I had been backsliding a long time, now about three months ago I turned everything over to God. I spend a lot of the day in praise and prayer, and fasted in deep repentence. I go to church now. I've been reading my Bible like crazy, but struggling to believe that God would seriously forgive me.
Now there is a girl I have known since highschool, she has been abused her whole life, dumped by her boyfriend, and she is turning to me. Now I figure it would be the good christian thing to do to take her in, but for us to be together would be adultery. It was also her chain letter that helped wake me up and repent.
Nevertheless I did pray for love a while back, and had concluded that if God actually went this far for me then I would have to believe I'm forgiven. My life has been blessed since the deep repentence.
- more background -
As a child I read my bible and sought God, but my satanic father taught me occult things, also pretended to be christian, I think. He later killed himself and then my grandmother died of cancer. I went through a time when I was angry at God and at myself. After that things mellowed out, but I just couldn't figure out what to do with myself. I have always lived with my grandfather, who hates taking me anywhere. I never got anywhere in life, I kept procrastinating. I didn't go to church. I did continue praying and learning, and understood that loving others and putting them first to be the most enlightened model of society.
Unfortunately, I was wrong in many ways. Christianity is not about rebelling against society, but submitting to it, even when it seems as antichristian as you can get. I stole, and lied, and wound up living in the flesh. Then I had a girlfriend who was wiccan, I still believed in Christ, but I was also exploring her beliefs. She eventually betrayed me, broke my heart, now I am going all the way for God. I have finally crucified the old nature, and the holy spirit is with me. I never knew he was with me before, I really didn't know as much as I thought I did.
I see how wonderful it is now to go all the way for God, and I renounced all the occult stuff I was into, tarot, astrology, numerology, kabbalah, and new age perspectives. I had a lot of wicked spirits and demons to banish as well, and to close all channels and doorways to them. I also completely renounced smoking weed.
The Lord has since brought some wonderful people in my life, and I have made up with my grandfather and best friend, who got me into the weed a long time ago. John, a holy spirit filled person, prayed for me and that night I felt the peace of God come over me. A peace that surpasses all understanding. I think that intercessory prayer was when I was finally forgiven, but I continued the process of repenting of everything I could think of. The whole life of sorrow and solitude I had embarked on after my family died.
Now there is a girl I have known since highschool, she has been abused her whole life, dumped by her boyfriend, and she is turning to me. Now I figure it would be the good christian thing to do to take her in, but for us to be together would be adultery. It was also her chain letter that helped wake me up and repent.
Nevertheless I did pray for love a while back, and had concluded that if God actually went this far for me then I would have to believe I'm forgiven. My life has been blessed since the deep repentence.
- more background -
As a child I read my bible and sought God, but my satanic father taught me occult things, also pretended to be christian, I think. He later killed himself and then my grandmother died of cancer. I went through a time when I was angry at God and at myself. After that things mellowed out, but I just couldn't figure out what to do with myself. I have always lived with my grandfather, who hates taking me anywhere. I never got anywhere in life, I kept procrastinating. I didn't go to church. I did continue praying and learning, and understood that loving others and putting them first to be the most enlightened model of society.
Unfortunately, I was wrong in many ways. Christianity is not about rebelling against society, but submitting to it, even when it seems as antichristian as you can get. I stole, and lied, and wound up living in the flesh. Then I had a girlfriend who was wiccan, I still believed in Christ, but I was also exploring her beliefs. She eventually betrayed me, broke my heart, now I am going all the way for God. I have finally crucified the old nature, and the holy spirit is with me. I never knew he was with me before, I really didn't know as much as I thought I did.
I see how wonderful it is now to go all the way for God, and I renounced all the occult stuff I was into, tarot, astrology, numerology, kabbalah, and new age perspectives. I had a lot of wicked spirits and demons to banish as well, and to close all channels and doorways to them. I also completely renounced smoking weed.
The Lord has since brought some wonderful people in my life, and I have made up with my grandfather and best friend, who got me into the weed a long time ago. John, a holy spirit filled person, prayed for me and that night I felt the peace of God come over me. A peace that surpasses all understanding. I think that intercessory prayer was when I was finally forgiven, but I continued the process of repenting of everything I could think of. The whole life of sorrow and solitude I had embarked on after my family died.
