In our family, I'm the youngest by nine years. I have always been pushed aside, told that I was too young, and never allowed to help with anything that I wanted to help with. My mother has always been verbally/emotionally mean to me, but it got worse as I got older. By the time I was 4, I knew exactly where I stood in the family and I was never allowed to forget. I don't know what it is to have normal dreams, but I do know what it's like to be afraid to go to sleep at night because of horrible nightmares.
As a young teen, my mom told me to my face that in her eyes that I was basically uplanned and unwanted. It only confirmed what I have known since I was 4. When asked why I wasn't given up for adoption, she just said that she was obilgated to raise me. I think she was afraid of what other people would say and that my dad may have wanted me.
For many years I wanted my life to end. I use to think about suicide and I use to beg God to end my life. Obviously God had other plans for me. He sent a couple people into my life, one of whom refused to give up on me after I had prayed and laid everything at the feet of Jesus. I was reminded of other people as well who haven't treated me well either, but in a different way.
I have eventually overcome much of my past, but sometimes things people say or do trigger unwanted memories. There is a poem that I had written that I had shared in a different forum. It doesn't have an official title to it I simply refer to it as "My poem"
Weeping children why do you morn?
Have you been sad since the day you were born?
You want to be accepted and you fight to fit in,
but the odds are against you like there's no way to win.
There is so much in life that you would like to gain,
but you can't seem to do it, your held back by the pain.
You learn not to trust and rarely feel loved
and soon all that's left is God above.
Slowly and surely you deal with you past
forgiving those who hurt you, but yet the memories still last.
One little word, one simple phrase
often trigger memories that seem as though they can't be erased.
God is so faithful. His love know no end
and just when you need it most, He sends you a friend.
He know that not just any friend will do,
so He sends those who are gentle, faithful, and true.
They gently help you get through life's storms
despite that you feel all battered and torn.
For there is a rainbow that waits on the other side
and for that rainbow we wait, out our arms opened wide.
As a young teen, my mom told me to my face that in her eyes that I was basically uplanned and unwanted. It only confirmed what I have known since I was 4. When asked why I wasn't given up for adoption, she just said that she was obilgated to raise me. I think she was afraid of what other people would say and that my dad may have wanted me.
For many years I wanted my life to end. I use to think about suicide and I use to beg God to end my life. Obviously God had other plans for me. He sent a couple people into my life, one of whom refused to give up on me after I had prayed and laid everything at the feet of Jesus. I was reminded of other people as well who haven't treated me well either, but in a different way.
I have eventually overcome much of my past, but sometimes things people say or do trigger unwanted memories. There is a poem that I had written that I had shared in a different forum. It doesn't have an official title to it I simply refer to it as "My poem"
Weeping children why do you morn?
Have you been sad since the day you were born?
You want to be accepted and you fight to fit in,
but the odds are against you like there's no way to win.
There is so much in life that you would like to gain,
but you can't seem to do it, your held back by the pain.
You learn not to trust and rarely feel loved
and soon all that's left is God above.
Slowly and surely you deal with you past
forgiving those who hurt you, but yet the memories still last.
One little word, one simple phrase
often trigger memories that seem as though they can't be erased.
God is so faithful. His love know no end
and just when you need it most, He sends you a friend.
He know that not just any friend will do,
so He sends those who are gentle, faithful, and true.
They gently help you get through life's storms
despite that you feel all battered and torn.
For there is a rainbow that waits on the other side
and for that rainbow we wait, out our arms opened wide.
Oh my dear, I'm so sorry for everything you have gone through! You really touched my heart. If there is absolutely no way that you can handle being around your parents - God will take care of that for you. There is a reason why you were born. The Lord planned it, whether your parents did or not. He knew you were going to live before He ever created the world! We are all God's creation. 
