Need advice

[motherprayer]

I think you may be combining a few verses together that aren't meant to go together. What verse are referring to, when you said, "women in *this* situation you are describing store up treasures in heaven? "Worldly treasure" are just that......things that aren't a part of God's Kingdom...like money and power (mammon). Matthew 6 ESV - Giving to the Needy - “Beware of - Bible Gateway

And....how do people become qualified to be called our "enemies"? IOW....what is the criteria for that title?

It was kind of metaphorical. Jesus said to store up treasures for ourselves in Heaven, and I believe He meant for us to do this by "sowing" love. Also, for us to remember that our first call is to serve Him, not any man, nor any church.
When our spouses aren't doing the right thing, it causes us to suffer. I know, my husband was abusive towards me for the first year of our marriage, and I thought there was no hope for our relationship. I reached out to my church, which offered no hope, and I reached out to my friends, all of whom said he would never change and that I needed to move on with my life.
In my case, I left so that God could sort out the issues that were causing his behavior. I had to learn that his problems weren't my fault or my responsibility. That meant I could not help him, nor was I to blame for what he had done.
While I was separated from him, I prayed constantly and fervently, and I stayed separated from him while God worked.
I'm sure you have heard about abusers. They are controlling, they are hateful, they are manipulative. Yes they are. They don't/can't change. Well, in my case, it took an act of God to change him, and if you were to meet him today and see us together, you would never believe the things we went through before God changed his heart.

I learned a million lessons during my journey, and am in the process of writing a book about my whole testimony. It is a story that should be heard. But there is one lesson that sticks out among the rest:
NO problem is unsolvable with Christ.

We are all given our own crosses to bear, and sometimes they don't end while we live. But we have hope in an eternal peace that rests with our Lord. It is that hope that we must cling to when things get rough, and it is that mustard seed of faith that can move mountains.

Remember, God's Word says we women have power over our heads like angels. He gave us this power, but we must work to become able to use it.

 

[mkgal1]

This is why God said the believing wife sanctifies the unbelieving husband, and that we should pray for those who persecute us and hurt us, and love our enemies.

Yes....both of those statements are in the Bible....but, why are you conflating them?

Who qualifies as our enemies? IOW...what is the criteria for "enemy" status?

 

[motherprayer]

Yes....both of those statements are in the Bible....but, why are you conflating them?

Who qualifies as our enemies? IOW...what is the criteria for "enemy" status?

Not conflating, but using them one in conjunction with the other.

1 Corinthians 7:14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.

Matthew 5:44 But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;

I use the verse about loving our enemies, because there are times when we feel our spouse truly IS our enemy. But our true enemy is satan, who seeks to divide and conquer. I use the verse about the believing spouse sanctifying the unbelieving spouse to help clarify that even when a spouse is acting wrong, we are still called to fight for our marriage with unceasing prayer.

They are not connected, but it helps to understand the admonishment Christ gave when He said to pray for those who hurt us, and why He said that right after telling us to love our enemies. When we are hurt by someone who loves us, particularly our husband, our natural reaction is to do anything to stop being hurt, and the flesh can react by seeking division. But the marriage covenant is sacred, and by understanding who we really are wrestling with, we can work with God to bring about positive change, if we are willing to follow Him.

 

[mkgal1]

Not conflating, but using them one in conjunction with the other.

1 Corinthians 7:14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.

Matthew 5:44 But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;

I use the verse about loving our enemies, because there are times when we feel our spouse truly IS our enemy. But our true enemy is satan, who seeks to divide and conquer. I use the verse about the believing spouse sanctifying the unbelieving spouse to help clarify that even when a spouse is acting wrong, we are still called to fight for our marriage with unceasing prayer.

They are not connected, but it helps to understand the admonishment Christ gave when He said to pray for those who hurt us, and why He said that right after telling us to love our enemies. When we are hurt by someone who loves us, particularly our husband, our natural reaction is to do anything to stop being hurt, and the flesh can react by seeking division. But the marriage covenant is sacred, and by understanding who we really are wrestling with, we can work with God to bring about positive change, if we are willing to follow Him.

1st Corinthians is addressing new Christian converts.....answering their questions about how to adapt to their new lifestyle. Basically.....answering the question of "what does this mean about our former lives....what practical changes need to be made?" They didn't have generations before them---this was a New Covenant.........it was a whole new concept and way of life.

There's a big difference between an "unbelieving" husband and a husband that is mistreating his wife. "Unbelieving"---IMO---in this context doesn't mean these men didn't believe in "goodness" or basic kindness. There are loads of people today that don't believe that Christ is their Savior----yet, they still are capable of having loving relationships. Why would it have been different back in the days of the early church?

You have to keep in mind the verse that *does* go with that 1st Corinthians verse says....."and he is content to dwell with her". A husband that is disrespecting his wife doesn't sound "content dwelling with her" to me.

Marriage is about two becoming one. If one spouse is out to join in our enemy's agenda of stealing.....killing (relationships).....destroying....they aren't only their spouse's enemy----they are God's enemy as well. I believe these verses apply to that:

Don't team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness?What harmony can there be between Christ and the devil? How can a believer be a partner with an unbeliever?~2nd Corinthians 6:14-15

 

[Romanseight2005]

You're right about his family and that's the issue I have with a lot of Catholics. But it's not going to change...I just wish I wasn't in the middle of it. I do like the video, and I think I should send it to everyone who gets upset with me when I say Christianity isn't (well, shouldn't be) a religion.

I know he won't stand up to his family, because he does believe in honoring his parents, but at what point does our marriage and the promises we made become less important? I don't know..I guess I'm just rambling. Maybe there's not a solution.

Maybe he needs to be reminded of this.

Genesis 2:24

24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
KJV

 

[motherprayer]

1st Corinthians is addressing new Christian converts.....answering their questions about how to adapt to their new lifestyle. Basically.....answering the question of "what does this mean about our former lives....what practical changes need to be made?" They didn't have generations before them---this was a New Covenant.........it was a whole new concept and way of life.

There's a big difference between an "unbelieving" husband and a husband that is mistreating his wife. "Unbelieving"---IMO---in this context doesn't mean these men didn't believe in "goodness" or basic kindness. There are loads of people today that don't believe that Christ is their Savior----yet, they still are capable of having loving relationships. Why would it have been different back in the days of the early church?

You have to keep in mind the verse that *does* go with that 1st Corinthians verse that says....."and he is content to dwell with her". A husband that is disrespecting his wife doesn't sound "content" to me.

Marriage is about two becoming one. If one spouse is out to join in our enemy's agenda of stealing.....killing (relationships).....destroying....they aren't only their spouse's enemy----they are God's enemy as well. I believe these verses apply to that:

We wrestle not against flesh and blood. The one area of Christian life that the enemy has been most successful in tearing down is the sanctity of marriage.

Once I became aware of that, I knew that saving my marriage was supposed to be the most important goal in my life, and that the enemy would not let the fight go easy.

My husband has been a believer since well before we met. I did doubt his salvation for awhile, because of the deep spiritual battle we had to fight. It nearly broke me, and I had to fight hard to bring myself back from what we went through. As he had to fight to allow God to bring him peace and self-control, I had to fight to forgive him for the things he had repented from - AND the things he hadn't yet come to understand were wrong in his behavior.
For a long time I saw no change in him, and I had no assurance that he would change. He was not content. His family also fought for our divorce.
But I, and eventually we, took our battle to the cross, which is exactly where it needed to be.
We have to fight for our marriages. Not that every marriage is reconcilable, but some could be if at least one spouse was fully committed to it. Because sometimes by one spouse being willing to simply focus on being a good spouse no matter what their partner's behavior, a wondrous change occurs.
It happened for me, and I pray my story helps other women have hope in what Christ can do in their husband.

 

[mkgal1]

I feel as we're veering off topic with all that. I think it's a great discussion....but, maybe in a new thread?

I'll start a new one.....so we aren't taking away from Oceansmile's thread.

 

[mkgal1]

Oceansmile......your husband seems to keep using the division of the church as something that's a sin in itself. This verse may be something to look at together:

"Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword.~Matthew 10:34

While God wants us to be united in HIM (being of the same mind---in Truth)........that doesn't mean that everyone ought to be linked together for the sake of unity (even without being in true agreement)........does that make sense?

 

[oceansmile]

Honestly, it doesn't make sense. You're saying God doesn't want one Christian Church?

 

[mkgal1]

Thanks for being honest.

I'll try to explain that a bit better. Yes....God's desire *is* that there be unity in His church----yet, placing all in one denomination; only allowing marriages that are within the church members (no marriage to outsiders); all being a member of this church, even if in their hearts they disagree with some of the doctrine....some of the rules....some of the interpretations of Scripture---that's really more like the Pharisees.

That's an outward obedience to laws....regulations. God wants internal unity.

I have a suggestion for you. If your husband agrees to exploring what the two of you really believe on certain issues (cast out calling it Catholic beliefs....Protestant beliefs---they are just beliefs....no label). I would recommend immersing yourself in the resources from this web site (and anything Theology of the Body--related). You can find teachings on YouTube....here is one that isn't long, that sort of summarizes the whole concept (while the concept is actually HUGE---it's the heart of what Christianity is---God taking on flesh...."our bodies proclaim a great mystery" is the whole premise). This may be where the two of you can be in agreement.

Or....maybe another option would be just to ask him....."what is the purpose of marriage to you?" Because that says a lot about what a person believes about God and generally what makes sense to them about what is "good".

Christopher West - Body Theology 1 of 4 - YouTube

 

[oceansmile]

Small update:

I informed my husband the other day that he could have the marriage validated without my knowledge or consent (look up “radical santation” if you’re curious). I thought it was big news and he simply said, “I know.” I was kind of shocked and asked why he hadn’t done it, and he said, “Because I believe we’re married.” I know that doesn’t fix his family’s views, but at least it makes his very clear. Whew.

 

[MessianicMommy]

Sounds like a big step.