Hello all,
I have recently begun my journey to return to the Catholic Church and I wanted to share my story with you in the hopes that perhaps it will aid in strengthening your faith, as well as reinforce my own budding "rebirth" as it were into Catholicism.
I was raised Catholic. My Mom's side of the family is militantly Catholic -- my Great Uncle was a Priest in the Archdiocese of Kingston, Ontario and was someone I looked up to tremendously. My Mom's brothers and my maternal Grandparents are what I would classify as people with strong faith, but limited knowledge. As such, when I had questions as I grew up, they were often unable to answer, which over time made me strongly doubt the Catholic faith or even the very idea of "God" at all. If I made an opposing argument, I was usually met with sneers and disappointed glares, was told I have "lost my way" and I remember my Mom, I suppose unable to effectively counter any of my arguments, simply shouting "heathen!" at me one afternoon. Funny enough, it was only my Great Uncle, the Priest, who would have any sort of respectful discourse with me, take my arguments seriously and offer his Catholic argument in response. Often these arguments would steer me back towards God, but I only saw my Great Uncle a few times a year as he lived several hours away.
Well, fast forward to my mid-late 20s and I discovered the "New Atheists," namely Richard Dawkins, Christopher Hitchens, and Sam Harris (I never did and still do not care for Laurence Krauss). They all basically confirmed, albeit far more articulately, my objections and doubts towards the existence of God. The more I listened to them, the further I was driven away from God, and more than that, the less I cared because to me, God wasn't even real. I would watch debate after debate they would have with the likes of John Lennox, William Lane Craig, and the like. I would watch the debates, pretending to have an open mind, but really I was watching them to find out "what crazy argument will the religious guy come up with before he gets smacked down by the vastly more intelligent atheist?"
Well, in 2013 my Mom passed away after an 11 year battle with Lymphoma. She had been in the ICU after a bout of chemo led to an infection with led to sepsis. Against the odds she pulled through, they transferred her to the Oncology ward and after having been resigned to her almost certain death, we had some hope for a few days that she would actually make it out. A few days later though, her cancer was back and there was nothing they could do. She died with all of us at her bedside to watch her take her last breaths. A few days earlier she told us she had been visited by the Virgin Mary, and Mary told her "we've been waiting for you...your cup is overflowing". Today that gives me chills, but at the same I attributed it to all the drugs they had her on to numb the pain.
After she died, I began to hear her in my head...I don't really know how to explain it, but it may well have been my own brain trying to cope with the pain, and I thought "it must just be me doing this to myself". But then there were little signs. At her interment, when the Priest had finished blessing the grave and had concluded whatever the ceremony is called...well, it had been raining, and the clouds parted and a ray of sunlight shone right onto the grave. I would never have believed it if I didn't see it for myself. I thought it was mere coincidence, of course...but that was quite powerful and gave me pause.
Two weeks after that, my daughter, and my Mom's first grandchild was born. You can imagine the profound sadness surrounding everything at this time. What was supposed to be a joyous occasion was marred with pain and sorrow. I refer to 2013, for this reason, as Dickens would say "the best of times and the worst of times".
Three years later, last June 11, my Great Uncle passed away. I went out to his funeral and was a pall bearer. A couple of days later, I began hearing him as well, even more clearly and powerfully than I had heard my Mom. So powerful, in fact, that it changed my behaviors. He was offering me advice like "don't wear shirts with any logos or writing on them"...I don't know why on earth I would ever arrive to that on my own. There are other things as well which aren't important to the story and are more personal, but the key point here is if I had doubts about hearing my Mom after she had passed, I definitely became less skeptical after hearing my Great Uncle.
To be clear, by "hear" I mean they essentially became the voice in my head for a while. I didn't really "hear" them as if they were making a noise.
The past few weeks, I discovered Bishop Robert Barron on youtube. This was the first time I had heard an argument from a religious person that actually convinced me that there may be a God after all, that I've been looking at it the wrong way the whole time. Many of his arguments are versions of Thomas Aquinas' arguments, which led me to the "5 reasons" argument. After taking that all seriously, I decided to rewatch those debates between Dawkins and Lennox, William Lane Craig and Christopher Hitchens, WLC and Sam Harris...suddenly the atheists didn't seem all that smart in these debates. I could recognize where they were dodging arguments and reverting back to their naturalist arguments, which in no way are counter to the arguments put forth by Lennox or WLC.
Long story short, I went to Mass a couple of Sundays ago. My cousin had a baby shower in the old town we used to live in when I was a kid, so I dropped my wife and daughter off and found the old Church my Mom used to take me to, and went to Mass. I swear I could feel my Mom next to me in the pew, and I got a chill, not physically feeling it but...on some other level, "feeling" her head on my shoulder as if she were proud of me.
Last Saturday I went to Confession and was told my sins were forgiven (there were 110 of them to be exact, after using the examination of conscience Catholic app) but that I could not take Communion until my marriage was convalidated (I think that was the word). Nonetheless, I took my daughter to Mass that evening (I should mention both my children were baptised Catholic as well, mainly to honor my Mom after her passing).
I've been reading from the Bible as much as I can on a daily basis. I have an app that gives you different "reading plans" to teach you lessons about God and how they apply to your life (it's called YouVersion Bible for those interested). One of the lessons was how to listen for God and hear him. I've discovered that it's usually quite subtle. The clouds aren't going to part, you're not going to literally "hear" God (or at least I haven't), but that He influences you in other ways.
Some things have happened since I started doing that. For example, I struggle with pornography/masturbation, and have since I was a teenager and I'm sure most males do these days...since going to Confession I haven't even had the urge, but when I'm alone I have this voice in my head that says "hey, why not? you're alone"...I've fought it off thus far, but I know there will come a time where I give in. I was worried about this and prayed and prayed. Well, I walked through a little ravine pathway to get my lunch almost every day, and within the ravine is a stream or water that I assume runs to the lake. I've never really stopped to admire it before, but I was compelled to yesterday. And I noticed boulders and sticks interrupting the water's path, but on the other side of the bridge the water was still flowing towards its ultimate destination. I was instantly overcome by the thought that "you are the water, and sin is the blockage. As long as you continue to flow towards God, you will be ok." I know that had to have been the Holy Spirit guiding me.
Added to that, I've noticed other changes within myself, such as greater patience with my wife and children. Things don't seem to bother me as much as they used to...I almost feel like I'm "home" again and I'm safe now.
Anyway, I just felt compelled to share this with you all today. I'm sure many of you have heard similar accounts, but I hope this strengthens your resolve in some way.
Thanks for reading.
I have recently begun my journey to return to the Catholic Church and I wanted to share my story with you in the hopes that perhaps it will aid in strengthening your faith, as well as reinforce my own budding "rebirth" as it were into Catholicism.
I was raised Catholic. My Mom's side of the family is militantly Catholic -- my Great Uncle was a Priest in the Archdiocese of Kingston, Ontario and was someone I looked up to tremendously. My Mom's brothers and my maternal Grandparents are what I would classify as people with strong faith, but limited knowledge. As such, when I had questions as I grew up, they were often unable to answer, which over time made me strongly doubt the Catholic faith or even the very idea of "God" at all. If I made an opposing argument, I was usually met with sneers and disappointed glares, was told I have "lost my way" and I remember my Mom, I suppose unable to effectively counter any of my arguments, simply shouting "heathen!" at me one afternoon. Funny enough, it was only my Great Uncle, the Priest, who would have any sort of respectful discourse with me, take my arguments seriously and offer his Catholic argument in response. Often these arguments would steer me back towards God, but I only saw my Great Uncle a few times a year as he lived several hours away.
Well, fast forward to my mid-late 20s and I discovered the "New Atheists," namely Richard Dawkins, Christopher Hitchens, and Sam Harris (I never did and still do not care for Laurence Krauss). They all basically confirmed, albeit far more articulately, my objections and doubts towards the existence of God. The more I listened to them, the further I was driven away from God, and more than that, the less I cared because to me, God wasn't even real. I would watch debate after debate they would have with the likes of John Lennox, William Lane Craig, and the like. I would watch the debates, pretending to have an open mind, but really I was watching them to find out "what crazy argument will the religious guy come up with before he gets smacked down by the vastly more intelligent atheist?"
Well, in 2013 my Mom passed away after an 11 year battle with Lymphoma. She had been in the ICU after a bout of chemo led to an infection with led to sepsis. Against the odds she pulled through, they transferred her to the Oncology ward and after having been resigned to her almost certain death, we had some hope for a few days that she would actually make it out. A few days later though, her cancer was back and there was nothing they could do. She died with all of us at her bedside to watch her take her last breaths. A few days earlier she told us she had been visited by the Virgin Mary, and Mary told her "we've been waiting for you...your cup is overflowing". Today that gives me chills, but at the same I attributed it to all the drugs they had her on to numb the pain.
After she died, I began to hear her in my head...I don't really know how to explain it, but it may well have been my own brain trying to cope with the pain, and I thought "it must just be me doing this to myself". But then there were little signs. At her interment, when the Priest had finished blessing the grave and had concluded whatever the ceremony is called...well, it had been raining, and the clouds parted and a ray of sunlight shone right onto the grave. I would never have believed it if I didn't see it for myself. I thought it was mere coincidence, of course...but that was quite powerful and gave me pause.
Two weeks after that, my daughter, and my Mom's first grandchild was born. You can imagine the profound sadness surrounding everything at this time. What was supposed to be a joyous occasion was marred with pain and sorrow. I refer to 2013, for this reason, as Dickens would say "the best of times and the worst of times".
Three years later, last June 11, my Great Uncle passed away. I went out to his funeral and was a pall bearer. A couple of days later, I began hearing him as well, even more clearly and powerfully than I had heard my Mom. So powerful, in fact, that it changed my behaviors. He was offering me advice like "don't wear shirts with any logos or writing on them"...I don't know why on earth I would ever arrive to that on my own. There are other things as well which aren't important to the story and are more personal, but the key point here is if I had doubts about hearing my Mom after she had passed, I definitely became less skeptical after hearing my Great Uncle.
To be clear, by "hear" I mean they essentially became the voice in my head for a while. I didn't really "hear" them as if they were making a noise.
The past few weeks, I discovered Bishop Robert Barron on youtube. This was the first time I had heard an argument from a religious person that actually convinced me that there may be a God after all, that I've been looking at it the wrong way the whole time. Many of his arguments are versions of Thomas Aquinas' arguments, which led me to the "5 reasons" argument. After taking that all seriously, I decided to rewatch those debates between Dawkins and Lennox, William Lane Craig and Christopher Hitchens, WLC and Sam Harris...suddenly the atheists didn't seem all that smart in these debates. I could recognize where they were dodging arguments and reverting back to their naturalist arguments, which in no way are counter to the arguments put forth by Lennox or WLC.
Long story short, I went to Mass a couple of Sundays ago. My cousin had a baby shower in the old town we used to live in when I was a kid, so I dropped my wife and daughter off and found the old Church my Mom used to take me to, and went to Mass. I swear I could feel my Mom next to me in the pew, and I got a chill, not physically feeling it but...on some other level, "feeling" her head on my shoulder as if she were proud of me.
Last Saturday I went to Confession and was told my sins were forgiven (there were 110 of them to be exact, after using the examination of conscience Catholic app) but that I could not take Communion until my marriage was convalidated (I think that was the word). Nonetheless, I took my daughter to Mass that evening (I should mention both my children were baptised Catholic as well, mainly to honor my Mom after her passing).
I've been reading from the Bible as much as I can on a daily basis. I have an app that gives you different "reading plans" to teach you lessons about God and how they apply to your life (it's called YouVersion Bible for those interested). One of the lessons was how to listen for God and hear him. I've discovered that it's usually quite subtle. The clouds aren't going to part, you're not going to literally "hear" God (or at least I haven't), but that He influences you in other ways.
Some things have happened since I started doing that. For example, I struggle with pornography/masturbation, and have since I was a teenager and I'm sure most males do these days...since going to Confession I haven't even had the urge, but when I'm alone I have this voice in my head that says "hey, why not? you're alone"...I've fought it off thus far, but I know there will come a time where I give in. I was worried about this and prayed and prayed. Well, I walked through a little ravine pathway to get my lunch almost every day, and within the ravine is a stream or water that I assume runs to the lake. I've never really stopped to admire it before, but I was compelled to yesterday. And I noticed boulders and sticks interrupting the water's path, but on the other side of the bridge the water was still flowing towards its ultimate destination. I was instantly overcome by the thought that "you are the water, and sin is the blockage. As long as you continue to flow towards God, you will be ok." I know that had to have been the Holy Spirit guiding me.
Added to that, I've noticed other changes within myself, such as greater patience with my wife and children. Things don't seem to bother me as much as they used to...I almost feel like I'm "home" again and I'm safe now.
Anyway, I just felt compelled to share this with you all today. I'm sure many of you have heard similar accounts, but I hope this strengthens your resolve in some way.
Thanks for reading.
