Hi Emma,
I know forgiveness is difficult but holding unforgiveness is an extremely serious matter which can destroy your walk with God. First, let me say that forgiving someone is not condoning of what they did to you. The Lord said this:
Hebrews 10:30
For we know him that hath said, Vengeance
belongeth unto me, I will recompense, saith the Lord. And again, The Lord shall judge his people.
It is not our job to judge anyone, it is Gods, and He said all vengeance and judgement belongs to Him. When we forgive someone we are releasing these things to God and putting it in His hands. We must forgive these debts and show the love of God even to those who wronged us. Jesus demonstrated this on the cross when He told His Father to forgive those who had crucified Him.
Now, it should actually be very easy for you to forgive someone, because the Lord Jesus Christ has forgiven you for your sins. If God can forgive you for your sins, why can't you forgive someone else of theirs? But it goes further than that. If you refuse to forgive someone, you open yourself to demonic oppression. Consider this parable:
Matthew 18:21-35
Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?
Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.
Therefore is the kingdom of heaven likened unto a certain king, which would take account of his servants. And when he had begun to reckon, one was brought unto him, which owed him ten thousand talents.
But forasmuch as he had not to pay, his lord commanded him to be sold, and his wife, and children, and all that he had, and payment to be made.
The servant therefore fell down, and worshipped him, saying, Lord, have patience with me, and I will pay thee all.
Then the lord of that servant was moved with compassion, and loosed him, and forgave him the debt. But the same servant went out, and found one of his fellowservants, which owed him an hundred pence: and he laid hands on him, and took him by the throat, saying, Pay me that thou owest.
And his fellowservant fell down at his feet, and besought him, saying, Have patience with me, and I will pay thee all. And he would not: but went and cast him into prison, till he should pay the debt.
So when his fellowservants saw what was done, they were very sorry, and came and told unto their lord all that was done.
Then his lord, after that he had called him, said unto him, O thou wicked servant, I forgave thee all that debt, because thou desiredst me:
Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellowservant, even as I had pity on thee?
And his lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due unto him.
So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses.
This says very plainly that if you refuse to forgive people, God will hand you over to the tormenters to be tortured until you learn to forgive. This means that when you hold that bitterness and unforgiveness in your heart, Satan has a legal right to oppress you. This is something you need to deal with because forgiveness is not optional. We are to forgive everyone their trespasses because our Heavenly Father forgave ours.
Pray to God to open your heart to forgiveness. Pray that the Holy Spirit will guide you in this. I will pray for you too. God bless.
why is forgiveness so hard? It's easy to forgive those you love, and I guess if you can have compassion for people then you can find forgiveness, but what of people that have really damaged you, wilfully and irrevocably, and not just you but those you love. It is almost 10 years since my son's father chose not to bother being a father, and while I don't think about it much, when I do all my anger is there like a sickness, I mean I feel it like tar in my blood or something. I know it's damaging and I'm sure that it's holding me back. I think when I feel hurt or betrayed by other people it puts me back in touch with those unresolved feelings, and if I could move on from them I'm sure it would free me in a sense. i really don't know how to begin though. It occurred to me actually that I should look over our relationship at the ways in which I didn't do what I should have done either, I know I have taken the moral high ground on it a lot and in truth I have masked my own vices with virtue, saying I stayed in an unhappy relationship in order to try and make it work for the sake of the family etc when it is also true, truer even, to say that I stayed in it out of cowardice. But I resent that he swanned off to a life of his choosing, leaving me and my boy to it, regardless. I resent it even now, after all this time. How can I get this unforgiveness out of my heart? Thanks for listening.