Need Help, don't know what to do...

[ForTheRecord]

My wife tested positive for HPV-39 / HPV-51
We've been married for almost 25 years and dated for over 4 years before that.
We have three wonderful children and what I would have described as a great marriage just a week ago.

First and foremost, I'm concerned about the tests results my wife will receive on Friday. We'll face that together with God's support no matter what ever else happens.

Beyond that, I'm faced with the possibility that there may be something my wife can't/won't tell me. I've done the research on the test. I know that it has a history of false positives and that HPV could be transmitted without sexual contact. We're seeking additional opinions on the results. Still, as far as doctors know, it's still it's much much more likely that it was transmitted sexually.

I have never been with anyone else....not before we got together, not since. She tells me the same and I want to believe her... but she won't talk about it. I've tried to bring it up, just to reassure her about my faithfulness, and she changes the subject. I can't tell if she's scared that I cheated and that it will destroy our marriage or if she's scared that I'll keep asking questions.

The net is that she's acting like nothing happened and that's not like her.
I was trying to figure out if I could just ignore it and move on but I can't stop thinking about the implications. If she did make a mistake, I would want to know and I'm sure I could forgive her. It would hurt, but I know her and I love her and I could get past it... in time. If she didn't and I'm just being paranoid, I may not be able to forgive myself.

I don't know what to do.

Thanks in advance for your help

 

[Poppyseed78]

I'm sorry about the news you received. I pray that your wife's test results are good and nothing to worry about.

I think you should be cautious in how you approach this so that you don't appear to be accusing her of something. It's entirely possible she has been 100% faithful. It's also possible there was something in her past, over 30 years ago, that she feels uncomfortable talking about. HPV can be spread to a baby during pregnancy/childbirth. There is also a chance she was abused as a child or teenager. The virus can hide in the body for decades. Have you discussed this with anyone else? Do you think counseling would help? You have some valid concerns, and I think your wife should be understanding, but at the same time this might be completely not her fault.

 

[stuart lawrence]

My wife tested positive for HPV-39 / HPV-51
We've been married for almost 25 years and dated for over 4 years before that.
We have three wonderful children and what I would have described as a great marriage just a week ago.

First and foremost, I'm concerned about the tests results my wife will receive on Friday. We'll face that together with God's support no matter what ever else happens.

Beyond that, I'm faced with the possibility that there may be something my wife can't/won't tell me. I've done the research on the test. I know that it has a history of false positives and that HPV could be transmitted without sexual contact. We're seeking additional opinions on the results. Still, as far as doctors know, it's still it's much much more likely that it was transmitted sexually.

I have never been with anyone else....not before we got together, not since. She tells me the same and I want to believe her... but she won't talk about it. I've tried to bring it up, just to reassure her about my faithfulness, and she changes the subject. I can't tell if she's scared that I cheated and that it will destroy our marriage or if she's scared that I'll keep asking questions.

The net is that she's acting like nothing happened and that's not like her.
I was trying to figure out if I could just ignore it and move on but I can't stop thinking about the implications. If she did make a mistake, I would want to know and I'm sure I could forgive her. It would hurt, but I know her and I love her and I could get past it... in time. If she didn't and I'm just being paranoid, I may not be able to forgive myself.

I don't know what to do.

Thanks in advance for your help

I have been in a relationship where I was tormented by concerns that my partner may mot have been faithful to me. I feel for you very much, for I know how difficult this kind of situation can be. I know how much it can drag you down, and how it is impossible to shake such concerns out of your mind.
So what can you do to have peace?
Its really not an easy question to answer.
Unless your wife actually admits to being unfaithful, what could she say that would remove your suspicions?

I suspect very little.

So I will simply tell you how my situation was resolved many years ago.
I got down on my knees and begged God to make plain to me if the woman I was in a relationship with was being unfaithful to me, for I could not take the torment in my mind any longer.
Within a very short period of time someone told me she was having an affair. I got my answer.
I'm not suggesting your wife is now being unfaithful, but that is the only suggestion I can make. Earnestly pray that God, one way or another will show you the truth, and give you the strength to accept what he shows you.
Sorry I have no other advice to give
God bless

 

[Sheagle]

I'm not a doctor, but as far as I know HPV issues can arise even if you both have been faithful... I could be wrong, but doctors always tell women to get pap smears even if they've been only sexually active with one person, and even if they haven't been active for years or decades.... we basically are supposed to get pap smears for life even if we have only had intercourse once.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

Well best case scenario is nothing happened and all is good. Worst case scenario is she did something she shouldn't have and you forgive her and move on with life with her as a couple.

I wouldn't push the issue though. If nothing happened pushing the issue could cause long term resentment for thinking she did something. If there was something in her past then it will come out eventually. If she does keep it a secret (if that is the case) then not much you do about it but pray she tells you.

I can tell you many people do have secrets (whether big or small) they keep a secret until the grave. Usually its not because they don't want to say anything, its because they have guilt/ashamed and worry what someone else will think. Even a spouse.

 

[WolfGate]

Sounds to me like you are obsessing over it. Try to let that go. Before this did you have any reason to suspect or inclination that she might have had another relationship?

Assume for a second she did not, and put yourself in her shoes. If you had only been with her, and she seemed to not automatically trust you when you tested positive for something that could (not must) have been transmitted sexually, wouldn't that crush your soul? The person you most expected to trust and accept and support you was showing the opposite.