About a seven weeks ago, I broke up with a guy I'd been dating for 2 and a half years. I dated him for all the wrong reasons. I just wanted someone to be there for me that cared for me. He was the first person that ever really liked me and I was only 14 when we started dating. I realize now that I made a mistake going out with him because I wasn't physically attracted to him and really had nothing in common with him. We used to tell each other we loved each other, but it was basically meaningless, at least on my part. 3 weeks ago, my best friend of a year and a half asked me out. I really like him. He makes me happy and I'm not generally very happy. I know his whole family and seriously love spending time with him. We spent 8 hours with each other one day and not once was I bored and not once did we run out of things to talk about. I see him everyday at school and go over to his house a lot on the weekends. I really have been thinking about the fact that he may be my match and I may be failing in love, but I'm still not sure. He told me he loved me yesterday for the first time and I said so back, but I'm scared. I don't know for sure and I don't know what to do. Should I talk to him and ask him exactly how he is feeling right now, since I really am still not sure? What should I do? I don't regret saying it back. I really care for him, but I just don't know if I'm "in love." I'm not even sure I know what it means to be "in love." The thing is though that he is younger than me and I'm not sure he really knows what it is, but what if he does and what if he really is in love with me. And, I don't know. I'm really, really scared. I want to be with him, but I don't want to say I love him when I'm not sure I do yet. I just really don't know. Can someone please give me some advice? I'll tell you though that he knows me better than probably my own family. No one knows me as well as he does and I never felt like this about my ex. Just seeing him makes me happy. My ex stressed me out more than he ever made me happy. My new bf calms me down. I haven't felt stressed around him much at all. I've been good friends with him for 15 months now. Well I've made this post long enough. I hope someone can give me some advice.
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Need advice
- Thread starter VictoriaM2006
- Start date
f U z ! o N
I fall like a sparrow and fly like a kite
could it be that since you are unhappy you see your friend as an easy way out?
what love is?
what love is?
- love is being there no matter what happens
- love is accepting that person for who they are
- love never hurts one another on purpose
- love respects, listens, and cares
- love is not about how far you can go with someone, love is how much you can do for that person
- love is 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
- love is God
- love is unconditional meaning you love them no without any conditions whatsoever and never expect anything back
- true love lasts
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fuzion pretty much summed it up. but if you didnt know if you loved him, why'd you say it back?
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jesuslivesinme
Proud Soldier
The sum up was great...Look at what God's love is...we should love each other as he loved us...unconditionally...are you ready for that...is he ready for that...the first question a chritian should ask him/herself before courting... "Would I spend the rest of my days with him/her" since mariage is forever...and if not then there is no point in going out with this person at least for now..maybe he is the one and it isnt the time...God's time...you're young...if it is God's will....while you are on your knees God will answer and open the doors.....TRUST HIM!!! let him open the doors and everything will fall in place...look unto God first and everything will be given to you...even more than you imagine! He did it in many lives . ! God bless
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Just proceed slowly. Relationships take time to build.
But, if marriage is a long way off (because of education etc) then just being friends is a wiser option.
Use the word like, not love, for a bit longer And discuss how you feel about each other without ending up in each others' arms. There's plenty of time ahead of you both for something that really is serious.
John
NZ
But, if marriage is a long way off (because of education etc) then just being friends is a wiser option.
Use the word like, not love, for a bit longer And discuss how you feel about each other without ending up in each others' arms. There's plenty of time ahead of you both for something that really is serious.
John
NZ
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Thanks John. As for the others who responded. I really don't want to be patronized. The guy I broke up with was a long distance relationship. I hadn't seen him in about 3 months before I broke up with him. I know what love is, I'm not dense. I think I may be falling for him, but I'm scared. I can see that ya'll really have sympathy. Thanks.
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winglovesall
Well-Known Member
Relationships take a long time and it sure does take a bit of patience.
Don't be afraid to PM me about your relationship problem though. I'm glad that this "Courting Couples" hasn't had any age restrictions.
Relationship needs communication with understanding. If you communicate and talk to him but without an understanding of who the guy really is - there is a probem -
Also, God has a special man for you - It's really, God's will and God's decision and I suggest, you pray and talk to him about it.
God will guide you to the right path and not the wrong path. You should trust him on what he's about to give you.
Even if the relationship didn't work out, they become experiences. These experiences sure do last and you must ask yourself:
*What have I learnt about God?
*What have I learnt about my own personal identity?
*What do I need to develop out of?
*What does the relationship tell me about the guy himself?
These learning questions and once you clearly think about it, and answer the questions, will help you develop a better understanding of God.
I hope I've helped. PM me and talk to me about it.
Don't be afraid to PM me about your relationship problem though. I'm glad that this "Courting Couples" hasn't had any age restrictions.
Relationship needs communication with understanding. If you communicate and talk to him but without an understanding of who the guy really is - there is a probem -
Also, God has a special man for you - It's really, God's will and God's decision and I suggest, you pray and talk to him about it.
God will guide you to the right path and not the wrong path. You should trust him on what he's about to give you.
Even if the relationship didn't work out, they become experiences. These experiences sure do last and you must ask yourself:
*What have I learnt about God?
*What have I learnt about my own personal identity?
*What do I need to develop out of?
*What does the relationship tell me about the guy himself?
These learning questions and once you clearly think about it, and answer the questions, will help you develop a better understanding of God.
I hope I've helped. PM me and talk to me about it.
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I
Inperfected
Guest
Hmm... you know what, reading your post, i was reliving my relationship last year! I had a fiance and me who broke up after about a year, and man was that OUCH...
And yes, i went straight to the arms of another guy. Broke his heart repeatedly and he's still hurting sometimes these days over it. I was so unsure, so sure he wasn't the right one... Yet i couldn't leave him, as i 'loved' him, he was my best friend....
but to be honest he really was a rebound.
THis is all from my personal experience:
Be careful of spending too much time with him - it'll raise his hopes of it being soon.
After that long in a relationship, give yourself 6 months or more - It'll let you reevaluate, and build a better friendship.
Don't play games, this is all or nothing - play games and you wreak hearts, sometimes permanently.
Don't say i love you, til you honestly do - YOu don't get unsure this way.
With the long and short of it, less than a year after our "very close" friendship started (like yours i think) we got engaged... These relationships can turn out amazing, as i have seen mine do. However, when the games are played it really hurts both parties, and leaves you with such an unsure feeling in your heart.
Be sure before you do anything... it's so hard to say, i'm not sure if this is right, an hour after you say yes to going out.
And yes, i went straight to the arms of another guy. Broke his heart repeatedly and he's still hurting sometimes these days over it. I was so unsure, so sure he wasn't the right one... Yet i couldn't leave him, as i 'loved' him, he was my best friend....
but to be honest he really was a rebound.
THis is all from my personal experience:
Be careful of spending too much time with him - it'll raise his hopes of it being soon.
After that long in a relationship, give yourself 6 months or more - It'll let you reevaluate, and build a better friendship.
Don't play games, this is all or nothing - play games and you wreak hearts, sometimes permanently.
Don't say i love you, til you honestly do - YOu don't get unsure this way.
With the long and short of it, less than a year after our "very close" friendship started (like yours i think) we got engaged... These relationships can turn out amazing, as i have seen mine do. However, when the games are played it really hurts both parties, and leaves you with such an unsure feeling in your heart.
Be sure before you do anything... it's so hard to say, i'm not sure if this is right, an hour after you say yes to going out.
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winglovesall
Well-Known Member
Think about what you say and yeah - you should have days in between that you can keep to yourself.
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heartnsoul
Don't settle for less than God's best!
Hi Victoria,
You are definitely learning a lot about relationships and love...but you may want to think about giving yourself some more time before committing yourself to any guy. You are so young still (although mature for your age) and there is no need to rush into a serious, committed relationship or to think about marriage right now. You still have the twenties to live through and believe me, you will continue learning even more than you know now.
Please take time out to strengthen your walk with God. As you strengthen your walk with God, you will develop even more discernment and the spiritual maturity to be ready for the right guy. So many marriages are ending up in divorce, struggles due to being unequally yoked and/or spiritual immaturity. You and "whoever the right one is" will need to put your security 100% in God and God alone in order for the marriage to be as God has intended.
I would encourage you to be patient and trust in God's perfect timing for the right one. Meantime, work on strengthening your walk and everything will come together in God's time. Don't settle for less than God's best. God bless you.
You are definitely learning a lot about relationships and love...but you may want to think about giving yourself some more time before committing yourself to any guy. You are so young still (although mature for your age) and there is no need to rush into a serious, committed relationship or to think about marriage right now. You still have the twenties to live through and believe me, you will continue learning even more than you know now.
Please take time out to strengthen your walk with God. As you strengthen your walk with God, you will develop even more discernment and the spiritual maturity to be ready for the right guy. So many marriages are ending up in divorce, struggles due to being unequally yoked and/or spiritual immaturity. You and "whoever the right one is" will need to put your security 100% in God and God alone in order for the marriage to be as God has intended.
I would encourage you to be patient and trust in God's perfect timing for the right one. Meantime, work on strengthening your walk and everything will come together in God's time. Don't settle for less than God's best. God bless you.
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Thanks a lot you all. I spend a lot of time with him at school and I actually do believe I love him now. At first, I knew it was a possibility, but I didn't want to admit it to myself. When I'm with him, I feel like nothing could go wrong. He makes me feel safe and protected. I honestly do not believe it is a rebound, because I mean yeah I broke up with my old boyfriend a month before over the phone. But, I hadn't seen him since August. I hardly had a relationship with the old guy. My new guy treats me right and really makes me happy. I don't remember who said something about playing games and that they hurt people. I'm not one to play games. I'm straightforward about just about everything. I've just grown up in a broken home and don't know too many people with sucessful relationships. I don't want that for myself. I want to get married after college and stay married for the rest of my life. I do not believe in divorce, because I've seen what a mess it has made of my life and many of my friends and families lives. Games are stupid and childish. I am not like that at all. When I care about someone, I treat them as I would want to be treated. And, to those of you who keep saying that I need to strength my walk with God, I am a very devout Christian. I love the Lord and am praying most of the day. I do not know how I could become much closer to God. I've prayed about this a lot, but I just wanted to see if anyone had any advice to give me. This past Sunday, in fact, I went to church with my new boyfriend. Faith is important to both of us, so you should not worry about that. Thanks for all the advice. 
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I
Inperfected
Guest
I know you believe it isn't rebound... but i hate to see you in a year admitting it is.
By the way? He is your boyfriend, or friend who is a boy still?
By the way? He is your boyfriend, or friend who is a boy still?
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winglovesall
Well-Known Member
Yeah - because there are differences. I mean - I have a female friend in real-life as well, but she's not my girlfriend yet.
I congratulate and so happy to hear the news.
I congratulate and so happy to hear the news.
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winglovesall
Well-Known Member
Yeah - and what have you learnt about yourself, about God through this relationship?
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