Okay, I wasn't gonna do this but I will try to best I can. I am the product of a mom that married at the age of 17 to my then 30 year old father who had already been married, had 4 girls and then was divorced. My parents then, as I am told, were Christians and had a good marriage. My brother was born when my mom was 21...and I was born when she was 26. In between there...my mom had lost a child...He died at 2 hours old...and mom was never the same. My mom grew up in an abusive home. Her dad was an alcoholic and beat his wife and all the kids (my grandma had a total of 14...mom being 2nd to the last) Anyways...to speed things up...mom had a rough life when she was younger. When I was 7...my viginity was taken from me. I won't go into that, I can't talk about it really. But this set the stage for a bad sprial downwards. When I was about 7 or 8...my mom started to cheat on my dad. My dad had me watching...and then reporting the details to him. So I had to watch my mom kiss and hug all over this guy...and I even saw them having sex. Also around this time...my cousin who was around 30 or so...got addicted to crack cocaine. He was doing both but I think he was more hooked on the crack. I would hide up on top of the shed...my little hiding place...and watch him smoke it out of a coke can. He was on it bad. I watched him sell all of his possions...steal form his kid's piggy banks...just to get one more rock. Between the ages of 7 and 12...I went on a sexual rampage. Sleeping with any guy that would. Teachers...friend's parents. When I was 12...i started to shop lift to get attention....and prank calling 911. I was hardly ever in school...and stole money from my cousin's business to spend on "friends". By this time...my brother who is 4 1/2 years older than me...was smoking weed and getting arrested all the time for drug possesions. Also when I was 12...my parents finally divorced....and my brother went with my dad...never to be seen again. My mom and now step dad were very mean. They just started out by yelling a lot...but it soon turned into a lot of hitting. My step dad found our glass stop stove with smudges where it "wasn't clean enough" so he grabbed the hair on the back of my head and slammed my head into the stove so I could see the spots I missed. He would pee on the bathroom floor on purpose and made me clean it up by kneeling in it and cleaning with a sponge. My mom was very mean as well...throwing things at me...or beating the daylights out of me. She used to say that she hated me and wished I could just die. She said that no one would ever love me...not even God. They started to mess around into Wicca and Satanism. I messed with it a tiny bit...then a friend from school invited me to a Michael W. Smith concert with her youth group...and there I was saved. I was 14. I came on on fire. It was awesome at first. I would write bible verses on the bathroom mirror with dry erase markers. It made my mom so very mad since she was trying her best to worship Satan. After a while...the fire died. I was being beaten daily and my step dad had taken up the act of forcing me to have sex with him. My mom knew and never cared. They forced me to watch them have sex and made me join in. I hated it and felt so sick inside. I was beaten if I cried....so I started to hurt myself to let out emotions. By the time I was 16...i started to take refuge in a Christian youth center near my house. I was there all the time....and I was going to church with one of the volunteers there. They all knew I was being abused but I wouldn't admit it. When I moved out at 18...I was so very lost. God...who he is....was all twisted in my head. I had ideas of Wicca and Satanism stuff too all twisted in with it. I was so confused. I started to cut myself to relieve the pain I felt. I used to cut 4 or 5 times a day. One day...when I was 19...I met a youth pastor online....Danny. He lived in Kansas (I was in Florida). He started to counsel me some and gave me scripture after scripture. I tried pushing him away but he wouldn't budge. After about 8 months of talking to him...him and his wife invited me to stay with them for 4 days so I could check Kansas out. I wanted to move so bad. So I did...and i loved it so much. You could just feel the presence of God in his house. So a year later...when I was 20...I was all set and moved there. I was still cutting and smoking weed at this point. I got a good job and started going to his church. I started taking classes at the church for sexual abuse...and started to get better....but i was lonely cause I didn't really have any friends. 2 years after I moved there...I moved back to be with a guy. I was introduced to cocaine and I took my first line. I loved it. It numbed me. Now...7 months after the move back tom florida...after 7 months of taking verbal abuse from my new boyfriend...I think the relationship is coming to an end. I have not cut myself in over a year now...but I still dabble some with drugs....I have never stopped smoking weed. And now I think God wants me to move back to Kansas where I should have stayed. I am sorry this is long....and I am not real sure how much of a testimony this really is...but I wanted to post it...so there you go
Machin Shin
I've been so busy...I'm moving tomorrow 
