I have been searching for a few years. I've examined Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, Judaism.
Each has good things and confusing things.
Now I feel that I cannot believe one religion over another. It is making me ill, *very* ill.
I pray and ask for guidance, but I don't think my prayer has ever been answered.
Why is God doing this to me? Why is he failing to intervene in my descent into madness? I thought God was supposed to love me? I don't see that. I just see my mind being destroyed by confusion.
The inevitable conclusion I am coming to is that God does not love me. That I am destined for Hell. If so, then I might as well just get on with it and end my life as it doesn't really matter whether I keep searching or not.
Calvinists beleive that some are predestined for Heaven. I suppose the flipside is that some, like me, are predestined for hell no matter how hard we try.
How can I beleive in a God that has turned his back no me? Why God, why? Why have you forsaken me? Why did you fail to help me? I knocked, but the door was not open. I asked, but did not receive. WHY?
Perhaps God is really evil. He seems to be indifferent to my suffering. Perhaps he is enjoying my pain. He could end it so quickly. Lord I have begged you for help, but to no avail.
PLEASE HELP ME LORD