Need Help Battling Co-Dependency

[shastajade]

Please Help Me! I have had a bad family background, grown up without a father or any decent men in my family. My mother wasn't there half the time, and now as a result I have the worst problem with co-dependency.
It doesn't matter who it is. I hang out with someone I really like (a boyfriend/a close male or female friend) it doesnt matter. For some reason, I begin to become incredibly co-dependent on them. Always wanting to hang out with them, or talk to them on the phone. If they aren't available, I tend to feel void and lonliness. It is a horrible thing I have battled with my entire life, and never really confessed or asked for help until now. I can't do it. I dont' know what I am supposed to do. I have prayed, but probably not enough. I need advice on how to battle this problem. It causes so many problems with me and others. I hate it so bad. I need help with it. But I want Godly help from Godly people. Not help from some stupid counciler. You have no idea how much this takes a toll on me on a daily basis. I seem to ALWAYS have to be around someone or be hanging out with the people i care about. I rarely enjoy time by myself unless Im engrossed in a deep project such as cleaning my room. Otherwise, I always have to be somewhere, with someone, doing something. I am very needy, and Im so so so scared that this problem could cause me to loose the most special person in the world to me. Please help me with this before I push the people I love in my life away even further out of my reach.

 

[stonetoflesh]

I need advice on how to battle this problem. It causes so many problems with me and others. I hate it so bad. I need help with it. But I want Godly help from Godly people. Not help from some stupid counciler.

Consider the fact that there are Christian counselors out there. My own counselor went to seminary for that purpose and presently serves as the associate pastor for discipleship/small groups at my church. There's nothing wrong with seeking godly advice from people here on CF or elsewhere, but to have someone who's really trained to deal with relationship & personal issues-- especially in a Christian context-- is very, very helpful.

I am very needy, and Im so so so scared that this problem could cause me to loose the most special person in the world to me. Please help me with this before I push the people I love in my life away even further out of my reach.

My last g/f came from a background similar to yours, and the way her resulting emotional & psychological baggage affected (and ultimately destroyed) our relationship was heartbreaking for me to see; I know she still cares about me but can only push me away. Seeing similarities in your pasts and in your concerns, my heart goes out to you.

Have you talked with the people you love in your life about what you're feeling? If you haven't, you really need to do so; if they love you the way you love them they are going to be your innermost support network in overcoming these problems. Continue to lift up your concerns to God, and be attentive to where He leads you. Prayers for you shastajade...

 

[Sketcher]

Go for some good Christian counseling, heavy on the prayer. Let God lead you to the right counselor.

 

[invisiblebabe]

I've beaten codependent tendencies. My problem wasn't because of my family, but because of how my peers had treated me in the past.

So my advice: Find as many hobbies as you can, that you really love. Doesn't matter what they are, so long as you're able to lose yourself in 'em and enjoy creating or working on 'em. Keep looking until you find several activities that do this for you. That's a start.

Secondly, you want a new start, so how 'bout a new look? I cut & streaked my hair and got new glasses a few months ago, and I absolutely love it.

Next, find more friends. Online, in person... doesn't matter. So long as you aren't too attached to any ONE of them, you'll have more space to just be yourself.

These all sound like pretty fun ideas, no? Well, in and of themselves, they don't work. You have to be determined to change in the middle of it all, and most importantly, ask God to change you and believe that He can.

Finally, it IS okay to need people.... we're all only parts of the Body, and the Body of Christ can't get very far without being a whole body, right?! Just make sure you aren't depending on them for something only God can give.

God's faithful... He got me through it all, and He'll get you through it too! I'm praying for ya