need an accountability partner

[selah139]

I've been posting and reading stuff on the divorced/separated page but feel I should probably spend my time here instead. My husband claims to be "saved" but has no interest in discussing anything spiritual and has indicated his complete disinterest in God in general. We've been through a horrible 2 years (ongoing family issues as well as serious financial challenges) and his view is that God is either not real or isn't loving. His level of bitterness has never been higher and he's taken some steps to try to remedy our financial situation by growing pot in our house (which was destroyed once discovered by our 18-year-old son). My husband is bipolar; this wasn't diagnosed until 11 years into our almost 20-year marriage. I suspected it when we were dating, so it wasn't a complete surprise. We've been through so many things because of how he's been controlled (either by choice or not) by this disease. I don't say that to excuse him but only to paint the picture that this isn't only a matter of his rebellion against God.

ANYWAY...at this point, I am not willing to walk away from him but there is absolutely nothing honoring to God about our marriage (unless my staying counts). I struggle with resentment and isolation and rarely feel the love from him that I see described in the Bible. I'm not a whiner and am a perpetual optimist. God has been so faithful to sustain me through everything. I don't blame Him for where we've been or where we're at now. In fact, I see that the trials have been very refining and will, I trust, bring both of our kids to a real saving faith.

Here's my request: is anyone willing to hold me accountable as I try to pray more for my husband and his salvation? In the past I've prayed with the selfish agenda of making my life and our marriage easier. Now I realize that the biggest issue IS his relationship with God. I need someone to remind me (regularly) that nothing is more important. I don't want to be smothered by the stuff that's right in front of my face and everyone who knows us tells me that, in essence, I have to look out for myself. Those people include some "Christian" friends...

Sorry this got so long. Thanks to anyone who will stand with me in this. I would love to offer the same in return.

Peace!

 

[IndigoG]

I'd like to nominate. I have zero experience using forums, but I am also looking for some accountability.

My husband is a christian and I struggle with similar feelings of resentment, isolation and lack of love. This is partly due to his struggle with depression and partly due to the nature of our differences as male and female.

You've probably already read 1 Peter 3:1-2 " Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives."

I find this is hard enough with a christian husband.

 

[katautumn]

I think you must remember one thing - you cannot be the savior (little "s") to you husband, rather exhibit the love of the Savior (big "S") to your husband. The Bible says as wives to unsaved husbands we should win them over with our chaste manner, coupled with fear of God. We should always pray for our unsaved spouse, but not for our own reasons such as we don't want to be seen at church alone (you know, "that woman with the unchurched husband...poor dear.") or because we feel lonely having no one to discuss spiritual matters with.

I had to be very careful in how I broach this with my husband, because I was not saved when we married so I changed on him. When you say there is nothing honoring to God in your marriage, I don't want to pry, but what do you mean by that? Do you mean because the two of you do not pray together or attend church together, or are there serious issues coming up that are completely contradictory to God's commands? For example, is he asking you to do things that would jeopardize your salvation? If not, then all you can do is focus on your walk with Christ and pray for God's will and peace. You can be complete in Christ even if you're unequally yoked, for our salvation is through Christ and not our spouse's belief in Him.

Pray, first of all, that you intercede on your husband's behalf for completely pure and selfless reasons. Secondly, pray for God's conviction in your husband's heart. Then you let it go and simply live Christ as an example to your husband. If you badger him, then the only example of Christ he will see is one of immense burden and you don't want that. Pray for him without ceasing, that God will intervene and touch his heart.

On a practical level, is your husband receiving treatment for his bi-polar? If not, then checking in with a doctor may help tremendously.

 

[20grace11]

God bless you!

 

[cory533]

there is much wisdom in what Katautumn has said.
for many of us the situation changes only when we give it completely to God. for me personally the greatest change came when I surrendered my wife to God. quit whinining about her, and started to focus on being the best man and husband I can be. thi does not mean being the husband I thought she wanted but the one God wanted me to be BIG difference. once i was focused on making me better and not on her failings she was more willing and motivated to improve herself. Even unspoken my judgement and condemnation made her resent me and brought out her stubborn streak making her not want to change just to spite me. If you look over these forums you will find this has often been the turning point in an uy marriage. of course prayer is also assumed in this process but as Katautumn said it must be unselfish prayer, and surrender to God. not "God make him/her a better spouce" kind of thing.
this is my expirience this is not Gospel so sift it and pray your situation may not be the same.
Cory

 

[mhoelzer2988]

I'm in your situation right now. My husband is "saved" but rebelling against God once again! He was completely on fire for God for almost a year and it just ended about a month ago. During that time we had a wonderful marriage! He is just so unstable and is looking for his happiness in all the wrong places but he knows exactly where to find it because he's always his happiest when he's following God. He's also like your husband in that he doesn't want to talk about God right now. It really makes me mad because he has no reason to not want to talk about God. He's been great to us. My husband is just so ungrateful and thinks he has this terrible life which he doesn't. He has a wonderful family and wife and kids. He has a job, his health. Seriously he has it great! He's such a fool to not see that. He supposedly was also diagnosed with bipolar disorder years before we met and was on meds but got off. I don't know if I believe that though. I mean I can see where he is moody as a woman if not worse sometimes but I think it has to do with his rebelling God because when he is following God he's fine. I just want to let you know I sympathize with you and Satan is obviously out to get these men because they are easy targets and the leaders of the families so when he can get them down the whole family is affected!