This is difficult to write about, but getting other peoples opinions who are total strangers (and can thus be objective) might be the only way I can resolve this.
My wife and I are now separated (15 months) and have filed for divorce. I initiated this after many years of frustration and not being able to get her to talk about our issues. Here in a nutshell is what happened.
At the birth of our youngest child, now almost 21, intimacy dropped precipitously. I'm not talking just sex here, but that was of course a part of it. I'm talking no hugging, no cuddling, no quick pecks on the cheek, holding hands, nothing. I would say for the last decade, none of the above have occurred. Yet she would give warm long hugs to male friends when we would see them at parties, etc.
I tried to talk with her about this. Except on one occasion where she admitted we had a problem (I'll mention this incident in more detail later), it always endded up with her telling me she hated me, telling me to leave the house, or just a flat xxxx you. In all cases, she became incredibly angry I suggested counseling once, and her comment was that I should go by myself since she's was perfectly happy.
The one incident mentioned above did result in her agreeing to find out more as to why she felt that intimacy was unnecessary, but to be patient. I left out books and articles on the importance of intimacy in a relationship, sometimes as long as 6 months, and they were never touched.
I will tell you she is extremely driven to success and work was by far her #1 priority.
My prayers for years were to get her to love me again, to help her understand that marriage is the only place certain acts designed to bring two people closer together occur and are an absolute necessity to keep a marriage vibrant. But it always fell on deaf ears. During the past few years, my prayers changed to help me continue to love her, even though the rejection was unbearble.
Finally, after a very difficult night and hours of prayer, I realized I had to get out if I was to survive.
After I told her I wanted a divorce, she was dumbfounded, which I find incredulous. But then it was her that wanted counseling, who committed she would change, who realized she didn't listen, etc. That was all well and good, and I had some hope, but then she started pushing books and bible passages on me, basically trying to point out that I was the wrong one, that I needed psychological and spiritual help, and that I had a duty to stay in the marriage - one terrific guilt trip, let me tell you.
My take on all this is she abandoned our relationship years ago, and they we were more like roommates or brother and sister and that, while I have prayed and asked fof guidance continuously, I don't feel compelled in any way to try and work things out - There are just too many bad memories and too much pain. But what are your opinions? I would very much appreciate some guidance, especially if anyone has had a similar situation.
Thank you!
My wife and I are now separated (15 months) and have filed for divorce. I initiated this after many years of frustration and not being able to get her to talk about our issues. Here in a nutshell is what happened.
At the birth of our youngest child, now almost 21, intimacy dropped precipitously. I'm not talking just sex here, but that was of course a part of it. I'm talking no hugging, no cuddling, no quick pecks on the cheek, holding hands, nothing. I would say for the last decade, none of the above have occurred. Yet she would give warm long hugs to male friends when we would see them at parties, etc.
I tried to talk with her about this. Except on one occasion where she admitted we had a problem (I'll mention this incident in more detail later), it always endded up with her telling me she hated me, telling me to leave the house, or just a flat xxxx you. In all cases, she became incredibly angry I suggested counseling once, and her comment was that I should go by myself since she's was perfectly happy.
The one incident mentioned above did result in her agreeing to find out more as to why she felt that intimacy was unnecessary, but to be patient. I left out books and articles on the importance of intimacy in a relationship, sometimes as long as 6 months, and they were never touched.
I will tell you she is extremely driven to success and work was by far her #1 priority.
My prayers for years were to get her to love me again, to help her understand that marriage is the only place certain acts designed to bring two people closer together occur and are an absolute necessity to keep a marriage vibrant. But it always fell on deaf ears. During the past few years, my prayers changed to help me continue to love her, even though the rejection was unbearble.
Finally, after a very difficult night and hours of prayer, I realized I had to get out if I was to survive.
After I told her I wanted a divorce, she was dumbfounded, which I find incredulous. But then it was her that wanted counseling, who committed she would change, who realized she didn't listen, etc. That was all well and good, and I had some hope, but then she started pushing books and bible passages on me, basically trying to point out that I was the wrong one, that I needed psychological and spiritual help, and that I had a duty to stay in the marriage - one terrific guilt trip, let me tell you.
My take on all this is she abandoned our relationship years ago, and they we were more like roommates or brother and sister and that, while I have prayed and asked fof guidance continuously, I don't feel compelled in any way to try and work things out - There are just too many bad memories and too much pain. But what are your opinions? I would very much appreciate some guidance, especially if anyone has had a similar situation.
Thank you!
