need advice

[Godssongbird]

This week was the most horrible week of my life.. my husband stayed home from work because he was sick. All he did was yell at me for everything
i didnt do anything right in his eyes.. make matter worst he cursed me and called me names.. im so overwhelmed this keeps going on . I Feel he does this to have control and get his own way for everything. My Self Esteem from
him doing this to me is zero.. today he acts nice again like nothing ever happened . I cant leave no were to leave and hard to leave , i have a 9 month old and im 3 mos preg and sick with diabeties . when he touches me
now i have a hard time feeling anything for him. he wants me to book a romantic vaction for us for a week , how can this be romantic with all this mess
Godssongbird

 

[Violet]

I can totally see how you would feel overwhelmed and hurt! He should be more sensitive towards you since you're taking care of your baby and him and because of your condition. But it seems that maybe he realizes how he's been treating you since he's wanting to have a romantic getaway. Maybe he wants to make it up to you? When I was 3 months pregnant I remember not feeling romantic either...but if nothing else you can go on the trip to get the chance to put your feet up and relax. You sound like you can use a break. And maybe getting away from everyday life will make it easier for the two of you to have a heart to heart. And definatley pray about this...don't stop praying.

I'm sorry that you're feeling hurt right now. I'll be praying for you.

 

[desi]

Sometimes guys, and gals, are jerks when they are sick. Unless hes that way when he's not sick it may be best to let it go.

 

[DaveKerwin]

how much of this do you tell him?

You need to be honest with him, and it helps if you say something AS it happens. Give him a chance to hear you out and understand your feelings. Ask him to sit down and understand you because you are having a rough time. Work at your marriage, you can't expect him to know and understand everything, keep him informed!

 

[Godssongbird]

he knows all of of whats going on with me but still he acts like this

 

[bliz]

At a minimum - get yourself some counseling. You need a safe place where you can meet with someone who knows the right questions to ask who can help you figure out what you want and what you want to do.

I quite agree, this is no time for you to be packing and leaving, which is why I advocated that you lock him out of the home in response to your first post.

This situation is not going to get better on it's own. He is not gong to change on his own. Abuse is progressive; it always gets worse. Your church is not going to help you since they choose to believe he is a wonderful Christian and you are a pregnant crazy lady. Your family is in no position to help you.

So, are you going to just stay there take it? And what does that decision do to you, and your children - physically, mentally and emotionally????

This mess is not of your making, but you are paying a terrible price for it and you are going to continue to pay for it until you take action. It's not fair. You are the one who is hurt and being hurt but you are also the only one who can change the current situation.

 

[pegatha]

Songbird, I haven't been in your situation so I can't speak from experience. But I think it's not unusual for men like your husband to switch back and forth between bouts of cruelty and attempts to smooth things over. I don't think the romantic getaway would solve any of your problems, and worse, it might put you in a location where you couldn't get quick medical attention if you need it. Please find a counselor who will listen to you, believe you, and help you decide the best course of action from here. Since your church isn't helpful, you can call a crisis line (there should be one in the phone book), a battered women's shelter, or probably even a crisis pregnancy center. Your OB-GYN may be able to refer you to someone. Just please don't go through this alone.

 

[DaveKerwin]

A crisis line? I don't see that as a solution.

If you have exhausted all else, ask him what he thinks about a qualified christian councelor to help bring some understanding in your situation.