Need some help/advice/something!

[StuckInSinAndHateIt]

Okay, my username pretty much says it all. I'm a strong Christian (or at least thought I was). Now I'm involved in this horrible sin and I don't know what to do about it. Obviously, it's sexual, since I came here to get it out. I guess I should just explain from the beginning. A few months ago I started talking to this guy. I would see him at work every now and then, and one day he introduced himself to me, and we started to talk more. Then one day he asked for my number. I was talking to him in the hall and he gave me a hug and said something that I didn't hear. I asked him what he had said, and he said "I'd like to do more than that." Then he leaned over and kissed me real quick on the lips, and walked away. I had never been kissed before, at all by anyone. It surprised me and I didn't know what to do. I have always been overly interested in sex, and what it would all be like. I'm not the most attractive person, and I'm pretty quiet, so I have never had experience with guys at all. But I have always had this desire for sex, and I have been masturbating for a few years. That's an ongoing battle as well. So anyway, he came back later that day and kissed me again, still quick, but a little more than the first one. So anyway, he called me that weekend and we went out. There was a lot of things that happened that shouldn't have. A lot of touching, more involved kissing. I don't really know how much detail is too much, so that's all I'll say on what happened. He tried touching me in one area that I didn't feel comfortable, and I stopped him. The whole time I knew I shouldn't be doing any of this, but I guess my curiosity got the best of me and it just felt so good. So he kept coming around, and I would see him at work and we would "secretly" meet. More involved touching went on, basically there was no area I didn't allow him to touch. It's just progressed on and on from there. I'm kind of leery on how much to put, I don't want to get into trouble. But I do want people to know what is going on, I don't want to try and sugarcoat the sin. He's preformed oral sex on me, and we have both had our pants down and I've sat on his lap. We have not had intercourse, and I don't want to. I don't want to do any of this anymore, but I can't seem to stop myself. And he has backed off more and more, to the point he may just call/come around once a week. And the times in between, I am soooo grateful he isn't here. But the minute he calls, I find myself going out and doing things I don't want to do. I hate my lack of self control, and I hate that I have gotten this far into sin. I never thought I would do something like this. I have always been a "good" girl. I've never so blatently disobeyed God. I don't know what is wrong with me. Why can't I stop, when I want so badly to? I feel addicted to it, and I don't know what to do. I know all the Scriptures, I know I need to turn away and resist Satan's temptations. I know this guy doesn't care for me, I know it's going nowhere. I could go into detail after detail about this, and how he has changed his actions to me, the lies he has told, etc. But basically I am just so far into this I don't know how I am ever going to get out. And I don't know what anyone here can do to actually help me. I mean, how can I love Christ so much, and be so on track in every other area, but in this one thing be so far off? I know it DOES affect every other area of life, but I mean, I still am reading the word, Bible study, church, prayer, etc. I just can't beat this. I never knew an addiction could be like this, and I do call it an addiction. I guess I just need someone who will listen and not judge. Which is hard, I know, because what I'm doing is so disgusting. I'm appalled at myself, and it's like I am a different person when I'm with him. I guess part of my problem is that part of me still DOES want the sexual stuff. My body craves it, and the way it feels. I don't know how to beat that, it seems so much stronger than me. I don't want to want this, but as hard as I try I can't change that. I shouldn't want something that is so bad for me. I feel like I'm just rambling on and on and on. But there are very few people I can actually tell about this, and I guess I just figure here I can confess it all, get it out, and maybe get some kind of advice/help/etc. I don't know what to do anymore. I love God, I love Christ. I want to live for Him, but I know this is driving a wedge between us and I hate it. I mean, I really really really HATE it. I don't want to be like this. I hate what I have become, and I don't know how to change. I dunno, I guess just thanks for listening to me. I would appreciate anything anyone has to say.

 

[BelindaP]

The devil is really doing a number on you right now. This post will probably come off as a rant, but I'm not aiming it at you in any way. I've been where you are, so I cannot judge you. I hope you don't take it that way.

You say this guy doesn't care for you. He's lied to you and treated you badly. It sounds to me like he's using you. You deserve so much better than that. You deserve a man who will love you enough to treat you right and to marry you.

Don't let the devil lie to you and tell you that you can't get a man like that just because you're not attractive. Come on! Have you looked at some of the married people at church! A lot of them aren't any prize to look at either, but they found mates. Whatever you do, don't fall for that lie. I wouldn't be surprise if this guy isn't sending you the same signals. If he is, then he's slime.

You need to dump this guy and avoid him like the plague. I know exactly the feeling you're describing where you are so glad when he's not there, but you can't stand not to be around him when he is. Try to tell yourself that it's just the hormones. You are stronger than hormones. Say it over and over again until you start to believe it.

Call this guy and tell him that you don't want to see him any more. Use the "it's not you, it's me" line if you have to. If he persists in contacting you, tell him that you will get a restraining order if he doesn't leave you alone.

Next, you will need to get an accountability partner. AA uses accountability partners very effectively, and you can, too. Any time you start thinking about this guy or feel like you can't be without him, call the accountability partner. Let them talk you down. The will remind you that you don't need him. You need God.

The longer you go without contact, the easier it will be to manage your emotions and urges. Right now, Satan's got you right where he wants you. Put on the full armor of God and tell the devil where to get off. You can do it, with God's help.

 

[danstar]

im here to pray for u and want u to get past this ok

 

[Mr.Cheese]

.

 

[Johnnz]

Yours is a very common story.

Firstly, you re a sexual being - no apologies needed for that.
Secondly, sexual arousal is very strong, and soon becomes very much desired once you have started. Seems God made us that way. newly marrieds often have lots of sex early on.

Importantly, many young people have only heard a lot of "Dont's"about sex. Some of them are valid, but that does not give you much to work with when dealing with your own sexuality. So, it is easy for the volcano to erupt.

Where you go from here will depend on what values you really want to live by, stop beating up on yourself for being interested in sex (I still am!), and them implement some very practical steps to stop what is happening.

Lastly, recognise whatever decision you come to you are never going to be a-sexual. You will have ongoing sexual desires for most of your life, married or not. You will need to develop some healthy values and attitudes about sex to live with that reality.

Feel free to PM me if you have any more questions.

John
NZ

 

[brachah]

i agree with johnnz... tks, johnnz for ur posting...

Humility in Relationships
1 Peter 5:5
All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble."

In order to become an effective friend and leader, one must learn to be vulnerable with others and develop an ability to share feelings. It is a vital step to becoming a real person with whom others can connect emotionally. This is not easy to do if your parents did not teach you to share your emotional life with others. Emotional vulnerability is especially hard for men. Author Dr. Larry Crabb states,

Men who as boys felt neglected by their dads often remain distant from their own children. The sins of fathers are passed on to children, often through the dynamic of self-protection. It hurts to be neglected, and it creates questions about our value to others. So to avoid feeling the sting of further rejection, we refuse to give that part of ourselves we fear might once again be received with indifference. When our approach to life revolves around discipline, commitment, and knowledge [which the Greek influence teaches us] but runs from feeling the hurt of unmet longings that come from a lack of deeper relationships, then our efforts to love will be marked more by required action than by liberating passion. We will be known as reliable, but not involved. Honest friends will report that they enjoy being with us, but have trouble feeling close. Even our best friends (including spouses) will feel guarded around us, a little tense and vaguely distant. It's not uncommon for Christian leaders to have no real friends. [Larry Crabb, Inside Out (Colorado Springs, Colorado: Navpress, n.d.), 98-99.]

If this describes you, why not begin on a new journey of opening up your life to others in a way that others can see who you really are? It might be scary at first, but as you grow in this area, you will find new freedom in your life. Then, others will more readily connect with you.

 

[sunnydale]

maybe don't look at it as an addiction. ask if he really care s about you and if he does ask him to take it slow. it sound to me like he's just using you, but i don't know him so i won't exactly know. it sounds like you're settling. break it of w/ him. find someone you truly like and set a pace that you're comfortable with. here's some definitions of addiction. if this is not happening to you then you aren't addicted, but if you are break it off. be alone , from relationships, for awhile and then find a guy "you truly like and set a pace that you're comfortable with"

[SIZE=-1]state of being dependent on a certain substance, which is harmful or dangerous for the physical or mental health of the person, for his social well-being and economical functioning of the subject[/SIZE].
[SIZE=-1]Addiction is an uncontrollable compulsion to repeat a behavior regardless of its consequences. A person who is addicted is sometimes called an addict. [/SIZE]