My turn

[kelco]

I've been reading some of the threads around here lately and they have been very, shall we say, enlightning. I have a question of my own I would like to ask.

What about us gals who aren't attractive but have alot of the qualities that everyone seems to be looking for? We stand here in the wings and think "gee guys are looking for the things we have, a sense of humor, a loving heart, a christian who really loves the Lord, virginity etc" but no one wants us. We seem to be the ones who are discriminated against just because we don't fit the norm. We are too skinny, too fat, too old, to young, but never enough. Just wanting your insight.

 

[eyeliv4God]

Who says you're not attractive? Not everyone is looking for the same thing, Hon'! Different people are attracted to different things, and honestly, I will tell you, there are some great guys out there who don't even see the outward appearance. They really see through inside and appreciate that. That kind of guy is a keeper.

 

[lynzee79]

Have you asked the Lord to bring someone into your life?

Talk to Him about it, he thinks you are absolutely beautiful and will bring the man into your life who will think the same.

You should read the book by Myles Monroe "Single, Married, Separated and Life After Divorce", I saw him in person speak on this and am reading the book now. It has really helped me understand.

And stop letting the enemy tell you you aren't good enough!!!!

 

[mina]

I would like to know the answer to that question also. Everyone is always telling me i'm this great person/Christian, etc... And I read these threads on here and i think i have a lot of qualities a Christian guy is looking for, I don't hide myself away in my house, I participate in life. Is it just because i'm not attractive enough? I struggle with my looks a lot but have gotten better as of the past couple of years. I mean i'm not going to win a model contest or anything, but i'm not completely hideious-although somedays I do feel hideous. Maybe God is refining me by allowing me to wait in singleness. I dunno, i still deeply desire to be married and be a godly wife to a godly man and to serve God together. But Christian guys really don't seem all that interested in me. Non-Christian guys don't seem all that interested in me. It's discouraging. I don't base my worth on what a man thinks of me, but it would be nice to have one guy think a lot of me, to think i'm beautiful , and to want to spend time with me.

 

[Macrina]

kelco

I understand how you feel, hon. I'm not beating myself up over not looking like a supermodel, and I don't want to sound "oh-poor-me" because that's not how I feel -- but I DO know how it feels to be sitting here alone thinking, "what am I? chopped liver?" I don't think less of a guy because he isn't attracted to me (hey, it either happens or it doesn't, I'm told), but still it's frustrating to know that I could be just what they're looking for if I were more physically attractive.

I like myself, I'm happy, I'm content with my life, and I find a lot of fulfillment as a single person. But I do have the same reaction as you when I read posts by guys saying they want this, that, and the other thing -- knowing that I fit the bill except that guys don't generally give me a second look, not long enough to realize I have all these other traits.

No one here can post something that will change this phenomenon, but I just wanted to let you know you're not alone in thinking this.

 

[archangelz]

I've been reading some of the threads around here lately and they have been very, shall we say, enlightning. I have a question of my own I would like to ask.

What about us gals who aren't attractive but have alot of the qualities that everyone seems to be looking for? We stand here in the wings and think "gee guys are looking for the things we have, a sense of humor, a loving heart, a christian who really loves the Lord, virginity etc" but no one wants us. We seem to be the ones who are discriminated against just because we don't fit the norm. We are too skinny, too fat, too old, to young, but never enough. Just wanting your insight.

keep praying and searching every guy is different.

i see skinny, fat, old, and young people married or dating all the time don't give up hope.

 

[mwb]

Highlight your positives qualities in everything you do in life. It's not always about looks. Most of us are average so you're in good company.

 

[Silver-winged Flyer]

I agree with everything Macrina said. I've felt the same way all my life until I finally met someone who was attracted to me. I used to have such low self-esteem that if anybody showed any interest in becoming friends I'd try to push them away and if that didn't work I'd question them and try to find out why they wanted to be friends because I never thought it was because I was a nice person. Eventually this year with help from a couple of friends I finally started liking myself and realising that people can like me for who I am. When I discovered that this guy did like me, for the first time I never questioned it. I just accepted it because I could believe it was possible. As I'm writing this I'm wondering if that's why God never let me meet a guy before, because I wasn't ready. I'm not going out with this guy and I may never but knowing he was attracted to me for who I am is enough for me.
God might have different reasons for not letting you meet a guy just yet who finds you attractive (in looks and or personality) but while you're waiting find out what God wants to teach you. It can be a wonderful growing stage in your life.
I'm also learning to be content whatever my circumstances.

 

[Tenorvoice]

Kelco,

Please do not give up hope on all of us. I almost had myself (just with the roles reversed). I will tell you that one of the first things that I look for in a woman is the Joy of the Lord on her face and in her eyes. The rest of the outward apperances make very little difference to me. I know that I am not the only one that feels this way, its just that we are in short supply.

Please ben encoraged by this.

God Bless you Kelco.

 

[TinaFromRoseville]

It's sometimes hard to get others to realize the qualities in you. Unfortunately physical appearance is much easier to see and discover because it is on the outside. I have found that to be really appreciated for who you are you have to make friends with men first and allow them to see how wonderful you are in all ways. It's hard because there is so much pressure to have that "instant attraction", but an attraction built over time is much more likely to last.

 

[PrincessK]

I don't think that you should say that you are not attractive there are people who are more attractive than others but no matter how you look there will be a person who will be attracted to you. YOu just need to have faith in God that he will provide a person who will love you inside and out and don't worry to much about who thinks your attractive or not. I know because I used to have issues with that myself. It wasn't that I thought I was unattractive I worried about wheter or not the guys I like thought I was attactive or not now that I am older I realize how stupid that was. If a guy doesn't find me attractive then I guess we weren't meant to be.

 

[OhhJim]

I think that there's someone for everyone.

http://www.jibjab.com/JokeBox/JokeBox.aspx?Id=99766&JokeId=39728



(No comparisons with members of CF are intended.)

 

[Macrina]

I think that there's someone for everyone.

http://www.jibjab.com/JokeBox/JokeBox.aspx?Id=99766&JokeId=39728



(No comparisons with members of CF are intended.)

Awhile back we had several threads on "sense of humor," and how different people find different kinds of things funny. I, for example, don't find this funny, while others clearly do.

 

[Niels]

I've been reading some of the threads around here lately and they have been very, shall we say, enlightning. I have a question of my own I would like to ask.

What about us gals who aren't attractive but have alot of the qualities that everyone seems to be looking for? We stand here in the wings and think "gee guys are looking for the things we have, a sense of humor, a loving heart, a christian who really loves the Lord, virginity etc" but no one wants us. We seem to be the ones who are discriminated against just because we don't fit the norm. We are too skinny, too fat, too old, to young, but never enough. Just wanting your insight.

I think it comes down to confidence. Confident people tend to find relationships regardless of how attractive they are. Maybe there's something you can do that will make you feel more confident? Yes I realize that singleness is probably the biggest confidence killer out there, but if you can focus on a hobby or interest that you're good at, it might help you break the negative cycle.

 

[Deliberatetourist]

Physical attractiveness is a positive quality but you have to have to be "sexy" to the other in some respect and attractiveness in the physical sense is only part of the equation. I have lots of friends that are really nice looking guys but are coming up bankrupt in the relationhsip department because they've not got "game" or whatever. My GF is not the greatest looking gal on the face of the earth and some could argue that she's quite ugly. Shes rail thin, dark skinned, and has acne really bad. But she's exotic, and wow, does she get my blood pumping!

 

[BeautyForAshes]

Kelco, if I can play the angel's sidekick for a moment.......

keep in mind that there really are two types of people. You have people that are Christian, but their lives never really reflect that. They generally live the same, think the same, process information the same as the world, except now they are "christian". They hold on to old patterns and thought processes resigned to the fact that this is just who God make them.

And then you have those that are "christian" and have allowed the Holy Spirit to change them. They are open to being used by God is ways that "in the real world" seem not to make sense. They are open to His will, and not their own. Their life, in general, reflects this change as well as their thought processes and behavior patterns. Are they perfect - certainly not, but they are open to God's voice.

I point this out to simply say this....not everyone that says they are Christian (or post on a MB) have allowed the Holy Spirit to change them. They may not have the maturity or discernment to KNOW what to look for. So many times men speak of wanting that Proverbs 31 woman but I wonder do they ever notice that it NEVER speaks of her physical beauty - it is other qualities that she possess that makes her attractive.

I've often read that people are adament about being physically attracted to someone initially. But if according to scripture, attraction can grow from non-physical attributes (a scripture that many of us - male and female - hold to be the benchmark of a christian woman), then why are people so doubtful that this will not work in "the real world"? If the Word says its possible, then why do some not believe it to be so?

Just throwing some thoughts out there.....

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

I think it comes down to confidence. Confident people tend to find relationships regardless of how attractive they are. Maybe there's something you can do that will make you feel more confident? Yes I realize that singleness is probably the biggest confidence killer out there, but if you can focus on a hobby or interest that you're good at, it might help you break the negative cycle.

Confidence definitely makes a difference.

 

[sweetlambofgod]

you aren't alone, I wonder this too

 

[kelco]

Thank you everyone for your thoughts and insights. I appreciate all your time and kind words. You have given me alot to think about. God bless y'all!

 

[silentpoet]

What I like and find attractive is not necessarily what the next guy might find attractive. But also some of what I find attractive I don't persue because of my moral convictions. For example if I find a woman sexy, but that is all I see in her, why as a Christian would I persue her? Sex appeal is only one part of what makes a woman worth persuing. I do not want to chase after a woman only because of my sexual desires. There is the matter of individual tastes at work too. I can think of one woman at church who I do find attractive and she is in alot of ways what I would want in a woman, but she just is not exactly what I want. She is just slightly different than what I want in my life. That does not mean she is not a good woman or a good match for somebody, it just means I don't see in her the spark that I have to have.