My Story

[joshmurdoch84]

I wanted to share a little bit about my life on here. I am married to the love of my life, we have a son whom is 11 months old. I have two kids with my ex wife Those kids are Alexia whom is 8 and Kaden who is 6. My wife and I have been together for two years. And thru that two years we have had alot of changes happen. I lost my job, I lost my car, We were forced to move back in with our prospective parents. But most importantly I have let my love for her kind of reach a table top. I wasn't pushing her away but there wasn't the passion that we once had. I wasn't holding her or kissing her as I once did. The sex wasn't what it once was, and as a result her self confidence went down.

When we got together she was about 220 and now after having our son and going thru many stresses that I have caused her she weighs about 350. I love her size and I wouldn't want her anyother way. But because I kind of pushed her away and didn't show her the love i felt for her I just assumed that she knew her self confidence has come down considerabley.

She was once a proud independent woman whom had her own voice and let everyone know what she was thinking now she is weak and fragile. How with Gods help can I show her that I love her unconditionally as well as help her regain her self confidence?

 

[ChrisHolland619]

If the woman weighs 350 pounds she is morbidly obese and in terrible danger of a stroke or heart attack. Why on earth would you love or encourage that? D you care for her well being?

 

[BFine]

You can tell her and show her the affection that you once gave
to her so freely.

About her situation at this time--
Has she seen her doctor about her health?
(Her significant increase in weight is a major concern and
I'm wondering whether or not she has had a complete
physical?)

I know you mentioned she is experiencing depression,
has she been to see a therapist or a counselor about her depression?

I believe it would be beneficial for you to see a counselor as well.
You two are experiencing a lot of disappointments - loss of job, loss of car, marital woes, depression etc.
I believe you and your wife could use some encouragement and support to help you guys navigate through these difficulties.

Is your church family and relatives aware of what you two are going through?
What "helps" are they supplying?



Abba Father:

Your child needs help so he can provide for his family,
there are many problems he and his wife are dealing with Lord--
please send folks to them that can meet their immediate needs and
direct him to the right places and people who can be supportive of him
and his family.

Encourage this man and his wife as they endure very trying times--
restore to them the joy of your salvation, grant them peace and bless
them with the loving support of family and friends.
Open the doors for him to find stable employment and suitable transportation
--Father God pour out a blessing on them that is beyond anything they could
of wished for--
Thank you Lord for all that you do for your children and help
us to be sensitive to the needs of others in our own areas.

In Christ's name....Amen!

 

[SharonL]

The weight will cause her to withdraw into herself thinking everyone else is as disguested with her as she is with herself. Speaking from experience. I have accomplished a lot in my life and have had a lot of failures - my weight being the root cause of most of it. I am a good person and constantly enjoy doing for others, but always wanting to be behind the scenes. I will grant you she is doing the same. I withdraw when I am out with my husband because I feel he would like to be proud of me and in his way he is - he never shows any disregard for me because of my weight, but I have disregard for myself and feel I am nothing to be proud of.

Most of her problems are within herself - you can encourage and be loving, but nothing will change her until she changes within her own mind. People who are overweight fight internal battles constantly that a person with no weight problem would never understand. You can preach health, looks, etc whatever - but there is a root cause that only she will be able to root out, maybe with the help of a counselor. Just feel for her hurting and she is hurting, she may cover it up - but she is hurting. There is no way for a person to understand if you are not going through it. I have spent my life trying to blend in with the wall paper and hide myself. Meeting new people is agony - just living your life in a normal way is almost impossible. My prayers are with you and her.

 

[TheyCallMeDave]

I wanted to share a little bit about my life on here. I am married to the love of my life, we have a son whom is 11 months old. I have two kids with my ex wife Those kids are Alexia whom is 8 and Kaden who is 6. My wife and I have been together for two years. And thru that two years we have had alot of changes happen. I lost my job, I lost my car, We were forced to move back in with our prospective parents. But most importantly I have let my love for her kind of reach a table top. I wasn't pushing her away but there wasn't the passion that we once had. I wasn't holding her or kissing her as I once did. The sex wasn't what it once was, and as a result her self confidence went down.

When we got together she was about 220 and now after having our son and going thru many stresses that I have caused her she weighs about 350. I love her size and I wouldn't want her anyother way. But because I kind of pushed her away and didn't show her the love i felt for her I just assumed that she knew her self confidence has come down considerabley.

She was once a proud independent woman whom had her own voice and let everyone know what she was thinking now she is weak and fragile. How with Gods help can I show her that I love her unconditionally as well as help her regain her self confidence?

Heres a few thoughts i have...

1. Im so glad that you realize that a Wife gets her self esteem, primarily, from her husband . And, that you take part of the blame ; however, bear in mind that it was her freewill choice to eat and put on another 130 lbs , and now in a very dangerous health position, actually. Maybe i dont need to list all the health hazards of extreme obesity, but Diabetes and increased chance of heart attack and stroke are the main ones. So with that said, you do need to help her get on track again.

2. The best and immediate way for you to regain much of her self esteem is to start with the things you admit you got lax on : Making her feel wanted, special, important, with loads of affection and unconditional love in many forms.

3. As far as her extreme weight gain goes, you need to be careful that you dont offend her concerning it, yet you need to encourage her to drop weight for her own health sake and for the sake of your nice family you have. Just about every Mother whos overweight will gladly do something for that motive . Consider a fitness program with her starting off with lots of walking/gentle running in conjunction with a low fat , low carb, high protein diet and eating little of it. I did this recently, and lost 20 lbs in 5 months with little problem ..and im well into my 50's and early retired. After each 20 lbs she looses, you need to celebrate to keep her motivated and to let her see how proud you are of her ; the best way to do this is to plan a cheap getaway weekend if at all possible financially, and make it a romantic time ... even if its at a nearby Motel that has alot to offer.

4. Spend much time in prayer WITH her and in your prayer time, talk to the Lord and express how much yuou appreciate him bringing your wife along for a wonderful marital relationship. Express thanks to God which also would serve to build her up by her listening to your heartfelt statements of gratitude. The best sex usually occurs after such a time of mutual prayer because of the intimate bonding that takes place at that very moment being in Gods presence. But dont force the sex issue..let her do a bit of leading in that direction. And, she will almost certainly.

I promise you, if you do these things, you WILL turn her around and see a big change in her both emotionally and physically and spiritually. You will get your old Wife back again and she will be very outspoken and proactive once again. And, she will absolutely treasure how instrumental you were thru the whole process i gaurantee you.

Bless you Man for your post of authenticity and love/concern for your wife.

 

[tbogunro]

I wanted to share a little bit about my life on here. I am married to the love of my life, we have a son whom is 11 months old. I have two kids with my ex wife Those kids are Alexia whom is 8 and Kaden who is 6. My wife and I have been together for two years. And thru that two years we have had alot of changes happen. I lost my job, I lost my car, We were forced to move back in with our prospective parents. But most importantly I have let my love for her kind of reach a table top. I wasn't pushing her away but there wasn't the passion that we once had. I wasn't holding her or kissing her as I once did. The sex wasn't what it once was, and as a result her self confidence went down.

When we got together she was about 220 and now after having our son and going thru many stresses that I have caused her she weighs about 350. I love her size and I wouldn't want her anyother way. But because I kind of pushed her away and didn't show her the love i felt for her I just assumed that she knew her self confidence has come down considerabley.

She was once a proud independent woman whom had her own voice and let everyone know what she was thinking now she is weak and fragile. How with Gods help can I show her that I love her unconditionally as well as help her regain her self confidence?

Most likely her weight might play into her self confidence and she doesn't want to say anything about it but hey I might be wrong. 1st ask for God's help in restoring her confidence and love back into the relationship. 2nd this is key and VERY important, walk out this faith in God by doing the simple things for her. Maybe clean up, cook, tell her she's beautiful, have weekly dates, and personally 350 for a woman isn't healthy so go to the gym with her have fun together there. That way she wouldn't feel insecure or left alone.

 

[Ark100]

A wife should not get her self esteem from her husband so I disagree with the person who said that.
Sure its really great when a husband makes their wife feel good. After all you are her other part and you two share a life together, but I think its very important to be able to stand on one's own two feet and not be completely defined by how someone else treats you or makes you feel.
I suspect she must have been a little insecure before you got with her. She might have boosted her self esteem when things got really good between you two, but when you changed, she became more insecure and her self esteem started sliding again because you were the one who pumped it up in the first place.

I really don't think this is your job to fix. Only God can help her. You can do your part but it should not be you doing everything because if you try to make her feel good again, whether by pity or by force, and something else happens between you two, she will be worse off than where she is right now

I think getting to the roots of the matter is what counts here. 350 is a lot of weight, we have to be frank here. Addressing the weight issue and looking for a solution is the first step towards problem solving. How can you both sign up to gym? How can you take up better diets and ways to see her losing some of those weight.

Heaven helps those who help themselves. Even if anyone prays to GOD that they want to lose weight or they need jobs, they still have to work towards those things that they want from God. No one sits back and weight just falls off, or jobs just come to them on their couch.

I think you should encourage her, firstly with prayers, pray for her, for motivation, for strength, and pray for your relationships. Ask for help from God.
Then work towards the physical, how you can involve yourself with her to get both of you to the gym or some health solutions. You don';t have to be fat to be part of it. Being part of it will encourage her more and will make her feel less embarrassed or even more depressed.

When someone is 350, its hard to go out and socialise as much as others can. Being that weight can cause depression and extreme low self esteem. Im not talking about those that have medical problems but just those who can't help themselves. So I think her weight is the major cause of her low self esteem. Getting her help in that area, and her helping herself will help her in the long run.

Goodluck

 

[restore]

I also feel u cant fix her , only God can.....but as a husband, u shall try your best to wake up her own inner side, so that she can start to seek a change and growth....
we all need support from family, friends, church...

 

[TheyCallMeDave]

A wife should not get her self esteem from her husband so I disagree with the person who said that.
Sure its really great when a husband makes their wife feel good. After all you are her other part and you two share a life together, but I think its very important to be able to stand on one's own two feet and not be completely defined by how someone else treats you or makes you feel.
I suspect she must have been a little insecure before you got with her. She might have boosted her self esteem when things got really good between you two, but when you changed, she became more insecure and her self esteem started sliding again because you were the one who pumped it up in the first place.

I really don't think this is your job to fix. Only God can help her. You can do your part but it should not be you doing everything because if you try to make her feel good again, whether by pity or by force, and something else happens between you two, she will be worse off than where she is right now

I think getting to the roots of the matter is what counts here. 350 is a lot of weight, we have to be frank here. Addressing the weight issue and looking for a solution is the first step towards problem solving. How can you both sign up to gym? How can you take up better diets and ways to see her losing some of those weight.

Heaven helps those who help themselves. Even if anyone prays to GOD that they want to lose weight or they need jobs, they still have to work towards those things that they want from God. No one sits back and weight just falls off, or jobs just come to them on their couch.

I think you should encourage her, firstly with prayers, pray for her, for motivation, for strength, and pray for your relationships. Ask for help from God.
Then work towards the physical, how you can involve yourself with her to get both of you to the gym or some health solutions. You don';t have to be fat to be part of it. Being part of it will encourage her more and will make her feel less embarrassed or even more depressed.

When someone is 350, its hard to go out and socialise as much as others can. Being that weight can cause depression and extreme low self esteem. Im not talking about those that have medical problems but just those who can't help themselves. So I think her weight is the major cause of her low self esteem. Getting her help in that area, and her helping herself will help her in the long run.

Goodluck

God has designed it so a Wife gets her self esteem mostly from her Husbands love, approval, validation, etc... A man gets his self esteem mostly from the work he does and his achievements . Reading any christian psychology material will confirm that a Wife gets her self esteem from her Husband for the most part being the weaker gender . It is also alluded to in Scripture .

It is one of the main reasons why Wives are more prone to enter into an extra marital affair ... because their self worth and dignity are not being fed by their Husbands . It IS one of the top 5 must-have needs for a Wife . See the book : His Needs, Her Needs by Dr. Harley.

 

[joshmurdoch84]

I should have put in some more information. We eat well and exercize. She has been to the doctors and have had several tests done all show no abnormality. She was on the depo shot after the birth of our son. That's when she put on the weight. After our son was born she was back down to within 10 pounds of her pre baby weight and then got on the depo shot and her weight skyrocketed. We haven't done anything differently. She has been off the depo shot for over 6 months

 

[BFine]

What type of exercise does your wife do?

Share your healthy eating habits--
What does eating well actually mean in your home?

If tests show nothing is wrong with your wife---her weighing
over three hundred pounds doesn't just happen for no reason.
..there's unhealthy eating habits going on.