Need healing from God but I can't get it

[headphones777]

So last year things happened to me that really messed me up both spiritually. It's a long story but I believe it had to do with demonic oppression. I began to have blasphemous intrusive thoughts and even though I have tried to resist it, it's like those blasphemous thoughts have become a part of me. Now I feel I cannot undo the damage the demons did to my soul and I feel like a ruined soul, like what's use of trying. I have asked the Lord for healing but I don't get it, I cannot discern his voice anymore, it's like I am so mentally unwell. I just want the pain to end. I have had my dreams crushed over and over again. I'm also afraid over the state of my soul and that God will send me to Hell because sometimes I feel like I am going there but then again maybe that's my insanity talking. I attend confession almost every week. My life has been one big nightmare, only a few glimpses of consolation and light, and I do not understand why this is. I don't understand myself anymore. I don't understand why God won't heal me through the Eucharist and Confession, because even though I attend the sacraments and pray the Rosary regularly there is no change or healing. I feel like I cannot feel the Holy Spirit anymore and no matter what prayer I do, it just doesn't do anything for me. Currently I feel so dark in my soul and my body is not well either. I don't understand why God would let me go through all of this nightmare (because there was some demonic stuff last year) just for nothing. I'm still sick, depressed, schizophrenic and spiritually unsound. I'm not strong enough to go to Heaven, it would take several miracles with my soul and health for me to get there but God refuses to grant those miracles. My prayers are not working. I need a breakthrough that has been due for 5+ years now. I'm considering switching denominations because I want to encounter the Holy Spirit (like in the pentecostal movement) and I do not get anything from the Catholic Mass, I want healing and deliverance and breakthrough. But my Catholic guilt keeps me away from those denominations like there is this fanatic subconscious voice that tells me "The Catholic Church is the only true church and if you go to another one you are committing a mortal sin and you will go to Hell". What should I do?

 

[Michie]

So last year things happened to me that really messed me up both spiritually. It's a long story but I believe it had to do with demonic oppression. I began to have blasphemous intrusive thoughts and even though I have tried to resist it, it's like those blasphemous thoughts have become a part of me. Now I feel I cannot undo the damage the demons did to my soul and I feel like a ruined soul, like what's use of trying. I have asked the Lord for healing but I don't get it, I cannot discern his voice anymore, it's like I am so mentally unwell. I just want the pain to end. I have had my dreams crushed over and over again. I'm also afraid over the state of my soul and that God will send me to Hell because sometimes I feel like I am going there but then again maybe that's my insanity talking. I attend confession almost every week. My life has been one big nightmare, only a few glimpses of consolation and light, and I do not understand why this is. I don't understand myself anymore. I don't understand why God won't heal me through the Eucharist and Confession, because even though I attend the sacraments and pray the Rosary regularly there is no change or healing. I feel like I cannot feel the Holy Spirit anymore and no matter what prayer I do, it just doesn't do anything for me. Currently I feel so dark in my soul and my body is not well either. I don't understand why God would let me go through all of this nightmare (because there was some demonic stuff last year) just for nothing. I'm still sick, depressed, schizophrenic and spiritually unsound. I'm not strong enough to go to Heaven, it would take several miracles with my soul and health for me to get there but God refuses to grant those miracles. My prayers are not working. I need a breakthrough that has been due for 5+ years now. I'm considering switching denominations because I want to encounter the Holy Spirit (like in the pentecostal movement) and I do not get anything from the Catholic Mass, I want healing and deliverance and breakthrough. But my Catholic guilt keeps me away from those denominations like there is this fanatic subconscious voice that tells me "The Catholic Church is the only true church and if you go to another one you are committing a mortal sin and you will go to Hell". What should I do?

Are you Catholic? It says you’re Christian but nothing about being Catholic. Catholicism is not considered a denomination but the Church founded by Christ. You must take your mental illness into account. I hope you are taking your medication and I pray for your discernment and recovery. I really do not think church shopping will help much. I think sticking to your meds and seeking out some spiritual guidance within the Church would be better in the long run.

 

[headphones777]

Are you Catholic? It says you’re Christian but nothing about being Catholic. Catholicism is not considered a denomination but the Church founded by Christ. You must take your mental illness into account. I hope you are taking your medication and I pray for your discernment and recovery. I really do not think church shopping will help much. I think sticking to your meds and seeking out some spiritual guidance within the Church would be better in the long run.

I am Catholic. I understand your point of view, it is sensible. But why then, if I have a mental illness, does God let me suffer with this illness? What is the justification here? It has only ruined my life. Christ healed people in the Gospels, why can't he heal me?

 

[Michie]

I am Catholic. I understand your point of view, it is sensible. But why then, if I have a mental illness, does God let me suffer with this illness? What is the justification here? It has only ruined my life. Christ healed people in the Gospels, why can't he heal me?

My sister suffers from schizophrenia. I can’t answer your question. I just pray she remains functional and God gives her some peace of mind. I know she seeks spiritual help through her Church as well as professional mental health care. I think you doing the same would be extremely helpful to begin with. I know struggling with that disease makes it difficult for patients to want to stay on their meds.

 

[headphones777]

My sister suffers from schizophrenia. I can’t answer your question. I just pray she remains functional and God gives her some peace of mind. I know she seeks spiritual help through her Church as well as professional mental health care. I think you doing the same would be extremely helpful to begin with. I know struggling with that disease makes it difficult for patients to want to stay on their meds.

I have done all of that and things have only gotten worse the past 10 years. Why does everyone tell me that like it's something sensational? The medicine just poisons you. This illness is a diabolical curse and there is nothing holy or virtuos about it. It's just [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] and it has made my life [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse].