need some advice...

[scott29]

I was cleaning the house today and came across my 12 yr old's diary. I don't like to read such things, but at this stage in their lives, I want to know where their minds are. So needless to say, I took a look. What I saw really threw me for a loop. In one of the entries, completely out of the blue, she says she is thinking about performing sexual favors on her boyfriend. It seems completely contrary to her character, but maybe I don't know her that well after all.
Now I know that kids are curious and tempted by these things. I'm afraid if I tell her I saw it, it will slam a door of communication closed (even though it seems pretty closed to me!). I guess what I'm really wondering, is how should I handle this? Should I handle it at all? Directly or indirectly? I'm really at a loss and a bit scared.

 

[Michaela]

Coming from a teen's point of view, you shouldn't have looked...but since you did, I wouldn't try to deal with it. Even if you do it indirectly, she could still figure you out and the whole situation would be like really embarrassing and very likely make her angry at you and want more to do what she wrote about.

 

[Tami]

Personally, This is the reason that I have never kept a diary, because I didn't want anyone else finding it and reading it. Anyway, you already read it and I think that maybe God meant for you to read it so that you would find out about your daughter's thoughts so you could help her before it's too late. How you would go about helping her, I don't know. If it was me, I'd probably be honest and tell my son or daughter that I found their diary and read it and was very disturbed and saddened about what I read and tell them that I love them and don't want them to do something that they will come to regret in the future. Then maybe I'd go through all the Scriptures that talk about premarital sex being a sin. I wouldn't sound angry. I'd say it all in a loving way so that they know that I'm truly concerned and love them and not just trying to embarrass or condemn them. I might ask them why they were thinking about doing those kinds of things and ask them if maybe it was because they didn't feel loved enough by me and ask them what I could do to be a better parent so that they wouldn't want to do those things. I don't know if you should do everything that I just said I would do, but since you found it, I don't think that you should just pretend like you never read it because if she's not confronted on it, she may just end up doing it. Even if she ends up doing it anyway, at least you'll know that you did all you could to stop it instead of just sitting idly by and hoping she doesn't do it.

 

[katelyn]

If you could somehow bring up the topic of sex and sexual activity and why it's a good idea to wait, without seeming totally obvious as to why you are bringing it up, that might be a good route to go. A little deceptive, perhaps, but if she knows you read her diary, she might use her anger as an excuse to not listen to what you have to say.

If you aren't sure what to say, you might check the True Love Waits website. It looks like they have some articles that give advice to both parents and teens:

http://www.lifeway.com/tlw/

 

[scott29]

Thanks for the advice. I prayed about it last night and while I was reading my bible, my daughter came up to me and asked me what I was reading. I happened to be looking at 1 Corinthians 15:33, which is basically "bad company corrupts good character". I told her I thought it was really interesting that no matter how good we are, if we hang out with the wrong people our character can be corrupted. Then I used the opportunity God provided to tell her I can't imagine the pressures they (kids) are under these days, pressure to curse, lie, have sex, etc. I told her it was my prayer that she would be able to remain pure, but that God would forgive all sins. We as Christians should strive to be blameless. It was a short conversation, but a good one. And the best part is, God opened the door for me.

Thanks for your perspective as well, Michaela.

 

[katelyn]

I'm glad God provided the opportunity for you to have a conversation about this issue with your daughter! I pray that it will help her resist the pressure she is feeling.