Need help from parents!!

[Starting again]

Hello,

I need a bit of help with a bad attitude...

I have a bad attitude, something teens are known for, I know, but I kind of feel like I should be growing up and out of my bad attitudes now.

Most of them I am, I'm seeing that where my mum and dad may not ALWAYS know best, they do often have good ideas, and are worth listening too.

But! I have this thing with my dad, I just can't stand him, it's not really anything he does, I know also that when I'm rude to him (because I can't stand him) It really hurts him, and as much as I can't stand him, I don't want to hurt him either. (He is my father after all)

I've prayed about it, and tried to see past the petty little things that annoy me, but I just can't seem to be nice to him –if he asks me to do something I wont want to do it just because ‘he’ asked me too.

As parents... I'm sure you have had child that has had a problem with one of you, mother or father.



PLEASE!! if you have any suggestions on what I can do to changed my attitude and maybe develop a better relationship with my father please help!



Thanks.

 

[OracleX]

What is it that you hold in your heart that you need to forgive him for? I have gone through a great deal of hurt, hate and angry with my parents. It wasn't until i forgave them and asked for forgiveness that things didn't start to change. Sometimes this can be done in a simple conversation, other times it happens after a big blow up.

In any case, I would say that there are some unresolved isses lingering that need to be dealt with.

Another thing is to pray not that you will grow to love your parents but say that you do love them and that you want to learn to love them more and better.

Love comes from the heart. But when our heart is stuborn some times we need to give it a kick with our mind. Some times love is a decision more than a emotion.

 

[Starting again]

Hmmm... Yeah I guess there are some unresolved isses, but mostly things that I have created by being selfish and rude, how can I forgive him for somthing he didn't create in the first place, it would be like putting my problems on him.
And if not, they are things I need to talk to him about, and we are both as useless as each other at talking about important things, and if he thought I was blameing him for anything, or if he started feeling bad he'd just switch of, and I wouldn't be able to get anything through to him. I just want the problem to go away.

 

[Crofter]

Hello,

I need a bit of help with a bad attitude...

I have a bad attitude, something teens are known for, I know, but I kind of feel like I should be growing up and out of my bad attitudes now.

Most of them I am, I'm seeing that where my mum and dad may not ALWAYS know best, they do often have good ideas, and are worth listening too.

But! I have this thing with my dad, I just can't stand him, it's not really anything he does, I know also that when I'm rude to him (because I can't stand him) It really hurts him, and as much as I can't stand him, I don't want to hurt him either. (He is my father after all)

I've prayed about it, and tried to see past the petty little things that annoy me, but I just can't seem to be nice to him –if he asks me to do something I wont want to do it just because ‘he’ asked me too.

As parents... I'm sure you have had child that has had a problem with one of you, mother or father.



PLEASE!! if you have any suggestions on what I can do to changed my attitude and maybe develop a better relationship with my father please help!



Thanks.

What...? You are 18! Come on... it takes years to grow up and settle down about these things and sort out feelings.... I'm still sorting out now!

It hurts me that my kids don't appreciate what I do for them and the sacrifices I make for them... they really have no idea... but it would help them so much if I accepted this is the way with kids... and I know they are individuals and my way isn't always right and isn't always the best way for them and I know they will see that and moan about that... and I know sometimes they want to talk to me but I'm so churned up in the stresses of trying to do my best for them that I get mad with them or simply don't listen and give them the time they need.....but all I can do is do my best and know that although it might not always look to my kids that I love them so much and care more for them than for my own life it might not always come out as looking that way...but we just push on and do our best and hope relationships don't get too damaged by our human inadequacies... and then one day they will maybe have their own children and understand where I was coming from... can you tell I failed badly last night and got it wrong and rowed with my kids...? lol! To be perfect would be so nice... but as a parent I am just a kid who grew bigger and got herself adult responsibilities...the wisdom never came. God bless.

 

[Starting again]

Thank you guys, so much

 

[OracleX]

Don't boubt the healing power of forgiveness. It can truly change your life. Take a look at my testimony on my website (link below) and see what it has done to my life.

You don't even have to talk to your father about what you are forgiving him for. I didn't see my father for 17 years but when I did, there was no anger or hurt feelings left. Memories ... oh ya, lots of horrible memories, but Christ healed those. You have the benefit of talking to your dad, but not everyone is good at talking face to face. We get our toung tied and things just don't come out the way we want.

Good thing God created more than one way to communicate with others. Try writting a letter to your father explaining how you feel and fogiving him for anything you feel he has done wrong and asking for forgiveness for anything you feel you have done wrong. This letter can be used in many ways. Generally I suggest that people use letters as a tool to sort out thier feelings. Your heart and mind can be a confusing place and that is why writting things down bring some clearity to things. If you can not speak to your father even after sorting out your feelings on paper, then you can give him the letter. Be with him while he reads it. Make sure he understands why you are doing it before you start. Most importantly pray about it.

The bottom line is forgiveness happens in the heart and also in the mind. God tells us we must forgive. It is a commandment, not a option. Terrible things have been done but we must forgive. But that does not mean we must forget.

Forgiveness many times is first from the mind. We have to make the choice to forgive because we know that is what God has told us we must do. But our hearts don't feel like forgiving yet. In prayer say that you forgive and ask God to help you forgive in your heart. Once forgiveness hits your heart, you will sense a great freedom from whatever you have been struggling with.

Just as Christ frogiveness frees us, our forgiveness is also freeing.

 

[bliz]

Two suggestions...

One - pray. Pray that God would change your heart and change your attitude. If in all honsety you are not ready to pray that prayer, then pray that God would make you willing to make that prayer. Start by asking Him to make you be polite and respectful. Later on, pray that you can be loving and come to see positive things about your Dad. Ask God to show you the man He died for - the person He chose to love.

Two - write him a letter. Write a letter to your Dad saying essentially what you said to us - leaving out the part not being able to stand him! Tell him that you are aware that you have a bad attitude toward him, and that you are sorry, and you know it isn't right, and you are trying to change and praying that God would change you heart. Ask him to be patient with you and to forgive you as you try to be a b etter daughter.

Often it is easier to communicate by written word or e-mail than it is in person. With one of my children, I do a great deal of parenting via e-mail - and we live in the same house! The most tht will ever get said about the e-mail communication witll be somethng like "Got your latest e-mail. Point taken." or "Thanks for the e-mail." It's cleaner, emotion doesn't get in the way and muck things up and we both have time to think about what the other person has said. It doesn't matter how you communicate with him, just that you do!

 

[Starting again]

Thank you, I like the letter idea. I think I'll try that, and then maybe I'l try sending him an email. but first I have to work myself up to it
I find it so hard to do things when I'm angry. I think if I tried talking to him in person I would just get angry, so yeah... thanks again, you have all helped so much

 

[bliz]

Glad to have been of help.

I will say, however, that you need to give some thought to Oraclex has said. You are angry with him. That does not mean that he has done something wrong. We get angry at other peole who may fail to live up to our unreasonable expectations or we get angry with people who tell us the truth sometimes. Sometimes we get angry with other for things they have done and said to other people... anf of course, for things they have said and done to us. You are angry with him, and if you can figure out what is that makes you so angry, you will be better able to put this behind you.

 

[Mayzoo]

It might help you to begin to see him a person, not just your dad. He has so many roles like, son, husband, possible a brother, and an employee. As a person he has many years of life experience, hardships, dreams, desires, wants, goals, disappointments, and many of the things you, as a person, have. He is not just "Daaaad." Try taking an intrest in him as a person, while still respecting him as your father. You have a whole bunch that you could learn about him, his life, his childhood, dreams, etcetra. You may find many reasons to respect him outside of his role as your father.

Eighteen to twenty-five is about the time most children start seeing their parents as much more than thier parents. He is so much more than that. Think of all the things he does not know about you, and you have lived eighteen years with him. He had a whole life, long before you were born. So odds are there is much that you don't know about him. As you really get to know him as a person you may find you have more in common with him than you initially thought. Try finding time when he is not busy and tell him you would like to get to know more about him. Then pick one of his many roles as a person that you know little about, and ask him to tell you about it. Then really listen. This alone will help build a better relationship with him.

 

[NancyMomof2]

Thanks for sharing here. Do you have a sibling who feels the same way? Perhaps you could tell him that you don't want to hurt him but that you are dealing with some issues that you really need to work through. Wish I could be more help.

 

[Starting again]

Mmmm. I'm the youngest, and the others have all left home, cept my brother.
If I tried talking to my brother about it, all I'd from him would be a grunt, he doesn't like talking about stuff, and would probably just think i was being silly. I think I'll let him live in his own little world.
Thanks for your help though