Need advice for approaching a guy.

[ChristTheRock]

There is a guy who I have a ton of mutual friends with in church but for whatever reason I have never become friends with him. Additionally, I have only introduced myself once and other than that I see him in service and after during fellowship. I am really interested in becoming his friend and seeing if there is any chance of a relationship. So, right now I know absolutely nothing about him and have a "crush" on him. I am not against going up to speak to him and I think it is fine for me to try to be friends with him. However, I need advice for this. I do not know what to talk about and maybe I am a little naive liking him since I don't know him. I am not one to just wait around expecting him to approach me- and so far he hasn't tried speaking to me either. I am super scared that I can pass by a future relationship when I am attracted to him. Like I said, I don't actually know him but I can tell by his body language, personality, friends group/mutual friends that he is someone I might have a chance with.

 

[Saucy]

Well, you should definitely find out what circles he hangs out in. Is he a part of the young adult ministry? I don't know if I'd join just to get to him lol, but short of going up and talking to him yourself, you'll have to find a way into his circle. Make friends with his friends, especially a girl if you know of any.

 

[HoleyHermit]

Guys tend to be fairly simple and unsuspecting. Our defenses are usually up against physical attacks by other guys and wild animals. Unless he's constantly being hunted by women, he probably won't be prepared against you. Toss a net on him and reel him in. Walk up and say hi.

Unless it's me. I have all shields at maximum and weapons fully charged. But I'm unusual.

 

[ChristTheRock]

Maybe I should add- lately I have been hanging out around his friends after service too. There is a girl that we are both friends with and he seems close to her. Maybe if there are any church hangouts it will be easier to be near him. The initial meeting is over. I guess it is time for the friendship stage, if possible.

 

[Sketcher]

Maybe I should add- lately I have been hanging out around his friends after service too. There is a girl that we are both friends with and he seems close to her. Maybe if there are any church hangouts it will be easier to be near him.

Going to those is exactly what I would advise. Sitting next to or across from him if the group decides to go out to eat for instance, will help provide a context in which you can talk. Or if the group decides to go out for laser tag or whatever.

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

Call me old fashioned, but the way it works is if the guy is interested in you then somehow someway he will approach you. You might find him attractive, but if the feeling is mutual then he will reciprocate by making a move to you. Not the other way around.

 

[ChristTheRock]

Call me old fashioned, but the way it works is if the guy is interested in you then somehow someway he will approach you. You might find him attractive, but if the feeling is mutual then he will reciprocate by making a move to you. Not the other way around.

I agree with you on this. So far I assume he looks at me like just another girl at church. However, I know the first step is friendship. Is it strange for me to approach him and at least let him know I want to be his friend/get to know him?

 

[Sketcher]

I agree with you on this. So far I assume he looks at me like just another girl at church. However, I know the first step is friendship. Is it strange for me to approach him and at least let him know I want to be his friend/get to know him?

I wouldn't call it bad or something to avoid.

 

[ChristTheRock]

I know I am definitely overthinking this situation and I am so unsure what to do because I have never liked anyone this much.
From the male perspective, how do you show a girl that you like her?
And, is it true that guys are sort of unaware whether or not a girl likes them? I can smile at him after service and be in group settings around him (I have done these things) but maybe he just doesn't know I'm interested unless I verbally tell him.

 

[Sketcher]

From the male perspective, how do you show a girl that you like her?

By asking her out. That has never ended well for me though, just a disclaimer.

And, is it true that guys are sort of unaware whether or not a girl likes them? I can smile at him after service and be in group settings around him (I have done these things) but maybe he just doesn't know I'm interested unless I verbally tell him.

For me, that is true. I assume if a woman is sincerely smiling in my direction, then she is smiling at someone else either near me or behind me. I have been accepted at the friend level, but beyond that, not so much. Enough of that dulls a person to "dropping hints."

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

I know I am definitely overthinking this situation and I am so unsure what to do because I have never liked anyone this much.
From the male perspective, how do you show a girl that you like her?
And, is it true that guys are sort of unaware whether or not a girl likes them? I can smile at him after service and be in group settings around him (I have done these things) but maybe he just doesn't know I'm interested unless I verbally tell him.

I have been in a situation where I wasn't aware that a particular woman liked me until I was told by friends. Afterward it really wasn't awkward, but there eventually came a time where we talked and I explained where I was at in life and my feelings toward her. (Which were not reciprocated the same) So I would tell you, you really don't need to verbally tell him you like him. One way or another he will find out.

 

[ChristTheRock]

By asking her out. That has never ended well for me though, just a disclaimer.

For me, that is true. I assume if a woman is sincerely smiling in my direction, then she is smiling at someone else either near me or behind me. I have been accepted at the friend level, but beyond that, not so much. Enough of that dulls a person to "dropping hints."

So I guess it is safe to say that I just need to be friendly and attend group events and if he truly is interested he will make his intentions known.

 

[ChristTheRock]

I have been in a situation where I wasn't aware that a particular woman liked me until I was told by friends. Afterward it really wasn't awkward, but there eventually came a time where we talked and I explained where I was at in life and my feelings toward her. (Which were not reciprocated the same) So I would tell you, you really don't need to verbally tell him you like him. One way or another he will find out.

Okay. My idea is that I should try to be in group settings as much as possible and be friendly. If he ends up being interested in me, you are likely to agree that he will make the first move himself?

 

[ChristTheRock]

This is another question I have: What are your personal ideas about people getting together? Does God bring people together or do we decide who we want to marry?
Sorry, I know that is a complicated question.

 

[Sketcher]

So I guess it is safe to say that I just need to be friendly and attend group events and if he truly is interested he will make his intentions known.

You should be friendly and attend group events. You're making yourself more available to him. Don't assume he can read your mind, though. He doesn't know you, he very likely hasn't seen you treat him differently than other guys. Maybe he will ask you out. Maybe he will simply begin to evaluate whether or not to ask you out, and that can be a long process for some guys. Sometimes, it takes a while for a woman to grow on me.

This is another question I have: What are your personal ideas about people getting together? Does God bring people together or do we decide who we want to marry?
Sorry, I know that is a complicated question.

We decide who we want to marry, and we make the choice to get married. I believe God permits people to make that choice, rather than forces it himself most of the time. I believe that Adam and Eve and Hosea and Gomer are two exceptions to that rule.

 

[ChristTheRock]

You should be friendly and attend group events. You're making yourself more available to him. Don't assume he can read your mind, though. He doesn't know you, he very likely hasn't seen you treat him differently than other guys. Maybe he will ask you out. Maybe he will simply begin to evaluate whether or not to ask you out, and that can be a long process for some guys. Sometimes, it takes a while for a woman to grow on me.

We decide who we want to marry, and we make the choice to get married. I believe God permits people to make that choice, rather than forces it himself most of the time. I believe that Adam and Eve and Hosea and Gomer are two exceptions to that rule.

Luckily my church has a lot of events planned this summer and a bible study so hopefully he will go to those as well. I am looking forward to being open and hang with our mutual friends and I'll see where that takes me.
Thank you for your time and answers. I also agree that we make the choice to be married.

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

Okay. My idea is that I should try to be in group settings as much as possible and be friendly. If he ends up being interested in me, you are likely to agree that he will make the first move himself?

I don't know if he will make the first move. You have expressed that you really like him so that may or may not be done by you. But I can tell you this..If he likes you in return there will be reciprocation.

 

[Saucy]

Guys tend to be fairly simple and unsuspecting. Our defenses are usually up against physical attacks by other guys and wild animals. Unless he's constantly being hunted by women, he probably won't be prepared against you. Toss a net on him and reel him in. Walk up and say hi.

Unless it's me. I have all shields at maximum and weapons fully charged. But I'm unusual.

I agree with this. I'm ABSOLUTELY clueless when it comes to knowing if a girl is into me or not. I never know until they make it obvious haha.

 

[ChristTheRock]

I agree with this. I'm ABSOLUTELY clueless when it comes to knowing if a girl is into me or not. I never know until they make it obvious haha.

By obvious do you mean that they verbally tell you they're interested or obvious hints?

 

[ChristTheRock]

I think after reading all your replies I understand that to become friends with someone it has to be natural. At the same time I can't expect him, or anyone for that matter, to approach me if I don't go to events or seem friendly. I've realized I should just focus on the friend part first before going crazy thinking about him as a boyfriend. I could very well get to know him and maybe I won't be as attracted as I thought...