Need some advice

[prizzom]

Ok I met my girlfriend in AIT in the army. She is 19 and I am 24. As soon as I met her I continually prayed to God for guidence on our relationship. Well we ended up going to Korea together and are stationed at the same camp. We have had a few blowouts here and there but I love her very much, she means the world to me. But for some reason I don't think she is ready to be with me forever. She says she is and that she loves me more than anything but a couple days ago we had a discussion about where our relationship is going to go. She said that she needs to take a break to think about stuff and It feels like she is going to dump me because she is young and wants to party and such. I don't know what I should do, if I should completly break off the relationship or if I should just wait. Because there are so many guys in the army she can find the attention she needs anywhere. I am confused on what to do. I asked myself today why this is happening because I was asking Gods guidence before things had gotten serious, and now it feels like all I am set up for is pain. I'm trying to search for the reason why God would have kept us together this long and now its all just going to come to an end, wasted feelings, hurt and pain for me. My mind is kind of a mess right now I'm feeling all sorts of emotions and don't know what to do, say or think. Please any advice is much apprecited, because right now my mind is lost.

 

[miss_klara]

Does she know where you stand in all of this? Maybe she doesn't realise how seriously you've committed yourself to her. Knowing where you're at won't necessarily change anything, but it's so important for you guys to be on the same page. If she wants to move on, and she knows that you love her strongly, no decent girl would leave you hanging.

I hope you get some answers soon!!

 

[prizzom]

Yes she knows where I stand. She knows how much I love her. She never has to worry about me cheating or what I'm doing or who I'm hanging out with. I'm always there for her. I just wish that if she doesn't want to be with me that she could just tell me quickly because I'm just sitting here stuffing all this pain down inside. I wish that I could click my heels and be back home with my family because I'm pretty much by myself here trying to go through this alone. Well thanks for your reply and support.

 

[klynnmiller]

Why does God let any of us go through hard times? It's for us to grow and develop strength of character while learning to lean on His understanding and not our own. I'm so sorry that you are going through this pain and I wil pray for God to continue to guide you and ease your suffering. I do know that He does have a plan for you that you may not understand right now, but God is in control. I can say from experience, that past heartaches have made me appreciate the beautiful relationship I have with my fiance right now, but hindsight is always 20/20. Besides, it's better to know now if things are going to work out with her than to find out even later on down the line. I'm praying that you are able to keep the lines of communication open with your girlfriend so that you both can understand the situation up front and honestly. May God bless you!

 

[linchen]

She says she is and that she loves me more than anything but a couple days ago we had a discussion about where our relationship is going to go. She said that she needs to take a break to think about stuff and It feels like she is going to dump me because she is young and wants to party and such. I don't know what I should do, if I should completly break off the relationship or if I should just wait. Because there are so many guys in the army she can find the attention she needs....

Your rushing the relationship with your girlfriend it could be a way to ruin it.

If you love her.... open your heart and then wait and.....

Give her time to think!

Whatever it may cost you!

This is the only way to make her realize how much she cares about what you feel!
If she doesn't care...well .....you will make only things worst by trying to make her love you at any cost.

God bless!

 

[prizzom]

Me and my girlfriend still talk and I would like to continue to talk. But its hard when I'm seeing here hanging out with other guys laughing and jokeing, while I'm just being here by myself trying to go through this. I don't want her to seclude herself in her room or something but I do wish she would just be by herself so she can think about this instead of hanging out with these other people and really not giving herself time to think. Well thanks for the advice its much appreciated.

 

[mushowani]

your posting made me feel like crying man. I nkow how it feels to love someone and get nothing in return. All you 've to do is move on with life, coz this lady may not be the right person for you. Don't force it man coz if the two of you are not compatible, you 'll eventually breakup. If life hands you lemons, make lemonade...
I feel that she is out there for fun whilst you are serious and you looking forward to a fruitfull relationship, so don't waste pearls on pigs (sic) for real beauties are coming.
Man I once did love someone deeply nad they never did love me the same, Iwas hurt but in the end I saw that it was never meant to be...move on man...

I jus' pray for healing rain
healing rain to wash away all your pain
healing rain to give you a grain of hope

even if you appear to be in a fix
not understanding the mix
crying for someone to break the jinx
know that the rain is come
to wash the pain and bring gain in a grain of hope.
God will bring ejection of the dejection, the rejection.
"u giv your whole heart to your love and they break it. But give your broken heart to a friend and they make it..."
I wish u the wings to fly high to your next love, the vision to dream true love, and the spirit to embrace deeply the beauty life presents....

 

[mushowani]

a grain of pain
daggers to the fragile heart
all in the name of pearl making
layer upon layer of secretions to cover the pain
all in the name of pearl making

grain of sand in the flesh
grain of pain in the heart
oh how painful
secretion upon secretion to cover it

grain of pain bringing rain to wash away the pain
grain of pain
a fine jewel made

so natural , so beautiful, so enchanting, so mesmerising , bringing about magical moments
moment so cherished, moments so precious,

spinning pain to rain is wat we do
spinning pain to gain is the game
no pain no gain... more pain more gain!!!

if you understand how pearls are made, you will agree with me man... be strong and be a pearl maker. Out of its pain the oyster is capable of making pearls, so are you!!!

 

[mushowani]

a grain of pain
daggers to the fragile heart
all in the name of pearl making
layer upon layer of secretions to cover the pain
all in the name of pearl making

grain of sand in the flesh
grain of pain in the heart
oh how painful
secretion upon secretion to cover it

grain of pain bringing rain to wash away the pain
grain of pain
a fine jewel made

so natural , so beautiful, so enchanting, so mesmerising , bringing about magical moments
moment so cherished, moments so precious,

spinning pain to rain is wat we do
spinning pain to gain is the game
no pain no gain... more pain more gain!!!

if you understand how pearls are made, you will agree with me man... be strong and be a pearl maker. Out of its pain the oyster is capable of making pearls, so are you!!!

 

[PassionateOne]

Why does God let any of us go through hard times? It's for us to grow and develop strength of character while learning to lean on His understanding and not our own. I'm so sorry that you are going through this pain and I wil pray for God to continue to guide you and ease your suffering. I do know that He does have a plan for you that you may not understand right now, but God is in control. I can say from experience, that past heartaches have made me appreciate the beautiful relationship. Besides, it's better to know now if things are going to work out with her than to find out even later on down the line. I'm praying that you are able to keep the lines of communication open with your girlfriend so that you both can understand the situation up front and honestly. May God bless you!

Words taken right out of my mouth!! Good post!! And trust me, I have ALOT of knowledge in the area!! Your time with your gf was not a waste of time....God put her in your life for a reason, whether to learn and grow from your experience OR to be with her. Don't ever think it was a waste of time/feelings. for you to stay strong!

 

[Maramixi]

My heart goes out to you.

Coming from the perspective of a 19 year old who is getting married soon, she may not be ready to settle down yet.

It became obvious pretty early on in my realationship with my now fiance' that we were either heading towards marriage or I needed to break it off. I had to deside what I wanted more; a life with him or a few more years of freedom. I chose him but it did mean giving up the independence that came from being single. And I did in fact enjoy being single; but I had to give that up before we even got serious in order to date him.

Not all girls are ready to grow up at this age.


The best thing you can do right now is to pray. Only God has the absolute answer to this rotten situation.

 

[klynnmiller]

Words taken right out of my mouth!! Good post!! And trust me, I have ALOT of knowledge in the area!! Your time with your gf was not a waste of time....God put her in your life for a reason, whether to learn and grow from your experience OR to be with her. Don't ever think it was a waste of time/feelings. for you to stay strong!

Thank you. Unfortunately, I do have experience in hard times, and not just failed relationships. I do know, though, that blessings take shape in many different forms, and many times, one doesn't realize that it was a blessing until they can look back on it and see things from a different perspective.

Yes, God does promise to bless the faithful over and abundantly, but trials are also considered blessings as well, if only for the lessons and growth of character they produce.

"My Brothren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you maybe perfect and complete, lacking nothing."

James 1:2-4 (NKJV)

 

[prizzom]

I just want to say thanks for the replys. I know its hard for me because my heart is broken, but I keep telling myself that all of this is happening for a reason, and just pray for healing so I can move on. Again thanks for the wisdom and the support. God Bless.

 

[mushowani]

like silver in a silver smith's hand, u are being refinesd man. also read 1Corinhtians13 as well as Malachi 3v3...
wishing you a speedy recovery...
smile coz God loves u more than u know, expect, or imagine. He's with u right there in the middle of it all... Isaiah 43. Take heart and don't despair for the Lord has good plans for u, plans to prosper u and not to harm u... Jeremiah 29v11

 

[andrew1012]

Ok I met my girlfriend in AIT in the army. She is 19 and I am 24. As soon as I met her I continually prayed to God for guidence on our relationship. Well we ended up going to Korea together and are stationed at the same camp. We have had a few blowouts here and there but I love her very much, she means the world to me. But for some reason I don't think she is ready to be with me forever. She says she is and that she loves me more than anything but a couple days ago we had a discussion about where our relationship is going to go. She said that she needs to take a break to think about stuff and It feels like she is going to dump me because she is young and wants to party and such. I don't know what I should do, if I should completly break off the relationship or if I should just wait. Because there are so many guys in the army she can find the attention she needs anywhere. I am confused on what to do. I asked myself today why this is happening because I was asking Gods guidence before things had gotten serious, and now it feels like all I am set up for is pain. I'm trying to search for the reason why God would have kept us together this long and now its all just going to come to an end, wasted feelings, hurt and pain for me. My mind is kind of a mess right now I'm feeling all sorts of emotions and don't know what to do, say or think. Please any advice is much apprecited, because right now my mind is lost.

hello i am a trained nurse for mental health i deal with all sorts of people on a daily basis with all sorts of problems im goinin to give you seven steps to follow to help make yourself strong 1] back of a bit in rowing as god makes them he matches the and if you girl friend is for you he will let you know.satan works in the smallest of cracks in our emotions if you feel like your going to go just think in a veryloud voice get out my garden satan, before you think of taking part in a row. 2]no one is perfect all the time so learn the art of listerning as well with your heart not with you ears and eyes because they lie to you. 3]trust in your faith with god and if she is for you he wont let her go by you.let your faith bring you inner peace. 4]blame is a two way street dont worry about what you cant change have faith in what you can change. 5]talk from your heart see this time as a test of faith dont loose your temper, trust in him and yourself. 6]try and become her friend again with no pressure about whats to come enjoy what you have,work on getting closer on all levels. 7]start slow and build your house on solid ground brick by brick.remember she must think something about you she is with you,start with a clean slate for each other. may god bless you both and i hope he makes you feel better.

 

[ruestvincent]

i was left confused and brokenhearted in a Christian relationship not too long ago. we had been seeking God all along the way, but still, things fell apart.

i was angry at first. how could God give me this, and me feel like he approved so much, then to have it ripped away? i think there are so many gifts God gives us through relationships with others... some don't end up the way we had thought they would, but we take alot from them still. i am a much stronger woman now from having that failed relationship and if your ends, you will look back eventually and understand.

i think you should let her know that you are worried she wants to end it completely, and let her know you will respect the space she needs to come to her decision but that you hope you can find a way to stay together.

 

[mushowani]

I hope you are now feeling better after all that advice you were getting from friends and fans alike.
I was intrigued by the last post... stop asking the why question because it won't do you any good. each tym you ask,"why me?" ; think of the saying that the glory of an orange is when it is squeezed. And there are some things that only God can provide an answer to.
Consider this..Where was God when Jesus (His beloved son) was dying on the cross? Definately He was there...so is He in your predicament!!!
Be strong and take courage, forget what is behind and focus on your goals.... hold on to where your life is (Christ)
This is not the end of the road--- consider this... when the Isrealites met with toils, trials and tribulations on their way to milk and honey, did that mean it was the end of the road?
take care man... a bigger and better door is going to open up for you
God bless

 

[brokenandbeautiful]

Wow, this really sounds like the other side of the current relationship I'm in right now! Even the ages are the same! I'm 19 and he's 24. Sounds a LOT like your situation, so, I just might know a bit how your girlfriend is feeling.

A question: Is this your girlfriend's most serious relationship yet? She may be worrying that she doesn't have anything to compare your relationship with, which is causing her to "explore" other guys. That doesn't mean it's right, but that could be the cause. Being somewhat young, the first part of her relationship with you might have been "head over heels." She may have even imagined your life together, wedding, kids, etc. (we girls are sometimes silly about that stuff), glossing over the edges, but now she may be taking a step back and really considering it all realistically for the first time. She's probably trying to figure out what she wants from a future husband, and a future life, and trying to figure out if you fit in with that life. At the same time, she's probably really emotionally invested in you and your relationship. If she's feeling at all like how I'm feeling right now, she is EXTREMELY mixed up. I know you wish she would just tell you what she wants, but this is a very confusing time, and she probably doesn't really KNOW what she wants. She's probably worried about going on with the relationship, and then down the road realizing it was wrong and end up hurting both herself and you even more!

I know it's frustrating, but I think the most supportive thing you can do is keep good communication and be patient. If you pressure her into a decision, it could send her into panic mode and cause her to ignore the problem rather than face it (kinda sounds like whats happening right now). Also, as painful as it might be, try out a period of strictly friendship. Tell her you don't want to break up, but that you realize she needs a while to think things through and explore other areas of her life. And by friendship, I mean, REAL friendship. Not the "we can still be friends" thing and then never talk again. Encourage her to get involved with activities and groups of people OUTSIDE of you - maybe volunteering, hobbies, or church activities. Maybe you two can hang out once or twice a week, but no physical stuff whatsoever. Go to church, do something fun together, or just sit and talk.

I give you this advice because I wish it was what my boyfriend would do for me right now. I think the above things will eventually help her realize one of two things:

1) She wants a life with YOU in it
or
2) She starts becoming happier just being friends and starts feeling "free" in which she realizes she's not ready for a serious relationship yet.

I'm praying for you, and feel free at any time to PM me. Every girl is different, but I might have some further insight into how she feels since we're in similar situations.

God Bless.