Need advice from all!

[nateboy]

I am expecting a child in July and my other child, Nathan, will be four in August. I do need to work at least part time. There are two places I have applied for and one is two days a week, the other is three days a week. The three day a week position pays so much more than the two day a week (thousands more a year). The three day a week is a bit more stressful than the two day but it is closer about 10 minutes from my house whereas the other is 35 minutes.

Does being home that extra day make a lot of difference in your opinion? Would you sacrifice thousands of dollars for a little less stress and more time for your children. With the two day a week position, all the money I would make would go to daycare, my student debt (which is very big - 9 years in college), and pay off debt. So, it's not a lot of money a month but it takes care of things we need to pay down or off.

I plan on spending the other three days getting involved in a church, going to mommy groups and learning how to be a good stay at home mommy and wife.

We moved away from family to another state in order for me to stay home part time. It was impossible to buy a house in the state where our family lives but we just bought a house and I can stay home part time. We will barely make it if I get the two day a week position and not the three day a week position. I know we have to go on faith. Moving here was a faith move. My husband has a good job now, not great pay but it pays the essential bills. I am so happy!!!!

What would you do if you were offered both jobs? Would you take the less stressful job with significantly less pay and one more day with your children?? HELP!!

 

[sparassidae]

If I was in your situation then yes I would take the 2 day position for less stress. We're actually further along that path- I don't work at all, and one of the things we have sacrificed (at the moment) is being able to buy a house. To us, me being at home with the children is worth more than a house.

One of the things that make a difference is that working (or working 3 days versus 2 days) generally means more child care costs, convenience food (which is more expensive), stuff like that. We actually joke that I couldn't afford to work, because of those other costs.

And if you think 3 days would be more stressful than 2, and you think that would have a negative impact on your family, then you have to take that into account.

Hope this helps.

 

[nateboy]

The three day a week position is so much more money that paying for an extra day, gas, and all the food really wouldn't be a big deal. We would be able to pay off our debts in one-fourth of the time with that extra day. I do believe the stress level with the three day a week position maybe too high. It's so hard to know for sure.

Buying a home was right for us. We got a good interest rate (not arm) with no money down and pay just a little more than we would by renting. Even if we just rented, I would still need to work part time. Buying a house in no way impacts my need to work.

 

[Neenie1]

I think you have to do what's right for you.

I am SAHM. I have been since my son (5 1/2) was born.

I also have a daughter who is 2 next month.

I LOVE being a SAHM. We are living from week to week, next to no savings. I think it's worth it because they are little for such a short time.

Just from my experience, I would say if you are working 2 days a week and have 2 children at home, then you may not have much time or energy to be out and about the other 3 days. There is housework and washing and cooking that still needs to be done.


At the moment, I tend to have 2 days a week where I am out most of the day. The other 3 tend to be (in a normal week) the days where I still have to do school drop off and pickup, but those days tend to be the days where I concentrate mainly on spending one on one time with my daughter, and getting the house sorted out.

Believe me it takes those days. I still feel like I am playing catch up all the time, it is only the basics I am doing. I don't remember the last time I dusted or cleaned the oven, although it has been this year (ROFL)


If you think you could cope with the 3 days then do it. If not and you still have to work at least part time then do the 2 days.

 

[sparassidae]

The three day a week position is so much more money that paying for an extra day, gas, and all the food really wouldn't be a big deal. We would be able to pay off our debts in one-fourth of the time with that extra day. I do believe the stress level with the three day a week position maybe too high. It's so hard to know for sure.

Buying a home was right for us. We got a good interest rate (not arm) with no money down and pay just a little more than we would by renting. Even if we just rented, I would still need to work part time. Buying a house in no way impacts my need to work.

I hope you didn't think I was judging you for working Just relaying our experience. In regards to housing- even with a 20 % deposit and a good interest rate, we would be paying twice as much for a mortgage per week as the rent we pay now (assuming we bought this same house, and it's nothing flash)

God is teaching us contentment

 

[nateboy]

Thank you for responding!! Sorry...I can get a bit defensive at first on this topic. Your response was just fine.

This is our 3rd home, so we were able to get an extremely low fixed interest rate on 100% financing. Oh, and my husband qualified without my income for the first time which is so great!!!

I think it depends on where you live and the market. Here, the rent is almost the same as buying. It is cheaper to rent but only by $150 or so. Where we just moved from, the rent is about 1/2 the cost of a mortgage. We will be paying just a little more here on our home mortgage than we were renting a small apt in the other state. It does depend so much on where you live. If the cost differential was more here and it would be a lot cheaper to rent, we would just do that. I think what you are doing Sparassidae is wonderful and God will truly bless you for your sacrifice! A house and having a savings account is nothing compared to the quality time you are spending with your children.

Oh, I went to another Christian forum and asked the same question and the women who responded questioned how I can make it working only part time and paying for daycare. I am in a career field where it is possible, which is part of the reason why I do need to work - I need to pay that debt (I will be paying until I am 60 years old but that's a whole other sob story). If I could change that, I would. I can't go back in time. My biggest pray is to just have that debt removed because it keeps me in chains everyday of my life!! It keeps my family in chains.

Anyways, I thank you all for being extremely supportive so far. I didn't feel as supported in the other forum. I especially thank all you full time stay at home mothers for not being judgemental towards my situation and how you are answering my question in a loving way.

We have made such huge sacrifices for me to only work part time. My husband dropped out of a PhD program a year ago. We are a little older than most PhDers and we wanted to work toward the goal of me not having to work full time. We moved to another state to be closer to family. We left because the cost of living made it so that I would have to work full time even if we just rented an apt. We got rid of our nice cars and own two old cars (paid for). I don't buy any clothes or items new. We are very frugal (with the exception of going out to eat...we need to work on that!!). So, it's so huge for me to only work part time. I am truly excited that God is allowing it financially!!!

We weren't as blessed when I had my first child. My husband had lost his job because of severe depression when our baby was only 2 weeks old. Before that, he was not really stable and I new I had to work to keep a roof over our heads to pay the basic bills. Our unique circumstances did not enable me to stay home, but God brought some wonderful Christian women into our paths to help us rear God's child, my biological child!!

I pray my husband will keep his job this time around.

I am truly going to think and pray hard about what some of you had said. Perhaps just working two days a week in a less stressful job is the direction I should go. I would certainly have to live more frugal but don't we all? I have an anxiety problem as it is and I think the more I put on my plate the worse off my family would be.

 

[annaapple]

What does your heart say?

My experience is this: 2 days or 3 days doesn't make a big difference, you're still with your kids most of the week. A long commute is a really bad thing for family life (believe me, I've done it). And paying off debts counts for a lot too, both in terms of what you can offer your kids and less stress for you. I also think that the older kids get, the more they need you rather than just any loving person.

So I guess my advice would be:
take the 3 day job which pays more and is closer, save in every way you can to pay off anything you can and then stay with your kids all the time once you have paid off all your college debts. Or drop to one day or something, if you enjoy paid employment.

 

[annaapple]

Oh yeah, and pray pray pray.

Whenever we have faced these kinds of decisions God has always made His path plain, but we have ahd to wait for an answer sometimes!

 

[lin1235]

I would definitely go for the 3-day, one extra day for good money will not impact on your kids all that much. And the commute is much easier. I work full-time, and of the 9 hours I'm away from home the worst bit is the hour on the road (30 mins each way) esp when I'm going home and can't wait to be with Jana and I have to wait.

 

[RoseofLima]

I'd go for the 2 dayer...when I was in a position where I had to work I loathed being away from my baby. I decided I would rather be broke than be away from my baby anymore than I had to be.

I would also not get too crazy with activities on my days home...but just spend that time reconnecting with baby. I'd maybe pick one activity a week, or something...

 

[nateboy]

Thanks everyone. I am still a bit confused because you all are saying good things that I am constantly thinking about.

I know for sure I have the two day a week position but will find out about the three day a week either today or tuesday. Perhaps the decision will already be made for me.

The hardest thing is waiting!! I am not a patient person and need to plan everything. God knows us and definitely knows are weeknesses. My biggest weakness is waiting on him. That is probably why everything is taking so very long. I need to be in constant prayer! After I wrote this last night, I prayed for quite a while.

God bless

 

[spiersdodgerblue]

Thank you for responding!! Sorry...I can get a bit defensive at first on this topic. Your response was just fine.

This is our 3rd home, so we were able to get an extremely low fixed interest rate on 100% financing. Oh, and my husband qualified without my income for the first time which is so great!!!

I think it depends on where you live and the market. Here, the rent is almost the same as buying. It is cheaper to rent but only by $150 or so. Where we just moved from, the rent is about 1/2 the cost of a mortgage. We will be paying just a little more here on our home mortgage than we were renting a small apt in the other state. It does depend so much on where you live. If the cost differential was more here and it would be a lot cheaper to rent, we would just do that. I think what you are doing Sparassidae is wonderful and God will truly bless you for your sacrifice! A house and having a savings account is nothing compared to the quality time you are spending with your children.

Oh, I went to another Christian forum and asked the same question and the women who responded questioned how I can make it working only part time and paying for daycare. I am in a career field where it is possible, which is part of the reason why I do need to work - I need to pay that debt (I will be paying until I am 60 years old but that's a whole other sob story). If I could change that, I would. I can't go back in time. My biggest pray is to just have that debt removed because it keeps me in chains everyday of my life!! It keeps my family in chains.

Anyways, I thank you all for being extremely supportive so far. I didn't feel as supported in the other forum. I especially thank all you full time stay at home mothers for not being judgemental towards my situation and how you are answering my question in a loving way.

We have made such huge sacrifices for me to only work part time. My husband dropped out of a PhD program a year ago. We are a little older than most PhDers and we wanted to work toward the goal of me not having to work full time. We moved to another state to be closer to family. We left because the cost of living made it so that I would have to work full time even if we just rented an apt. We got rid of our nice cars and own two old cars (paid for). I don't buy any clothes or items new. We are very frugal (with the exception of going out to eat...we need to work on that!!). So, it's so huge for me to only work part time. I am truly excited that God is allowing it financially!!!

We weren't as blessed when I had my first child. My husband had lost his job because of severe depression when our baby was only 2 weeks old. Before that, he was not really stable and I new I had to work to keep a roof over our heads to pay the basic bills. Our unique circumstances did not enable me to stay home, but God brought some wonderful Christian women into our paths to help us rear God's child, my biological child!!

I pray my husband will keep his job this time around.

I am truly going to think and pray hard about what some of you had said. Perhaps just working two days a week in a less stressful job is the direction I should go. I would certainly have to live more frugal but don't we all? I have an anxiety problem as it is and I think the more I put on my plate the worse off my family would be.

What a great testimony of faith through all the struggles of life.

I would say to take the 3 day to get out of the bondage of the the loans you owe. Nothing like money owed to hold us down in life, it's stifling, and all overwhelmimg. And this might give you some peace also if your husband is not able to keep this job due to the depression he suffers with. And if you want advancement in your job later down the road this job might be helpful also.

Above all keep seeking Gods will.
Best to you

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[chrislife]

I think it's good that you're asking for input and looking at this from multiple angles. It's not a decision to make lightly.

I would also bring it to God with a huge dollop of trust. Pray that if God wants you home with the kids full time, He will make it possible. A number of years ago, I made that prayer, and the next month my child support got doubled.

I'll pray for you, for an increase in money and for peace.
---Christina

 

[TCat]

I'd say the 3 day, owing that money is not good for your mental health your marriage and that translates to your kids! Forgive me but it also sounds from something you posted as if DH may not be entirely stable and if so you may need those extra funds.
The kids will do fine with one more day, in fact my DS used to ask me on my day off if he could only stay with me part of the day and still go play with his friends at preschool for the other part. LOL
Pray and listen and make the best choice for you and the family.

 

[cristianna]

What does your heart say?

My experience is this: 2 days or 3 days doesn't make a big difference, you're still with your kids most of the week. A long commute is a really bad thing for family life (believe me, I've done it). And paying off debts counts for a lot too, both in terms of what you can offer your kids and less stress for you. I also think that the older kids get, the more they need you rather than just any loving person.

So I guess my advice would be:
take the 3 day job which pays more and is closer, save in every way you can to pay off anything you can and then stay with your kids all the time once you have paid off all your college debts. Or drop to one day or something, if you enjoy paid employment.

I totally agree with this.

I'd say the 3 day, owing that money is not good for your mental health your marriage and that translates to your kids! Forgive me but it also sounds from something you posted as if DH may not be entirely stable and if so you may need those extra funds.
The kids will do fine with one more day, in fact my DS used to ask me on my day off if he could only stay with me part of the day and still go play with his friends at preschool for the other part. LOL
Pray and listen and make the best choice for you and the family.

I also completely agree with this response too! And both dd's did the same thing. When I began to transition from full-time to part-time and had days off, they preferred being in day care. And even when I went from part-time to sahm... it was the same thing. They even asked if they could go to our old day care one day a week this summer. I guess I'm *boring*.

 

[nateboy]

Thanks for the replies. My son is the same way. I have been on maternity disability since 13 weeks and I am now 32 weeks pregnant. My son is always asking to go to someones house or to daycare. We moved so I found someone to watch him three days a week, 3 to 4 hours a day. He loves going over there because this person also has a 4 year old boy. I guess I am boring, too. I send him so much because of my pregnancy problems and it's fun for him.

I do have activities for him but nothing compares to socialization with other kids. I am joining mommy groups as well but even that wouldn't be enough for him. That is his little personality.