need advice or something

[BeckaMarie]

I'm new here. I wouldn't say I was a christian. I haven't been to church in a long time. I do beleive in God and am thinking about going back to church.

I've been dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts since I was about 7 years old. I am now 27. I've tried to kill myself several times but nothing seems to work. Its like God keeps saving my life or something. Each time that I would try someone or something would stop me. And I would never tell anybody what I was going to do because I didn't want to be stopped but was stopped anyway. I don't understand.

I'm not sure why I exist or what purpose I could actually have. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel so alone.

 

[christus]

I was in the same situation, but I managed to pray the Lord and ask for his advice. He helped me and now I feel better.
You should pray the Lord and try to make some new friends.

I hope I was useful.

 

[BeckaMarie]

Thanks christus for responding.

I have tried to pray but its hard sometimes, especially when my faith is so small. Maybe I find it difficult because I don't really know God well at all. I haven't tried to talk to him in a long time nor have I been to church much since I was a small child. I tried to go to church with a friend but I was so uncomfortable there. I didn't care for the preacher a whole lot. He seemed to act like everyone should beleive exactly as he beleived or you would be cast into hell. Its like there was no other way to beleive except his way.

 

[christus]

I haven't tried to talk to him in a long time nor have I been to church much since I was a small child.

It doesn't matter. I have never been in a church but I still pray to the Lord. I know he help me and every time I have hard time I'm saying psalm 23:4, "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me."

I'll pray for you

 

[dvd_holc]

I'm new here. I wouldn't say I was a christian. I haven't been to church in a long time. I do beleive in God and am thinking about going back to church.

I've been dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts since I was about 7 years old. I am now 27. I've tried to kill myself several times but nothing seems to work. Its like God keeps saving my life or something. Each time that I would try someone or something would stop me. And I would never tell anybody what I was going to do because I didn't want to be stopped but was stopped anyway. I don't understand.

I'm not sure why I exist or what purpose I could actually have. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel so alone.

God wants to comfort you. Jesus came to comfort the world. How can you say you are alone when God has acted in so many ways to save your life? God has meet you right where you are. He does not accept you not knowing him. He knows you and has cared deeply for you. Jesus came so that you would have the best possible life. You don't know your purpose? First, to love God with everything you have. Second, to love humanity as yourself which is two fold because you likewise have to love yourself. Don't you think it is about time you stopped trying to work against God and work with him? He loves you fully. Whatever you dislike about life, there is a good chance it that God has not purposed it to be. Don't give into depression, bitterness, anger, and self pity...you know it only wants to consume you and destroy you. However, God made you as a beautiful being who he takes care of with love. God is present in your life. God wants you to take part in this existence. He made you as his image bearer. His image one of love, joy, good, and kind. Live to that and you will be bleased with peace and harmony of the soul. I will pray for you.

 

[BeckaMarie]

I don't know I've always felt alone and empty inside. Its all I ever known. I don't know how to feel any different. If God loves me, then how to I get to Know him? Where do I start? What do I do? I just feel so lost and have felt totally destroyed inside a long time ago.

 

[dvd_holc]

I don't know I've always felt alone and empty inside. Its all I ever known. I don't know how to feel any different. If God loves me, then how to I get to Know him? Where do I start? What do I do? I just feel so lost and have felt totally destroyed inside a long time ago.

Good news is that you aren't alone. Though you feel alone it is only because you lack faith in God. Let this community help you with that and find a church. Tell them you felt there is a God, but you fell so alone and don't know how to see him. Get around some people who are actively pursuing a relationship with God. They will point it out to you in more real way than this community can. We can be the wishpers in the dark for you. Our message is light and hope from God through the power of the Holy Spirit. The active role a church in your life will touch you moreso than this community.

Just picking up the bible can be a tall order. But we can help guide you to find God with your questions. Your questions are good because you seek him. Don't be discouraged. There is hope and joy.

I believe that if you ever felt good and love in your life then you really felt his love. God is behind all actions of love and comfort. He has made this world to reflect his love. There are many who reject his love...but that is not the main thing I want to talk right now...comfort...you are missing the harmony of the soul. God is that harmony. God will embrace you so close if you left him. Many have been where you have been. I have battled depression. It nearly killed me. I was a walking dead person who only felt pain. But I am no longer the victim. I am living in love for the world with joy of the soul. Just do one act of charity and kindness, today or tomorrow. I promise you it will be wonderful. God will provide you an opprotunity. Just speak to him he listens...speak with your heart...want him...he reveals himself.

What is it that you are depressed with in your life?

 

[HumbleBee]

BeckaMarie

The inner emptiness you have experienced is your need for Jesus, the Prince of Life, and His unconditional, everlasting love! Invite Him into your heart, asking His forgiveness for your sins and Him to be your Lord and Savior! Promise to live for Him and to choose life! He will fill you with His great love, surpassing peace, and such hope for your future!

Do get a Bible and start reading! The gospel of John is a good place to begin, then Luke and the other gospels...

The Lord encourages you that He knows the plans He has for you, plans to prosper you...to give you hope and a future...meaningful purpose! You will find Him as you seek Him with all your heart! Pray, pour out your heart to Jesus and He will answer you! Leading you to fulfilling Christian fellowship!

I don't know I've always felt alone and empty inside. Its all I ever known. I don't know how to feel any different. If God loves me, then how to I get to Know him? Where do I start? What do I do? I just feel so lost and have felt totally destroyed inside a long time ago.

 

[dvd_holc]

BeckaMarie

Do get a Bible and start reading! The gospel of John is a good place to begin, then Luke and the other gospels...

Great post HumbleBee. Hope you are doing well.


I hope my post about "picking up the bible can be a tall order" has not discouraged you (BeckaMarie) from picking it up. It is important to read the bible. There is a lot of wisdom and it is the truth, way, and life. I hope you find courage to make God a reality in your life (though he is present there right now...you just don't realize it. )

Did you do a act of charity or kindness?

 

[BeckaMarie]

dvd-holc

You asked, "What is it your depressed with in your life?"

Well everything in a way. It all started when I was about 7 years old. Its just how I always felt. Never learned to feel any other way. When the feelings and thoughts first started I had told one of my sisters and one of my brothers. They told me how stupid and retarded I was and then laughed at me. After that I became real quiet and tried to stay away from everyone by staying in my room alone. Later when the feelings got worse and I kept trying to overdose on pills my mom just told me I needed to stop it. That I would be okay that it was only a phase that I was going through. I never felt important or cared about by anyone. So I just kept all my thoughts and feelings to myself. In school I never had many friends. Just a few at school but none to talk with after or away from school. I never bothered to tell anyone else how I felt. If my own family who was to love me and care about me didn't, why would anyone else?

I never got any help for depression until July 4, 1998. It was the only time I had ever felt at peace with dying. I swallowed several pills. More than I normally would have. They made me real bad sick. My mom found me in the bathroom. Thought I was just sick at first and then had seen that I was throwing up pills. She was so mad, she was supposed to go to work, but ended up having to stay with me in the emergency room. At the time my mom worked at the hospital in the lab. So she got even madder because my being there for the reason I was embarrassed her a great deal. That was the worst experience ever. They made me drink liquid charcoal to soak up all the pills I had taken. Then they sent me to another hospital where my ins. would pay for it. I had to stay there a mandatory three days. Then the psychiatrist sent me home with a bottle of pills to take. I was supposed to stay on the meds and get therapy. But I never found anyone I felt comfortable talking to. The meds kept getting changed, so it felt like they were harming me more than helping me. So I quit taking them. About three months later I lost my job and ins. So I was no longer able to afford help of any kind.

From then on I have moved around a lot and have only been able to get low paying jobs without ins. And now I'm 27. I feel like I wasted my entire life.
I can't even keep a job long. I am currently unemployed and have been for the past few months. Most of the time I don't feel like I can function. I don't like to leave the house much. I find it difficult to talk to people face to face. I feel so stupid. I'm tired all the time. I'm not married. Have no one special in my life. No kids. I currently stay with a man who is my moms age. He needed someone to drive him around because he lost his license for DUI. And needed his house cleaned and his dinner cooked. So he let me stay here. I can't seem to do anything for myself. I'm always having to depend on other people just to get by. The few friends I do have now I only see occasionally and they don't know what goes on inside. I'm not close to anyone. I put up walls to keep people out but at the same time walled myself in.

 

[dvd_holc]

Thank you, BeckaMarie. I appreciate you coming forward and briefly talking about your life. It took courage. I am glad that you do feel comfortable enough to talk about it.


This is a medical insurance program that is about ½ the price of regular medical insurance. It is a non-profit organization to provide for people. It is a Christian Alternative to medical insurance.

[Note: external link removed]

You need to be soaked with the understand God and the physical and emotional support by Christians. I believe the best answer to this is find a church and get around devoted followers of Christ. They can help you understand what is the true love of the Father in your life more so than this community can because they are physically in your life. You have been missing that from your life.

I don’t know how old your brothers and sister where when this started. It is hard for a child that age to respond with maturity; however, the support you need should have came from your parents first and reinforced them. You appear to be missing that for some time, especially after you swallowing pills. I am not saying this so that you may hate your parents; however, I am pointing out things you either subtly know or in fact recognize as lacking relationships in your life. It is horrible that you were oppressed by your brothers and sisters. They could not get passed themselves to help you. They did not show you love. You could not emotional mature while being bashed by their insensitivity to your real concerns and problems. It is a true tragedy. It is so heart wrenching that your mother reacted selfishly to July 4 event. That is so horrible.

When I was a child, my father was not in my life a great deal due to having job as a truck driver and then returning to duty in the Army. Though he meant (and means) the world to me, he was not there for me. I was a mom’s boy as a baby and it continued for awhile. (Some feel I was still one for awhile longer than I say but I know me better than them). She felt like she had to distance herself from me to make me into a man. I was constantly bullied physically and emotionally at school. My mom put me in martial arts to take care of the physical part. She tried to give me good advice to reinforce the emotional. It was Christian advise how not responding with hatred though instead of letting go of their hatred I took it in. I was not persuasive. I have a speech impediment. It has been worse in my youth, and at times it just don’t allow me to speak. I get flustered and emotional. Everyone can see how I feel because I can’t find my feelings. And, many times she was quit persistent with what she felt was solution to comfort me right where I was. I was not comforted… I felt I could not come to her about my problems because of many times the advice she gave only left me hurting as people would emotional batter me at school. I lost my parents emotionally. My mom tried hard to help me, but I never had true release from my problems. I took it all in. My parents struggled finically. I hated coming to them to ask for new cloths, and sometimes they would ask if some old stuff was still ok. Needless to say my cloths weren’t in fashion. I would tough it out with out I had out of not trying to be a burden to them. The friends I made one year would not be the ones next year. The people who felt so close left me. I felt so alone. I was an outcast.

So then I was left being emotional bullied through high school. I had low self esteem, but I develop pride that I could take it all in and live. I held onto all the pain. I kept quite. There was no outlet, and eventually after enough regret, anger, bitterness, and hatred…my life became one that only believed there was only pain. I fell into a deep depression. I rejected what I knew was not complete, but in my rejection I cut myself off from what was good, also. I failed to see how my parents were trying to do the right thing and provide for me. I knew there was so much more, but I failed to pursue because of excuses and unbelief. I knew God was present, but I failed to let him handle things. It was my life, and I lived it. Instead of living, I became the walking dead incapable of fully loving. I did not get the place of killing myself. I believe it would not solve a thing.

It was not who I was meant to be. So I turned to denial. I thought maybe if I forgot of pain that it would go away. It never went away. It always crept up on me. I needed peace of the soul. Then I remembered God. I started with forcing myself to listen to praise and worship songs. I brought it from my subconscious to my conscience. I tried to get around Christians. I was rejected again, so I left. I still continued to drive after the peace of the soul I knew God promised. Then a person at work gave me some sermons from a guy speaking on what Jesus taught. Jesus taught that harmony and peace of the soul is what God promised. Jesus taught us how to live free of the burdens of hatred, bitterness, anger, and regret. The sermons focused on how to live a complete live full of God’s love, mercy, and joy. How God wants the best for us so much that he provides for us. I found that it was not my effort the God came into my life, but he was challenging all the things I clung to in life that was not his. I found how the things I thought I need weren’t really what I needed. That the seemingly acceptance of things that were not complete but will do for now really weren’t the answered I needed and lack of faith that God will provide for me completely. There is hope in live. God does provide his love. God does not change who he is, and if he created us, sustains us, wants us to live, and promised a complete life, and gives all our true needs then…we have to have faith in him because he has already provided 9 out of 10 things for us.

 

[dvd_holc]

I have been on a journey on what is our nature and is it from God. “Who are we, and what are we doing here?” I believe that is foundation of faith. Some people jump to the greatest commandments (“Love for God and love one another as ourselves”) and leave it at that for our purpose.

However, God first created us in his likeness within his creation. We are like him but function as a lesser being within his world. He is free from all things; likewise, we are free to function with the world. Also within this purpose of being his likeness, God’s image is brought through us to bear in the world. This is a huge reason why we struggle to find him so much because it is fundamentally need to be his image. Still in our creation, God commanded with authority which gave us our purpose to do his will. Unfortunately (as we already know and have experienced), people have chosen to be the image of lesser things and polar opposites. Good is not evil and the same in the reverse direction. We can observe that when good is truly done there is a complete satisfying positive action. We also can observe that when evil is truly done it is unsatisfying and incomplete resulting in a negative action. God has said that he is good because good and only good can create, bring peace, and sustain existence. God has said that he does not tolerate and will ultimately judge (which restores justice) any evil action of humanity. Those who actually believe in God’s message of us and bear his image the way he wants will be justified by their true faith.

We weren’t created as individuals within his garden. God created humanity as man and wife within the garden to maintain and provide for the garden. From this and with the increase of humanity in course of history, we find there are many layers of belonging. Humanity has tried to figure out a correct order. Jesus and through the power of the Holy Spirit, God restored us to his complete image. We are lovers of God then onto the world. We do have the layer of intimacy of spouse, and God will provide us a temporary one (I will come back to this). We have a layer of belonging to a community. We have a layer of responsibility to nurture the world. Repeated over and over again is that those who actually live for God are his people who are the light of the world. We create and provide for the world. It is amazing responsibility. We have seen how society has come to a point where we severally impact the entire earth. But the nuclear bomb that we posses is love.

You need those layers of intimacy develop these relationships with people who are completely devoted to God and love. Don’t accept the lesser image of love. Love is joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. No other religion comes closer to that picture of love other than Christianity. Humanity has tried to turn away from that image of love. However, it secretly embraces it when it is convenient. Don’t let your faith be a convenient faith. God did not create and save you conveniently.

We aren’t alone in this. God loves us so much that he came to an oppressed minority of people within humanity in a corner of the world that was center on a different kingdom to comfort humanity. Jesus healed, raised people from the dead, comforted, cared for humanity, and restored people to God’s purpose. He took on all the tyranny of the world and died to it so that we may live freely. In the midst of the most incredible invention of torture he asked God to forgive them all. He

Gal 5:1
It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.

Math 11:28
28“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Jesus did this so that we may live freely and to be the image of God completely. God pours out grace to us. Taken from a dear friend:

Except that grace denotes a gift, not something someone earns.........with respect at least to ones connection to YHWH. Grace is not striving towards God, grace is a God who come to us. Grace according to the Scriptures is the Creator of the universe coming to you and saying "I love you just the way you are........can you trust me on this?"

The deal with grace is that it permiates life, even the lives of those who don't accept it or don't even acknowledge YHWH - life is a gift, breath is a gift, clothes are a gift, food is a gift, rain is a gift, all of life is a gift. At least in the Hebraic/Eastern understanding of grace.

Eph. 2:8-10
8For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9not by works, so that no one can boast. 10For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

Mat 5: 14-16
14“You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. 15Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. 16In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.

1 Peter 2:12
12Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us.

So then have faith and be comforted. Sustained by hope and know that God is coming here and with him comes the end of corruption of the body and soul.

Psalm 46:10
10 “Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.”

Hebrews 11:1
Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

Phil 4:4-9
4Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
8Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable— if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

Rev 21:
Then I saw “a new heaven and a new earth,” for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. 2I saw the HolyCity, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. 3And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying,
“Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. 4‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

Rev 22:
Then the angel showed me the river of the water of life, as clear as crystal, flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb 2down the middle of the great street of the city. On each side of the river stood the tree of life, bearing twelve crops of fruit, yielding its fruit every month. And the leaves of the tree are for the healing of the nations. 3No longer will there be any curse. The throne of God and of the Lamb will be in the city, and his servants will serve him. 4They will see his face, and his name will be on their foreheads. 5There will be no more night. They will not need the light of a lamp or the light of the sun, for the Lord God will give them light. And they will reign for ever and ever.

In the end God’s full presence is coming here and we will be one with him. And we all will have a new unique idenity that we alone will have.

Rev 2:
7Whoever has ears, let them hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To those who are victorious, I will give the right to eat from the tree of life, which is in the paradise of God.

11Whoever has ears, let them hear what the Spirit says to the churches. Those who are victorious will not be hurt at all by the second death.

17Whoever has ears, let them hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To those who are victorious, I will give some of the hidden manna. I will also give each of them a white stone with a new name written on it, known only to the one who receives it.

26To those who are victorious and do my will to the end, I will give authority over the nations— 27they ‘will rule them with an iron scepter and will dash them to pieces like pottery’ a—just as I have received authority from my Father. 28I will also give them the morning star.

Chapter 3:
4Yet you have a few people in Sardis who have not soiled their clothes. They will walk with me, dressed in white, for they are worthy. 5Those who are victorious will, like them, be dressed in white. I will never blot out their names from the book of life, but will acknowledge their names before my Father and his angels. 6Whoever has ears, let them hear what the Spirit says to the churches.

12Those who are victorious I will make pillars in the temple of my God. Never again will they leave it. I will write on them the name of my God and the name of the city of my God, the new Jerusalem, which is coming down out of heaven from my God; and I will also write on them my new name.

(pillars….we are apart of the foundation of the kingdom that holds it up!)

21To those who are victorious, I will give the right to sit with me on my throne, just as I was victorious and sat down with my Father on his throne.

 

[Icer757]

Hello, BeckaMarie...

My name is Matt and, while I'm ten years younger than you, I can understand how you feel.

Since as long as I can remember I've had problems with depression. My mom tried to get me help as best she could... Different medications were tried... But it never worked out for me. I've never attempted suicide, but I have considered just how much easier a path it would be. Instead, I killed myself in a different way... I completely withdrew from the world around me. I rarely went to school, I had no friends, I never left the house... I was as alone as you could get. Not because I had no one there for me... Not because people thought I was going through a phase... I just cut myself off from the world around me.

There have always been really weird little things that have rescued me from the depths of my depression. I never really understood what they meant or why they happened. When I so desperately wanted to give up... When I was on the edge of the cliff staring into the abyss... Something always happened. Something sparked within me that hope that we all need in life... And brought me through to the next day. Even now... That continues to happen.

I really feel like I've messed up a lot of my life. I failed my freshman and sophomore year in High School. I'm having to take many online classes my senior year just so I can graduate. I never got to do what I wanted to do... Take the classes I wanted to take... Feel the way I wanted to feel... I've felt like I've been trapped. And, well, I have been. I've been my cell as well as my jailer.

God saved my life. I was placed in a class that forced me to challenge myself and my depression at the end of soph. year. I didn't have any faith at all at this point in my life. If anything, I cursed God. But circumstances conspired very strangely to bring me to certain points in my life. When I took that class for a second time in Junior year... After I had started fighting my depression... There was a strong Christian influence that entered the room thanks to one of my peers. While I was dealing with so much of who I was... While I was forcing myself to grow up very quickly... I had that thrown into the mixture.

I, for a long time, completely refused to go to/consider God while depressed... I couldn't bear for people to think of me as weak... Or say whatever... I had a lot of pride. God was patient with me. He'd be constantly giving me little pushes... Showing me little bits of knowledge... There were even, at one point, pages of the Bible showing up on my doorstop. While I refused to let Him anywhere near me in my depression... I slowly began to realize so much. Going to God in depression wasn't weak at all... Going to God out of grief wasn't just some desperate flailing around for something to get a grip on... It is the best decision anyone can make when faced with difficulty. While I know you say you aren't really Christian... That you are thinking of going back to church... willing to give it a try... I applaud you for doing so. God has helped you be here today... You're taking steps towards him... That's a wonderful thing.

I don't know what I can share with you... I don't know how I can help you in any way. I'm 17... I don't really have any advice I can give. I don't really know what I can offer. I can only share my experiences... give you my prayers...

There is always hope. Now, and forever, there is always hope. When I was in my deepest darkness... When I awash in depression... hope is what kept me alive. You haven't wasted your life at all... Wasting your life would be never seeking a better life... Never trying to change anything... Just wallowing in the circumstances. You, right now, are proving that you aren't wasting your life. You have much to live for. You have much you've yet to experience. You, while 27, have so much life yet to live. God is always with you... Even while you don't have faith in him... Should it even be that you are cursing him... He is with you. He still loves you. He still guides you.

Depression, for me, served a purpose... It taught me so much. It allowed me to gain so much strength... So much knowledge of myself. Fighting it gave me things that I can't express in words. I've been fighting myself as best I can since I was given my weapons by God... Last night I was forced faced it and struck it down. Being able to write out how I'm feeling... my sadness... my utter anger with the world... Everything... All of it helps me. Not only does it provide a release for me at the time... But later, when I'm in a more rational state of mind, I can read what I wrote. Being able to see what I was thinking at the time allows me to realize what it is I'm doing that's causing my depression. That's how I'm fighting my depression... That's how I'm coming to terms with my past... That's how I'm developing who I am... And helping to make sure that I have a future. I hope you don't think that because I'm young I have more to look forward to... That I have more of a chance than you do... I have just as much chance as you though! Though seperated by age, we are still equal! God supplied me with the strength I needed... God gave me the tools... God was there for me even when I didn't think that there was anything there at all. Find some way to talk to God... Through writing... Through prayer... through art... Find something you can do to express yourself to the Lord!

I don't know how organized what I've written is... or even if it's helpful. I really do hope the best for you. If you'd like to talk, feel free to PM me. There are many people who care for you... And the truly strange thing is... They may not even know who you are. You aren't alone... Not ever.

God bless you,

- Matt

 

[BeckaMarie]

David and Matt, Thank You both for sharing about your lives with me and stuff. I am kind of tired tonight. I won't be on the computer long. So I'll post or pm later when I have more time.

 

[Amin]

I don't know I've always felt alone and empty inside. Its all I ever known. I don't know how to feel any different. If God loves me, then how to I get to Know him? Where do I start? What do I do? I just feel so lost and have felt totally destroyed inside a long time ago.

Hi, BeckaMarie, How are ya? Ya know, i don't even know what to say. But after reading your post, my heart just felt for you and your struggle. I too suffer from depression and anxiety. I'm a christian, and i still at times feel, empty, and alone, even tho my heart knows better, the effects of depression still can cause you to feel alone, and unloved, or that people don't care.
I can truthfully say, that, regardless of how you feel about yourself, God really does love you. I know it does'nt make sense, and sometimes it hard to believe. The fact remains,
that you are worth more than you can imagine. Did you know that, even tho you feel this way about yourself, if you were the only person on this earth, that Jesus would still have gone to the cross, just for you.To me, that says, you're important,
you have worth. Please, don't sell yourself short. At this time in my life, i'm wondering, what's it all about, i don't feel like
i'm part of things, and feel empty, but, ya know, things in some way do have purpose, and meaning. I can't see it at the present time, because depression is clouding my thoughts.
I've been a christian for a while, and there are times i just want to scream out: GOD, WHAT'S GOING ON? There's also a part of me that knows, even tho i'm feeling like this, God still loves me, and He loves you. Don't ask me to explain it, because right now, i don't know if i could. If you want to get to know God, let him come to you right were you are, just say: Lord, i know things are'nt right in my life right now, but i need you,
and your saving grace, and if you believe in your heart, that Christ died for your sin, and you want him to come and take his rightful place in your ,heart, body, mind , and spirit, and accept Him as your Lord and Saviour, He'll do exactly that. I could go into a long story of how it happened to me, but i'll save that for another time. Becka, know God loves you, and so do i.
You're worth more than you think, give God a chance.
Take Care, and God Bless You, Amin.

 

[sk8Joyful]

God wants to comfort you. Jesus came to comfort the world. How can you say you are alone when God has acted in so many ways to save your life? God has meet you right where you are. He does not accept you not knowing him. He knows you and has cared deeply for you. Jesus came so that you would have the best possible life. You don't know your purpose? First, to love God with everything you have. Second, to love humanity as yourself which is two fold because you likewise have to love yourself. Don't you think it is about time you stopped trying to work against God and work with him? He loves you fully. Whatever you dislike about life, there is a good chance it that God has not purposed it to be. Don't give into depression, bitterness, anger, and self pity...you know it only wants to consume you and destroy you. However, God made you as a beautiful being who he takes care of with love. God is present in your life. God wants you to take part in this existence. He made you as his image bearer. His image: one of love, joy, good, and kind. Live to that and you will be blessed with peace and harmony of the soul. I will pray for you.

Hear Hear, dvd_holc - Well, said!

May you be Blessed with your wife *raising children* unto Christ

Annie

 

[dvd_holc]

Hear Hear, dvd_holc - Well, said!

May you be Blessed with your wife *raising children* unto Christ

Annie

Thanks and praise the Lord.

 

[CephasWalking]

Becka, though my depression has not lasted as long as yours, I have struggled for some time as well, and God has stayed my hand many times before I came to him. He's so good like that. Why? Because he love us. Silly us, stupid us, Us. I don't know why. But he Does

 

[CephasWalking]

excuse me. happy 'enter' finger. But he Does! All it takes is a little faith, as much as a mustard seed. Now i have some mustard seeds in my necklace, and let me tell you, they are small, like an eighth of a peppercorn small. God will work with that. God, in Jesus, did everything that needed to be done to bring us close to Himself, and will continue to work in your life once you've given it to him. He died, taking away ALL our sins, every stupid and wrong thing we have done or will ever do. All we have to do is say, 'okay, God. I know i'm messed up. I believe that you can do what you say you can do. thank you for coming to earth. Thank you for dying for me, just so you can be with me, so i can know victory and bring you glory! I want you in my life. I know i need you. Holy Spirit come. In Christ's name, amen." and God will show you himself, I have no doubt. because Jesus said whoever shall seek shall find. and he who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him. He will help you figure it out. Just keep talking to him (praying) and reading what he says and said (bible) and listening and watching for him to move in your life (Holy Spirit). All that can be confusing sometimes, so it helps to get some support and encouragement from others who are doing the same thing (church, bible study). God bless you and your life. Don't give up!
Bobbi