Need Christian advice on a friend

[Tmlcc]

My best friend told me yesterday that she is jealous of me, she said I have it all. A husband, a home, kids, I get to stay home with my kids.. Etc. she then told me I would die if I were in her shoes. She recently has gone through a lot with having a wedding planned and being engaged to a man and then him calling the wedding off and breaking up with her, she also has been facing some custody battles with an ex. I feel conflicted because I've been here for her through everything and I didn't realize she felt this way. She also told me my problems aren't real problems and compared to hers they don't seem like real problems I suppose but I can't even talk to her about my problems bc she will shut it down and tell me I have it so easy. Should I give her some space and back off a bit with our friendship? She is also Christian and heavily involved at church.

 

[Bluelion]

she is really being abusive. Jesus said to get two witness and try to speak with her, if that does not help bring it before the church and if that does not help you may treat her as a corrupt tax collector.

Jesus said do not repay evil with evil but do good to those who do evil to you. Love those who persecute you and pray for them. Praying for her is really best.

1cor 13 love is not jealous.

Peace and Love
blu

 

[Tmlcc]

Thank you, I was actually feeling guilty for being blessed. I often do wonder why bad things happen to good people tho.

 

[USCGrad90]

True friends will share honest feelings, sometimes even if they seem hurtful. It sounds like she wants someone to hear her problems and sympathize. I am not certain of how she became divorced or the type of man she was intending to marry, but her characterization of how easy you have it because you have a stable family life may indicate she feels that she "only needs a good man" to make her happy. She may not understand the hard work it takes to manage a household and a successful marriage.
She sounds like she is taking out her personal frustrations with you.

How she receives you will dictate how much you can be around her. God may have blessed you to be there to support her in a time of need. If she continues to downplay the work you put in your family and the problems you have, you should be as honest as possible - especially if she makes bad choices in her life that lead to the situations she has experienced. You can offer support, invite her to a meal, watch her kids, or do other things to help her out occasionally, but take care not to enable her low self esteem.

My mother-in-law was a good Christian woman, She was raised by an abusive father and taken away to live with her aunt when she was young. She was treated like dirt growing up by most of her family. Her husband left her for another woman while my wife was in college. She never remarried and never complained about the circumstances she was in. She was a teacher in her church to children and adults and helped raised all of her grandchildren. We lived with her for a year when I changed jobs. About 12 years ago, she got Stage 5 breast cancer and doctors gave her about 6 months to live. She went through 2 rounds of chemo and ended up being with us 9 years before cancer overcame her. During that time, I took her to DisneyWorld with our family and it was a blessing for all of us.

Someone asked her once - "WHY - a good and Godly woman like her had to suffer through cancer?" Her response was simple - "Why Not?" She never complained about her childhood, marriage or having cancer. She simply accepted that God had a plan and there were bigger things ahead than what we face here.

God doesn't guarantee that bad things won't happen or that we will always be happy because we are Christians, but He does provide assurance and Hope that there is more to look forward to than our short time here.

 

[Hammster]

My best friend told me yesterday that she is jealous of me, she said I have it all. A husband, a home, kids, I get to stay home with my kids.. Etc. she then told me I would die if I were in her shoes. She recently has gone through a lot with having a wedding planned and being engaged to a man and then him calling the wedding off and breaking up with her, she also has been facing some custody battles with an ex. I feel conflicted because I've been here for her through everything and I didn't realize she felt this way. She also told me my problems aren't real problems and compared to hers they don't seem like real problems I suppose but I can't even talk to her about my problems bc she will shut it down and tell me I have it so easy. Should I give her some space and back off a bit with our friendship? She is also Christian and heavily involved at church.

You need to bring this up with your pastor.

 

[Tmlcc]

Thank you @USCGrad90
Your mother in law seemed like a wonderful woman who lived for the line and not the dot (the line meaning eternal life) yes my best friend and I are very honest with one another and very close. I just had my 3rd baby 9mo ago and had her in the room while I gave birth, that's how close we are as friends. I appreciate your statement about her possibly undermining how much I work towards managing a family bc I feel she doesn't understand that it doesn't come easy. Especially with 3 boys 5yrs and younger and a husband, I love my best friend and I've been praying for her to get out of this depression she's in. I want to still be here for her but I feel like with her being jealous of me and my life I can't talk to her about anything because I don't want to feel like I'm boasting. She's in such a depression that it often changes my mood and gets me down. My heart goes out to her with everything that is going on. I will continue to pray about it and ask God to lead me.

 

[Avid]

My best friend told me yesterday that she is jealous of me...

You described a "friend" and "Christian" as having ENVY. That is pain or grief that is felt because of the benefits that others have, and you would desire to have for yourself. JEALOUSY is pain or grief felt when that which belongs to you is given to someone else. A good example is if your husband's love was given to another woman. God is jealous for His people when the Jews go after other gods. This breaks the Second Commandment.

Exodus 20
4 Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth:
5 Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me;
6 And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments.
​

A common mistake is to confuse JEALOUSY with ENVY. Envy is born of COVETOUSNESS, and that is the breaking of the Tenth Commandment. This "Friend" is only a "Christian Professor" (professes to be saved by the Grace of Jesus Christ,) but does not know anything about it. What you described is the FIRST type of thing that is done away with when someone begins dealing with God and His requirements.

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[th1bill]

My best friend told me yesterday that she is jealous of me,

Hi there young lady. I'm so sorry that you are confronted with this issue at such a young age but it appears the LORD has counted you worthy to be tested in this manner. You have the scriptural advise to approach her with two or three witness' and as one other has advised, you need to approach your Pastor with this one. If th Pastor is unresponsive then one of your deacons so that this is handled in a godly manner.

In addition to this, you need to pray for her, intensively, as I( and the others here will be praying for you and for her. Please let us know what God does to resollve this for you.

 

[anewman1993]

Think of it this way, she told you.

I can sympathize with her in a way. I have some medical problems, which cause me a lot of physical pain. When I say pain, I mean Ive ended up on the floor screaming, shaking, sweating, and ive almost blacked out before. Afterwords I'm so tired I can barley move. Going through that made me very bitter, very, because while everyone else was out having fun in college I was sitting in home trying to keep my grades up while litterally feeling like someone was stabbing me in the stomach. I have some relif now, but not a lot. When your in that place, its very very hard to see other peoples pain, because all you see is your own. Try not to be to hard on her, like I said, ive been in her shoes, its hard not to be jealous of other people whom it seems have the "good life".

Also, one thing to keep in mind, is a realistic view, you very well may "have it easy" in comparison to what she is going through, at least at that point in her life. Instead of trying to play the "who has it worse" game, if she in actuality DOES have bigger problems, acknowledge it, and help anyway you can, because thats what friends do, they help each other.

 

[Bluelion]

Thank you, I was actually feeling guilty for being blessed. I often do wonder why bad things happen to good people tho.

don't ever feel bad for what God has given you. We all suffer in some way it is in the suffering that the person is refined. In essence we need suffering to grow in this world. Look at Job did no wrong yet God let satan torment him, but God replaced all he had lost after his suffering and gave him even more.

The Bible says be joyful with suffering for in it we gain endurance.

 

[now faith]

:

You described a "friend" and "Christian" as having ENVY. That is pain or grief that is felt because of the benefits that others have, and you would desire to have for yourself. JEALOUSY is pain or grief felt when that which belongs to you is given to someone else. A good example is if your husband's love was given to another woman. God is jealous for His people when the Jews go after other gods. This breaks the Second Commandment.

Exodus 20
4 Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth:
5 Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me;
6 And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments.
​

A common mistake is to confuse JEALOUSY with ENVY. Envy is born of COVETOUSNESS, and that is the breaking of the Tenth Commandment. This "Friend" is only a "Christian Professor" (professes to be saved by the Grace of Jesus Christ,) but does not know anything about it. What you described is the FIRST type of thing that is done away with when someone begins dealing with God and His requirements.

.

 

[Avid]

... You have the scriptural advise to approach her with two or three witness' ...

Most people who consider themselves "Christian" ignore and even AVOID the command of Jesus on this type of issue. As quoted above, there is a scriptural way to handle this, and Jesus Christ Himself told us what we are to do.

Just about EVERYONE will avoid this. Your "friend" needs to be told the truth, and required to accept that. It is NOT allowed for her to consider it your problem that God has given you something SHE WANTS for herself.

Matthew 18
15 ¶ Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.
16 But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.
17 And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican.
​

Once this is complete, she will either be a better friend than ever, or you will know that she is no friend at all.
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