Need advice on how to help depressed girlfriend

[Matthew79]

I need some advice here. My girlfriend is in really bad shape. When she was growing up she was physically abused by her father and left home early out of fear for her life. She doesn’t have a real strong relationship with anyone in her immediate family and this causes a lot of stress. Since then she’s had a really hard time coping and gets very stressed from time to time. Lately it’s made me a little more than scared. She’s resorted to self-mutilation (cutting), and almost tried overdosing on pills the other day. It’s very evident that she’s depressed but she won’t seek counseling or therapy. She says she’s tried that before and it didn’t work out. I think she’s also afraid that if she went for help her parents would find out (she’s a university student and under their medical plan, but it doesn’t cover much). She feels like her parents (and she’s probably right) would berate her for being this way rather than helping her. I’m really not sure what to do here? I’m staying close to her as much as I possibly can and I think it helps, but what can I do to improve the situation. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.

 

[Gentle-Heart]

Hi Matthew

So good you posted here about your dear Girlfriend.

Sounds like you both need support. It isn't easy seeing someone we love who is suffering and feeling depressed.

She's hurting inside and the cutting is her way of dealing with feelings that overwhelm her. It is her way of coping but obviously not the best way.

Try to help her to talk about her feelings when she feels the need to cut. Pray together and plan an activity you both enjoy to help her focus on something other than hurting herself.How about a walk outside for 10 minutes or so, go to the Park, feed the ducks,write a poem, draw a picture to express her feelings, anything. Even though these feelings may be intense they will pass and she will feel better.

It takes time to recover from Depression. But unless it is really bad she will have her better days. On those days plan a strategy on what she can do when she feels down. Call a friend, listen to Music, a meal out etc. Making sure she doesn't feel isolated & has something to look forward to will help.

Perhaps University is putting her under pressure. If she is unable to talk to her Family and may receive their disapproval, that could explain why she is failing to accept any help. She could be scared of others being the same, or just does not feel ready for it. Or even ashamed she even is this way.

I have been very depressed too and have self-harmed so I can understand why she is behaving this way. I needed to reach a point where I just did not want to be this way anymore and that is when I got help.

Keep praying for her but don't be scared. Jesus can and will heal her. Just being there for her is absolutly great.

Sometimes people with depression don't even realise they need help. Try to get her to talk to her Doctor. I don't know what it is like in the USA but here in the UK, whatever is told to our Doctor is kept confidential and will not be passed on to any family member.

The OD could be a cry for help but she is too scared to admit it. When you feel disapproved of the last thing you want to show is imperfection. Being in need can be wrongly perceived as weakness.

These other suggestions are simple but can make a difference.
1 For her to have a Good Night's Sleep
2 Maintaining a healthy diet - low blood sugar can contribute to feeling depressed. So regular meals to stabilise sugar levels.
3 Some medical conditions can cause depression which if treated are very effective. Such as an Underactive Thyroid needs to be ruled out.
4 Underlying anxiety/worry that is not addressed -
Pray she opens up to someone soon
5 Time out for herself - Being too Busy doesn't help.

Hope this helps Matthew. I'm getting tired right now so unable to post anymore. But I will be praying for both of you. You're not alone in this, either of you.

Rest in Jesus and receive His comfort,I'll be back later.

Much peace to you both, Blessings,
Gentle-Heart

 

[Alternate Carpark]

The abuse she suffered has caused much damage and guilt and confusion in her life.
It is one of the most life destroying things that can happen to a child.

So much that she most likely can see no way out of it.
To be in a state of perpetual hopelessness is a terrible thing to experience.

This is where God is in His element if you allow Him to be.
This kind of situation is where God's love shines the brightest.

God is able to heal her wounds and restore her soul to one of hope and joy.
But, He is unable if she does not trust and believe that He can.

Ask and allow God into the situation and step out and trust that He will help.
God already knows how to set her free, He is just waiting to be asked.

Your girlfriend need only ask one thing from God , "Please help me be free from this cage of torment"

If it is a cry from the heart, God will respond.
This is His promise to all who seek Him.
God is not ashamed of her, I say this because nearly all abuse victims feel ashamed and this is why they cannot talk to anyone about it.

So God is not ashamed, never was and never will be.
It is impossible for Him to be ashamed of His children.
Especially when the child has done nothing wrong in this situation.
It is not God's nature to be ashamed of His children.

Daily ask God to keep her safe.
Daily bring her to God's attention when you talk to God.
Be there for her and listen to her.

Show her Luke 4:18-19
This is a personal promise from God to her.

 

[Rafael]

Yes, prayerfully see if she would be open to the Lords healing and love, and then guide her there.

 

[Lilly of the Valley]

You can give her a book by Joyce Meyer called: Beauty for Ashes (talks about getting over abuse and how to forgive and heal)