need advice in one-way relationship

[joey]

I am not sure if anyone of you have even engaged in a one-way relationship, that is you love him/her more than he/she does. I have been struggling in such a relationship for almost one year. It is really painful as I fail to give up a relationship, which distorts my personality and needs.

I am definitely a Six type that essentially feel insecure. I want more love from people and feel insecure and angry when the others respond indifferently. This reveals that I am people-oriented instead of God-centered. Now, I want my spiritual life get back to track. Can anyone suggest any verses in bible to mediate?

 

[Hewitt]

Off the top of my head all I can come up with is Proverbs 3:5-6 which talks about trusting in the Lord and leaning NOT on your own understanding. We just have to face it, this world doesn't make sense and the only thing we can rely on is God's love for us. Just remember that there is more to life than dating and God is so much bigger than all that. His timing is perfect and He'll pull you through.

 

[Risen Tree]

joey, if you can get through this successfully, please let me know how you did it. I am EXACTLY where you are right now.

Edit: What is Six Type?

 

[desi]

You hold onto something even if you are unhappy with it? Unless you are married you are wasting your time fretting over it. He won't change and you won't let go. As far as where you're centered, demanding love from others implies being self-centered. By focusing on helping others you will move your focus from yourself to others which will move the positive focus of others toward you by virtue of your actions. Jesus's life is an example of this.

 

[Stanfi]

My experience is that if the relationship is truly one way. Meaning that you deeply care for this person, and they do not reciprocate the same feeling back to you,, then you just need to walk away. I know this is hard, almost impossible. However, the more that you hang on the deeper you will get hurt, and the longer it will take to get over.

 

[soberingup]

Love is intended to be unconditional. Once your "love" start depending on what the other person will do for you or make you feel.. you should reconsider your definition of "love." everyone that is human will eventually let you down and disappoint you over and over... and over again. as for your relationship.. if you truly love this person, and this person isn't hurting you (other than your pride), stay with this person (as long as this person is willing..) and learn to love this person unconditionally. at the least, it will be well worth it when God rewards you.. in His special way.

 

[Grommit]

nevermind...

 

[wvmtnkid]

I have had several one-sided loves. Me being the one with the feelings. And boy, do they ever sting. One married my best friend. Eventually, though, someone else will come along and you will be able to let go of your feelings. And if nothing else, they will make you appreciate it more when your feelings of love are returned.


And soberingup, I know you may have meant well, and I can understand where you are coming from, but I would never advise hanging on to feelings of love when it is plain that they will never be returned. You can love them as a brother or sister in Christ as we are commanded to do. But to hang on to feelings of boyfriend/girlfriend love that will never be returned, I think, is not very healthy and will just lead to more heartache down the road. Plus it becomes hard for the person that you harbor those feelings for when they just don't or can't return those feelings. If the attraction just isn't there, it is better to cut the strings and move on, as hard as it may be at the time.

 

[Grommit]

nevermind...

 

[Risen Tree]

^-^ W-O-R-D. The biggest fear I face is the fear of loneliness, because I'm such a relationship-driven person.

 

[OnceDust]

I can tell you, being a kid from a one-way parent relationship it doesnt last. My parents decided to marry. My dad loved my Mom, but she was in a rush to get mairried and so gave into that, even though she really didnt return his affections. They have both been mairried several times since.

I had a 3 year relationship with a girl, but our relationship was platonic. We both cared and had a spiritual connection, but marrying her wouldve been like marrying my sister. I'm sorry, but that kinda scares me. I realized I would've made the same mistake, and so we parted as good friends, as we always were anyways.

I think if you decide to break it off, you'll need to find a change of pace that will help you to focus more on God. I took a more active role in my campus ministry while in college, I went on a mission trip with them that summer, every retreat, every study, I was there. It helps to have accountability. Find a group of friends you can rely on to knock you when passion is too strong for principle.

And know that, with God, you are NEVER alone. If I understand the Bible correctly, our job is really to be totally commited to him. I didnt take that to heart until I broke up. I'm still learning, but I'm also kept busy. Take it a day at a time. Always, we're here to chat and email you too. Even Christ needed 12 friends to hang about with. Dont leave yourself abandoned to real world relationships no matter what you do.

 

[joey]

Finally, I made up my mind to stop the relationship and broke up with him in a bad temper. Another problem came up in this decide, I was angry with him as I thought he hurt me selfishly and thoughtlessly. But we are in the same church and I don't want to see him any longer but I cannot. Deep in my heart, I know it is evil to transform anger to hater. I think I can get rid of anger but it takes time. Before I can do that, I just want to keep myself away from the crowds…..and have a longer quiet time for me to seek the comfort from the GOD.

 

[Risen Tree]

Yep.

This Friday, I'm probably going to be seeing the girl that I broke up with for the first time in two months. I've been sharply debating with myself about it and praying intensely over this. I feel as if it would be the lesser of two evils to go and see her, because failing to do so would be running away from the problem.

I hope you guys will pray for me.

 

[Grommit]

nevermind...

 

[desper84unity]

Dear Joey:

You are getting pretty good advice from people here that are saying you should leave that one way relationship. And you said you were, yet you said you really can't.

I married the prettiest 'one way' gal I could ever imagine, and it eventually COMPLETELY broke my heart. But 5 years after divorce (she left, then we divorced) I can say I am 96% recovered.

Your saying that you can't not see him because you are both in the same church, is a really unacceptable situation. It would be entirely worth it to even move to another PROVINCE, if that's what it takes to forget about this person. Really. You can't imagine the pain you are going to accumulate if you don't break free completely.

You need to understand that YOU are also not well. I know that sounds shocking and mean, but it is completely true. If you can afford it get into Christian counseling with a recommended Christian Psychologist, they know all about this stuff, and they should be able to help you. In the end of course it is GOD that you are going to have to fill the void in your heart with first. But getting a professional to tell you that, and help you see what's broken in your heart is well worth it. You gotta get out of that pain/attachment addiction before you're chopped liver!

I recommend a very good book "One Way Relationships: When You Love Them More Than They Love You." by Alfred Ells....it's Chrisitian based.

RUN, RUN, RUN from that person! When you get free run to Christ, spend a lot of fervent time (AWAY from that guy) asking Jesus Christ to fill with his Spirit. I'll pray, and get my friends to pray for you.

God Bless You.