My Testimony

[Jaci Fan]

Here is my testimony

When I was 18 before I became Born again, I really had not thought much about God and or espeically the devil.
One day my mind was full of questions, questions I had not given any thoughts about, why was I all the sudden now having these questions like how did we all get here, who was the first person on earth?
I kept thinking about how if my dad had a dad - and his dad had a dad - and his dad had a dad so on so on and so on! who was the very first dad?

This utterly boggled my mind and confused me, I was disturbed from within lost and felt lonely like a lost soul. One day I was looking through the closet, not really sure of what I was looking for, came across a Bible
I grabbed it, opened it up to genesis and started reading it, reading about the creation of the world.

I felt something inside me, it was excitement mixed with fear in a way
it's kinda like my soul was jumping for joy - I began really getting excited! I thought to myself WOW this is it! This is how we all got here!!!
It made perfect total sense to me, I kept thinking and saying to myself this is it, anyways a Big huge burden was lifted and it felt Great!

After discovering how we all got here and being excited I thought this book is awesome i'll keep reading it. Days went by and soon I would find myself reading more and more of it. I started getting bored reading the Old testament, so I started reading The new testament and as I was reading into it I got very scared because I begane to feel very guilty (convicted) of the way I have been living.

other days I still found myself reading the word, Only to be confused and angry, angry and sad and hurt and confused because I didnt understand alot of what the bible was saying, It made absoluetly no sense to me.
I began to cry and pray saying God please help me to understand this book! I really want to understand what I am reading.

Days would go by where I was constantly reading the bible and constsantly praying with tears present . I felt like ripping all my hair out, Ramming my head through a wall and Just crying to God yelling out HELP as loud as I can! One day as I was reading the bible, I started cussing out God but wasnt sure why, I was like God i'm sorry plz help me to stop cussing you out, I just want to read this bible.

it got worse as I tried to read on my mind or something kept swearing at God, @&%$! you God etc.. I kept praying saying God plz help me to stop cussing you out! I am sorry I just want to read this book, then all the sudden I stood to my feet from the chair i was in and began to feel very very cold and light, so light I felt i could float away.

I began pacing back and forth with No Control over my body, I felt scared and empty and prayed saying Jesus, please help me to sit down I am sorry for cussing you out, i kept praying for help and after maybe 3 to 4 minutes I began to feel back to my old self again and was able to control my body. I thanked Jesus Mucho.

The following night I would have dreams or nightmares about ugly creatures chasing me and visions of evil images. dreams about air planes flying over my house attacking.

Another night I desided to Put God to the test, was up all alone in my kitchen and got a sheet of paper and layed it down on the floor, and said to God, God if your real , I'm gonna leave the kitchen and when I come back plz move the paper so that I know your real. So I came back but to my disappointment It was still in the same place I had put it. But I wasn't about to give up so easily, I was a young man on a mission, to atleast try my best to find out if God would help me to know he was real.

I said the same thing, God i'm gonna leave the kitchen and when I get back plz move the paper so I know you are real. I also remember saying but "not to much God I dont want to be scared" lol I left the kitchen and came back but still nothing, did it a couple more times, still nothing I went to bed a little upset that night and cried as I fell asleep.

another night as I was in bed just laying there, I started getting very intense cramps in my lower stomach and all around that area, the pain seemed as it was getting worse and worse, so I started praying saying Jesus please take this pain away please! I was crying the pain was hurting and it seem like my prayers were doing nothing.

I thought ok well then I'll just try falling asleep praying and crying if he heals me he does if he dont he dont, so a few minutes after that as I kept cryin to Jesus to heal me or to make the terrible pain stop , This awesome presence covers me and kinda makes me feel i dunno its hard to explain warmish feeling maybe. Anyways it was a good feeling and the Moment I felt this, the pain stopped instantly!!

I was very very excited but at the same time had a feeling of wow i'm impressed! This wasnt a case of well the cramps and the pain just went away, this was me feeling an awesome presence fill and cover my whole body as the pain stopped right away! I was so happy and thanked Jesus what seemed like a thousand times!

the next day I was still excited , here I was tryin to get God to show me he was real and Boom that night he sure did! I believe God had that set up and I'll never forget it! days were flyin by and I kept reading the bible and actually started to understand more of it very clearly, God has then and still today answers alot of my prayers, some not right away some sooner!

again Just want to say ALL Praise be to God almighty! Jesus is alive!!!!
this is actually the short version of my testimony! Hope you all liked it or atleast were touched!

Love in Jesus - Scott

 

[ChristianTeen]

That is a good testimony. So did you give your heart to Jesus?

 

[Jaci Fan]

That is a good testimony. So did you give your heart to Jesus?

yes I most certainly did!

God is the Most Awesome and REAL person!!!
He is a wonderful and Loving Merciful God and I'm so Glad He is living in my heart and life!

Love in Jesus, Scott

 

[ChristianTeen]

Good to hear. You sound like a good christian person.

 

[Jaci Fan]

Good to hear. You sound like a good christian person.

thanks for your kind words, though i'm far from good
I'm just forgiven and Loved by God

I try my best to live for him and will continue to try harder till the day I meet him face to face

hope to see ya around friend

 

[eunice]

Hope you all liked it or atleast were touched!

Love in Jesus - Scott

woww...i liked it! praise to the LORD

 

[Jaci Fan]

woww...i liked it! praise to the LORD

glad u liked it!! - amen Praise the LORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jesus SaVESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!

in Jesus, Scott

 

[Lee]

Let me add my testimony in this too.

 

[Lee]

I was save at the age of fifteen. And this may be shocking to you that I went through depression when I was about the same age of 12.

I did not understand much, but there were lots of unanswered questions in my life. My purpose for living? The reason to live? Meaning of life? All those questions. And other more.

Different from you is that I tried telling my parents this. I know that my parents believed in God. But they seem to be more like liberal Christians. However at the time, I just never really knew that.

I try telling them. They just thought that I was afraid of the dark. Because it is at night when I usually come to bother them with my unrest thoughts and sleepless conscious. My mind just wonders off every night. I have all the life questions asking me all at the same time. I feel so overwhelm with these questions that I turn to my parents. Sadly, they try to find an answer that was in the wrong place. They did not understand me.

(So I can understand why you did not turn to your parents.) For me it was desperation. I need help. And I am turning to everyone for help.

Later on the thoughts and questions turn to no answer! Every where I turn, no one tell me the truth that satisfy my heart. (That is why now I take it personally when Jesus said that to all those with a heavy burden, come to Him and He shall make it light. Also I take it personally when it comes to Jesus talking about all who are thirsty shall not be thirsty anymore if they seek the truth in Him.)

The no answer drive me crazy. My mind becomes unrest. No answer! No answer! In my heart, there must be an answer! I know that there is one. There is a Truth out there! But no one can tell me what the truth is. I ask everyone I can. Even my own pastor and church! No one knows!

This soon drove me to suicidal thoughts. Many times, I just wanted to end life to make my questions easier to understand. And to get this depression and unsatisfying heart to died off. Suicide seemed to be the logical and rational way to go.

Coming to when I turn 15, I met a girl. She is a pastor's daughter. She talks to me. She share with me her personal thoughts and about Jesus. Honestly, at such a young age, she impact me alot. Just the talks about God soften my heart and my heart seems to be at peace for those moments.

But after school ended, we lost contact with each other. I hit the deepest depression I ever felt. The suicidal thoughts became stronger. And the depression seem to be winning.

For some unknown reason, I decide to pray about these matters. I decide to bring it to God. Raised as a Christian, I never had a personal relationship with Jesus. No one ever tell me about it. But for some unknown reason, I feel that there is a need to be personal with God.

I pray for months about my depression. Nothing really happens. The same thing keeps happening. Suicidal thoughts! on and on and on!!!! I would have killed myself, if the Bible did not say that you should not murder. I remember that verse. And I feel that killing myself would not be the answer. I feel that deeply in my heart, even though all the answers pointing at me was to commit suicide. For unknown reason at the time, I just feel that it was not right to kill myself.

Then one summer, things have gotten really bad. I believe that summer was the peak at my depression. I pray less because of that.

Finally one Sunday came. At church, all the singing was usually. For me, it was the dull singing of Southern Baptist hymns. Then came the sermon. (I forgot what the sermon was all about.) Nothing really hit me. It was until the last thing about the sermon. (We Southern Baptists have altar calls after every sermon. But with my pastor's sermon on that day has nothing to do with salvation.) The pastor said his usual closing. He said something like whoever want Jesus to be their savior and accept Him in his life personally; come forth. Then it was like a knife piercing my heart. It was like what Paul said in the book of Timothy that the word of God is like a two edge sword piercing the hearts of men. I never really believe that until I felt a sharp pierced in my heart. It hit me so hard. Tears was about to come out of my eyes.

I knew that is the answer! Jesus! He was the answer all this time! No one told me about Jesus. But now I believe it was the Holy Spirit that led me.

So I walked up to the altar slowly because I felt such overwhelm by all this that I could not walk straight. I asked the pastor to pray for me. I do not know it. But the pastor just pray the sinner's prayer. And I pray along out loud.

Amazingly during that moment, I felt heat. My body was getting warmer and warmer. My legs were trembling feebly. I had to knelt down. I was sweating. My hands were wet from the sweat. My hair was almost like after a few minutes out from the showers. ANd that is the first time I felt like I was in the presence of God.

After I finished the prayer, there is an uplift from the depression. I felt a joy that like I never had.

From that Sunday on, there is no depression.

 

[Lee]

I come to realize that there was a great spiritual warefare going on in me. I forget to mention to you that during my depression, I also face the constant nightmares. My nightmares increases as my depression increases. It increase from 4-5 times a week. All this happens thought I dare not to watch horror movies or hear horror stories. But I know that will increase in my nightmares. I sometimes see a dark figure in my room. Even though I share my bedroom with my younger brother, I never feel spiritually safe.

After that Sunday, I know that I was free from depression, but I was not free from the powers of this world. I still sense somewhat of the spiritual warefare I go though in my room at night. I still sometimes have nightmares. They just do not occur as often. After my conversion, I still feel the struggle against something of the darkness.

I did not find people to help me pray. It is hard for me. All becomes better when I got here at college. I find that there are so many people praying consistently around the dorm and the college area; and I am in the spiritually-protected dorm. You may not believe me, but in this Christian dorm, I feel more spiritually safe. I have less occurances with a feeling that there is something unusual around me. My nightmare decreases to once in three or two months. That is good news for me. Good progress.

With this safe environment, I decide to pray and seek for full deliverance from this evil. I finally acknowledge and know for sure that I am being attack my demons. (I did not read anything on demonology or ask anyone here for help.) All I did is read the Bible. I read the part on Jesus's ministry to the sick and the broken-hearted.

There are so many verses declaring Jesus to be the Savior of the ones in bondage-bondage of sin and demons. Even the Scripture teaches that Jesus cast demons out of people. So I just pray about this.

And I use Jesus' example. I prepare myself for a spiritual warefare every night. I pray to God to open my mind and heart to be ready for such battle. Finally my first nightmare comes in awhile. I find that during these nightmares, it is hard to remember to call upon the name of Jesus for deliverance of the evil ones. My first reaction is to fear and be scared.

My second nightmare comes. This time after all my personal prayers to God to lead me. I feel the power of Jesus. I feel courage. Courage like I never feel before. I am bold in the Spirit. I just keep on repeating something like "in the name of Jesus, get out!!!" I repeat this on and on until it leaves. When it leaves, I can feel the presence of it gone. That is how I know again for sure that it was a demon.

Other nightmares occur again later in the months to come. But my first victory in the second nightmare, draws me to become stronger. I pray often for spiritual protection. And I try to prepare for a spiritual fight. The nightmares later on are easier to deal with. Whenever it comes, it is easier for me to call upon Christ automatically.

May Jesus be the glory!

 

[bfly]

very touching story. God bless you.