Need advice about pursuing a woman I'm interested in

[SymphonicaX]

Just going from what you've written here, you may have got way ahead of yourself. You barely know her but you're throwing around phrases like "meant to be" and "things were lining up". It does sound you built it up too much too quickly, which would be why you're feeling so disappointed that it didn't work out.

It's also possible that came through in the messages you sent her and maybe you came on too strong or she feels it's too early, especially because you work at the same company, so that's something which may make her more cautious. Or it could be one of any number of other possible reasons.

But it's not necessarily anything you did, so all I can suggest is that you try to stop over-analysing things (as difficult as that may be) as there's not really anything you can do about it. Maybe she'll get back to you, maybe she won't, but it's pointless dwelling on it.

You might right.

I wonder why in real life love stories that I've heard recently, how people clicked so well and how one or both of the persons knew they were going to marry each other. I think some of them saw signs and some say God told them about a woman or who they were going to marry.

But I also wonder why I saw signs that could've led to a relationship with the woman.

 

[blackribbon]

You might right.

I wonder why in real life love stories that I've heard recently, how people clicked so well and how one or both of the persons knew they were going to marry each other. I think some of them saw signs and some say God told them about a woman or who they were going to marry.

But I also wonder why I saw signs that could've led to a relationship with the woman.

Hindsight is 20/20. It is easy to say there were signs after the relationship works out. However, your situation shows that we don't tend to remember or talk about the times "signs" didn't actually turn into a relationship. We only talk about the successes...and forget the rest.

When people tell their love stories...they usually leave parts out. The bumpy parts.

 

[Citanul]

I wonder why in real life love stories that I've heard recently, how people clicked so well and how one or both of the persons knew they were going to marry each other. I think some of them saw signs and some say God told them about a woman or who they were going to marry.

It could be that only people with stories like that bother to tell them, and those with more ordinary stories don't say anything. It's a bit like testimonies - you're far more likely to hear about someone whose life was turned around from God than you are about someone who was brought up going to church and accepted Jesus as a natural consequence of that rather than a dramatic life-turning event. So there could be some kind of selection bias going on there.

 

[SymphonicaX]

Appreciate the thoughts everyone. I was wondering if a simple and brief greeting would be ok at this point? She didnt respond back to me from last week.

One thing I may not have mentioned is she seems to come off reserved and shy especially compared to her co-workers. Also, we've barely had any conversation online in actuality. We spoke briefly 3 times and then she didnt respond back a couple times. Do you think I can at least send a greeting? Or should I just stop and move on and not say anything anymore except to greet if I see her in person?

 

[blackribbon]

A simple "hi, how have you been doing" could be acceptable....but assume that she isn't interested in dating. In that framework, do you even want to say "hi"? If not, let it go.

If so and she doesn't respond, then give it up unless she contacts you.

 

[SymphonicaX]

A simple "hi, how have you been doing" could be acceptable....but assume that she isn't interested in dating. In that framework, do you even want to say "hi"? If not, let it go.

If so and she doesn't respond, then give it up unless she contacts you.

Yeah. I'm just having a hard time moving on as I feel as if there could still be something there.

If I say something then that could signal to her that I'm still interested vs not saying anything and her maybe thinking I'm not interested anymore. Maybe my interest could make her give me a chance? Maybe it's wishful thinking lol.

 

[bèlla]

You’re assuming the signs you saw were genuine and not a figment of your imagination. The limited contact coupled with your inability to move on demonstrates that most of this is in your head.

You don’t know her. You know the woman you’ve idealized. But not the one across the screen. She’s a stranger.

 

[Elliewaves]

There is nothing you can do to "magically " force her to like you. She gets to respond how she feels. If she's not responding to someone she barely knows either she's not interested , very shy, or doesn't even consider you because you are a stranger. Just say hi to her and don't push her for more.

 

[SymphonicaX]

You’re assuming the signs you saw were genuine and not a figment of your imagination. The limited contact coupled with your inability to move on demonstrates that most of this is in your head.

You don’t know her. You know the woman you’ve idealized. But not the one across the screen. She’s a stranger.

You might be right. I guess I'm looking for confirmation of my thoughts whether they mean there's something there with the woman or if it's just my own imagination.

 

[SymphonicaX]

There is nothing you can do to "magically " force her to like you. She gets to respond how she feels. If she's not responding to someone she barely knows either she's not interested , very shy, or doesn't even consider you because you are a stranger. Just say hi to her and don't push her for more.

Thanks for the advice. Will take it into consideration.

 

[bèlla]

You might be right. I guess I'm looking for confirmation of my thoughts whether they mean there's something there with the woman or if it's just my own imagination.

Have you ever walked away from a problem and got some fresh air or a bite to eat and when you returned the resolution was obvious?

That’s an ideal approach for this. What was your life like before you messaged her? What were you doing before this your occupied your mind and heart?

Never mind her. Look what your interest is doing to you. Your peace is fleeting. And you’re anxious and uncertain. God doesn’t work like this.

You’re looking for someone to enrich your life. Not send you on a downward spiral. This connection isn’t good for you. Its not bringing out the best in you. It’s making you weak and doubtful.

Maybe, that’s the only answer that matters. If you’re feeling this way now; you’ll always be on edge when things go wrong or you’re afraid you’re losing her.

This doesn’t feed your spirit. It feeds your fear and insecurities and taking your hands off may be the most loving thing you can do for yourself.

You can’t go on like this.

 

[SymphonicaX]

Have you ever walked away from a problem and got some fresh air or a bite to eat and when you returned the resolution was obvious?

That’s an ideal approach for this. What was your life like before you messaged her? What were you doing before this your occupied your mind and heart?

Never mind her. Look what your interest is doing to you. Your peace is fleeting. And you’re anxious and uncertain. God doesn’t work like this.

You’re looking for someone to enrich your life. Not send you on a downward spiral. This connection isn’t good for you. Its not bringing out the best in you. It’s making you weak and doubtful.

Maybe, that’s the only answer that matters. If you’re feeling this way now; you’ll always be on edge when things go wrong or you’re afraid you’re losing her.

This doesn’t feed your spirit. It feeds your fear and insecurities and taking your hands off may be the most loving thing you can do for yourself.

You can’t go on like this.

Perhaps theres some truth to that. I guess one of my biggest problems are the signs and indicators that I felt were signs of interest and I've had a hard time letting go of that and making sense of why it hasnt worked out so far based on those signs. I felt as if our brief convos were enjoyable for the most part and from those convos I felt as if there could be something romantic there. Plus I'm in my mid 30s and want to find a wife. It's hard to find someone that fits and it takes time to find someone that I'd be interested in as I dont want just any woman. So I think all of these things combined have led me to where I am now.

 

[bèlla]

Perhaps theres some truth to that. I guess one of my biggest problems are the signs and indicators that I felt were signs of interest and I've had a hard time letting go of that and making sense of why it hasnt worked out so far based on those signs. I felt as if our brief convos were enjoyable for the most part and from those convos I felt as if there could be something romantic there. Plus I'm in my mid 30s and want to find a wife. It's hard to find someone that fits and it takes time to find someone that I'd be interested in as I dont want just any woman. So I think all of these things combined have led me to where I am now.

The challenge is you’re relying on signs instead of direct expressions of interest. Do you know what she’s looking for in a companion?

 

[SymphonicaX]

The challenge is you’re relying on signs instead of direct expressions of interest. Do you know what she’s looking for in a companion?

Yeah it's just that when we were talking online, she communicated in a way that I interpreted as maybe showing some interest with the use of certain emojis and certain things said.

I have no clue what she's looking for in a companion. I feel like I haven't gotten a chance to get to know her. But I recognize that's just the way some situations are, I may not really understand or accept it yet.. Maybe it's just a matter of time that I move on. I may just need to process it all and talk to people about it like I have been and I appreciate you and others here talking with me about it. But I wouldn't mind greeting her and see where that goes before deciding on moving on.

 

[bèlla]

Yeah it's just that when we were talking online, she communicated in a way that I interpreted as maybe showing some interest with the use of certain emojis and certain things said.

Yes, I understand. You saw something in her that resonated with you. And you’d like to know her better.

I may just need to process it all and talk to people about it like I have been and I appreciate you and others here talking with me about it. But I wouldn't mind greeting her and see where that goes before deciding on moving on.

I’m happy to listen and hope this is resolved soon.

 

[blackribbon]

If she felt some interest, she will contact you.

Assume that there isn't in the absence of continued contact. Time to move in a different direction and stop fixating on this woman.

 

[bèlla]

I believe the mistake in all of this was contacting her on Facebook. If work associates encouraged you to ask her out it would have been better to get to know her on common ground.

Many people keep their private and work lives separate. That might explain the question, brevity, and omission of contact.

She hasn’t given you a chance to get better acquainted because she didn’t invite you to do so. You showed up. For some that’s okay, but others feel differently.

It’s possible she was polite to avert any issues in the workplace and would hope her silence would send a message.

I was going to post this earlier but I didn’t. I agree with blackribbon’s assessment. Hopefully you can move past this.

 

[SymphonicaX]

If she felt some interest, she will contact you.

Assume that there isn't in the absence of continued contact. Time to move in a different direction and stop fixating on this woman.

I'm thinking I might sent her a simple greeting message and see where that goes. But that may the last message I send unless something changes.

 

[SymphonicaX]

I believe the mistake in all of this was contacting her on Facebook. If work associates encouraged you to ask her out it would have been better to get to know her on common ground.

Many people keep their private and work lives separate. That might explain the question, brevity, and omission of contact.

She hasn’t given you a chance to get better acquainted because she didn’t invite you to do so. You showed up. For some that’s okay, but others feel differently.

It’s possible she was polite to avert any issues in the workplace and would hope her silence would send a message.

I was going to post this earlier but I didn’t. I agree with blackribbon’s assessment. Hopefully you can move past this.

I see where you're coming from and yes ideally I should've talked to her in person in the workplace and asked her out. But one is that I'm shy about it, but two I don't many good and easy opportunities to talk to her since we work in different departments. We don't really see each other much and I haven't seen her with the ability to even say hi in over a week. I was told by her coworkers she was going to be busy really soon so I with that and the above I decided to talk to her on Facebook. She seemed she may have been ok with it at first, but then didnt respond to me a couple times.

I may send her a brief greeting message and see where it goes. But that may be it unless something changes.

 

[SymphonicaX]

So I sent her a message yesterday and she replied back in normal convo style as before. Convo was very brief, but it was fun. I even had a dream about her showing what seemed like interest in me. I don't remember ever having a dream about her.

What do you guys think? I need a reality check to decide what to do with my interest in her.