M
michael112174
Guest
June 12, 2003 My Testimony, by Michael Richard Rathburn, Jr.
These are 5 events that have happened in my life.
November 7, 1992 My father was found in an apartment dead from a heroin overdose.
January 2001 I was arrested for DUI at 6 30 am and sent to jail.
March 2002 I lost all my money in Las Vegas to gambling, drinking, and prostitution.
March 16, 2003 I was saved.
March 18, 2003 I was admitted to the emergency room for panic and anxiety attacks.
I didnt know Christ, I didnt even know myself. I am so blessed to have found him, and why would I ever allow myself to go back? Well, that is my biggest fear, and it is something I think about every day.
I recall going to a Starrett United Methodist Protestant church as a young kid. I must have gone for about 4 years. I hated it. My mom forced my sister and me to go by ourselves every Sunday. I did not understand why. Now, after all these years I do. I can remember going up to a room and having Bible Studies in the Old Testament. I recall having a palm on my wall around Easter time, and never knowing why. We would celebrate Easter every year with a ham dinner with no mention of Jesus Christ at all. I truly did not know what Easter meant until this year. Finally around 7th grade, I didnt have to go to church anymore. I was happy, as it was old people singing songs I didnt know, and words I didnt understand. I did not step foot inside of a church (except for my friend Shawns wedding) for 15 years.
Growing up poor with an alcoholic father was really hard, but I never knew it at the time. People would ask Where is your dad? I would never answer them straight. We would go see him in a prison, or a halfway house. My dad was a Vietnam Vet, from the Air Force. That war really messed him up, he never talked about it. We never had any money growing up. After one birthday, I was sleeping under my bed, and saw my father go into my drawer and steal my birthday money. Another time, he kept money that I gave him to buy concert tickets for me and my friends. My dad bought me beer a few times too. How my Mom, my sister and I made it through those times, is a testament to our strength and to God.
There were many times where I had to deal with it in front of my own peers. He would show up at my baseball games drunk, screaming and cursing. I was crying on the field. Another time he got into a fight with his 2nd wife over drugs and she stabbed him. He was lying in the hallway in a pool of blood. Oh yea, this was on the front page of the local paper also. So everyone knew about Mike Rathburns dad. I had basketball tryouts the next day, and I could tell all the kids wanted to say something to me. One day, Kwang Chin called me from the store and said Mike, there is some guy down here that is saying he is your father. The embarrassment I endured, knowing the secret I was keeping from them, was now revealed. The summer before I went to college, my father called me and told me he needed to tell me something in person. I didnt know what it was. Come to find out he was HIV positive.
Everything changed when I first went away to Keene State College. I was 17, living with all kids my age and no parents. The first two months were not bad. I went to a bunch of parties, but I still went to classes and kept up my grades. Then November 7, 1992 came. I was visiting my grandparents house for Sunday dinner. The phone rang, it was my Aunt Judy. My father was found dead in an apartment from an apparent heroin overdose. I just sat in the living room, no tears until about 30 minutes after the news. I wept for an hour. The funeral was the worst day of my life. Seeing all those people who helped destroy my father there made me sick to my stomach. He was the one who destroyed himself the most. I visit his gravesite once a year if not more, and spend time with him. There is no replacing my father, no matter what he did to me.
The rest of the school year resulted in skipping classes, drinking, smoking pot and going home almost every weekend to try and get away from everything. I had racked up a good size gambling debt, and had my mom bring my baseball card collection in a blizzard to college so I could sell it. She never knew the truth. I was not going to be allowed to come back to school, and I was on academic probation. From 1993 to 1998 I lived at home, went to college, got 2 degrees and hardly ever drank. The occasional Budweiser on a Sunday while having a barbeque was about it.
January of 1999, I got a job offer to move to Orlando. I packed my stuff in 2 weeks, and moved from Athol, MA to Altamonte Springs, FL. It was one of the best times of my life. I got what I worked so hard for all those years. It was a dream job. Until November of that year when I decided that moving to Fort Lauderdale for more money was the thing to do. I left my happiness in Altamonte Springs. I got this amazing townhouse in Lauderhill with everything. It was a dream place for a mid 20s guy making a lot of money. It ended very quickly. The job turned into a nightmare, and I quit in April of 2000. I walked away from what was my dream job just 16 months prior.
July 2000 I ended up at this strip club right near my house that night with Darren. I had been before, but never really interested. But now, I was hooked. The idea of having beautiful women dancing naked on me for a mere $20 seemed like the deal of a lifetime. I bet with the amount of money I spent on women and liquor in strip clubs, I could have put a down payment on a house.
August 2000 I landed this great job with an internet company, making decent money. I got back on my feet in a short time, and started going to strip clubs, and bars 3-4 nights a week for the next two years or so. So many times, I would walk in around 9 30 am late, with last nights clothes on smelling of liquor and cigarettes with a story to tell of my last nights escapades. The only thing good that came out of the internet company was the friendships I made with some of my closest friends now.
October 2000 The first trip to Philly to visit my best friend Kwang Chin Kim. We ended up going out drinking to numerous bars, and strip clubs. I got very little sleep the entire weekend. It was a lifestyle I was accustomed too, another story to tell.
December 2001 New Years Eve. There was an awful party at my boss house, that I was stuck going to. Ended up at someones house, with cocaine on the table. I was inches away from doing it, when I had a vision of myself overdosing and the pain I caused my Mom. I could not do that to her.
January 2001- It was the day before the Super Bowl, and there was a party at the same house where cocaine was just one month prior. We ended up doing ecstasy that night. I had a lot to drink also. I dont remember much of what took place. But I ended up being behind the wheel at 6 30 am that Sunday morning, and was stopped by the Miramar police. I knew I wasnt getting out of this jam. I was arrested and charged with DUI. Just prior to that one month earlier, I was driving home drunk from a company party and was almost killed when I drove off the road. I was lucky, but I didnt learn. I could barely walk that morning, and was very upset that my friends let me get behind the wheel. The story was that no one saw me get into my car. I blame myself for the entire thing, but I dont believe that no one saw me walk out of the house. I called all my friends, but no one was home as it was Super Bowl Sunday. I ended up having to call my grandparents to have them wire me the money to bail me out. Craig, Steve, and Sheldon were there at 3 30 am to pick me up from Broward County Jail. I will always remember those 3 guys forever. I was on probation from Jan 2001 until March 2002, and I was drinking and driving still. I never got stopped, even though I should have.
July 2001 The second trip to Philly to visit Kwang Chin. I went up to see the Red Sox play the Mets that weekend. We ended up at Delilahs. I must have spent $1000 that night on a girl who only got topless for me in the champagne room. My grandparents had given me $3000 to pay off my credit card. I only paid off $2000, and took the $1000 to Philly. It was gone. I ended up maxing out my credit card inside of a year again. Most of it was on women and booze. I also finally admitted to my mom what really happened the night I was arrested. Seven months later, I decided it was time to be honest, and let her know what was really going on.
January 2002 The first trip to Vegas. You take a mid 20s single guy who loves gambling, drinking, and women and put him in Vegas and there is bound to be disaster. I spent every night playing blackjack and drinking till 4 am and lost over $500. I knew I was going back in March, and I could not wait to win that money back. Super Bowl Sunday that year was unreal. The Pats won the Super Bowl. So we went to a strip club that night to 3 am to celebrate. $200 gone between drinks and women. Just one year prior, I was in jail.
March 2002 The second and last trip to Vegas. I had my own room this time, so I didnt have to worry about my boss knowing what I was doing. We ended up at a strip club, and he left and I stayed with this amazing Hawaiian / Asian girl. After getting tired of her, as she didnt want to go back to my room, I stumbled out and took a cab home. The cab driver told me that for $300 I could get a girl in my room. So I called up this place, and asked them to send one over. Turned out to be $800. I knew I didnt have the money, but I wanted a story to tell the guys back in Fort Lauderdale. So, I used my credit card for a cash advance. I woke up the next morning feeling like the biggest piece of scum on the face of the earth. I lost over $1200 in Vegas and came home not knowing what to do. My best friends brother came into town a few days later, and I was flat broke. I lied to him, and told him my bank account was messed up and wasnt able to get any money.
July 2002 After many months of speculation, the dot com finally lays most everyone off and I was gone. My job was gone, but so was my stress. I worked under the table and collected unemployment for 3 months just to pay my bills. I was miserable, broke, and lost. I was also arrested a 2nd time for a suspended license. I had no clue it was suspended.
October 2002 I got a new job working as a financial counselor. I didnt care what I was doing as long as I didnt have to work for my old boss. I over heard some co workers talking about their church and the pastor. I was interested and asked one of the girls about it. My response was Well, its a Christian church, I cant go because of all the stuff I have done. Little did I know at the time, I was more then qualified to go. I did not want to go by myself, so I never went. It turned out to be Calvary Chapel Fort Lauderdale, which ended up being my home church in September of this year.
January 2003 I was working for a new company, making decent money. However it was 100% commission so there was a lot of stress about money. I started getting back into smoking pot on a daily basis. It was the only thing I knew to calm me down, and get over the stress. My friends told me I was stupid, but I didnt want to hear it. I can handle it, its not a problem. Sure, Mike.
The thoughts of church came back into my mind again, as my best friend Kwang C Kim came to visit and wrote me his testimony. I read it, but did not fully understand the true meaning. Again, I did not make the step. One early morning in February, I called my grandparents to get some consoling, as I was having money problems, and stressed out. My grandmother mentioned that attending church would bring things in perspective. That word is instilled in my mind PERSPECTIVE.
The bottoming out with smoking pot was being in the movies, not being able to move as I was stoned out of my mind. I was scared to drive home that night, for fear I was going to be arrested and my life would be over. I sat in the car, and drank water for 30 mins, then drove back roads home from Coral Springs.
Early March 2003, I saw a co worker with a Jesus shirt and asked her what church she went to. It was in Hallandale, so I went there that Sunday. I walked up to the church, turned around, and went home. Something told me, that it was not for me. In the meantime, Sheldon had told me that Mike T and his wife went to Christ the Rock which was right by my house. I never bothered to call him until the day I decided to quit drinking. I woke up on March 12th 2003, and made the decision first to quit drinking, smoking pot, and all the stuff that was destroying my life. Then I made the call to Mike T. and told him that I got the call from the Lord and was ready to anoint him as my savior. His words were This is going to change your life. I had no idea. I had STOPPED drinking in the past for months, but I never said the words QUIT. This was the first and last time I would QUIT drinking.
March 16, 2003 My first service at Christ the Rock Community Church. I was so nervous, but excited. The pastor came out, John Wagner, and just blew me away with his words. The story he told about Moses and the wilderness, was as if he knew my entire life. I was taken away, and I knew that this was the right decision I had made. I made the walk down to the front of the church at the end of the service to allow the Lord to become my savior. Little did I know, that most people dont make that walk the very first time they step foot into the church.
I walked out of the service that day, knowing things would change. Two days later, I was admitted into the emergency room for panic and anxiety attacks. It was everything causing them. My job, my life changes. Why was God putting me through this pain? I just gave myself to him and he was repaying me with this? This was my TEST. God was putting me through this trouble for everything I had done in the past.
In order for me to truly appreciate what he would be giving me and for him to wipe the slate clean, I had to endure this pain. I got out of the hospital that day, quit my job, and went back to the old company I was with in October. God spoke to me, and I listened.
Two weeks later, it was announced that Pastor John had resigned and I would never see him again. I was so upset about how things happened. I was a New Believer, and two weeks into it, this happens! Well, I was ready to give up. One day later, I knew I was not going to give anything up and I have not looked back ever since.
My life was so empty prior to it, now it is full. Thank you Father God for everything you have blessed me. Amen.
These are 5 events that have happened in my life.
November 7, 1992 My father was found in an apartment dead from a heroin overdose.
January 2001 I was arrested for DUI at 6 30 am and sent to jail.
March 2002 I lost all my money in Las Vegas to gambling, drinking, and prostitution.
March 16, 2003 I was saved.
March 18, 2003 I was admitted to the emergency room for panic and anxiety attacks.
I didnt know Christ, I didnt even know myself. I am so blessed to have found him, and why would I ever allow myself to go back? Well, that is my biggest fear, and it is something I think about every day.
I recall going to a Starrett United Methodist Protestant church as a young kid. I must have gone for about 4 years. I hated it. My mom forced my sister and me to go by ourselves every Sunday. I did not understand why. Now, after all these years I do. I can remember going up to a room and having Bible Studies in the Old Testament. I recall having a palm on my wall around Easter time, and never knowing why. We would celebrate Easter every year with a ham dinner with no mention of Jesus Christ at all. I truly did not know what Easter meant until this year. Finally around 7th grade, I didnt have to go to church anymore. I was happy, as it was old people singing songs I didnt know, and words I didnt understand. I did not step foot inside of a church (except for my friend Shawns wedding) for 15 years.
Growing up poor with an alcoholic father was really hard, but I never knew it at the time. People would ask Where is your dad? I would never answer them straight. We would go see him in a prison, or a halfway house. My dad was a Vietnam Vet, from the Air Force. That war really messed him up, he never talked about it. We never had any money growing up. After one birthday, I was sleeping under my bed, and saw my father go into my drawer and steal my birthday money. Another time, he kept money that I gave him to buy concert tickets for me and my friends. My dad bought me beer a few times too. How my Mom, my sister and I made it through those times, is a testament to our strength and to God.
There were many times where I had to deal with it in front of my own peers. He would show up at my baseball games drunk, screaming and cursing. I was crying on the field. Another time he got into a fight with his 2nd wife over drugs and she stabbed him. He was lying in the hallway in a pool of blood. Oh yea, this was on the front page of the local paper also. So everyone knew about Mike Rathburns dad. I had basketball tryouts the next day, and I could tell all the kids wanted to say something to me. One day, Kwang Chin called me from the store and said Mike, there is some guy down here that is saying he is your father. The embarrassment I endured, knowing the secret I was keeping from them, was now revealed. The summer before I went to college, my father called me and told me he needed to tell me something in person. I didnt know what it was. Come to find out he was HIV positive.
Everything changed when I first went away to Keene State College. I was 17, living with all kids my age and no parents. The first two months were not bad. I went to a bunch of parties, but I still went to classes and kept up my grades. Then November 7, 1992 came. I was visiting my grandparents house for Sunday dinner. The phone rang, it was my Aunt Judy. My father was found dead in an apartment from an apparent heroin overdose. I just sat in the living room, no tears until about 30 minutes after the news. I wept for an hour. The funeral was the worst day of my life. Seeing all those people who helped destroy my father there made me sick to my stomach. He was the one who destroyed himself the most. I visit his gravesite once a year if not more, and spend time with him. There is no replacing my father, no matter what he did to me.
The rest of the school year resulted in skipping classes, drinking, smoking pot and going home almost every weekend to try and get away from everything. I had racked up a good size gambling debt, and had my mom bring my baseball card collection in a blizzard to college so I could sell it. She never knew the truth. I was not going to be allowed to come back to school, and I was on academic probation. From 1993 to 1998 I lived at home, went to college, got 2 degrees and hardly ever drank. The occasional Budweiser on a Sunday while having a barbeque was about it.
January of 1999, I got a job offer to move to Orlando. I packed my stuff in 2 weeks, and moved from Athol, MA to Altamonte Springs, FL. It was one of the best times of my life. I got what I worked so hard for all those years. It was a dream job. Until November of that year when I decided that moving to Fort Lauderdale for more money was the thing to do. I left my happiness in Altamonte Springs. I got this amazing townhouse in Lauderhill with everything. It was a dream place for a mid 20s guy making a lot of money. It ended very quickly. The job turned into a nightmare, and I quit in April of 2000. I walked away from what was my dream job just 16 months prior.
July 2000 I ended up at this strip club right near my house that night with Darren. I had been before, but never really interested. But now, I was hooked. The idea of having beautiful women dancing naked on me for a mere $20 seemed like the deal of a lifetime. I bet with the amount of money I spent on women and liquor in strip clubs, I could have put a down payment on a house.
August 2000 I landed this great job with an internet company, making decent money. I got back on my feet in a short time, and started going to strip clubs, and bars 3-4 nights a week for the next two years or so. So many times, I would walk in around 9 30 am late, with last nights clothes on smelling of liquor and cigarettes with a story to tell of my last nights escapades. The only thing good that came out of the internet company was the friendships I made with some of my closest friends now.
October 2000 The first trip to Philly to visit my best friend Kwang Chin Kim. We ended up going out drinking to numerous bars, and strip clubs. I got very little sleep the entire weekend. It was a lifestyle I was accustomed too, another story to tell.
December 2001 New Years Eve. There was an awful party at my boss house, that I was stuck going to. Ended up at someones house, with cocaine on the table. I was inches away from doing it, when I had a vision of myself overdosing and the pain I caused my Mom. I could not do that to her.
January 2001- It was the day before the Super Bowl, and there was a party at the same house where cocaine was just one month prior. We ended up doing ecstasy that night. I had a lot to drink also. I dont remember much of what took place. But I ended up being behind the wheel at 6 30 am that Sunday morning, and was stopped by the Miramar police. I knew I wasnt getting out of this jam. I was arrested and charged with DUI. Just prior to that one month earlier, I was driving home drunk from a company party and was almost killed when I drove off the road. I was lucky, but I didnt learn. I could barely walk that morning, and was very upset that my friends let me get behind the wheel. The story was that no one saw me get into my car. I blame myself for the entire thing, but I dont believe that no one saw me walk out of the house. I called all my friends, but no one was home as it was Super Bowl Sunday. I ended up having to call my grandparents to have them wire me the money to bail me out. Craig, Steve, and Sheldon were there at 3 30 am to pick me up from Broward County Jail. I will always remember those 3 guys forever. I was on probation from Jan 2001 until March 2002, and I was drinking and driving still. I never got stopped, even though I should have.
July 2001 The second trip to Philly to visit Kwang Chin. I went up to see the Red Sox play the Mets that weekend. We ended up at Delilahs. I must have spent $1000 that night on a girl who only got topless for me in the champagne room. My grandparents had given me $3000 to pay off my credit card. I only paid off $2000, and took the $1000 to Philly. It was gone. I ended up maxing out my credit card inside of a year again. Most of it was on women and booze. I also finally admitted to my mom what really happened the night I was arrested. Seven months later, I decided it was time to be honest, and let her know what was really going on.
January 2002 The first trip to Vegas. You take a mid 20s single guy who loves gambling, drinking, and women and put him in Vegas and there is bound to be disaster. I spent every night playing blackjack and drinking till 4 am and lost over $500. I knew I was going back in March, and I could not wait to win that money back. Super Bowl Sunday that year was unreal. The Pats won the Super Bowl. So we went to a strip club that night to 3 am to celebrate. $200 gone between drinks and women. Just one year prior, I was in jail.
March 2002 The second and last trip to Vegas. I had my own room this time, so I didnt have to worry about my boss knowing what I was doing. We ended up at a strip club, and he left and I stayed with this amazing Hawaiian / Asian girl. After getting tired of her, as she didnt want to go back to my room, I stumbled out and took a cab home. The cab driver told me that for $300 I could get a girl in my room. So I called up this place, and asked them to send one over. Turned out to be $800. I knew I didnt have the money, but I wanted a story to tell the guys back in Fort Lauderdale. So, I used my credit card for a cash advance. I woke up the next morning feeling like the biggest piece of scum on the face of the earth. I lost over $1200 in Vegas and came home not knowing what to do. My best friends brother came into town a few days later, and I was flat broke. I lied to him, and told him my bank account was messed up and wasnt able to get any money.
July 2002 After many months of speculation, the dot com finally lays most everyone off and I was gone. My job was gone, but so was my stress. I worked under the table and collected unemployment for 3 months just to pay my bills. I was miserable, broke, and lost. I was also arrested a 2nd time for a suspended license. I had no clue it was suspended.
October 2002 I got a new job working as a financial counselor. I didnt care what I was doing as long as I didnt have to work for my old boss. I over heard some co workers talking about their church and the pastor. I was interested and asked one of the girls about it. My response was Well, its a Christian church, I cant go because of all the stuff I have done. Little did I know at the time, I was more then qualified to go. I did not want to go by myself, so I never went. It turned out to be Calvary Chapel Fort Lauderdale, which ended up being my home church in September of this year.
January 2003 I was working for a new company, making decent money. However it was 100% commission so there was a lot of stress about money. I started getting back into smoking pot on a daily basis. It was the only thing I knew to calm me down, and get over the stress. My friends told me I was stupid, but I didnt want to hear it. I can handle it, its not a problem. Sure, Mike.
The thoughts of church came back into my mind again, as my best friend Kwang C Kim came to visit and wrote me his testimony. I read it, but did not fully understand the true meaning. Again, I did not make the step. One early morning in February, I called my grandparents to get some consoling, as I was having money problems, and stressed out. My grandmother mentioned that attending church would bring things in perspective. That word is instilled in my mind PERSPECTIVE.
The bottoming out with smoking pot was being in the movies, not being able to move as I was stoned out of my mind. I was scared to drive home that night, for fear I was going to be arrested and my life would be over. I sat in the car, and drank water for 30 mins, then drove back roads home from Coral Springs.
Early March 2003, I saw a co worker with a Jesus shirt and asked her what church she went to. It was in Hallandale, so I went there that Sunday. I walked up to the church, turned around, and went home. Something told me, that it was not for me. In the meantime, Sheldon had told me that Mike T and his wife went to Christ the Rock which was right by my house. I never bothered to call him until the day I decided to quit drinking. I woke up on March 12th 2003, and made the decision first to quit drinking, smoking pot, and all the stuff that was destroying my life. Then I made the call to Mike T. and told him that I got the call from the Lord and was ready to anoint him as my savior. His words were This is going to change your life. I had no idea. I had STOPPED drinking in the past for months, but I never said the words QUIT. This was the first and last time I would QUIT drinking.
March 16, 2003 My first service at Christ the Rock Community Church. I was so nervous, but excited. The pastor came out, John Wagner, and just blew me away with his words. The story he told about Moses and the wilderness, was as if he knew my entire life. I was taken away, and I knew that this was the right decision I had made. I made the walk down to the front of the church at the end of the service to allow the Lord to become my savior. Little did I know, that most people dont make that walk the very first time they step foot into the church.
I walked out of the service that day, knowing things would change. Two days later, I was admitted into the emergency room for panic and anxiety attacks. It was everything causing them. My job, my life changes. Why was God putting me through this pain? I just gave myself to him and he was repaying me with this? This was my TEST. God was putting me through this trouble for everything I had done in the past.
In order for me to truly appreciate what he would be giving me and for him to wipe the slate clean, I had to endure this pain. I got out of the hospital that day, quit my job, and went back to the old company I was with in October. God spoke to me, and I listened.
Two weeks later, it was announced that Pastor John had resigned and I would never see him again. I was so upset about how things happened. I was a New Believer, and two weeks into it, this happens! Well, I was ready to give up. One day later, I knew I was not going to give anything up and I have not looked back ever since.
My life was so empty prior to it, now it is full. Thank you Father God for everything you have blessed me. Amen.
