Need advice..please help

[JenLenea]

Hello everyone! I have a question that I'm sure you've all heard before. I have been dating a guy who is a non-denomintional Christian for almost 2 years now. I at the moment do not attend a church, and he is a very devoted Christian. We are both very in love and have talked about marriage more times than I can count. I am wondering is there anybody out there that has had a relationship like this? I am willing to attend meetings with him and support him, in no way would I ever try to take him away from what he believes in. I am actuallyvery envious of his faith and that he could believe so much in something. I would hope that if we get married that one day I could be the same way. The hard part is that I have never been to his church or even met his parents. The longer we wait, the harder it gets. Many people marry within the church, though more and more people are marrying outside. I am so nervous as to how they are going to react to us being togeher. I'm hoping that if they see I am supporting him they will be more ok with it. I've just never been to a church like his before. About 20 people meet in a home and sing hyms, pray, then they go around the room and give testimony, then at the end they pass around bread and wine. The lifestyle is also different then what I'm used to. They do not have tv's, girls do not wear jewelry or much makeup, and are not supposed to dress too worldly. The thing is when we are together we always come to my house and watch tv, and he loves the way I dress (which is usually just jeans and a tshirt), and it seems like he's living two lives sort of. Which doesnt seem to bother him. I just don't know what to do...any advice would help!! If there is anything else you'd like to know I would be more than happy to answer any questions. Thanks so mcuh!

 

[Macca]

Hello everyone! I have a question that I'm sure you've all heard before. I have been dating a guy who is a non-denomintional Christian for almost 2 years now. I at the moment do not attend a church, and he is a very devoted Christian. We are both very in love and have talked about marriage more times than I can count. I am wondering is there anybody out there that has had a relationship like this? I am willing to attend meetings with him and support him, in no way would I ever try to take him away from what he believes in. I am actuallyvery envious of his faith and that he could believe so much in something. I would hope that if we get married that one day I could be the same way. The hard part is that I have never been to his church or even met his parents. The longer we wait, the harder it gets. Many people marry within the church, though more and more people are marrying outside. I am so nervous as to how they are going to react to us being togeher. I'm hoping that if they see I am supporting him they will be more ok with it. I've just never been to a church like his before. About 20 people meet in a home and sing hyms, pray, then they go around the room and give testimony, then at the end they pass around bread and wine. The lifestyle is also different then what I'm used to. They do not have tv's, girls do not wear jewelry or much makeup, and are not supposed to dress too worldly. The thing is when we are together we always come to my house and watch tv, and he loves the way I dress (which is usually just jeans and a tshirt), and it seems like he's living two lives sort of. Which doesnt seem to bother him. I just don't know what to do...any advice would help!! If there is anything else you'd like to know I would be more than happy to answer any questions. Thanks so mcuh!

Jen,
It is a little difficult to give advice on this situation. My first reaction is to say, "of course go to the church, there is a good chance that you will become a christian also."
If you did, it would help the marriage, should you go that way, as you would not be unequally drawing each other.
It is only natural to fell some nervousness at meeting the other important people in his life because of the thought, "What if they don't think I'm good enough."
This will go as soon as you have got to know them, and they will accept you as a close friend of your boyfriend.
There may be some concern if he refuses to take you to meet his family.
Hope this helps a little.
Macca.

 

[Rafael]

The double life part of your story is a bit disturbing. If your friend is mixed up in a cult of some sort, that may be trouble, too.
Has he asked you to marry him? If he hasn't taken you to Church or his parents, it doesn't sound good. I hope he is not using you. Leading a double life would be a sign of hypocrisy towards those others of his Church, and God will see this even if his Church members do not. Sooner or later he will be exposed if something wrong is going on.
I'm concerned for you, that he is making a bad representation of who Christ's is and His love to you, which is not uncommon, as we all fail, but maybe you should share your concerns with him about the double life you have detected. We, as Christians are not supposed to live double lives of hypocrisy. His response may reveal his heart towards you, so be prepared to know what is true. Iwould want a relationship based on honesty, and you sound like a wonderfully good person in this situation towards this man you love. I so hope you find out about Jesus and His love for you, and that this man you love will honor you the way the Bible says women are to be cherished and honored.

 

[Carico]

This may sound like harsh advice, but marriage is a very serious thing. Even two believers can have difficulty, but when two people are are serving two different masters, as Jesus says; "He will love the one and despise the other." If you are in the world and of the world but your mate is in the world but not of the world, there will be conflict between the two of you. That is why Paul warns us not to be yolked with unebelievers because day and night have nothing in common. There is already enough conflict between the two of you that concerns you very much and it will definitely grow if you get married at this point. However, if you ask yourself why you love this person, and you find that your answer is because he embodies the fruits of the spirit, then you might want to cultivate what he has which comes from God. My advice would be to find out in your heart what you truly value and your decision whether or not to marry this person will take care of itself.

 

[Pastor Z]

There are several questions you need to ask yourself:

1. How devoted is he to his church if he does seem to be leading an "in-church" life and an "away from church" life? As a pastor, I remind my congregation not to check their Christianity at the door on the way out of the sanctuary on Sunday mornings. True believers need to be more than "Sunday Morning Christians." True believers are to live their faith 24/7.

2. You talked about how you hope that one day you can believe what he believes (or something to that effect). Are you a Christian who wants to share his form of belief, or are you a non-believer who wants to believe in SOMETHING? I can't tell from your post if perhaps you are just searching. If that is the case, I pray that you can come to know Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior. He died so that we could have eternal life. And He did it not because we deserve it, but because He loves us enough to GIVE it to us freely.

3. What is the reason you haven't gone to his church meetings? Is there a feeling of a closed-group about it? Are they not open to having new people come in?

I think the two of you have a lot to talk about. Marriage IS a big commitment. I've found that any marriage, if it is to succeed, has to have three partners in it: the husband, the wife, and Jesus Christ. A marriage based on anything less will fail. But a marriage which marks the beginning of a home with Christ as head of the household will endure.

I hope some of this helped you, or at least got you to thinking. I'm happy to talk with you further about your questions of faith.

Blessings to you.

 

[JenLenea]

I want to thank you all SO much for replying, it means a lot to me to know that someone is listening. I think I may have misled you by saying he leads a "double life". He is not at all refusing me to come to church or meet his parents. He asks me all the time, and they do accept new people. His church is more of a lifestyle than just going to church on Sunday to say you go to church. It takes part in everything you do during the day. I know it hurts him that I'm afraid to go, and seeing him like that makes me want to go ever more. I think I'm afraid to meet them because I want for them to like me so badly. I want them to be happy them we are getting married and not dissapointed, I want to show them that I am happy to be there. My parents never took me to church, and as I'm getting older I guess I'm realizing how important it is. My boyfriend thinks God led him to me just for that reason. I am actually starting to believe that. I know his church may sound like a cult ( I must admit that's what my first thought was), but I know that it's not. They are devoted believers and I truly respect all of them for being that way. I hate hearing all these people saying that it could never work out, because I know it can. I know I have to meet his parents and go to meetings, the main thing I believe is just wanting them to accept me!!

 

[TheMainException]

I think that the most important thing that you can do...if you so believe in such a thing, is to PRAY. That can be the most helpful thing a person can do for another person. Let me warn you though, if you are not a Christian, God will not honor your prayers. But keep supporting him, love is such an amazing thing...I'm so happy for the both of you. Get to know his parents and those he knows well...spend time at his church no matter how weird it is...good luck, God bless.

 

[All4one]

I agree with LAWise here. This is a very contraversial subject where you may recieve several replies but God knows the right answer. Ask Him to come into your life and answer the questions that bother you.

In Love,
All4one

 

[ApostateAbe]

I think that the most important thing that you can do...if you so believe in such a thing, is to PRAY. That can be the most helpful thing a person can do for another person. Let me warn you though, if you are not a Christian, God will not honor your prayers. But keep supporting him, love is such an amazing thing...I'm so happy for the both of you. Get to know his parents and those he knows well...spend time at his church no matter how weird it is...good luck, God bless.

Maybe she can ask Christians to pray about it, and God will honor those prayers. Come to think of it, maybe I can become more succesful in life, without becoming a Christian, by keeping Christians around me to pray for the things I want.

 

[Theophorus]

You have been truly blessed. Do not let this one get away, and when I say this, I mean that it is maybe you that has the doubts.

His church does not sound like a cult to me, you need to go if you want to be included in all of his life. Do not be afraid, for if he loves you he will protect you in any situatation that may arise. If you do not go, what can he do?
If he loves you, then he could give up everything for you, maybe not Christ, but maybe his church. What a loss that would be for both of you. Do not percieve this as a weakness on his part, but rest easy in that you can trust him and rely on his love no matter what. If you love him, do not force the issue, just go, and trust him who asks you.

 

[j_e_s_s_i_e]

i think you should give going to his church a try, meet his parents, and of course talk things over with him. figure out exactley what he thinks of you as a non-believer. if he truly loves you i don't think he will have any problems. in my opinion wether someone believes or not does not matter. everyone has a right to have their own beliefs without being judged

 

[cjcandace]

Hey, I think that if you two love eachother enough to commit yourself to eachother for life then that should be enough. I should warn you though that if you are not a christian there may be a concern for you in the future. Christians tend to be extremely committed to their beliefs, which is good, except for the fact that it is very easy for them to become obsessed. Spending so much time at the church and doing things for their god that they might unintentionally neglect their family and their wives/husbands. I have heard many complaints about that from pastor's kids, church member's kids, and spouses as well. Anyway, I wish you good luck and say that if you two love eachother hopefully he will love you enough to put you on the top of his priority list ahead of the church (not necessarily his god because we all know that is impossible for a chiristian to do.) I wish you the best of luck and I hope you guys make it work. I actually know a girl whom is an atheist and is married to a christian. They make it work through mutual love and respect. It's doable, no matter what anyone says to you, it is.

 

[LilRitt04]

i could go many ways with this, and many ways around it. but i have never been to a church at a house. my mom has and she says they sugar coat the Bible to much. i am pentecostal and everything we do is based on the Bible. but for starters to become a christian you have to believe in your heart and except him as your personal savior. its not hard and it doesnt cost a thing. but God may of intended you to marry this man for the purpose he is going to influence you and allow you to create a walk with God.

i am questioning one thing though. you said that "they pass wine around" do you mean alcoholic? if it is, that church is wrong in that sense. our body is a temple of the holyspirit and nothing unpure should enter it. so i disagree with that, and i think that they are missing that point in the Bible (but you can argue me, i dont care) but i am saying

but i do wish you the best of luck in everything you decide to do, and pray that God opens doors for you, him, and your families.