My name is Darren, I am 31 (just turned) years of age and would like to share my testimony with you, in the hope that it may bring others, who find themselves in a similar situation to me, closer to God.
I was raised in the Catholic faith and from a very young age was very much God fearing, something I found the Catholic church instilled in me i.e. a fear of God, a fear that, should you commit a sin, you will be dealt with by the Lord. I was baptised as a baby and went to a Catholic school. I had my first holy communion at the age of 10 and went on to be confirmed at the age of 14.
My father is not religious at all and my mother, although very spiritual and a Catholic herself, is not a church goer, although I am confident that she will come to Christ soon enough as she no doubt a strong believer. So although I was raised a Catholic, I can't say that I had a particularly religious upbringing, I was never forced to go to church by my parents, nor was I taught to behave in a certain way with regards to religion etc. My religious beliefs were purely as a result of Schooling, therefore when I left School and chose my own path, I decided that I no longer needed Religion in my life and even though I still prayed to God every night, I couldn't put my hand on my heart and say that I felt the need for God.
As I got older I began to behave in what I know now to be a most despicable way. I chose to turn away from God in every way. I became sexualy active at a young age and had many partners. I drank way too much, took drugs and behaved in a most vile way looking for satisfaction in everything other than God. I have never considered myself to be a bad person, I am very compassionate and have a great deal of love for my fellow man, but I was off the rails and destroying myself spiritually.
Things didn't get any better. I started to go out with a girl and after a year or so she was diagnosed with having Multiple Sclerosis. I didn't know an awful lot about the disease, but I knew that it would have a dramatic effect on our lives. We purchased a house together, even though we weren't married and lived together for about four years. During this time I felt that I didn't really love her and that I was trapped due to her illness, I felt that she couldn't cope without me, therefore I decided that I should be willing to sacrifice my hapiness for the sake of hers. At no point during this time did I turn to God. Other things started to happen, my best friend was murdered, my grandfather died and another friend was diagnosed with having terminal lung cancer at the age of 44. All of these things lead me to believe that there couldn't be a God. If there was, why oh why would he let such awful things happen to the people I cared about?
I have always considered myself to be an inteligent person, I read a lot and am extremely interested in Science and factual things. What was left of my religious beliefs was fast disappearing altogether. I started to believe that religion was purely something that had been created by Scholars in years gone by, to control a population that lived without rules. To create some sort of order in an otherwise chaotic world. All that I had been taught through my younger years was being washed away.
A couple of months after my thirtieth birthday, the girl that I had been living with decided that she no longer wanted to be with me. I must admit that, although it hurt, I was more concerned with the fact that I was going to lose my home than I was about losing her and began to look forward to returning to the hedonistic lifestyle that I had had years before. I moved back in with my parents and let my ex buy my half of the property off of me. Many of my friends thought that she should be the one to leave, seen as it was her that wanted to split up, but I just couldn't being myself to put her out on the street.
Life after that became a bit of a mess. I began to drink heavily spending vast amounts of my free time in bars and clubs looking for some sort of satisfaction, sexual or otherwise. It wasn't happening! I just felt empty, like I was just becoming someone that I wasn't.
Then things took a turn for the good. I started to go out with a girl from work, she was younger than me and very different in many ways. She seemed so content with life, so happy and care free, upbeat and always smiling, always seeing the positive side of life. Her good vibes were infectious and I found myself falling in love with her at a very early stage in the relationship. After a couple of weeks of dating she told me that she had something to tell me and that it may be a deicding factor in whether our relationship was to continue or not. She told me that she was a Christian and that she didn't believe in Sex before marriage and that when she met the one for her, he would have to be a Christian aswell. The sex thing didn't bother me one bit, I was in love with this girl, not lust and just wanted to be with her in any capacity, sex was the last thing on my mind. But the Christian thing was different. I explained to her about my Catholic upbringing and thought that it would be good enough, unfortunately I was very wrong, she would 't tell me why but basically let me know that, if we were going to be together there were certain things that I would have to find out for myself. I was extremely worried about this because I thought to myself...I don't really have it in me, I just don't feel the same about God as she does and I never will, its just not going to happen.
I began to go to church with her, a Baptist church. I was so suprised at how different the worship was, how informal and enjoyable the whole service was. The teachings and talks seemed so much morew relevant to my life than anything I had ever heard before. Slowly but surely I began to see the error of my ways. I started to attened an Alpha Course at the church, a course of twelve classes that introduce you to Jesus in a informal and enjoyable way. At first I will admit that i was only going to please my girlfriend in the hope that it would prove my commitment to her, but after a while I began to feel that I wanted to go for me, I found that I was learning things about Christianity that I had never understood in the past. My Catholic upbringing had failed me somewhat and I really hadn't understood at all.
I started to read about Christianity and saw myself in a very different light. I saw that I had been a very bad person in the past and that a lot of the things that were bad in my life were as a result of not living by the bible as God had intended. I found myself feeling very regretful, very angry and upset, wishing that I could turn back time, go back and undo the wrong that I had done.
Obviously this couldn't happen, but I was willing to make good with God, I was willing, if he could forgive me my errors of the past, to change everything. I asked him to come into my life, to forgive my sins and take control of me.
I have not looked back since. Things are very different now and I feel a sense of inner peace a sense that my life is back on track and that I have been saved from myself!
I talk to God everyday now, I talk to him about things that I struggle to cope with on my own and I have found that he helps me in so many ways.
My relationship with God is blossoming and it feels good. I am not completely there yet, there are still a few things that need ironing out, such as self doubt etc. but I am getting there. I am also considering getting baptised again.
So, to those of you that may be in a similar position to me...hang in there! He will come to you, he will make a difference.
God bless you all!
I was raised in the Catholic faith and from a very young age was very much God fearing, something I found the Catholic church instilled in me i.e. a fear of God, a fear that, should you commit a sin, you will be dealt with by the Lord. I was baptised as a baby and went to a Catholic school. I had my first holy communion at the age of 10 and went on to be confirmed at the age of 14.
My father is not religious at all and my mother, although very spiritual and a Catholic herself, is not a church goer, although I am confident that she will come to Christ soon enough as she no doubt a strong believer. So although I was raised a Catholic, I can't say that I had a particularly religious upbringing, I was never forced to go to church by my parents, nor was I taught to behave in a certain way with regards to religion etc. My religious beliefs were purely as a result of Schooling, therefore when I left School and chose my own path, I decided that I no longer needed Religion in my life and even though I still prayed to God every night, I couldn't put my hand on my heart and say that I felt the need for God.
As I got older I began to behave in what I know now to be a most despicable way. I chose to turn away from God in every way. I became sexualy active at a young age and had many partners. I drank way too much, took drugs and behaved in a most vile way looking for satisfaction in everything other than God. I have never considered myself to be a bad person, I am very compassionate and have a great deal of love for my fellow man, but I was off the rails and destroying myself spiritually.
Things didn't get any better. I started to go out with a girl and after a year or so she was diagnosed with having Multiple Sclerosis. I didn't know an awful lot about the disease, but I knew that it would have a dramatic effect on our lives. We purchased a house together, even though we weren't married and lived together for about four years. During this time I felt that I didn't really love her and that I was trapped due to her illness, I felt that she couldn't cope without me, therefore I decided that I should be willing to sacrifice my hapiness for the sake of hers. At no point during this time did I turn to God. Other things started to happen, my best friend was murdered, my grandfather died and another friend was diagnosed with having terminal lung cancer at the age of 44. All of these things lead me to believe that there couldn't be a God. If there was, why oh why would he let such awful things happen to the people I cared about?
I have always considered myself to be an inteligent person, I read a lot and am extremely interested in Science and factual things. What was left of my religious beliefs was fast disappearing altogether. I started to believe that religion was purely something that had been created by Scholars in years gone by, to control a population that lived without rules. To create some sort of order in an otherwise chaotic world. All that I had been taught through my younger years was being washed away.
A couple of months after my thirtieth birthday, the girl that I had been living with decided that she no longer wanted to be with me. I must admit that, although it hurt, I was more concerned with the fact that I was going to lose my home than I was about losing her and began to look forward to returning to the hedonistic lifestyle that I had had years before. I moved back in with my parents and let my ex buy my half of the property off of me. Many of my friends thought that she should be the one to leave, seen as it was her that wanted to split up, but I just couldn't being myself to put her out on the street.
Life after that became a bit of a mess. I began to drink heavily spending vast amounts of my free time in bars and clubs looking for some sort of satisfaction, sexual or otherwise. It wasn't happening! I just felt empty, like I was just becoming someone that I wasn't.
Then things took a turn for the good. I started to go out with a girl from work, she was younger than me and very different in many ways. She seemed so content with life, so happy and care free, upbeat and always smiling, always seeing the positive side of life. Her good vibes were infectious and I found myself falling in love with her at a very early stage in the relationship. After a couple of weeks of dating she told me that she had something to tell me and that it may be a deicding factor in whether our relationship was to continue or not. She told me that she was a Christian and that she didn't believe in Sex before marriage and that when she met the one for her, he would have to be a Christian aswell. The sex thing didn't bother me one bit, I was in love with this girl, not lust and just wanted to be with her in any capacity, sex was the last thing on my mind. But the Christian thing was different. I explained to her about my Catholic upbringing and thought that it would be good enough, unfortunately I was very wrong, she would 't tell me why but basically let me know that, if we were going to be together there were certain things that I would have to find out for myself. I was extremely worried about this because I thought to myself...I don't really have it in me, I just don't feel the same about God as she does and I never will, its just not going to happen.
I began to go to church with her, a Baptist church. I was so suprised at how different the worship was, how informal and enjoyable the whole service was. The teachings and talks seemed so much morew relevant to my life than anything I had ever heard before. Slowly but surely I began to see the error of my ways. I started to attened an Alpha Course at the church, a course of twelve classes that introduce you to Jesus in a informal and enjoyable way. At first I will admit that i was only going to please my girlfriend in the hope that it would prove my commitment to her, but after a while I began to feel that I wanted to go for me, I found that I was learning things about Christianity that I had never understood in the past. My Catholic upbringing had failed me somewhat and I really hadn't understood at all.
I started to read about Christianity and saw myself in a very different light. I saw that I had been a very bad person in the past and that a lot of the things that were bad in my life were as a result of not living by the bible as God had intended. I found myself feeling very regretful, very angry and upset, wishing that I could turn back time, go back and undo the wrong that I had done.
Obviously this couldn't happen, but I was willing to make good with God, I was willing, if he could forgive me my errors of the past, to change everything. I asked him to come into my life, to forgive my sins and take control of me.
I have not looked back since. Things are very different now and I feel a sense of inner peace a sense that my life is back on track and that I have been saved from myself!
I talk to God everyday now, I talk to him about things that I struggle to cope with on my own and I have found that he helps me in so many ways.
My relationship with God is blossoming and it feels good. I am not completely there yet, there are still a few things that need ironing out, such as self doubt etc. but I am getting there. I am also considering getting baptised again.
So, to those of you that may be in a similar position to me...hang in there! He will come to you, he will make a difference.
God bless you all!
