need advice

[Blank123]

Hey, evryone,

I wasn't sure if I should post this here or the single's forum, but I'm posting here anyway.

Anyway, there is this guy I go to church with, we're don't know eachother well, in fact I think the only thing he knows about me is my name. Anyway a few months ago, we both seemed to really start to notice eachother, and we keep meeting eyes and staring at eachother, smiling at eachother from across the room, etc... but it looks like we're both too shy to make the first move to get to know eachother. And to make things a little more interesting, shortly after this started, my mom caught him checking me out at church, and she's seen me looking at him, so she knows we're interested in eachother. but like I said this has been going on for months, and it's driving me crazy, I really want to get to know him, but it's hard to approach someone you barely know, and we don't have any mutual friends. Sometimes I think I should just call him up and ask him out, but my mom keeps telling me that we should become friends first and then decide if we're right for eachother, which I agree with, but that brings me back to my dilemma.

So what do you guys think? would it be wierd if I managed to work up the courage to call him and just ask him out?

any advice would be appreciated

 

[leah-bygrace]

I don't think that's weird at all. Maybe he's super-shy or doesn't think you'd be interested. In that case, you could be waiting forever! There's no harm in asking a guy out.

What would you say? Would you invite him to have something like lunch or coffee after church? Or actually ask him out on a date? I think it's all up to what you feel comfortable doing.

But maybe if you could just say hi and make small talk a couple times after church, he'd get the hint and ask you out himself!

 

[JVD]

Why do you have to ask him out? People think nothing of doing that these days but that is starting out backwards if you ask me. If you see each other in church just walk up to him and say Hi ! Then get to know each other at church. You can't ask for a better deal than that. Why should you commit to a date when you don't even know him. Dates are for getting to know someone more when you already know him as a friend.

 

[jeffs_girl_2004]

I say go for it and ask him out on a date. If I did not ask my b/f out we would never be together today almost four years later. If you don't fell comfortable doing that then just try to get a group of people from the church to go out and do something and ask him to come along and then you can get to know each other. I know my b/f had wanted to go out with me for a long time but was just too shy to ask. Like you said he was always looking at me and I would look at him once in a while but not as much as he did cause I did not want to make anything look obivious but finally I got up the nerve to ask him to a dance at my school and then for about 2 weeks prior we did things together with other people and I got to know him a little bit but I really did not get to know him until I actually started dating him and talked with him.

 

[mathias1979]

I kind of agree with JVD here. Why not just approach him at church and talk with him a bit. If you ask him out on a date, and he does say yes...if you both are shy, it's probably going to wind up being a pretty uncomfortable date. Just talk to him first...see if you can be comfortable around him and actually sustain a conversation, then see how you feel. You can get to know someone of the opposite sex without going out on a date...and why add the pressure of a date to all of it if it can be avoided?

-Matt

 

[Blank123]

Thanks everyone for your 2 cents. I still don't know what I'm going to do, but I'm glad I got your input. I would love to just get to know him at church rather then just jump into dating, but whenever I actually work up the courage to go over and start a conversation, he's already talking to someone, but I was thinking if I could give him a call then maybe it would be easier to talk to him and get to know him.

Anyway, I've been praying about this for a long time, I think I've just gotta keep doing that, maybe the answer will become clear.

 

[mattbox]

Hey, I know exactly what you mean. I've been going throught the same ordeal with a girl at my church for a few years now. Our eyes are always meeting, and we exchange smiles, but we're both too shy to talk to each other.

My advice would go along the lines of JVD and Mathias1979. I know that may seem like I'm 'raining on your parade', but I think it's honestly for the best. Obviously every situation is different, but I know that if I were with another shy person (like this girl), there would be NO conversation... and that may make the situation seem really uncomfortable.

If you do decide to ask him out, I would highly suggest lunch or coffee versus an actual "date". An afternoon get together provides a better atmosphere to get to know someone... versus a movie or something, where there may be more pressure.

I hope that helps!

~Mattbox (Matt)

 

[Blank123]

Thanks, Matt,

Like I said I would much rather get to know him at church before we start going out, but it doesn't look like that's going to happen.

But I was actually thinking of asking him to grab a coke or a cup of coffee with me sometime, I think it would be more comfortable for the both of us, and it would give us a good opprotunity(sp?) to get to know eachother.

 

[Warrior Poet]

Agreeing with everyone... a "date" has soooo many inuendos (sp??). A coke and a smile can go a long way.
I always liked the phrase "hang(ing) out"

Warrior Poet