Need Advice About Roommates

[JiminyCricket]

Hi all,

First of all, I want to say hello because I just joined up yesterday. I've been reading these forums for about a month now and I can't even begin to express how grateful I am that I found you all. Thank you.

I would like some advice about a roommate situation. I had roommates in college and fortunately it worked out really well. I currently live by myself but I'm moving into a 2 bedroom 2 bath apartment in late August and I'm looking for a roommate to split the costs. I want a roommate for three reasons; one, I'm trying to save money to buy a condo next year, and two, I'm never home anyways and I pay something like $650/month for a place to just sleep and shower, and three, I hate coming home to an empty house at night.

So my question is, is it a bad idea to move in with a female roommate? I've had friends that have done this before, it stayed platonic and there were no problems. I get along with girls a lot better than guys and girls are usually a lot cleaner than guys which suits me well cause I'm a neat freak. So my preference is to find a female roommate. I've had a few responses and I'll be meeting some potential roommates next week. Lets assume there's no attraction here and it stays platonic....would it be frowned upon by the Christian community that I would be living with a girl even if its platonic?

Thanks in advance for your thoughts.

 

[WITNESS8]

Well, first of all, welcome to the forum.

Hmmm...I know for sure that I do not condone men and women living together besides family and married folk...I do not have any reason to back this except for decency sake (I suppose)...Hmmm...I will have to think bout this some more

 

[Pyrogenesis]

Good question. If you're wondering what your local Christian community would think about it, the best idea is to ask your pastor. I'm pretty sure they wouldn't be thrilled about the idea.

I think the best Biblical advice is from 1 Thessalonians 5:22 - "Abstain from every appearance of evil." You know that there'd be nothing wrong going on, but it would be far too easy for people to assume the worst. You gotta admit, it would look kinda dodgy.

 

[none the wiser]

Two bedroom, two bath...I don't see a problem. I guess it would depend on how close the quarters would be. If you'd feel comfortable with various female things around the house I guess it'd just be like living with a sister.

Personally, I don't think it would look bad, except for people who wanted to see the worst. As a Christian, I would not assume that there was something going on, especially if both roommates made it clear they were not a couple. I guess it depends on what kind of community you're speaking of, because Pyrogenesis is right. As a general rule, people assume the worst of others when it comes to things like this. Human nature, I suppose.

I think try to get a feel for the Christian community in your area....if you think they'll be judgemental, I wouldn't do it. Seeing as your situation seems pretty seperate, it seems like this would be more acceptable as a general rule.

And also, if said friends were Christian, how did the Christian community react towards their choice?

And welcome

 

[Breetai]

Some Christians would frown upon it and some wouldn't. I've had female roommates before and it's worked out fine. She's around here at CF somewhere...

 

[Sketcher]

I don't think it's a good idea because it's just the two of you.

 

[RED that's ME]

Good question. If you're wondering what your local Christian community would think about it, the best idea is to ask your pastor. I'm pretty sure they wouldn't be thrilled about the idea.

I think the best Biblical advice is from 1 Thessalonians 5:22 - "Abstain from every appearance of evil." You know that there'd be nothing wrong going on, but it would be far too easy for people to assume the worst. You gotta admit, it would look kinda dodgy.

I agree with Pyrogenesis. You might plan on keeping everything platonic but other people can't see/know what goes on in your house and it could harm your testimony no matter what you do/don't do.

 

[PurpleBunny]

Some Christians would frown upon it and some wouldn't. I've had female roommates before and it's worked out fine. She's around here at CF somewhere...

*waves* Hi Blake!

Some people looked at our household a little funny. Mostly I just got pitied by other girls though

I will say that boys are MESSY roomies.. but so are girls (just ask Blake LOL).

 

[JiminyCricket]

Good question. If you're wondering what your local Christian community would think about it, the best idea is to ask your pastor. I'm pretty sure they wouldn't be thrilled about the idea.

I think the best Biblical advice is from 1 Thessalonians 5:22 - "Abstain from every appearance of evil." You know that there'd be nothing wrong going on, but it would be far too easy for people to assume the worst. You gotta admit, it would look kinda dodgy.

Those are some good points, thanks for writing back. Unfortunately since I'm new to town, I still haven't found a church that I'm comfortable with yet. I grew up Catholic but I find myself trying out different churches all the time from Baptist to Methodist and so on. I live in Jacksonville, Florida, and it has a large Southern Baptist community here. I trust myself, but since I'm trying out new churches, I'm trying to figure out how my reputation would be affected.

 

[JiminyCricket]

Two bedroom, two bath...I don't see a problem. I guess it would depend on how close the quarters would be. If you'd feel comfortable with various female things around the house I guess it'd just be like living with a sister.

Personally, I don't think it would look bad, except for people who wanted to see the worst. As a Christian, I would not assume that there was something going on, especially if both roommates made it clear they were not a couple. I guess it depends on what kind of community you're speaking of, because Pyrogenesis is right. As a general rule, people assume the worst of others when it comes to things like this. Human nature, I suppose.

I think try to get a feel for the Christian community in your area....if you think they'll be judgemental, I wouldn't do it. Seeing as your situation seems pretty seperate, it seems like this would be more acceptable as a general rule.

And also, if said friends were Christian, how did the Christian community react towards their choice?

And welcome

The Christians I've talked to from back home are really cool with the idea. But then again, they know me better. When I was in college, I belonged to the Baptist Student Union and most of the students there didn't care one way or the other. I think its more of a norm these days...ever since Three's Company was a big hit in the 80s, most people don't even care to notice a guy and a girl living together who aren't a couple. However, most of my friends are not Christians so my view may be distorted. Thats why I thought I'd ask on this board what the general feeling was.

You bring up a good point, none the wiser, I'm hoping that this will be like living with my sister. Thanks for your reply and warm welcome!

 

[JiminyCricket]

*waves* Hi Blake!

Some people looked at our household a little funny. Mostly I just got pitied by other girls though

I will say that boys are MESSY roomies.. but so are girls (just ask Blake LOL).

LOL, is Blake your roomie?

 

[paulewog]

Yes, I think it's a problem. Mainly because of temptation and character... that is, perception of character. The open-ended "Who knows what really happened when they were alone in their apartment together?" question is very bad for your testimony and character, heh. And temptation is much worse when you're alone in your the privacy of your own appartment or condo or what have you.

Being platonic is only half the battle. We have to work to be "stainless" and "blameless," not just work on not sinning. Blameless meaning that you can't even bring up a substantiated charge against someone.... however, if no one really knows what happened that one night when there were only the two of you in the condo... well, then the charge IS substantiated, it's your word against someone else's.

And then, especially, if the other person decides to say something DID happen, heh... ack. It's almost an unequally yoked situation, because then ti's your word against her word.

Eh, it's just a good situation to avoid, IMO

 

[OhhJim]

I have done it. I think it's actually a good idea. Men and women tend to respect each others' spaces more than men and men do. I can't speak to women and women as roommates.

I get the impression that only those who haven't done it would disapprove. It's actually a fairly common thing, these days. It's not the seventies, when Mr. Roper wouldn't rent to Jack Tripper unless he was gay.

Hey, if you have a male roommate, how do people know what the two of you are doing when nobody's around??

 

[paulewog]

OhhJim, regarding the two guys... it's been generally thought to be "odd" and "weird" to have that sort of relationship, so that's not an issue, heh When that becomes so prevalent that everyone is suspected of it, it's going to be a messed up world indeed. May as well call it Sodom

Yes, it's a fairly common thing. So is sleeping with your boyfriend and having sex throughout high school. What does that have to do with anything?

I can say for my own church that if a guy and girl were living together, platonic or not, college or not, it would be looked on as pretty serious. The guy is opening himself up for trouble. If he calls himself a Christian, and a non-Christian decides to say "Ok, Christian, so you follow Christ. That means you're not immoral, right? Then why are you living with a girl? We all know what goes on when people live with someone from the opposite sex. Come on now." It's essentially the Christian's word against the non-Christian. And we know who the "world" will believe.

 

[PurpleBunny]

LOL, is Blake your roomie?

Blake/Breetai WAS my roomie when we were still in college. Now he lives on the other side of the world!

 

[OhhJim]

It's essentially the Christian's word against the non-Christian. And we know who the "world" will believe.

If they want to make that sort of accusation, there's nothing stopping them, even if you aren't rooming with a woman.

I suppose he could always get an ugly woman roommate.

 

[Sketcher]

I can say for my own church that if a guy and girl were living together, platonic or not, college or not, it would be looked on as pretty serious. The guy is opening himself up for trouble. If he calls himself a Christian, and a non-Christian decides to say "Ok, Christian, so you follow Christ. That means you're not immoral, right? Then why are you living with a girl? We all know what goes on when people live with someone from the opposite sex. Come on now." It's essentially the Christian's word against the non-Christian. And we know who the "world" will believe.

That is true, I've met non-Christians that say a man and a woman can't live together and not sleep together.

 

[Talie]

two points i'd like to bring up -

one has already been made, it's easy to SAY platonic....but a lot harder to make it a reality when you're spending time every day with someone of the opposite sex ALONE. I shared a house with a girl and a guy (neither of us girls would have even thought about staying if the other decided to leave). Anyway, we spent a year in the house, and you know what? the other two ended up having feelings for eachother - so it DOES happen. Nothing ever happened between them but who knows what may have if there hadn't been another in the house....the situation can develop very quickly without you even realising it's happening.

Second point is, you said yourself, that you're never home, except to sleep, so why would it be so hard to put up with a guy who's not quite as tidy as you'd like him to be. Like someone else also said, girls can be JUST as messy - i've lived with a few girls who were just terrible!

 

[JiminyCricket]

Thank you all for your thoughts. Its interesting to see other's points of view.

Talie, you bring up good questions. In response to your first thought, I'm pretty selective about who I'd live with. I'm not in any hurry and can survive financially without a roommate, so I'm taking my time. There are definately some girls I wouldn't even think about moving in with because I can tell they're trouble waiting to happen. I usually know right away if I'm potentially going to be attracted to someone down the road. I think I can avoid those situations and find someone who I'm not attracted too. After all, if I start dating and she learns I have a female roommate, I don't need her being jealous.

In response to your other point, its a lot harder for me to find a guy roommate that I would get along with. I'm not excluding guys all together, but I prefer girls just because I get along with them better. Some girls are very messy, but generally girls will take better care of things than most guys will. But then again, I'm basing my opinions on the experiences that my other friends had when they lived with female roommates. It worked out really well for them and one of my friends ended up dating a friend of his roommates because she came over a lot. You get to meet your roommate's friends more often because they'll come over. It broadens your social circle.

 

[paulewog]

If they want to make that sort of accusation, there's nothing stopping them, even if you aren't rooming with a woman.
Yes, I know that.

But if I'm staying at home, I have my whole family to defend me.

If my roommate is a guy, they can't make the accusation in the first place. Unless I decided to spend the night at a girl's house, heh

But if I have a housemate that's a girl... and maybe my guy roommate isn't there, if I have one... ok, now there's an issue, because they can make the accusation and there is nobody to defend me, except the girl who of course, is suspected/accused also. So it's both accused making cases for themselves, and that's it.