Need some advice

[DiscoGirlie]

Hi. I've posted here a few times before. I have a problem that hopefully someone can help me out with. I am senior in college and I graduate in May. In Fall 2001, I transferred to my school from a community college. I got involved with Campus Crusade for Christ. Around November of 2001, I was placed in a Bible study with that group. Since it was close to the end of the semester, I didn't get the chance to really bond with the girls and get involved with the Bible study. I'd never been in a small group before. I was also busy with my major and with pledging a sorority. After Christmas, I depleged the sorority, so I really had the opportunity to focus on my Bible study. We did a Beth Moore study. It was the first time I'd done a study like that. In fact, it was the first I'd ever a Bible study, period. I'd like to say that I grew in my faith, but I didn't because I didn't understand the magnitude of a small group. I view it as a social thing and I figured everyone else did, too. I was in for a surprise when I realized the other girls took it very seriously. I felt really letdown by the experience. I was considering quitting the Bible study and CCC. I felt neglected by the girl who led the group and misunderstood by everyone else in the group. I came home for the summer feeling confused and dejected. A couple of months into the break, I decided to do the Beth Moore study in my own. For the first time, I truly understood what it meant to walk with God. As the summer progressed, I was excited about coming back to school, getting back into my major and CCC. I was unsure about the Bible study, so I decided I would talk with the leader, see what she was planning, and then make my decision. I also became aware that if I rejoined the Bible study, I should probably tell them about the things I did earlier in the summer. I had a bad fight with my sister, and in the name of a joke that went too far, I pepper-sprayed someone from work. A year later, my coworkers are making sure I never forget that incident. Anyway, fast foward to last August, the first Bible study of the year. We were all excited about finding out what God had in store for us. A couple of the girls had gone on summer-long mission trips sponsored by CCC. Sure enough, my suspicions of having to confess my summer activities was correct. I was freaking out about the girls judging me, so that when it was my turn (I was the last to go), I went all psycho on them. I told them that Christianity was stupid, I didn't want to be in a Bible study, I didn't care if people got saved, and I didn't want to be a Christian anymore. I also told the leader (by the way, she was why I'd considered leaving in the first place), that she was an idiot, an airhead, and a selfish something that starts with B and rhymes with witch. Needless to say, I was kicked out of the Bible study b/c most of the girls had issues with me coming back. The leader and one person from the group (the one I am closest too) offered to meet with me each week. I met with them, but I had already given up on my faith. After the incident, I tried to be godly but when it wasn't getting the results I wanted, I gave up. The incident set the tone for my semester. I didn't do as well as I wanted to in my classes, I turned procrastination into an art form when it came to projects and assignments, and a professor of mine told me that I wasn't good enough to be an anchor (I'm a broadcasting and sociology major). My schedule was challenging enough to begin with, but the Bible study thing made it worse. I ended the semester confused and unsure about stuff. Earlier that semester, I'd been invited to join another Bible study. This one was independent of any group. I didn't join that semester b/c I was waiting to see if I'd be allowed back in the one I'd been kicked out of. I wasn't, so I went to the new one. I told the girl who lead it about what happened to me and she still invited me to join. I also decided to try news producing and I have an internship at a TV station this fall. Things were looking up. But, I really didn't feel like I was growing in the new Bible study. We studied the Ten Commandments and we didn't use a book or anything. The girl who lead it wrote her own Bible studies. I admit, I really didn't put forth any effort in the new Bible study. I also had some drama with a boy. Unlike the first Bible study, the girl who led the new one didn't meet with us for discipleship. I hadn't done it in my first Bible study, but I know the leader planned to change that. I realized that in this new Bible study, I felt more isolated than ever from the people at CCC. I would really like to rejoin my first Bible study, but I don't know if I should even try. Though two of the girls are talking to me again, I know many, if not all, don't want me to come back. I would really like to rebuild my relationships with these girls. Also, one girl just got married, and another is transferring schools and getting married. I can't say that this summer, I've taken the steps to improve my spiritual life, either. And I admit, when I was in the first Bible study, I was in the popular clique, a clique I'd never been in before. I hate feeling so out-of-the-loop with the CCC people. The second Bible study didn't help that matter. The one girl who is transferring is also my closest friend from CCC. She was my only link to the CCC people. I'm really confused about the whole thing. I've thought about just joining another CCC Bible study, but there is the issue of my graduating status. I wasn't put in my first Bible study until close to the end of the semester. It didn't matter then, but now, since I'm graduating, time is running out. I've thought about talking to one of the people on staff. Maybe they could place me somewhere. I also don't want to be in a Bible study with freshman or sophomores, but any staff person who knows my situation, might be cautious of putting my in a group with juniors and seniors b/c I guess I might not be on their level spiritually. A little background info on the first Bible study; the girl who leads it is a 5th-year senior (like me) who graduates in December. As far as I know, there is one junior and three seniors (4th year) in the group. The girl who got married graduates in December and the girl who is transferring graduates in May. Basically, all of the girls are at the same point in their college careers. I am too, and that's the main reason why I don't want to be put in a freshman or a sophomore Bible study. I go back to school in a couple of weeks, the Bible studies will probably start up the second week of school. Please help me as any feedback is welcome. I'm sorry this was so long!

 

[Yitzchak]

Sometimes it is ok to have a long post. Have you tryed posting in the section of christian forums which has prayer requests. Prayer would be a good first start.
Also, when I get really stuck with something in my life, I add fasting to my prayers.
I hope it works out well for you.

 

[TeMsTeR]

WOW its a lot to take in... I know I'm younger than you, so it may seem weird to get advice from someone younger. I dont have as much experience, I'll pray for ya... I'll keep ya in my thoughts. I wanna help cuz I know how hard it is to get back on track... I'm JUS goin through that now. You seem like you really are sorry.. have you talked to God about it??? pray and think... i always found writing out my troubles a BIG help. I hope you get through this it sounds tough, beyond my little minds experience!!! god bless ya tho

 

[Kirisutokyoo-shinja]

Have you talked to any of the CCC girls from your original group? Among those who are not your friends? Approaching them in a spirit of humility and sistership?
It sounds like perhaps they are not forgiving you. Regardless of if they let you back in or not, they need to forgive you.
I hope things go well, prayer is the key.
God Bless,
-_-_Da Shinja-_-_

 

[BarbB]

Yours sounds like a life spinning out of control - control being the key word. You sound like myself - trying to put out all these tiny fires before they become forest fires.

Therefore, since it's not working, try calling on God who can and does control things according to his perfect plan. In fact, when my life feels like yours sounds, I know that I have been trying to do it myself, instead of with Him.

Time for some concentrated prayer, asking for foregiveness for my pride (doing it my way, which isn't working) and then asking for His guidance in my life! His way will become clear. Perhaps it isn't time for a group Bible study (though I know that I treasure the time spent in mine). Perhaps you can do another one alone and regain your intimacy with the Lord. Then also, I believe that your behavior was not entirely due to your pride, but perhaps due to some outside interference. Try praying to God that anything that is not of Him inside you be removed and replaced with that of Jesus! This worked for me!!!

Maybe ask God to help you approach your former Bible study group and ask for their prayers. I'm surprised that they did not consider this.

I love the Beth Moore studies myself - she's terrific for women.

God bless you -