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Need help (personal)

Discussion in 'Young Adults' started by Will.s, Jun 17, 2020.

  1. Will.s

    Will.s New Member

    6
    +4
    Australia
    Christian
    In Relationship
    i'm not sure if this is the right place but,

    i am a 20 year old guy and have been a christian for four years,
    i masturbate a lot, almost everyday, and my girlfriend who has been a christian her whole life feels a bit uneasy about how often i do it and what it could mean when we are married.

    I would like help in know;
    1) is that too much, what is normal, espesially for christians?
    2) help me understand where me gf is coming from.
     
    We teamed up with Faith Counseling. Can they help you today?
  2. Tolworth John

    Tolworth John Well-Known Member Supporter

    +3,101
    United Kingdom
    Non-Denom
    Married
    What is in your mind when you masturbate? It is unlikely to be your girlfriend and unfortunately is either other women or porn and it is this that is upsetting your girlfriend. That she has to compete against idealised images or the exceeds of porn.
     
  3. Of the Kingdom

    Of the Kingdom Active Member

    474
    +338
    United States
    Christian
    Married
    I'm a grandfather, so this may not be the "right place" for me to answer, but I think you can benefit from someone who has been married and knows others whose marriages have been ruined due to excessive masturbation, especially when porn is involved.

    Once you are married, solo masturbation should be a very rare event. Your wife has every right to expect that sexuality is to be shared between the two of you, and that any mental imagery will relate to the two of you doing things together. If you are able to discuss masturbation freely with your wife, you will have an advantage in avoiding some of the things that make marriages go astray.

    If you masturbate frequently, you run the risk of making it easier to do than taking the time to share good intimacy with your wife. Sex drives do vary considerably, but generally I would suggest that while you are single, you try to limit yourself to twice a week or less. My own experience is that when I was dating, I sometimes quit masturbating even when it was unpleasant to do so. What images would I have conjured up? Not my girl friend, when we were refraining from premarital sex. Surely not some other woman. I can't imagine anything more embarrassing than having my girl friend think of the line in a song, "He sits a strange girl on his knee, and he tells her things that he won't tell me".

    May God bless and guide you.
     
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