Women and Blessed is The Fruit of Thy Womb Jesus. Holy Mary Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death Amen.

Hail Mary Full of Grace, The Lord is with Thee, Blessed art Thou among Women and Blessed is The Fruit of Thy Womb Jesus. Holy Mary Mother of God pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death Amen.

Hail Mary Full of Grace, The Lord is with Thee, Blessed art Thou among Women and Blessed is the Fruit of Thy Womb Jesus. Holy Mary Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death, Amen.

You should get a Dog Raderack to cheer you up, to give you some company and it would encourage you to sleep better if you get out for a 20 minute walk daily into some fresh air.

The old saying is that someone "needs to care for the Carer". Are there other relatives for example, a cousin or a friend, of whom are able to sit with your Mother for half an hour or an hour while you walk daily getting in touch again with God's Nature?

Our Heavenly Mother Mary says:
"Pray to me My Child, hand over all of your trials to Jesus My Son your Saviour, through heart felt prayers and if possible pray The Holy Rosary or ask someone to pray for you both in the Home".

"That is all".

Love and kindest wishes