Need prayers and advice

[Christos Anesti]

I've been in recovery for drug addiction for some time now. Last weekend a friend was visiting from out of state. We went to hang out at the local resturant and drink some capichinos and talked for about an hour or so. Eventually we felt uncomfortable loitering there and my friend suggested that we go to a bar. At the time I was in a carefree mood not being overly watchful and I agreed to go. My friend ordered me a mixed drink and he ordered two beers. I drank the drink , nursing it over time , and went home. I also realized once again how irritating bars are that play loud music (maybe I'm getting old?*). Thankfully I wasn't drunk and I wasn't even driving so in that regard it wasn't a total disaster. I did however give up a good deal of clean time. If that was all to the story I probably would have found a way to rationalize that I didn't need to tell anyone about.

Unfortunately thats not the whole story. As soon as I went into the bar and took a sip of a drink one of my fellow NA folks was working there and saw me. I think he was trying to help me and get me to put my drink down because said "hey buddy" and smiled at me funny. I didn't want to insult my friend though so I kept drinking it. This same person just got 90 days and was really proud of it. I even congratulated him at the meeting. The next time I went to that Sunday meeting though he wasn't there. I'm afraid it could be because he was embarrassed to meet me at it. I really hope I didn't do anything to hurt is recovery. If anyone would pray for him ( I can't give his name though for obvious reasons) I would really appreciate it. Also if anyone has some advice on how to handle this situation I would also appreciate it. I think I set a really bad example and may have even hurt his opinion of NA.

* My hobbies consist of reading books and writting about them on forums. I'm not the most exciting person and sometimes I feel like I don't know how to entertain people anymore. I used to be all about parties and threw some really entertaining ones back in the day but I'm just not that interested in that kind of thing now. I'm a homebody really. Going back to the house wasn't an option and I wanted to hang out with my friend for at least a few more hours because I hadn't seen him years.

::Edit::: Please note that I don't find any of the rationalization I had at the time as actually being rational. I was just writting how I was thinking at the time.

 

[madison1101]

Hi there,
Sorry you lost your clean time. How long were you clean? How long have you been going to program? I have some questions to challenge your thinking, because I have rationalized slips and relapses, and just got one year sober in January.

You shared that you were concerned about messing up your NA friend's recovery by having that drink. What about messing up YOUR recovery? Alcohol is a drug just like pills, heroin and coke. You put your own recovery in jeopardy.

Did you share that you drank when you went to your meeting on Sunday? If not, why not?

You need to have a back-up plan, to avoid people, places and things. Did your friend who ordered the drink know you are in recovery? If not, why didn't you refuse the drink, and order a soda, or water?

Was there a diner that you could have gone to for coffee and dessert, instead of a bar? Diners, especially later in the evening, don't mind lingering coffee drinkers.

Your recovery should be your number ONE priority, and avoiding situations like you describe should be your number ONE priority as well.

Do you have an NA sponsor? If not, why not? Have you started working the 12 Steps of NA? If not, why not?

These questions are not meant to hurt you, but to challenge you as you deal with the fallout of your relapse. Yes, drinking alcohol can be considered a relapse.

Talk to your sponsor and get to work on the 12 Steps. If you don't have a sponsor, get one immediately and get to work on the Steps.

I had six years of sobriety, but relapsed drinking for over two years. Exactly one year ago today, I was sitting in a drug/alcohol rehab learning so much about myself. I have a little over one year of sobriety now, and I find it precious to me.

Trish Reilly

 

[Christos Anesti]

because I have rationalized slips and relapses, and just got one year sober in January.

Congratulations on the year sober. Sorry, I wasn't trying to imply that the rationalization that came to my mind at the time (my friend might get mad) was actually rational. It's simply what I thought at the time. Maybe I should have been more clear on that. I was just writting about my thought process at the time. I'll edit so people don't think I'm trying to pass those off as "good" excuses.

You shared that you were concerned about messing up your NA friend's recovery by having that drink.

Yes. Hurting other people isn't something I want to be a part of. You reap what you sow and I've already sown enough evil for one lifetime.

What about messing up YOUR recovery? Alcohol is a drug just like pills, heroin and coke. You put your own recovery in jeopardy.

I agree. For my own recovery it was probably better that I was "caught" because like I said I would probably had found a way to rationalize that it was better to just forget about it and pretend that it never happend. Now I've ended up reflecting more on it.

Yes, drinking alcohol can be considered a relapse.

I agree. Thats why I said I gave up my clean time Rationally I understand that drinking is as much of a relapse as using street drugs. Even if it's just one glass. It's like playing russian roulette. You might "get away with it" or you might end up drinking all the time or using other drugs. At times I don't always listen to rational thought. Get a case of the "oh well , whatevers..". I think it may be connected to the fact that I no longer excerize, go to martial arts, or eat well. It makes me even more lazy and undisciplined.

You need to have a back-up plan, to avoid people, places and things. Did your friend who ordered the drink know you are in recovery? If not, why didn't you refuse the drink, and order a soda, or water?

I'm not sure. He lives out of state and I haven't seen him for years.

You need to have a back-up plan, to avoid people, places and things. Did your friend who ordered the drink know you are in recovery? If not, why didn't you refuse the drink, and order a soda, or water?

Your right. I should have planned ahead instead of throwing something together at the last minute.

I had six years of sobriety, but relapsed drinking for over two years. Exactly one year ago today, I was sitting in a drug/alcohol rehab learning so much about myself. I have a little over one year of sobriety now, and I find it precious to me.

Thats awesome. My first year clean I was more enthusaistic and involved in NA. Worked the steps with my sponser. Then I started getting to content I guess you could say. I have real problems with being commited to something for any length of time. I'm rather undisciplined and immature.

Do you have an NA sponsor? If not, why not? Have you started working the 12 Steps of NA? If not, why not?

I did but I haven't talked to him in months. My sister said she knows someone that I should take on as my sponser and that he is willing to do it though.

Thank you for taking the time to read my post and respond thoughtfully to it. I love Christian Forums.

 

[madison1101]

Thank you for replying to my questions. I did not mean to be hard on you, just sharing with you what came to mind because of my past experience with relapsing.

When I had my six years, I had not completed the 12 steps, nor was I in regular communication with my sponsor. I was not committed to AA any longer, just attended meetings now and then. A year ago, while in rehab, I realized that was my problem. I did not have a sponsor who was guiding me through the steps, and I was not in regular service or attendance at meetings.

I am now on Step Nine, which I never got to in previous sobrieties. I have been advised that once I get done Step Nine, I will be working Steps Eight to Twelve the rest of my life, if I want to maintain the sanity that goes with long term sobriety.

Service is what helps us keep our sobriety. Get back into the program, get the time you need to start doing service. Get in touch with newcomers and offer them your phone number, and get theirs so you can call them between meetings. Share your experience at meetings, and be sure to share what led up to the drink...not working with your sponsor, not working Steps Ten through Twelve on a regular basis, slacking off on the program. Use this drinking episode as a wake-up call to get back into the program with zest and zeal and a new energy.

Thanks for replying.

Trish

 

[RuthD]

I'm sorry you relapsed. I know how frustrating that can be. I relapsed many times over the years. I was once sober for 20 years. Please don't feel bad or defeated. Most people in AA have relapsed and some many times. We are alcoholics and drink sometimes and that is why we need help. I just went back to my first AA meeting in quite awhile. I felt good there and it picked up my spirits. I just wanted to listen to the lead and hoped no one would question me about my length of sobriety or anything I felt was intrusive since I leave those answers with a sponser. I am going to look for someone who is gentle and kind and understanding and who can still help me with the steps. I run from the nosey judgemental people and stopped going because of them. From now on I am going to keep my business to myself and my helpers and I have some in another org. I am too old to tolerate people talking down to me just so they can work a step with no consideration for my feelings. I went on rambling. That's just how I feel now. I do have some sobriety now I am happy to say. Best wishes to you.

 

[Christos Anesti]

Thank you RuthD and Madison1101 for the replies. This Sunday I'm going to go get my white key tag again. I used to go to three meetings a week but then I got put on this weird shift where I have to leave for work at 1 and don't get back until 10 pm. Its hard to get to meetings on the weekdays now. I wish there were some good morning meetings near by. Same reason I had to give up Karate. Maybe I need to work at getting back on the day shift.

 

[Christos Anesti]

I'm thinking I could ask some people to help me start a morning meeting though. Maybe my Church would let us use the hall for that.

 

[madison1101]

Thank you RuthD and Madison1101 for the replies. This Sunday I'm going to go get my white key tag again. I used to go to three meetings a week but then I got put on this weird shift where I have to leave for work at 1 and don't get back until 10 pm. Its hard to get to meetings on the weekdays now. I wish there were some good morning meetings near by. Same reason I had to give up Karate. Maybe I need to work at getting back on the day shift.

Since you also have a problem with alcohol, you would be welcome at AA meetings. The only requirement for membership is the desire to stop drinking. A suggestion if you do attend AA: Stick to discussing your problems with alcohol. Many AA groups don't like to hear about drugs. It has to do with the traditions.

My reason for suggesting this has to do with the availability of AA meetings. You can find AA meetings near you by using the link at www.aa.org

I go to a 9:00 am meeting regularly at a clubhouse near me.

God bless your attempts at recovery.

Trish R.

 

[Christos Anesti]

That is a good idea. I didn't think to look at the times for the AA meetings. Thanks.

 

[RuthD]

Thank you RuthD and Madison1101 for the replies. This Sunday I'm going to go get my white key tag again. I used to go to three meetings a week but then I got put on this weird shift where I have to leave for work at 1 and don't get back until 10 pm. Its hard to get to meetings on the weekdays now. I wish there were some good morning meetings near by. Same reason I had to give up Karate. Maybe I need to work at getting back on the day shift.

I go to two meetings now. One is at 8pm on Sunday. I am also taking pills to take away the urge to drink. My psychiatrist prescribed them. I hope you find what you need with meetings. I also go to a dually diagnosed meeting once a week on Wed. afternoon. The AA meeting seems to be better than the other but they both help. I have been to AA meetings online too at Step Chat. I like them sometimes especially when I get something out of it. I am working the first 3 steps now but I also work other ones because I know them so well. They are a Godsend. Best of luck to you.

 

[Christos Anesti]

Thanks and you as well.