Need some advice

[DiscoGirlie]

Hi. I've posted this in other forums a little more than a month ago. Someone suggested I post it here. I have a problem that hopefully someone can help me out with. I am senior in college and I graduate in May. In Fall 2001, I transferred to my school from a community college. I got involved with Campus Crusade for Christ. Around November of 2001, I was placed in a Bible study with that group. Since it was close to the end of the semester, I didn't get the chance to really bond with the girls and get involved with the Bible study. I'd never been in a small group before. I was also busy with my major and with pledging a sorority. After Christmas, I depleged the sorority, so I really had the opportunity to focus on my Bible study. We did a Beth Moore study. It was the first time I'd done a study like that. In fact, it was the first I'd ever a Bible study, period. I'd like to say that I grew in my faith, but I didn't because I didn't understand the magnitude of a small group. I view it as a social thing and I figured everyone else did, too. I was in for a surprise when I realized the other girls took it very seriously. I felt really letdown by the experience. I was considering quitting the Bible study and CCC. I felt neglected by the girl who led the group and misunderstood by everyone else in the group. I came home for the summer feeling confused and dejected. A couple of months into the break, I decided to do the Beth Moore study in my own. For the first time, I truly understood what it meant to walk with God. As the summer progressed, I was excited about coming back to school, getting back into my major and CCC. I was unsure about the Bible study, so I decided I would talk with the leader, see what she was planning, and then make my decision. I also became aware that if I rejoined the Bible study, I should probably tell them about the things I did earlier in the summer. I had a bad fight with my sister, and in the name of a joke that went too far, I pepper-sprayed someone from work. A year later, my coworkers are making sure I never forget that incident. Anyway, fast foward to last August, the first Bible study of the year. We were all excited about finding out what God had in store for us. A couple of the girls had gone on summer-long mission trips sponsored by CCC. Sure enough, my suspicions of having to confess my summer activities was correct. I was freaking out about the girls judging me, so that when it was my turn (I was the last to go), I went all psycho on them. I told them that Christianity was stupid, I didn't want to be in a Bible study, I didn't care if people got saved, and I didn't want to be a Christian anymore. I also told the leader (by the way, she was why I'd considered leaving in the first place), that she was an idiot, an airhead, and a selfish something that starts with B and rhymes with witch. Needless to say, I was kicked out of the Bible study b/c most of the girls had issues with me coming back. The leader and one person from the group (the one I am closest too) offered to meet with me each week. I met with them, but I had already given up on my faith. After the incident, I tried to be godly but when it wasn't getting the results I wanted, I gave up. The incident set the tone for my semester. I didn't do as well as I wanted to in my classes, I turned procrastination into an art form when it came to projects and assignments, and a professor of mine told me that I wasn't good enough to be an anchor (I'm a broadcasting and sociology major). My schedule was challenging enough to begin with, but the Bible study thing made it worse. I ended the semester confused and unsure about stuff. Earlier that semester, I'd been invited to join another Bible study. This one was independent of any group. I didn't join that semester b/c I was waiting to see if I'd be allowed back in the one I'd been kicked out of. I wasn't, so I went to the new one. I told the girl who lead it about what happened to me and she still invited me to join. I also decided to try news producing and I have an internship at a TV station this fall. Things were looking up. But, I really didn't feel like I was growing in the new Bible study. We studied the Ten Commandments and we didn't use a book or anything. The girl who lead it wrote her own Bible studies. I admit, I really didn't put forth any effort in the new Bible study. I also had some drama with a boy. Unlike the first Bible study, the girl who led the new one didn't meet with us for discipleship. I hadn't done it in my first Bible study, but I know the leader planned to change that. I realized that in this new Bible study, I felt more isolated than ever from the people at CCC. I would really like to rejoin my first Bible study, but I don't know if I should even try. Though two of the girls are talking to me again, I know many, if not all, don't want me to come back. I would really like to rebuild my relationships with these girls. Also, one girl just got married, and another is transferring schools and getting married. I can't say that this summer, I've taken the steps to improve my spiritual life, either. And I admit, when I was in the first Bible study, I was in the popular clique, a clique I'd never been in before. I hate feeling so out-of-the-loop with the CCC people. The second Bible study didn't help that matter. The one girl who is transferring is also my closest friend from CCC. She was my only link to the CCC people. I'm really confused about the whole thing. I've thought about just joining another CCC Bible study, but there is the issue of my graduating status. I wasn't put in my first Bible study until close to the end of the semester. It didn't matter then, but now, since I'm graduating, time is running out. I've thought about talking to one of the people on staff. Maybe they could place me somewhere. I also don't want to be in a Bible study with freshman or sophomores, but any staff person who knows my situation, might be cautious of putting my in a group with juniors and seniors b/c I guess I might not be on their level spiritually. A little background info on the first Bible study; I think it's been meeting since 2000, the girl who leads it is a 5th-year senior (like me) who graduates in December. As far as I know, there is one junior and three seniors (4th year) in the group. The girl who got married graduates in December and the girl who is transferring graduates in May. Basically, all of the girls are at the same point in their college careers. I am too, and that's the main reason why I don't want to be put in a freshman or a sophomore Bible study. This is my third week of school and Bible studies have started. I don't think there is a Bible study for my dorm, as it's an upperclassman dorm and most CCC Bible studies begin in predominantly freshman dorms. I filled out an interest card (you fill them out at every CCC meeting) and I checked that I wanted to be in a Bible study. So far, I have heard nothing. Please help! I'm sorry this was so long!

 

[desi]

In the past you have not put much effort into what you do and you alienate those who offer to include you in their groups. You are not in the position to be picky here and you have unfinished business with the original bible study group. You have to apologize for how you treated them and ask them to forgive you. Then you need to ask their advice for where you fit in. You seem to act immature so you probably should start out with the younger group to learn the basics.

 

[pediNurse]

If someone came to me with a sincere apology, and told me their reasons for wanting to come back to a Bible study, I'd want to give them another chance. We've all made mistakes, and said things we wish we could take back. If they're not willing to forgive, then I don't think I'd want thier brand of Christianity.... maybe try a church close by (that isn't so all fired up about what year you're in- but meets the needs of whoever is in the study- Bible study is applicable to people if they look for the application- not if it's served up to them), and remember to take your walk with Christ as seriously as He took the walk to Calvary.

 

[wvmtnkid]

Forgiving is one thing, forgetting is another. Even though they may have forgiven you, forgetting your words and actions is something else. You broke a trust you had with that first group. They may not feel comfortable sharing things in front of you in a bible study, not knowing how you might react. Trust, once it is lost, takes a long time to earn back. Not that it can't ever be earned back, it just takes a lot of time and work to do so. Sounds like this might be the lesson to take away from this situation. However, if you really want to be in a bible study, maybe you should look around for other opportunites, if you don't feel comfortable where the CCC folkes put you. But don't let this keep you from finding a place to go. Ask God to show you what and where He has for you. You just might be surprised what doors He will open for you!

 

[Stanfi]

Ask God to help you. Explain your need to be in a bible study so that you can spritually grow. He will open a door for you, but you have to seek Him and His will for your life.

If you feel led to you can go and apologize to your former group, but as wvmtnkid has stated, once trust is lost, it's hard to regain. However, I will not limit God. If he wants you to return to your former group. He will make a way. I believe in that.

 

[DiscoGirlie]

Just so everyone knows, I have apologized to everyone involved. I apologized soon after the incident happened. Right before we let for Christmas break, I wrote them letters (except for the two who met with me) further explaining myself. They never replied, but at the first CCC meeting of this year, two of the girls hugged me. So I really don't know what to make of that. And actually, WVMTNKID, the girl who leads the Bible study gave me that reason as why she kicked me out. That and she didn't want the same thing to happen again, which I think is ridiculous. Just because I did something once doesn't mean that I'll necessarily do it again, you know? And Desi, I don't know what nerve my story touched with you, but I really don't appreciate you calling me immature.

 

[TheOriginalWhitehorse]

This is certainly a difficult situation. But I would say that the biggest problem isn't the Bible study-it's your relationship with God. While going to a Bible study is a good start, I'm concerned that you gave up on your faith because it wasn't yielding the results you wanted. Can we talk about that? I think if we get to the heart of the problem, why you were angry, and why it's difficult to control, I think we'll make better progress. As for the Bible study ages, I know people in their seventies and eighties who are still babes in Christ with no immediate indication that things will ever change, and yet I know sixteen-year-olds who put the masses to shame with their heartfelt loyalty. The thing we need to work on first is why you feel disapponted by God. (Also, would it be okay to skip the italics-they're beautiful, but straining my eyes.)

By the way, the fact that you're so dedicated to making the situation right is wonderful. I'll do the best I can to help.

 

[wvmtnkid]

Just so everyone knows, I have apologized to everyone involved. I apologized soon after the incident happened. Right before we let for Christmas break, I wrote them letters (except for the two who met with me) further explaining myself. They never replied, but at the first CCC meeting of this year, two of the girls hugged me. So I really don't know what to make of that. And actually, WVMTNKID, the girl who leads the Bible study gave me that reason as why she kicked me out. That and she didn't want the same thing to happen again, which I think is ridiculous. Just because I did something once doesn't mean that I'll necessarily do it again, you know?

Which is exactly the point I was trying to make about trust. You have apologized and hopefully the girls in the group have forgiven you. However, the trust is gone. They can't trust you not to do the same thing again until you have a chance to earn their trust back. From what you wrote, it doesn't sound like that has happened yet. You know that you won't do it again, but they don't. See what I am saying? I am not saying they are acting right, just trying to guess why they are doing what they are doing.

 

[desi]

Just so everyone knows, I have apologized to everyone involved. I apologized soon after the incident happened. Right before we let for Christmas break, I wrote them letters (except for the two who met with me) further explaining myself. They never replied, but at the first CCC meeting of this year, two of the girls hugged me. So I really don't know what to make of that. And actually, WVMTNKID, the girl who leads the Bible study gave me that reason as why she kicked me out. That and she didn't want the same thing to happen again, which I think is ridiculous. Just because I did something once doesn't mean that I'll necessarily do it again, you know? And Desi, I don't know what nerve my story touched with you, but I really don't appreciate you calling me immature.

Hey I call em as I see em. Besides you clarified yourself ^ changing the picture. It seems odd for CCC to exclude you after your apology. If I were you I'd move on to another group you don't have a history with, start fresh.

 

[vibrant]

you almost seem paralyzed to do anything else in your faith until you regain entrance into that Bible study.

don't be. if it's not meant to be, especially for the moment, then it's not.

make your faith independent of external factors. it's strength depends on your relationship with God, not some social Bible study nor your repuation with those christians.

 

[seangoh]

DiscoGirlie, although u've written much, i don't want to judge you coz i don't have the exact picture of what happened. So i'll say what i know. I'm currently 3rd of my major and since matriculating, i've joined CCC. But i know there might be some ppl you don't like or some ppl you look up to. Seems that you look up to them and want to get back. That's great. BTW, does your sch have navigators? I was actually thiking of joining them this semester so i can 1)get more disciplined in bible study and 2)meet more ppl.
So my advice is this, allow God to open opportunities to meet more people, this could mean spending time with another club like what i plan to do. Not that CCC is bad, but it's always good to look around and gather all the good things.

 

[Faith0263]

I think I'd put everything else on hold until I got right with God as far as pray about Him opening the doors, not you. Feeling as I can tell you do from what you've written, is more about you fitting in, worldly things, clicks etc. Right now I'd be more committed about finding a relationship with God. Time is running out and yes doing bible studies etc., fitting in at school etc., IS important, pray He will lead you or that the Holy Spirit will lead you where you need to be. You have to pray to be responsive to Him. Maybe even seek advice from a pastor if you have one, and/or talk w/a counselor at school too. But the main thing is pray for understanding, and to learn to obey the Spirit as it convicts your heart, jmho.

 

[DiscoGirlie]

I have talked to staff person from CCC but that was back in November. She didn't try to place me in a Bible study or anything, but I don' think that's an issue. My fear is that if staff sees I'm interested in being in a Bible study, they wouldn't know what to do with me. Like they don't want to place me with freshman, but they might not think I'm ready for an older group. The interest cards do ask what year you are, so they probably do take that into consideration. I've looked in to church group, but the ones I've looked at either don't have a college ministry or they do have one, but it's just a Sunday school class, because of the assumption that their college members are involved with campus ministries. We don't have the Navigators, but we do have Baptist Student Union (which I tried, didn't really care for), Christian Student Fellowship (which is like the Christian church's version of the BSU) and other, smaller, denominational groups. I don't know, overall, I always liked the general aspects of CCC. A and I'm starting to build relationships with people that I only vaguely knew before. Right now, I'm just seeing what happens.