I was 6 or 7 and learned in Sunday school about Hell, I was very scared to die and end up in Hell and so I accepted Jesus.
I talked to my friends about Jesus and stuff, and I read the bible and loved to go to church and learn more about Jesus.
Around age 11, I became depressed and got bad grades and had lots of trouble in school because I used to get bullied and I felt like I didn't fit in with anybody, regardless of whether they were non-Christian or Christian.
My belief in Jesus helped me to get through those years, but I felt like my faith was taking a beating, plus I got into porn and experimenting with drugs and booze.
Then in college i joined a campus ministry and for the first time i felt like I belonged. I felt God's presence in my life and I was happy.
I found that God's presence was difficult to sustain. I had to really pray a lot and work to maintain a sensitivity to God in order to maintain a feeling of closeness to him, and frankly I felt burnt out.
I felt like God's presence itself was something that was burning me out. God's presence seemed to take a lot out of me. I began to wish that I could just be a normal regular person. I felt like a spiritual freak. I felt like God was always in my head and frankly I wanted him to leave me alone for a while.
Later i got really angry with God because a relationship i had with this girl failed. Then I left college and couldn't find a church i felt comfortable at and so stopped going.
Now fifteen years post-college, I'm pretty much a backslider and feel like if I die, I would end up in Hell.
So I've been going to church lately, but I feel like God has moved on and left me behind and it is an uphill struggle to commit to obeying him again and learning to want him in my life again.
I talked to my friends about Jesus and stuff, and I read the bible and loved to go to church and learn more about Jesus.
Around age 11, I became depressed and got bad grades and had lots of trouble in school because I used to get bullied and I felt like I didn't fit in with anybody, regardless of whether they were non-Christian or Christian.
My belief in Jesus helped me to get through those years, but I felt like my faith was taking a beating, plus I got into porn and experimenting with drugs and booze.
Then in college i joined a campus ministry and for the first time i felt like I belonged. I felt God's presence in my life and I was happy.
I found that God's presence was difficult to sustain. I had to really pray a lot and work to maintain a sensitivity to God in order to maintain a feeling of closeness to him, and frankly I felt burnt out.
I felt like God's presence itself was something that was burning me out. God's presence seemed to take a lot out of me. I began to wish that I could just be a normal regular person. I felt like a spiritual freak. I felt like God was always in my head and frankly I wanted him to leave me alone for a while.
Later i got really angry with God because a relationship i had with this girl failed. Then I left college and couldn't find a church i felt comfortable at and so stopped going.
Now fifteen years post-college, I'm pretty much a backslider and feel like if I die, I would end up in Hell.
So I've been going to church lately, but I feel like God has moved on and left me behind and it is an uphill struggle to commit to obeying him again and learning to want him in my life again.
