why is forgiveness so hard? It's easy to forgive those you love, and I guess if you can have compassion for people then you can find forgiveness, but what of people that have really damaged you, wilfully and irrevocably, and not just you but those you love. It is almost 10 years since my son's father chose not to bother being a father, and while I don't think about it much, when I do all my anger is there like a sickness, I mean I feel it like tar in my blood or something. I know it's damaging and I'm sure that it's holding me back. I think when I feel hurt or betrayed by other people it puts me back in touch with those unresolved feelings, and if I could move on from them I'm sure it would free me in a sense. i really don't know how to begin though. It occurred to me actually that I should look over our relationship at the ways in which I didn't do what I should have done either, I know I have taken the moral high ground on it a lot and in truth I have masked my own vices with virtue, saying I stayed in an unhappy relationship in order to try and make it work for the sake of the family etc when it is also true, truer even, to say that I stayed in it out of cowardice. But I resent that he swanned off to a life of his choosing, leaving me and my boy to it, regardless. I resent it even now, after all this time. How can I get this unforgiveness out of my heart? Thanks for listening.
It was not easy, but somehow praying for their happiness and that they find love was liberating in some ways.
Yes, there are times when I am capable of that, and it is a freeing feeling. I'm coming to think that when the worm of resentment that lives in my stomach rears its ugly head i can try to choose to think otherwise, to pray for his happiness and override those ugly thoughts. i think I had been waiting for these feelings to change and missing that forgiveness actually is an act of will, a choice, as a previous member posting pointed out.
we were supposed to learn something from each other.
Yes. Some lessons are hard learned. i am accepting this more and more actually. 'we can rejoice too when we run into problems and trials for we know that they are good for us-' Well I'm not quite rejoicing but I am appreciating the benefit of trials, and trusting that ultimately all things are to the good, though it can be hard to remember that when you're hurting. And i do hope he has learned something too, for the benefit of his new wife. (you may detect there is still an edge to my tone of voice there. i'm still workin on it)
I hope that helps.
why is forgiveness so hard? It's easy to forgive those you love, and I guess if you can have compassion for people then you can find forgiveness, but what of people that have really damaged you, wilfully and irrevocably, and not just you but those you love. It is almost 10 years since my son's father chose not to bother being a father, and while I don't think about it much, when I do all my anger is there like a sickness, I mean I feel it like tar in my blood or something. I know it's damaging and I'm sure that it's holding me back. I think when I feel hurt or betrayed by other people it puts me back in touch with those unresolved feelings, and if I could move on from them I'm sure it would free me in a sense. i really don't know how to begin though. It occurred to me actually that I should look over our relationship at the ways in which I didn't do what I should have done either, I know I have taken the moral high ground on it a lot and in truth I have masked my own vices with virtue, saying I stayed in an unhappy relationship in order to try and make it work for the sake of the family etc when it is also true, truer even, to say that I stayed in it out of cowardice. But I resent that he swanned off to a life of his choosing, leaving me and my boy to it, regardless. I resent it even now, after all this time. How can I get this unforgiveness out of my heart? Thanks for listening.
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