Need Advice

[manofgod77]

My wife & I had been together for about 10 yrs, married for 7. We have 2 beautiful girls together ages 5 & 1. As of last week we have been seperated now for 7 months. Our marriage like many others involved our fair share of argumets,disagreements, & rocky points during the 7 years. During the last arguement before she left, things were very heated & escalated in to a physical confrontation. I grabbed her & pushed her against the wall due to this. I let go immediately & left the house with disbelief that I could actually reach this level of anger becasue this had never happened before. When I came back, we sat down & talked about it all night & let eachother know how we felt. This happened on a Sunday & the following monday, when i came home from work, she & the girls were not home. I thought they we just out running some errands as they usually did. Around 11 PM i called her becasue she had not returned home. She answered & said that she was leaving me becasue I put my hands on her & she wanted a divorce & it was the best thing for the girls. I was completely floored because she never made me feel that this was her intention. Since the day she left , her & my daughters have been living with my inlaws & it doesn't look like she has any intent of ever moving out on her own & i have yet to see any divorce papers .I give her a set amount of money each month, see the girls whenever I want, & we even started doing things toghether with the girls. Also, I started going to counseling the week after, & am trying to become a better person , father, & husband. Last week we went to dinner together with the girls for both of our birthdays (they are only 2 weeks apart) & she told me that she can really see the changes in me since she left. The next day we were talking on the phone & i asked her if there was ever a chance that we could reconcile. She said no, & that she just wanted to be best friends & continute to do things together for our daughters because this is the best thing for them. I dont want a divorce & still love her more than she knows. I have expressed this to her , but she still refuses to believe that anything could ever work between us. This has truly be the hardest thing that ive ever dealt with, & im sure its been the same for her. I just want to raise my children, love my wife, be a family. I know divorce is not an option according to the bible, but as time goes by , im starting to lose hope. I dont want to give up. What should I do? do I need to move on? I'm completely exhausted & feel like im losing my family.

 

[vessel2]

Sorry to hear about your situation. I am not an expert on things, but I think if you keep focusing on what you need to do then you have done all that you can do. I am by no means an expert on women, but it sounds like if she wants to do things then you are still in the game even if you are in the doghouse right now so to speak. If you were really out and she was concerned about safety etc then she wouldn't mention doing stuff as friends.

If she does follow through and does stuff with you then enjoy that time as much as possible. Reconciling will come when its time, but it sounds like you are still in the game regardless of what she says so don't give up hope.

 

[dayhiker]

Welcome to CF, manofgod,
I'd say your in a very good position compared to most couples that separate. So you have made enough progress that she is noticing it. That is impressive. Good the good going. Keep maturing and learning, being there for all 3 of the women in your life. I really suspect that at some point that love she had for you in the past will return.

 

[motherprayer]

My heart goes out to you! I'm praying for you! Just be strong in the Lord, I know that sounds tough, but God knows which direction your life needs to go in. I'm not saying God made this happen, but that He can turn it around for your good. Please just pray and pray and pray some more, ask God what He wants from you, and follow Him. Please ask Him to help your hurting heart, to help you know peace.

 

[twinmom]

No don't give up. I am separated from my husband and I wish that he would fight for his family and marriage. I think that men have more power in the situation. What do I mean? Because men are the priests of their homes, I think that if you pray over your family and marriage and situation, why wouldn't God honor that? Now with that being said, God did not give you your wife to hit and abuse her. The word says to love your wife like Christ loves the church. If you are truly sorry for what you did, you did the right thing by seeking help but that side of you has to be no more. I believe the lord will put your family back together because he knows the thoughts and desires of man. God knows you and know if you are truly sorry/repentant. I know the feeling of feeling hopeless. But I say keep your eyes on God and stay on your knees for your family and dont give up, I think family is worth fighting for. and what woman would not want to be with the father of her children? so whatever made her leave, make sure you are not that person anymore. God bless you and your family and I hope all be well with you.

 

[If Not For Grace]

i asked her if there was ever a chance that we could reconcile. She said no, & that she just wanted to be best friends & continute to do things together for our daughters because this is the best thing for them

.

Sometimes No means No. She truly does sound like she is a good christian woman. Just because she has forgiven the incident does not mean she wants a reconcillation. You may just have to take her at her word here, I doubt she came to the conculsion lightly.

God will not FORCE anything and is not a magic genie who grants our every wish. What He gives us is Free Will and she is allowed to make a choice you might find unpleasant. Sometimes our actions have consequences we just have to accept. Perhaps in time, IF she sees a lasting change, she may be open to reconcillation, however she may not.

You are doing all you can do and I am glad you sought counseling. Please continue this path. Whether your wife returns or not this is the best course of action you can take and she and you are right to consider what is best for the children. Peace is what we all desire deep down and hopefully now you will develop the tools and skills to bring that about.

Prayers
Grace

 

[manofgod77]

Thanks for all your words of encouragement. I will continue to work on myself & be true to the lord. As for hope for reconcilliation, i can only pray that someday it might be something that she would consider for the sake of our children & marriage.. Also, if not for grace mentioned her sounding like a good christian woman. Well, she has refused to go to church because she told me that people at church are fake & she doesn't want to hear that she is making the wrong decsion. With that being said, she is fully aware that what she is doing is frowned upon in the christian community, but is clearly going to do what is right in her mind, not what god would want her to do. All I can do is pray that god softens her heart!