My testimony

[bannaboat101]

For so many years I struggled with homosexuality. I thought that I was born this way and that God gave me this curse. I remember myself going on the computer behind my parents back looking at gay porn. Some of the stuff I saw was really deep/hardcore. I was constantly masturbating to these pictures non-stop and I never thought anything wrong of it never did. I found my first boyfriend when I was just finishing 8th grade. I remember sitting in his bedroom telling him that I was gay and he told me that he was gay too. I thought well can we go out. He told me he would love to go out with me. Every weekend we would go outside in our fort and have sex. Every time that I did this I thought that it was perfectly normal nothing was wrong at all I thought I found what was truly messing in my heart. Well I left the guy and started my freshman year in High School. When I got to school and went to gym class I was so happy. I was finally able to see guys that were older than me and that at the time were cute. I would think that me and one of the guys would get together and have sex since that is all I fancied. Well I never got that again so I started looking at porn on the computer. I remember seeing these guys constantly and the masturbating to them after seeing them. Sometimes I would print them out and then go to my room and touch to them. Well eventually the porn grew to much that I was going to a lot of my friends houses and telling them I was gay and then finding out that me and my friend were having sex. I did notice after a while that for some reason it wasn't right. I was always closed up in a room with darkness with no light whatsoever. One of these guys was the best I actually loved this kid but he just wanted sex I wanted love. I never had the love that some guys gave me. I thought I found it but was dead wrong. Well in 10th grade I finally got a true B/F. We would spend are time after school (owning the fact we waited for are parents to pick us up) in the science computer lab looking at porn. Eventually I and this guy started masturbating each other and doing other things. I remember him telling me he loved me and I felt good inside when he told me that. However after each time I was in constant fear. I thought he would go tell his parents. Eventually we got into the whole thing and I finally figured out that he wasn't going to say anything and I wasn't either. I however moved from the area and started going to a new High School. When I switched schools I was always going to the bathroom to touch because some guy actually turned me on. It was hard. Well that summer came and my family and I ended up homeless. We were living in the back yard of my step-aunts house. Well my birthday came that summer and went birthday shopping with my Grandma. She asked me if I wanted some Church clothes to start going to church with her. I don't know what Happened at all. The words "Yes" popped out of my mouth. I remember going to church the following Sunday after my birthday. When I was there I heard a very powerful message. The Holy Spirit moved in me like never before. When I was there an altar call was giving and I of course went up. I did this cause I realized I needed to change I had to stop. At all costs I would stop. Well school started again. I thought I was a free guy but each day after school I was constantly falling and falling. I remember going to my vocational school and going on the computer. While there I went to google and searched Christian forums. I don’t remember what encouraged me to go there. As of now I knew it was God only because after I registered I was going to Christian teen’s section and then going to the guys section. I posted a thread asking for help in homosexuality. I really wanted to stop I needed to stop. Well I came back to the vocational school the following day and went to CF and I had 5 PMs. One of them really caught my eye. The guy gave me his AIM asking to talk to me. He wanted to share each others testimonies. I agreed to do it. We talked nearly an hour on AIM. He told me about..............................



Continued on next post

 

[bannaboat101]

accountability software called X3Watch. At that Time I couldn’t use it because the comp I was on was my friends comp. I never did look at porn on that but I did download the software onto my pen drive. I took it home and installed it and I loved the software the moment it was installed. He also told me about setting captives free. I went to it and took the door of hope course. I started the course but stopped cause I thought it was useless and a waste of time. Even though I stopped I thought I would be able to stop the lustful desires of my flesh. I was wrong. This time I reposted for some help but this time I posted in Struggles with Sexuality. This Time I meant my two other accountability partners. It was awesome. One told me about the Naomi filer. I installed it and actually liked it however it started blocking me from some sites I really needed. I disabled it and found something myself. I liked it a lot. Well it didn’t work out. My sexual desires started coming back really coming back. I was caught again. This time I created a myspace. I posted in many gay groups and actually made my profile all gay. I met this guy and he lived only a few minutes from my house. He wanted everything from me and I did to actually. I for one was like sweet and we scheduled a day to meet up and when I was getting ready to my mom found a list on my desk and she asked so what are you doing at this guy’s house. I was like Mom I’ve been trying to tell you but I couldn’t. She told me I wasn’t gay that I was straight. I didn’t believe her but my atheist friend heard about it and he said Mike a guy that wants to have sex on the first date is the wrong influence and I thought about it and he was right. I still considered myself gay. However again something really helped. My old friend from Brandon High School sent a friend request on myspace. He saw my orientation and asked me about it. Mean and this friend hand an 2 hour long discussion on AIM debating homosexuality. I ended up telling him that nothing will change my life nothing at all. However after talking I was reminded of something in the past. I remembered me being at Battlecry listening to Ron Luce. He was talking and he shouted to us all teens asking if you really want your life changed and really want God standup and shout “I want the cross”. I was sitting and watching all of these God Loving Teens just jumping up and Shouting I want The Cross. I started to pray to God. I asked him Father I want you to lead me to the right Spot, out of nowhere I jump just pouring my heart out Shouting out “I WANT THE CROSS”. I went down for prayer and it was awesome. I couldn’t help pouring my heart. So after remembering that I talked to my pal again and told him that It was finished my life is getting completely changed. This time I went back to setting captives free and continued my course. There were times that I still fell and one of those incidents was at pogo games. Although I noticed that I was starting to head back down the wrong road so I left pogo games and finally did something that God wanted me to do. He wanted me to start my ministry. My ministry is up and running and is open for any Christian teens struggling with homosexuality to Enter and come in. I’m also in need of more mentors. God is doing so much for me he is keeping my life pure. I switched to a new school and after I started going there my life is still pure no guy is turning me on. My accountability partners are seeing a big change. My X3Watch reports are clean and perfect. My Bible is with me everywhere and me and God have the best relationship. I’ve been pure for three months and heading for my fourth month.
I hope this testimony shows you the meaning of God what he does for people when they need it. I will never fall again
God Bless
Mike

 

[rita727]

Good testimony Mike!

Be strong,
Rita

 

[bannaboat101]

Good testimony Mike!

Be strong,
Rita

Well very well thank you

 

[worshipleader2b]

Top stuff!

 

[marshgreencohen]

we,too,are somewhat alike in some sorts.I experienced those things and now moving on...

 

[AJB4]

Not to take away from your testimony (CONGRATULATIONS on leaving that life behind), but, that was pretty graphic and explicitly written. I've left that life behind now too, and I don't really need to read an erotic novel. Thank you.....

Like I said, congratulations, but you could've watered it down a little.

 

[bannaboat101]

Not to take away from your testimony (CONGRATULATIONS on leaving that life behind), but, that was pretty graphic and explicitly written. I've left that life behind now too, and I don't really need to read an erotic novel. Thank you.....

Like I said, congratulations, but you could've watered it down a little.

I'm sorry dude but I said what I believe that God wanted me to say and I believe that is what He wanted me to say. It took me a while to find the right words but then I prayed and God did the typing through me. I'm sorry if it offended you but I didn't know any other way to share it then that way.

 

[M7nyc]

I struggled with the same tempations. Though I never gave in to them before giving my heart to Jesus. Living for Christ was no quick fix either. I simply buried those desires in my pursuit of Christ. I even went to Bible School, and started a church. Yea, I'm a bit older. After pastoring, and moving on to to other Christian work, I backslid. I realized that suppressing feelings is not God's answer. When I backslid, I moved to New York City and got completely entrenched in the "gay" lifestyle -there were many rationalizations. Needless to say, the adventure turned into misery after quite a few years. I rededicated my life to Jesus -He never left and was waiting for me. Then came the hard part. Unraveling from that lifestyle and all the images and feelings that go with it. I had to be brutally honest with God in prayer. Something I came to understand, I never truly dealt with those temptations in prayer. I just supressed it. Supression is not communication. God is concerned about the smallest details of our lives. Now for the good part.

I found out why I was even tempted by other guys. Mike, you mentioned you didn't want quick sex, but love. In prayer, God showed me that I was really looking for affection and bonding when I didn't get that as a child growing up with family -my family wasn't Christian. The desire for sex with guys was the "devil's overkill" for the very natural desire for affection in friendship. Let's keep it simple. Satan simply distorts normal desires to an extreme, if there's an open door. That happens often if children don't get the chance to bond emotionally with with family or good Christian friends.

I had neither as a child, and I didn't talk much about it with God. I suppressed my feelings and thought I was okay as long as I didn't give in to temptation. No matter how much shame is in your life, God will hear it and I believe the intent of all struggles is to make you transparent with Him. That "gay" lifestyle is years behind me.

I'm out of the tunnel and bask in His light. There is no porn, masturbation, fantasies, or the like. The biggest lesson from it all, never hide anything from Jesus. Bring everything to His table, no matter how ugly you feel about it. Give Him more detail than you talk to your closest friends. After all, He is your best friend, and He's got real answers.

Mike thanks for being real.

Blessings,

Michael

 

[bannaboat101]

I struggled with the same tempations. Though I never gave in to them before giving my heart to Jesus. Living for Christ was no quick fix either. I simply buried those desires in my pursuit of Christ. I even went to Bible School, and started a church. Yea, I'm a bit older. After pastoring, and moving on to to other Christian work, I backslid. I realized that suppressing feelings is not God's answer. When I backslid, I moved to New York City and got completely entrenched in the "gay" lifestyle -there were many rationalizations. Needless to say, the adventure turned into misery after quite a few years. I rededicated my life to Jesus -He never left and was waiting for me. Then came the hard part. Unraveling from that lifestyle and all the images and feelings that go with it. I had to be brutally honest with God in prayer. Something I came to understand, I never truly dealt with those temptations in prayer. I just supressed it. Supression is not communication. God is concerned about the smallest details of our lives. Now for the good part.

I found out why I was even tempted by other guys. Mike, you mentioned you didn't want quick sex, but love. In prayer, God showed me that I was really looking for affection and bonding when I didn't get that as a child growing up with family -my family wasn't Christian. The desire for sex with guys was the "devil's overkill" for the very natural desire for affection in friendship. Let's keep it simple. Satan simply distorts normal desires to an extreme, if there's an open door. That happens often if children don't get the chance to bond emotionally with with family or good Christian friends.

I had neither as a child, and I didn't talk much about it with God. I suppressed my feelings and thought I was okay as long as I didn't give in to temptation. No matter how much shame is in your life, God will hear it and I believe the intent of all struggles is to make you transparent with Him. That "gay" lifestyle is years behind me.

I'm out of the tunnel and bask in His light. There is no porn, masturbation, fantasies, or the like. The biggest lesson from it all, never hide anything from Jesus. Bring everything to His table, no matter how ugly you feel about it. Give Him more detail than you talk to your closest friends. After all, He is your best friend, and He's got real answers.

Mike thanks for being real.

Blessings,

Michael

Man God Bless You So much in your Life. I'm glad for you that everything is going great for your life and I will pray for you every night that everything goes well. I'm also sending you a friend request here on CF I would love to talk to you some more. I also have to say what you said up above is how it was for me. I never really had a family. My real mom Abandoned me, so that put me living with my grandparents but then I was put up for adoption which never happened. I've been to 8 different schools and is those whole time period I never had a male role model that I could talk to. I'm now back with my real mom. She has changed her life around and goes to church. She also has gotten custody of my Younger brother and sister. God is doing so much and I can see that he is doing the same for you.
God Bless Brother
Mike

 

[Jesusfreak4life8629]

Hey dude. Just wanted to say this is the best testimony i have ever read. It truly touched my heart.....you are doing a great job...keep it up!!!!

 

[JPPT1974]

God indeed has rescued you from that tunnel
And brought you into that eternal life and light
With Him!

 

[bannaboat101]

God indeed has rescued you from that tunnel
And brought you into that eternal life and light
With Him!

Thank You all

 

[SpIrItEdDoVe]

Thank You all

wow mate that is an awesome testimony and cudos for sharing it its something most of us if we have been through it dont tend to admit but man its great i would like to say though i have a freind who is gay and hes got himself a boyfriend too but i never talk to him at all