Nearly 26 years old abstinent and struggling

[PureWolf]

I cannot ask anyone for help at my church who knows me in person because I am too ashamed to bring up such a topic, but maybe I can get help here. I will be 26 years old on August 26th. I am a virgin. I have never laid with a man. Ever. I am waiting until I get married to have sex. As time goes on, waiting becomes more and more difficult. Sex seems to be on my mind constantly. I think about it multiples a day. It tends to be the last thing on my mind before going to sleep and the first thing on my mind upon waking up. Everyone who knows me (especially the non-Christian people I know) view me as the goody-goody virgin Christian girl and I imagine have no idea that such thoughts circulate through my head. I don't know what to do about my lust problem. I really want to have sex, but I don't want to break my devotion to God as I made the decision at a young age to wait. It's safe to say that I won't be getting married anytime soon as I have no one special. I know that being abstinent has played a role in me still being single as it is often a turn off for a lot of guys. Any advice on how to cope with lust?

 

[Winken]

Go to the Christianmingle.com website.

 

[Job8]

Why don't you look for a Christian husband and get married? If you have "no one special" it seems like that is your own fault.

 

[Celticflower]

Why don't you look for a Christian husband and get married? If you have "no one special" it seems like that is your own fault.

Her own "fault"??? Heaven forbid it be the fault of the men in her area. Love how the answers are for her to find a guy and get married.
Pure Wolf - I was a lot like you - a virgin until about 28, didn't quite wait for marriage, but my husband is the only man I have been with. My attitude was that I wasn't saving myself for marriage, I just hadn't found anyone I wanted to give me to. As far as dealing with the lust - it can be hard. Prayer can help, reading the Bible can help, exercise can help - try to find something to focus your mind on, because the more you obsess about thinking about sex the more you are going to think about sex. So when those thoughts come to mind try to refocus on something totally unrelated.

As for getting married - it will happen when and if it is meant to happen.

 

[BrokenWarrior]

Scripture says to stay as you are. If single,remain single;if married,remain married. If you should find someone you like,then get to know him more. And if God sees it as good,He will work it into His plan. Just focus on Him.

Be blessed!
-Your Brother In Christ

 

[jgarden]

1. My daughter who is 39, unmarried and resigned to the fact that she would be single for the rest of her life, met somebody last year and is very much in love. Most of the couples she knows are unhappy, in debt and/or divorced. The kind of person that would appeal to you at 26 is different from what would attract you earlier in life.

2. Many of the "nice" guys also tend to be shy and socially awkward - you may have to make an extra effort to let them know that you find them interesting.

3. There's always somebody out there who thinks you're perfect just the way you are - they can appear in life when you least expect them.

4. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself and withdrawing, make good use of your time - travel, learn new skills, take courses, make yourself an interesting person. Men are attracted to women who appear to be making a success of life - with or without male accompaniment.

5. Be selective - women often remain with "losers" because they are insecure and feel that nobody else who will find them attractive.

6. "Far fields look greener" - probably half the women your age would gladly trade places with you and have a fresh start without all the "baggage" they've acquired.

 

[Job8]

As for getting married - it will happen when and if it is meant to happen.

No. It won't happen when it will happen. If people make no serious efforts to find a life mate it is indeed their own fault. Take the case of Isaac. Abraham sent his servant into a far country for that specific purpose -- a bride for Isaac. And this incident is a type of Christ and the Church. There was time, and effort, and cost, and prayer involved. So don't expect a spouse to fall into your lap. That is apathy, not spirituality.

Take the case of the Lord Jesus Christ -- the Divine Bridegroom. He gave His life to obtain His Wife (the Wife of the Lamb). There will be a marriage, there will be a marriage supper, but first Christ offered Himself a total sacrifice. If that is not example enough, then people who remain single deserve to remain that way.

 

[Job8]

Scripture says to stay as you are. If single,remain single;if married,remain married. If you should find someone you like,then get to know him more. And if God sees it as good,He will work it into His plan. Just focus on Him.

While Paul was certainly recommending that (if possible), what is the scriptural norm? Marriage and children. Please note carefully what the same apostle Paul says to the younger women (1 Tim 5:14): I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.

 

[BrokenWarrior]

Oh trust me Job8, I completely agree with you. I was just using a passage to word it Scripturaly. Because,the way I read it is actually how you've stated in your 2 posts.

Be Blessed!
-Your Brother In Christ

 

[Celticflower]

No. It won't happen when it will happen. If people make no serious efforts to find a life mate it is indeed their own fault. Take the case of Isaac. Abraham sent his servant into a far country for that specific purpose -- a bride for Isaac. And this incident is a type of Christ and the Church. There was time, and effort, and cost, and prayer involved. So don't expect a spouse to fall into your lap. That is apathy, not spirituality.

Take the case of the Lord Jesus Christ -- the Divine Bridegroom. He gave His life to obtain His Wife (the Wife of the Lamb). There will be a marriage, there will be a marriage supper, but first Christ offered Himself a total sacrifice. If that is not example enough, then people who remain single deserve to remain that way.

But sometimes you have to stop actively looking because you are looking in the wrong direction. Love often sneaks up on you when you least expect it. So yes, it does happen in its (and God's) own good time. If it is not the right time for an individual to find love and get married, but they push the issue they may wind up with an unsuitable mate due to shear desperation and fear of being alone. Or they may become frustrated because there seems to be no right one - but it is just the wrong time. Remember, there are 3 main answers to prayer - yes, no, and wait.

 

[Sketcher]

If I had a strategy for coping with lust that worked, I would share it with you. I do not, unfortunately. I'm still a virgin though, and older than you are. Keep following God in this area.

 

[Sketcher]

No. It won't happen when it will happen. If people make no serious efforts to find a life mate it is indeed their own fault. Take the case of Isaac. Abraham sent his servant into a far country for that specific purpose -- a bride for Isaac. And this incident is a type of Christ and the Church. There was time, and effort, and cost, and prayer involved. So don't expect a spouse to fall into your lap. That is apathy, not spirituality.

Take the case of the Lord Jesus Christ -- the Divine Bridegroom. He gave His life to obtain His Wife (the Wife of the Lamb). There will be a marriage, there will be a marriage supper, but first Christ offered Himself a total sacrifice. If that is not example enough, then people who remain single deserve to remain that way.

Why are you assuming she isn't putting out enough effort? Sometimes the "fishing" is just that bad.

 

[Crowns&Laurels]

I cannot ask anyone for help at my church who knows me in person because I am too ashamed to bring up such a topic, but maybe I can get help here. I will be 26 years old on August 26th. I am a virgin. I have never laid with a man. Ever. I am waiting until I get married to have sex. As time goes on, waiting becomes more and more difficult. Sex seems to be on my mind constantly. I think about it multiples a day. It tends to be the last thing on my mind before going to sleep and the first thing on my mind upon waking up. Everyone who knows me (especially the non-Christian people I know) view me as the goody-goody virgin Christian girl and I imagine have no idea that such thoughts circulate through my head. I don't know what to do about my lust problem. I really want to have sex, but I don't want to break my devotion to God as I made the decision at a young age to wait. It's safe to say that I won't be getting married anytime soon as I have no one special. I know that being abstinent has played a role in me still being single as it is often a turn off for a lot of guys. Any advice on how to cope with lust?

If sex before marriage was such a mortal sin, we'd all be doomed in this era. In fact, not even married couples should have as much sex as they do- it's simply carnal, not due in reverence to procreation. Saint Augustine speaks of this.

There is, however, ample beauty in being a virgin. Do not be ashamed of it, yet do not fear sex before marriage either.

 

[Sketcher]

I'm going to go with 1 Thessalonians 4:2-8 myself.