My son's advice

[covenantwmn]

Today, my son told me I need to lower my standards if i'm to find someone special. I considered what he had to say, and honestly, thought maybe he was right. But still, i'm stubborn and firmly believe in "to thine own self be true." Maybe i'd even like to do that on a level, but I just can't. I know what I want, and I can't "settle," and I know it when I see it. So, even if it means being alone forever, I think I have to wait for the one God has for me.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

It depends on what standards he thinks you should be lowering, but that doesn't really sound like a good idea. Maybe considering guys under 6 feet (not saying that one's on your list), but you sure can't compromise on faith, morals, character, etc.

 

[Gimpy]

I say, you have been married and know what you are in for. At least as eatenbylocusts says, maybe some physical or even some personality quirk, you might want to let it go but the rest is definitely in my opinion.

 

[catofhope]

I agree that some types of things you need to stick to your guns on...
but other things (as mentioned) maybe not so much.

I personally would hate to limit God and His infinite wisdom.

I've been thinking of starting a thread called "do we limit God".
Think it is time to sit down and work on it (for the main forum).

 

[Gimpy]

I agree that some types of things you need to stick to your guns on...
but other things (as mentioned) maybe not so much.

I personally would hate to limit God and His infinite wisdom.

I've been thinking of starting a thread called "do we limit God".
Think it is time to sit down and work on it (for the main forum).

I am in complete agreement with you.

 

[MN John]

It depends on what you call your standards. Some things like age and location are important, but being open to God's planning in those matters is more important. Other things like gender and marital status are non-negotiable but if the most important thing is in place ... being a faithful follower of Christ, then those will be too.

 

[jcj3803]

I agree in general with the other posters.

I think we all consciously or subconsciously have a "list" of wanted and unwanted traits / characteristics in a potential spouse. You need to decide what things are nonnegotiable and what things are "nice to have". I don't think crossing off some nice-to-haves is lowering your standards. I mean I'd feel awkward with a woman over 6 feet tall since I'm 5'11" on my good days, but I could probably get used to it (unless she was in 3-inch heels, in which case I'd have to climb her to kiss her goodnight, but I digress.)

Actually, a female friend of mine sat down and wrote out her list one day and used it for quite awhile when she was dating. I never did ask her if her eventual husband met all her criteria...

 

[covenantwmn]

Thanks for your responses. My only musts are that he love God more than anything else, that he be, or be willing to be active in church, that he has a decent job and a sense of humor. Physically, I don't have any musts, other than taller than myself, and i'm not tall, lol.

 

[Eph429]

LOL, I agree. I wrote a letter to the Lord, ummm, about 3 years ago, requesting my "wants" in a man ( and one of them that he plays either guitar or drums to worship our Lord), and I'm still waiting. So, yeah, are we limiting God? Does He have the perfect man in store for me, knowing who would be able to handle me? Methinks so, He's preparing that someone special to meet me and the kids, cos we can be rather nutty at times.

And most definitely he will be in an intimate relationship with Jesus and not compromising His word and understand the necessity to laugh.

MuchLoved
J

 

[covenantwmn]

cos we can be rather nutty at times.

I hear ya on that one, us too!

 

[C.F.W. Walther]

Thanks for your responses. My only musts are that he love God more than anything else, that he be, or be willing to be active in church, that he has a decent job and a sense of humor. Physically, I don't have any musts, other than taller than myself, and i'm not tall, lol.

Well then you're different than most ladies that I've seen looking for a husband. When I was on dating site a couple of years ago the "want" or "must have" list of most of the women looked like they wanted a junior god. It was unbelievable. I'm not blaming them because I think many wanted "that night in shining armor" but it just looked a little unrealistic.

Of course guys aren't like that--are they.

 

[jcj3803]

When I was on dating site a couple of years ago the "want" or "must have" list of most of the women looked like they wanted a junior god.

Agreed. There are a lot who demand a picture right away also, say things like "send pic to talk more". And that's ok as it's their choice, but it calls into question what (some) women using these sites really want.

OTOH, not to ask is not to receive, so you might as well ask for the stars and maybe settle for the moon, neh? Besides, nothing says you can't maintain two profiles on different sites - one for Mr Perfect and one for a back-up.

Of course guys aren't like that--are they.

 

[OhhJim]

Today, my son told me I need to lower my standards if i'm to find someone special. I considered what he had to say, and honestly, thought maybe he was right. But still, i'm stubborn and firmly believe in "to thine own self be true." Maybe i'd even like to do that on a level, but I just can't. I know what I want, and I can't "settle," and I know it when I see it. So, even if it means being alone forever, I think I have to wait for the one God has for me.

People are different. Different people have different reasons for getting married. I know people who absolutely, positively HAD to be married, so they got married. Others marry for love, or money, or self-esteem, or because they want to be accepted in a conservative Christian church. In past times, people married to cement alliances between countries. Who is to say that one person's reason to marry is better or worse than another's?

I've recently had to face the realization that there may not be a woman available who would be mutually acceptable with me in marriage. It was a jolt, but as I look at my friends' marriages, I've realized that I'm happier than most of them, and I don't need the things they do to validate my life.

I hope you find someone to love, but I think that some of us are just happier single. You're the only one who can make that decision for yourself. And, a thousand years from now, what difference will it make?

 

[Bridgit]

Today, my son told me I need to lower my standards if i'm to find someone special. I considered what he had to say, and honestly, thought maybe he was right. But still, i'm stubborn and firmly believe in "to thine own self be true." Maybe i'd even like to do that on a level, but I just can't. I know what I want, and I can't "settle," and I know it when I see it. So, even if it means being alone forever, I think I have to wait for the one God has for me.

Be honest, be yourself!

 

[covenantwmn]

Well then you're different than most ladies that I've seen looking for a husband. When I was on dating site a couple of years ago the "want" or "must have" list of most of the women looked like they wanted a junior god. It was unbelievable. I'm not blaming them because I think many wanted "that night in shining armor" but it just looked a little unrealistic.

Of course guys aren't like that--are they.

Nope, they're not at all.

 

[covenantwmn]

Be honest, be yourself!

Thanks! I came to the same conclusion.

 

[KarrieTex]

Today, my son told me I need to lower my standards if i'm to find someone special. I considered what he had to say, and honestly, thought maybe he was right. But still, i'm stubborn and firmly believe in "to thine own self be true." Maybe i'd even like to do that on a level, but I just can't. I know what I want, and I can't "settle," and I know it when I see it. So, even if it means being alone forever, I think I have to wait for the one God has for me.

I think you are right. Wait on what God has for you.

I believe the standards we won't budge on come from on High and thus deserved to be considered.

For instance, I will not seriously date a non-christian. He must be a Christian and walking the walk. I am sure you know how hard that is to find. Now where would I be if I settled on that standard? Unhappy I can tell you.