Need Advice

[cpwll1]

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 3 yrs. At first evrything was going fine but now we don't talk as much as we used to. He works 3rd shift and he is a personal trainer so he trains people as sson as he gets of work. I work 1st shift so by the time I get home it's 5 or 6.

The problem is we don't spend that much time together because he is sleep or working. We he comes over my house it's 9 or 10 pm and he has to go to work at 11pm. When he is there he is tired so he sleeps. So I don't have a chance to talk to him at all. he says I should be happy that he is there. And to understand why he is working so much to have a better future for us. I told him I don't care about the money a relationship isn't built on money. That he needs to balance everything out. he is puting his jobs before everything.

I just don't know what to do I love him but we have poor communication. And he just doesn't wan to deal with it. He says he loves me and wants to marryy me but it's just taking too long to move further. At the rate it's going now how can a relationship survive without communication.

 

[rach]

A relationship can't survive without communication, that is a fact. However I'm not sure how you can improve yours. I mean yes, taking less work would improve the situation. But what happens if/when you get married? Is he going to continue working all the time? Maybe in order to get his attention you could write him long letters about how you feel. That way he could read it when he is awake and not tired (most likely when you are gone) and then you guys can talk through this until you find a solution. Hope that helps, I don't really have any other ideas right now.

 

[Stanfi]

A relationship can't survive without communication, that is a fact. However I'm not sure how you can improve yours. I mean yes, taking less work would improve the situation. But what happens if/when you get married? Is he going to continue working all the time? Maybe in order to get his attention you could write him long letters about how you feel. That way he could read it when he is awake and not tired (most likely when you are gone) and then you guys can talk through this until you find a solution. Hope that helps, I don't really have any other ideas right now.

I think this is a good idea. You need to make him realize how important the relationship and communication are to you. Hopefully when he realizes the importance, he will make communicating with you a priority, and things will get better. Relationships take a lot of work.. no doubt about that. Writing a letter could be a good way for you to convey your concern.

 

[DaveKerwin]

three years is a long time for anyone, I know I could not last that long and still be pure.

If he is serious about marrying you, he ought to prove it. It is unfortunate that you work different schedules, maybe one of you can find a different job, or different hours.

I find that when couples have premarital sex, there is little incentive for the man to propose, since he is getting the goods already. I am not accusing you of this, but if this is what is happening, that could be a contributing factor to the delay.

 

[LadyBird]

Well Dave, there is a couple at my church who dated for 8 years and they remained pure until their wedding night! I know I could never do that but it is possible. Anyways, I like the idea of letters. But if you do get married, he sounds like he is a workaholic. IF you guys are serious about each other and getting married, something HAS to be done...like the idea Dave suggested about different hours or even a different job because a relationship cannot last without communication. Tell hm that. Even if he thinks it can, tell him your needs are not being met by this relationship so because he cares about you and your needs being met, he should do something about this situation. Also, maybe set aside 1 or 2 days a weeks where you both just spend time together and not working...try and do something like that. Good luck and keep us posted.

 

[desi]

You two need to do something about your shifts. Lack of communication is just no good. Sacrificing today for a future when you are not married is a bad bet I would not take.