need friends

[Godssongbird]

things are getting worst in my marriage .. i need someone who can be a prayer partner and a friend .. as i am very depressed now
i cry all the time and im never happy anymore
if you can be my prayer partner and friend
email me
Thanks and God bless

 

[Mayzoo]

I am pretty sure you don't want to hear this, but here goes anyway.

I agree that adding a neutral prayer partner might help some. I however believe your primary prayer partner and confidant needs to be your spouse. Your marriage cannot heal if you go outside the marriage (I don't mean sexually) to heal the marriage. I am praying that you and your spouse find your way to being best friends and partners in your marriage.

 

[Leanna]

Please make sure you don't find a male friend. In an emotional period in life leaning on another man would not be wise.

It sounds like you may be depressed. Can you go to a counselor? It may seem things are getting worse in your marriage but really you are just having more of a hard time coping with things.

 

[Godssongbird]

im not looking for a male prayer partner... just a sister in the Lord to Pray with.. right now the isssues in my marriage are hard , i cant pray with my husband hes not willing .. i do go to couseling but its kinda hard to tell all since my hubby is there .. im in a abusive marriage .. even though its verbal that still is hard very hard

 

[Violet]

I'm here for you Godssongbird. I'll e-mail you....

I think it's important to have female friends that you can vent to. I agree that it's important that your husband be your best friend, but sometimes that's just not the case.

 

[faith177]

I have had many ups and downs in my marriage as well, right now thank Jesus its a good time so I am in a good place to listen. pm me any time to vent I check at least once a week sometimes more. praying for you
Faith

 

[desi]

Your husband should be close to you. I pray for you and him.

 

[cjba]

I will keep you and your hubby in prayer. I know first hand what it is like to be the only one working in the marriage. In time God will answer your prayers in giving you peace. It may not be what you want or when you want it. This can be the hard part. Through our trials our walk grows with Him. Allow him to work in you that hopefully your hubby will see what has been done for you.

God Bless

 

[Jenna]

Hey there GSB,

Just as a kind of off-topic thing, when I read your posts, I keep getting the feeling that I should mention to you a book that really helped me through some rough patches with my husband. It actually has nothing to do with marriage, and next to nothing to do with how to interact with other people. It's all about a person's relationship with God, and how in transforming that relationship can help enable a person to thrive through their environment. It is called "A Love Worth Giving" by Max Lucado. I found it at our discount bible bookstore for $5.00, so you might be able to find one pretty cheap where you are. It was a LOT of help for me when my husband was being a particularly nasty dude because it helped me to put my focus on where it needed to be so I could relax my grip on the problems and let God handle them while I turned my eyes and heart to Him. Awesome book. I definitely recommend it. If you can't find a copy, let me know. I'll get you one and send it to you.

 

[brinley45cal]

Please make sure you don't find a male friend. In an emotional period in life leaning on another man would not be wise.

It sounds like you may be depressed. Can you go to a counselor? It may seem things are getting worse in your marriage but really you are just having more of a hard time coping with things.

Are you saying a man could not help her?I find sometimes its easier to speak to someone of the opposite sex,they can give you the point of view of the other gender.Im in the process of counsling a woman righ now about her marrige and she trusts me well enough that she wont go to anyone else.Who ever you choose to talk to just make sure its godly advice.

 

[bkg]

Are you saying a man could not help her?I find sometimes its easier to speak to someone of the opposite sex,they can give you the point of view of the other gender.Im in the process of counsling a woman righ now about her marrige and she trusts me well enough that she wont go to anyone else.Who ever you choose to talk to just make sure its godly advice.

Your points are valid, as I typically prefer female counsel for similar reasons.

However, in a situation where emotions are fragile, pain is real and a marriage is involved, seeking aid from the opposite sex is terribly dangerous. Especially if that person is not a licensed counselor who will have the safety of a counseling office/setting. A prayer partner/confidant should be a person of teh same sex for this situation, if it cannot be a spouse.

GSB - I'll add you to my prayer list.

 

[Jenna]

Are you saying a man could not help her?I find sometimes its easier to speak to someone of the opposite sex,they can give you the point of view of the other gender.

I think that I would trust someone in a professional setting. However, emotionally distraught women are 'easy prey' to men who know how to say the right thing and do the right things to get what they want. I've found myself having to make some very strong statements and even end friendships over that kind of thing, because some men see it as a means to weasle in and show you that they can "do better" ....which normally just means that they they are looking for a way in someone's drawers. I'm not saying that all the guys out there are like that, of course not. However, I've had problems with people who professed to be Christian, would share their sermons with me, called me a sister in Christ, and then tried to used my emotional turmoil to 'get some'. Predators come in all forms, and the smell of fresh blood draws them like nothin' else. So yeah, I'd say the same thing; stay clear of male friends who want to help during this time of trial.

 

[EmSchmem]

Are you saying a man could not help her?I find sometimes its easier to speak to someone of the opposite sex,they can give you the point of view of the other gender.Im in the process of counsling a woman righ now about her marrige and she trusts me well enough that she wont go to anyone else.Who ever you choose to talk to just make sure its godly advice.

She shouldn't be sharing her marital problems with a man. If it were a counseling thing maybe but she already said it wasn't an opiton. She needs to tlak with women.

 

[Leanna]

Are you saying a man could not help her?I find sometimes its easier to speak to someone of the opposite sex,they can give you the point of view of the other gender.Im in the process of counsling a woman righ now about her marrige and she trusts me well enough that she wont go to anyone else.Who ever you choose to talk to just make sure its godly advice.

What is easiest is not always best. Many affairs start by talking to a member of the opposite sex about one's marriage. I think it is unwise for you to be counseling that woman and for all you know she has already formed an emotional bond to you that she shouldn't have. It is doubtful that you will listen to me though. Why does she need to talk to you? How does it really help? She should talk to her husband, or the two of them should go to counseling together. You are taking a great risk.

 

[Leanna]

In fact, if I may add to my last post. The affair I became entangled with began as a friendship where we talked about the Bible everyday. And I know I am not the exception (IT IS COMMON) after much reading talking and studying to recover. Godly advice or not, just don't do it.

 

[brinley45cal]

well i can see your points,but not every man is a predetor,there are godly men out there that can keep things on a profestional level,not that you can tell from my spelling but i am an ordained minister and have a counselor certificate as well as a dr.of divinity degree,So i would like to think i could help her as well as her husband,and i am able to relate to her and her husband because the problems they are having ive had in the past.So its just not the degree talking but experience.
And i do not talk to this woman unless my wife is present.But i agree there are some out there that will take advantage of the situation,but im just not that way,i think it all depends on the situation.

 

[Leanna]

well i can see your points,but not every man is a predetor,there are godly men out there that can keep things on a profestional level,
....
And i do not talk to this woman unless my wife is present.But i agree there are some out there that will take advantage of the situation,but im just not that way,i think it all depends on the situation.

I don't think these men are predators either. We are all human and people fall in love by sharing their hearts and life experiences with one another.

And if you don't talk to this woman unless your wife is present that is different. That is a good idea and how they teach ministers today to do it-- if you are counseling someone of opposite sex, have your wife or someone else present. Otherwise they can accuse you of saying things or doing things that didn't happen and it can ruin your ministry. (which is another subject all together, but my husband has a four year degree in pastoral studies and that is what they taught him)

I think this is a precaution that is absolutely necessary no matter what "way" you are or anyone else.

 

[brinley45cal]

I don't think these men are predators either. We are all human and people fall in love by sharing their hearts and life experiences with one another.

And if you don't talk to this woman unless your wife is present that is different. That is a good idea and how they teach ministers today to do it-- if you are counseling someone of opposite sex, have your wife or someone else present. Otherwise they can accuse you of saying things or doing things that didn't happen and it can ruin your ministry. (which is another subject all together, but my husband has a four year degree in pastoral studies and that is what they taught him)

I think this is a precaution that is absolutely necessary no matter what "way" you are or anyone else.

Oh yeah i completley agree.No i would never counsel a woman with out my wife being there,thats a no no,that protects you from any allegations of harassment and that type of thing.If the woman agrees to have my wife present than i dont see any problem with that but if they didnt agree to it then i wouldnt even attempt it,i guess i should have made that clear,i can see where that could have been taken the wrong way,sorry about that.

 

[Jenna]

Yes, yes, there are definitely still men who have their hearts on what is important. *nods* You have been very wise in how you handle your helping of women, brinley45cal. Kudos.

 

[desi]

A man can help her... to have an affair as she is emotionally available.