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[chefdag]

Hello I have a little problem. I am a over protective husband and father. My wife wants to go away to a resort with 3 other girls 1 other is married and the other 2 are single. 1 goes to our church the others are I believe christians but not sure. They would leave on a Friday and return Sunday night. I believe that you should not put temptation out there and feel this is a situation that would. I am 50 she is 30 so I am alittle insecure. We have been married for 10 years. I work all the time which leaves her and our 2 children alone. She says it would be a break from the kids which she has arranged to stay at a friends house while she is gone. I have know problem when she wants to go for a day or 2 to things like Women of faith or christian based things I am just not good with the possible lets go to a club which the single girls do type of situation. What would you do and how can I deal with this with out a disappointed wife. I have been praying about it but am still mixed up

Thank Chef

 

[DefenderOfJesus]

Hey Chef,
Just remember your vowels you said to each other on your wedding day. Your wife has been faithful to you for 10 years, it sounds like your wife loves you very much. Its always good to get a break away from the kids and married life, but let me tell you you wife will miss you so much and i guarantee she will always be phoning and making sure everything is OK. Never worry, as the Lord said, Do not worry or be anxious but everything in prayer! Trust is the key to any relationship, you need to trust your wife fully or you wont be able to move on in your personal life or married life!
Think of it as a test, will you pass or fail? I know God wants you to pass with flying colours! Remember 10 years, its a long time for a good solid foundation in your marriage!

 

[Mickeyk72]

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[Autumnleaf]

Hello I have a little problem. I am a over protective husband and father. My wife wants to go away to a resort with 3 other girls 1 other is married and the other 2 are single. 1 goes to our church the others are I believe christians but not sure. They would leave on a Friday and return Sunday night. I believe that you should not put temptation out there and feel this is a situation that would. I am 50 she is 30 so I am alittle insecure. We have been married for 10 years. I work all the time which leaves her and our 2 children alone. She says it would be a break from the kids which she has arranged to stay at a friends house while she is gone. I have know problem when she wants to go for a day or 2 to things like Women of faith or christian based things I am just not good with the possible lets go to a club which the single girls do type of situation. What would you do and how can I deal with this with out a disappointed wife. I have been praying about it but am still mixed up

Thank Chef

Women in such situations are often easy to hook up with. For some reason they are often willing to try things they would never think of doing if they were at home while they are on vacation. Since you're a bit longer in the tooth than me I suspect you know exactly what I'm talking about.

I would not be okay with this.

 

[JulySheMustFly]

Women in such situations are often easy to hook up with. For some reason they are often willing to try things they would never think of doing if they were at home while they are on vacation.

Dude, not all women, not even most women are like that. You watch way too much tv.

I go out with some old girlfriends once a year for a weekend. This is the first year that all of us will be married. I was the only Christian (not that it makes any lick of difference). Not once did anyone try to do anything inappropriate or encourage me to do so. And when men did try to come on to me I have a quick line of "I'm married to a man who is 6 foot 220 and loves sharp objects and firearms." *smile*

There comes a time when you have to decide to trust the person you've already decided to commit to becoming one with and that oneness is not just in the physical. You either decide to do that or you decide to live in fear and risk ruining a beautiful opportunity at life with someone.

 

[Autumnleaf]

Dude, not all women, not even most women are like that. You watch way too much tv.

I go out with some old girlfriends once a year for a weekend. This is the first year that all of us will be married. I was the only Christian (not that it makes any lick of difference). Not once did anyone try to do anything inappropriate or encourage me to do so. And when men did try to come on to me I have a quick line of "I'm married to a man who is 6 foot 220 and loves sharp objects and firearms." *smile*

There comes a time when you have to decide to trust the person you've already decided to commit to becoming one with and that oneness is not just in the physical. You either decide to do that or you decide to live in fear and risk ruining a beautiful opportunity at life with someone.

If that someone decides to go places without you on vacation then I would say they are making choices bad for the marriage.

 

[Tink04]

If that someone decides to go places without you on vacation then I would say they are making choices bad for the marriage.

AL She's going away for the weekend not a whole vacation. Church groups host times when women can go away and be without their husbands and kids all the time. It doesn't mean they are going to run off with someone.

So if you were going to go out with the guys without your wife would you go and jump some womans bones just because she wasn't around to watch you?

Chef,
If you don't trust your wife not to go out and run off with another man, why do you want to remain married to her? Why would you want to be married to a woman like that?

 

[snoochface]

I wonder if the organizers of the annual womens' retreat weekend at our church realize that all these women are leaving their husbands for a weekend of hooking up with random guys.

You either trust your wife or you don't. If you do, let her go away for the weekend with her friends. If you don't, you have bigger problems in your marriage and you probably need to be in counseling.

 

[Autumnleaf]

AL She's going away for the weekend not a whole vacation. Church groups host times when women can go away and be without their husbands and kids all the time. It doesn't mean they are going to run off with someone.

It means she is ditching her family for something she thinks is more important than them.

So if you were going to go out with the guys without your wife would you go and jump some womans bones just because she wasn't around to watch you?

I'll take the 5th.

Chef,
If you don't trust your wife not to go out and run off with another man, why do you want to remain married to her? Why would you want to be married to a woman like that?[/

Why would you want to open the door to temptation? Why would you prepare a room for Satan and his demons to make themselves comfortable and give them room to move inside the relationship?

Can anyone show me anywhere in the Bible that it says spending time away from your spouse is a good thing?

 

[snoochface]

Can anyone show me anywhere in the Bible that it says spending time away from your spouse is a good thing?

Can you show me where it says it's a bad thing?

 

[Autumnleaf]

Can you show me where it says it's a bad thing?

The whole idea of marriage is to be together. Paul talked about both parties agreeing to separate for a short amount of time.

Its bad news, she shouldn't do it. Women are great. A guy has to trust his wife. Yada yada yada. Tempting fate is often a recipe for disaster. Chef has been warned. I leave this thread to the rest of you.

 

[snoochface]

Business trips, military deployments, kid-camp chaperoning, and church retreats are recipes for disaster. Short term separations are bad, mmmkay? You heard it here first!

 

[Flibbertigibbet]

If someone is untrustworthy, they will cheat even if they never leave town.

If they are trustworthy, it won't matter how far away or for how long they are gone they will remember and honor A, E, I, O and U.


I see nothing wrong with a 2 day trip with women friends. If it makes you uncomfortable, I would have a discussion about avoiding the nightclubs, or any other activities you feel would be inappropriate.

 

[Autumnleaf]

Business trips, military deployments, kid-camp chaperoning, and church retreats are recipes for disaster. Short term separations are bad, mmmkay? You heard it here first!

Going out to resorts is a recipe for disaster. There are many cute young men and women in such locations working at such jobs for the fringe benefits of having sex with 'single' vacationers. You're single if you are 'alone' there. I know guys who do this for fun.

They will offer to show you around. They know all the places to go. They know how to get your friends involved in other things. They know which bar tenders to have mix your drinks. They know where to take you. They know. Believe me they know.

 

[Antje]

Either your trust your wife, or you don't. If you do, then that attests to the strength of your marriage. If you can't trust her in this situation, then you need to get some help. Counselling perhaps.

I'm glad you're aware that you're being over-protective. That's a good start. Now work on building trust in your relationship.

If you "don't let" her take this vacation, I predict some resentment will result. If she's with the kids 24/7, she deserves to have a quick weekend vacation when the opportunity arises! Show her you love her and trust her and want her to be happy by encouraging her to go on this vacation. Have informal conversations about what she'll be doing on vacation ahead of time and afterwards so you can feel "in the loop." (I'm thinking something like "What are you looking forward to about your trip?") Women love being listened to.

P.S. I strongly disagree with Autumnleaf's posts. That's the most polite and concise way to put it.

 

[JulySheMustFly]

[/color]

It means she is ditching her family for something she thinks is more important than them.

Umm . . . not exactly. Often women get together so they can better love their family upon return. It doesn't have anything to do with thinking friends are more important than family or ditching them like they are going to starve and flounder in filth while she is gone. It has to do with acknowledging when you need a reprieve. Some women don't need that while others need it very much.

Why would you want to open the door to temptation? Why would you prepare a room for Satan and his demons to make themselves comfortable and give them room to move inside the relationship?

Oh boy. I am all for guarding your heart and fiercely defending your relationship but goodness. I don't need to go anywhere for Satan to find ways to try to get me to believe his lies.

I don't know why I got sucked into this.

OP:
If your wife needs a break with her girlfriends talk with her and set up some things that would make you feel more comfortable with it. Be realistic. If you are not comfortable with her drinking ask her if she would honor your request of drinking virgin margaritas while at the bar or if they could find a show (not a nudie man show) to go to instead of going to the clubs. Good girlfriends won't do anything to inflict damage on their friends lives. If the friends are not accommodating then the issue rests within the them disrespecting your wife and not with your wife's trustworthiness. Let her know how difficult this is for you and how you are trying hard to not let the feelings over come you. But also let her know gently how hurt you would be if she agree with the boundaries you two worked out and she violated them.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

P.S. I strongly disagree with Autumnleaf's posts. That's the most polite and concise way to put it.

QFT with the added thought that the OP's wife is an adult and it should not be a matter of "letting" her do something.

As for the thread in general, of course I can't say for sure, but I'm strongly detecting the smell of a sock.

 

[Captivated]

Dude, not all women, not even most women are like that. You watch way too much tv.

I go out with some old girlfriends once a year for a weekend. This is the first year that all of us will be married. I was the only Christian (not that it makes any lick of difference). Not once did anyone try to do anything inappropriate or encourage me to do so. And when men did try to come on to me I have a quick line of "I'm married to a man who is 6 foot 220 and loves sharp objects and firearms." *smile*

There comes a time when you have to decide to trust the person you've already decided to commit to becoming one with and that oneness is not just in the physical. You either decide to do that or you decide to live in fear and risk ruining a beautiful opportunity at life with someone.

Agreed. I had a great week-end away with friends from my church ladies group in London just before last Christmas - sight-seeing, Christmas shopping, food and theatre. No-one (married or single) got drunk or hooked up with men. We had the best time; those of us married rang our hubbies regularly, took presents back for them and it did us all the world of good. We all still talk about it with pleasure. My DH had a week-end with our son and they had a great time too. Everyone's happy. The reverse was also true when DH went to Belfast for the Mandate conference earlier in the year. We holiday together but support each others 'time-out' breaks. Works for us.

Spending time with my girlfriends does me nothing but good, at times it keeps me sane. I would hate to be deprived of it. We don't go to clubs, drink excessively or pick up men. I want to be with them not with some random, strange man.

And I agree with LovebirdsFlying. It has never occurred to me that my DH would not 'let' me go nor that I would not 'let' him.

 

[DonaldOrwinRenKern]

Going out to resorts is a recipe for disaster. There are many cute young men and women in such locations working at such jobs for the fringe benefits of having sex with 'single' vacationers. You're single if you are 'alone' there. I know guys who do this for fun.

They will offer to show you around. They know all the places to go. They know how to get your friends involved in other things. They know which bar tenders to have mix your drinks. They know where to take you. They know. Believe me they know.

What kind of places do you go to??? Dude! sign me up!!! They have that secret of seduction, did they go to school or are these people just bred in resorts with the sole purpose to manipulate the poor women and men who have no control over their own actions.

Like flies to a light we are all so tempted.

I read in a post earlier, if there are issues of trust then it is much more serious than just a matter of her leaving for a weekend to go to the "love resort"

I love how insecurity will usually complicate things. This whole thing could get really bad. As men we assume that we have been given the crown of control over our spouse. We treat them like children

"I am punishing you for your own good because I am going to keep you out of trouble because you cannot think for yourself."

The fact remains, if she goes and something happened it's because she allowed it to. In that case it has nothing to do with going somewhere or not, or who she associates with.

We love to use that excuse since our early days because we think people buy it...

"Well I wouldn't have done anything if I wasn't in that situation or with that person... they made me do it."

No one makes you do anything, plain and simple. You do things because you choose to. You think things because that is how you choose to think.

OP- If you are insecure and feel you cannot trust her to go, which is obvious because you would not have posted unless it was a problem in your mind.

The age thing is an excuse that you are telling yourself in order to give yourself a reason for doubt. Love is ageless.

Ask yourself this question.
What am I accomplishing for myself by roping her in?

 

[Captivated]

Here's an idea, Chef. You say that you work all the time so I'm assuming that you don't see much of your children. Why not ditch the babysitter and take care of the kids yourself while your wife is away? That way you get time with your children, you'll have a great time doing fun things, you won't have the time to be anxious and your wife will think you're Superman (repeated use of word 'time' but you get the idea!). Does that sound like a plan?