Need Love Advice...

[CoolShadow]

So I need some advice. There's a girl I know from college that is really great. We had been friends for a few years until we both hit it off last semester and have since lovingly grown together emotionally, intellectually, physically, and spiritually. However, this relationship has been more of a fling in definition. I'm ready to take the relationship to the level of courtship to see how compatible we might be in the long run and to see if this is where God wants us to be. But, she doesn't want to commit to anything exclusive because of another guy...
Now they're not together and they hadn't been together for some time when her and I started getting close. It's a situation where he went off to the navy and they didn't live in vicinity of each other in the first place. So it wasn't a breakup because of differences as much as it was a breakup of convenience and I'm sure both of them had expectations that they'd eventually be back together. None of us knew that she and I would begin having feelings for each other and if I had really known that strong feelings still existed between the two of them I'd have kept myself at bay. But I've come into the picture and the girl and I really feel close to each other, but she doesn't feel like she could completely give into a devoted relationship because she is not over the navy guy. She had been in relationships before but the relationship with this guy was the first one that made her think "this could be the one."
How do I deal with this situation? What should I tell her when she wants advice? We've been praying to God, how do you know when you hear him?

 

[Mr.Cheese]

Wow.
All I can tell you is to not drive yourself crazy over this. Give it a shot, but if the third element is not overcome, you're just looking for grief. You can't make her choose. That's frustrating, but at least she's being honest and not trying to lead you on.
It's kind of a mess for both of you.
If it was a fling, you wouldn't care.
So in the end, if one day you decide you've had enough, it's ok to walk away. Don't lose sleep driving yourself crazy over this.

 

[psycmajor]

How do you know the status of their relationship right now?

How do you know what her feelings are towards you?

Are you sure you'd be happy even if she chooses him over yourself? What would you do if she did? [saw this thread ]

Just because there is geographical distance between them doesn't mean there is emotional distance. Keep that in mind.

Oh yes. And I agree with Mr.Cheese. He's the man.

 

[psycmajor]

.

 

[Clytie]

man ... sounds like Mr Cheese is right. U cant drive yerself craZy over this. I have to say Im in a situtaion very similar to yers... only Im the girl. And from that point of view. Its not easy. I know I need time to pray to get alone with God and really figure out what He wants for me. I also have talked with my parents and respected Christians I know. You mite wanna try that too. Talk with good ole mom and dad and maybe yer pastor or youth pastor or someone you respect in the faith that knows you well. They mayb able to shed some light on the situtation. Mayb bring up things u havent thot of b4
*hugs*
Give it to God... He knows whats best!
*cartwheels*
Clytie

 

[CoolShadow]

How do you know the status of their relationship right now?

How do you know what her feelings are towards you?

Are you sure you'd be happy even if she chooses him over yourself? What would you do if she did?

We have both been discussing our situation together so everything is out in the open... She doesn't know that she belongs with this guy; she's even realized now some things that were a little unhealthy about the relationship (nothing drastic, there's always unhealthy things in relationships that is hidden by love.)

Yes, I know I'd be happy for her as long as she was happy. I believe we can all be happy as long as we follow God's direction. If I end up sad at all in a situation that went along with God's plan it is only through my own selfishness which would not be very Christ-like of me... (granted this may very well happen, sure.) If "she chooses him over [myself]", and much thought and prayer had been put into it, I would think that I would let her pursue her decision and I would try not to complicate her feelings.

 

[CoolShadow]

Mr. Cheese & Clytie,

Great advice... thanks alot...

 

[Clytie]

*gives him the 80s finger gun* no problem

 

[MetalBlade]

I have dealt with some serious blows to the stomach with love and let me give you some of my advice.

First of all pray to God, always do this when a bad situation such as the one you are facing occurs.
Now if I have the story right she was dating this guy who was over seas in teh navy. Then she fell in love with you, but now the navy guy is back.

I don't know you or her, so I can't make fair judgments on anyone. However, I feel that she could have been using you. The navy guy is gone, and she is now lonely. Therefore she uses you as a way to stay happy until he returns. Now I dont know if this is accurate, but a way to test this theory, if you will call it that, is to answer one question to your self. Did she tell you about the navy guy and how she still had feelings towards him? If so then you knew what you were getting yourself into.
If not then she probably used you to stay happy and secure in love, I've seen that happen, and actually had it happen to me once.

If it was truly meant to be, then everything will work out. In which if you do love her, then I hope it does work out between you two.
If you want to get back at her, join the army. The army is better than the navy!

 

[rainbowbrite]

If it was truly meant to be....

How do you know when it's truly meant to be? I've been in and out of relationships for about the last 3 years, and I'm to the point now where I don't even know what I want anymore. How do you know when someone is "the one" God wants you to be with?

 

[Hound]

As I told my men in an Iraqi mine field: "Watch your step." I have no answers for you. I've been married to the Marine Corps for 8 years. Only now do see my error. I am alone and getting older. If you have the opportunity take it. We define initiative as "action in the absence of orders." Get moving.

 

[serendipity79]

If the Lord wants you to be together then time will work to your favor. You should not push her into deciding, as it will only cause pain for both of you. You should wait and let her decide what she wants, and let the Lord lay before the path that he wants you to take. In plainer terms, be patient and things will happen the way they are supposed to.

 

[BigToe]

you know what they say- absense makes the heart grow fonder. maybe the two of you should take a step back for a bit so she can figure things out. plus if after the time apart, you still feel the way you do now, you will be able to think of what to do or how to handle your situation. let her know you are there for her. and if you are willing to wait for her, let her know that too, but don't give up your happiness waiting around for her.

AND if you two don't end up together, do every other girl you meet a favor. do NOT get into a relationship with someone while you are not over someone else. it isn't fair to the new person. and you are seeing that now. i pray that things work out for everyone's best